by Lolah Lace
“I’m not doing that tonight. I’m drinking tonight.”
“Okay girl. You do you.”
“Thank you. I’m going to do me.”
***
I avoided having sex with Juan that night. I did it by drinking too much and throwing up a few times when we got back to my apartment. I was a hot, gross, mess and vomit was a turn off to any man. My stomach was a mess. I had thrown up until there was only acid left. I deserved to feel sick as a dog. I was behaving like one.
CHAPTER 26
THREE WEEKS. That was as long as I could stay away from Logan. He had my mind all messed up and my body, well my body craved him. I thought about him too much. I tried to push him from my thoughts but he was always there.
I knew I was wrong but I had my mind made up. I wanted to spend the night over at Logan’s while Juan was out of town on business. I didn’t have some grand excuse. I wanted to cheat. I wanted to feel his hands on my body. I wanted to hear his voice. I just couldn’t stay away.
I didn’t have anything to fear. Logan hadn’t hit on me since Sheba’s party. He didn’t even try to contact me. He liked a few of my pics on Facebook, but that was it. It was weird how he just acted like he hadn’t done what he did or said what he said.
I didn’t call Logan. I didn’t announce that I wanted to sleep with him. I just showed up at his doorstep like a drug addict.
I rang his doorbell and hoped he wouldn’t have some random hooker up in his spot. It would hurt me deeply. It would hurt me enough to leave him alone. It would be the sign I needed to let me know he had moved on and I could too.
I hit his doorbell again. His voice didn’t come across the intercom. He just buzzed me up. I took the elevator. His door was open. I walked inside and I saw him standing in the middle of the open space shirtless in tight boxer briefs and barefoot.
“Chey, you know what this means?”
“I do.”
“Close the door.” I did as I was instructed. “Come here.” I dropped my backpack on the couch, and I walked over to Logan. I stood in front of him.
“I know what this means.” I had to speak the words out into the air to prove myself confident.
“Do you?”
Everything about him turned me on. “Yes.”
“On your knees.”
Okay, wait. I didn’t know that’s what he meant. I hesitated. I was on pause and he glared at me. His eyes said, you better suck my dick.
My hands rose and skimmed his abs. I was determined to keep eye contact for as long as I could. His face was stiff. His stare was vacant but rapt with anticipation. It wouldn’t be long. I was going to turn his frown upside down.
I pushed my fingertips into the elastic of his briefs. I held them and thought for a second. I’m doing this. I pulled his boxers with me as I sank down to my knees. His dick grew in size right before my eyes. I went from looking at him to looking at his massive erection.
I could work it. It could fit. I just have to stuff it in and relax my jaw. I gave myself a quick mental tutorial on blowjobs for plus size dicks.
I had his briefs at his ankles and he eagerly stepped out of them. His dick was pretty in 3D, smooth with pink and blue veins and the head that were thick and perfect. I rested my hands on the folds of his waist. There was a little dip in his sides that my hands fit in. Both of my thumbs were pointed to the navel as I gripped him tight.
I looked up at him and he was ready. I was hoping my mouth would lubricate itself. He could knock my teeth out with his dick if my mouth wasn’t moist enough.
At least his face wasn’t snarling like a few seconds ago. He looked relaxed and ready to be pleased.
I tilted my head back a little and pushed my tongue out. I licked the tip of his dick. It was just a little lick but it was enough to make him wince. His reaction flattered me. I licked the tip again without taking him into my mouth. I wanted to tease him. I wanted to impress him. Shit, I really wanted him to love what I was doing to him. I wanted only to satisfy him. I wanted him to fuck my face and make me choke on his king-sized stick.
I licked the underside of his dick and took his thick bulbous head into my mouth. I wet him up real good without going down his shaft. I had to work my way down the pole like a stripper at the club. I knew I could do it. I had to. I wanted him to enjoy this. I wanted him to remember this occasion forever.
I closed my eyes and felt his hands in my hair. Playtime was over. I was brave enough to take him close to my tonsils. I opened my mouth wide and glided further down his dick.
“Oh yes.” I heard Logan utter words of encouragement.
That was my cue. I pressed my lips together and bobbed up and down his dick. My mouth was drenched. I held my lips firm as I tried to suck the cum from his dick.
I hummed over his shaft as he groaned and thrust his hips deeper into my mouth. He crudely twisted his hands in my hair.
I liked giving him pleasure. He liked receiving it. I could hear it in his grunts. I could feel it when his fingernails grazed my scalp.
He pushed inside my mouth as I choked on more skin than I should have wrestled with. My mouth grew wetter as I fought to stay on his dick. He had to come soon. My gag reflex was begging him to end the connection.
“Ah, shit.” He came in my throat without much of a warning. He made sure I got every drop of his salty batter in my mouth and completely down into my stomach. I was okay with swallowing. I knew Logan. He was the type who wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Up.” Logan helped me stand on my feet. He pushed my hair behind my ears and kissed me on the forehead. The gesture was so gentle and sweet. He was so good at moving from choirboy to asshole in one minute. I had to be on guard for his many moods. “I couldn’t last any longer. Your mouth is magical.”
Damn you Logan. I swooned. I screamed then I fainted in my mind. I was too cool to do that in real life. Compliments about my oral game are always appreciated.
He kissed me on the lips. He pressed his tongue inside my mouth and kissed the same mouth that washed up his cum. He was so nasty. He didn’t pretend to be anything other than that. I liked that about him. He took my hand and led me to his bedroom.
***
One ravenous night turned into a few days. How could I leave? We were camped out in his loft all weekend. Logan fucked me in every position I knew. He introduced me to a couple dozen I had never experienced before. We hardly ate or talked. We got it in. He fucked me like he was making up for lost time. Maybe he was.
But it was over as soon as it started. I had to go back to my regular life. I woke Sunday morning dreading the drama that was going to happen when I left Logan. Would there be drama? Would there be a peaceful parting of lovers? I really didn’t know.
Logan was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. I wondered what he was thinking but I wouldn’t dare ask.
“I have to go.” I stood in his mirror looking at myself. I checked for bruises, bite marks, and scars. My body looked like it was intact. I was wearing his black and gold Batman t-shirt.
“You have to pick Juan up from the airport?”
“Yeah.” I must have mentioned it to him and forgot.
“Don’t be late. It’s rude.”
What? It’s rude to cheat on Juan with you but let’s not even go there. “I have a little time. I have to shower first.”
Logan hopped out of bed too quickly. “I will get the water ready. Shower or bath?”
“Shower.” Logan tried to sprint by me but I grabbed his forearm. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He smiled at me with his perfect grill. His lips were all sexy and I started to try to piece together when exactly it was that he got so damn incredibly fine.
“Last night I said—” I choked on the words.
“You said you loved me.” He was too eager to finish my sentence. It was like he always knew what I was thinking.
“Ah yeah, I said it.” I grimaced. What had come over me?
“I said it back to you, and I meant it.” His
words were firm and I had every reason to believe him.
“But look I didn’t—”
“Don’t insult me and try to take it back. Don’t try to say you didn’t mean it. We loved each other years ago but never said it. Love is love. We know each other inside and out. A person that loves you cleans up your vomit. I did that. A person that loves you buys tampons for you. I did that. A person that loves you makes sure you’re happy. I did that last night, this morning and years ago. You were my best friend don’t try to deny that.”
“I’m not. I love you. I know that. I cleaned the wax out of your ears mister. That’s love, for real.”
He chuckled. “Yes and you picked my nose too.”
“I don’t remember that.” I smiled at the memory.
“I do. See, you’re smiling. It’s all good. Don’t freak out because you love me. I love you too.” Logan walked to the bathroom leaving me alone.
But I was freaking out inside. This was weird. I just can’t sleep with two different men. I thought I loved Juan. He was the best boyfriend. Logan hasn’t offered me anything but sex. He’s never mentioned a future. He probably doesn’t even think like that. I don’t know. He’s a personal trainer. Is that a real job?
I walked into the bathroom. Logan had got the shower started for me. He lifted the t-shirt from over my head and tossed it in the sink. I stripped down and stepped into the shower. Logan got in behind me. Somehow I knew he would. There was no sex. We really just showered. He washed my entire body. The experience was sexual without any actual sex. I got out first. I toweled off and went into his bedroom to get dressed. Logan sauntered in with a towel wrapped around his waist. He paced a little and stood in front of the long mirror on his wall.
“Logan.”
“Yeah.” He ran his hand through his wet hair.
“This is hard for me.”
“I know it is. But do we have to talk about it.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I have always made bad decisions. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of not getting what I want. I’m tired of not knowing what I want.”
“You know what you want. You’re just too chicken-shit to go after it.”
“You think I’m afraid?”
“I know you are.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. This is hard. It wouldn’t be if I wasn’t with someone. I don’t want to throw my relationship with him away for someone I don’t know anymore.”
“What do you need to know?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m not going to tell you to leave him for me. I’m not begging you to be with me. It’s your decision. You do whatever it is you want to do.”
“I don’t know what I want to do? We haven’t dated. You haven’t offered me anything but your dick. Like, what the fuck? I don’t know what to do with that. You live like a hippie. There’s no 401K or future plans. Tell me what you want?”
“Right now. I just want to fuck you.”
“You’ve done that already. And then what?”
“I love you. Isn’t that enough.”
“No, I need more.”
“I’m not offering you more. I love you. I want to fuck you. That’s it Chey-Town.”
Bastard! “Sometimes I think you say mean things to me just because you can.”
“You’ll never know.” He shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest.
Asshole! “You left me. I didn’t leave you. And please believe me, that bullshit excuse you gave me, is bullshit. You’re not mentally ill. I’ve been in your medicine cabinet. You don’t have depression meds. You don’t even have painkillers or fucking cold medicine. The motorcycle— this place— it costs a lot to live here. You’re hiding things from me. Plus the girls.”
“The girls.” He chuckled. I amused him. “One minute you have a girlfriend the next minute you don’t. You’re giving hoes rides home on your bike. Yeah right. We’re having unprotected sex. I don’t know what you do with your penis or who in the hell you do it with. I’m mortified.”
“Mortified.” He chuckled again. Apparently, I was a fucking comedian today.
“What’s so funny?”
“You are never going to catch anything from me.”
“Yeah right.”
“Let’s be clear Ms. Miles. I haven’t had any kind of sex with anybody but you since I’ve been back in town. There are women who want to fuck me, but that doesn’t mean I fuck them. Do you really think I’ve changed that much?”
“Look in a fucking mirror. You’re the frog that turned into a Prince.”
“Fuck that. I may have turned into a fucking gladiator, warrior, man of the Night’s Watch or some shit but not a pussy ass Prince.”
Okay, this fool. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay, fine Logan. You’re not a Prince. I don’t want to argue with you.”
“Well don’t.” He shrugged and removed his towel. I had to stand there and watch his nakedness. He grabbed a fresh pair of boxer briefs from his top drawer and I watched his tight ass squeeze into them. That perfect ass. Ohhhhh, I hate him.
“This, us. It can’t happen again.”
“Christ, would you shut the fuck up with that. Clearly, I can have you whenever I want you. You’re here. You didn’t cum around my dick at gunpoint. You enjoyed it, every inch. You loved it. I opened that pussy up for business. I hit all those hidden spots that Juan Pedro neglects.”
Motherfucka! “Don’t talk about Juan.”
“Don’t act like that pussy isn’t mine.” He pointed right at my hot box. He had gotten the last word. I didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t make me look stupid.
I started grabbing my shit. I was going to get the hell out of casa Logan. I stomped around looking for everything that belonged to me. Logan didn’t stop me. He ignored me. He acted like he had won some unwritten victory. When I collected my shit I was out.
CHAPTER 27
I went directly from the fuck-pad to the airport. I think guys call it that, the place where they bed their bitches. I had to get my shit together. Juan called me when he arrived at the airport and told me where he was waiting. I spotted him right away. He looked like a professional soccer player from Spain or somewhere like that. He was growing a beard and a mustache. It looked really good on him, very sexy.
I hit the switch for the trunk. I got out the driver’s seat and walked around to the trunk. Juan had already lifted it and tossed his suitcase inside. I felt like a total slut. How many sluts did I have to be to stop having sex with Logan? I’m done for good. My boyfriend was more than enough man for me. Logan was too much trouble. I’m done with trouble, forever.
Juan reached out to hug me. I was wearing my fake smile. The same one I gave to my old classmates from high school that didn’t like me.
I embraced him. I stood there hugging my boyfriend only minutes after Logan felt me up in his shower. Juan squeezed me tight. I felt Logan’s cum from the early morning exit my cheating pussy and saturate my panties.
We both got into the car. He drove. He always did.
“I missed you so much.” He glanced over at me before pulling into the moving traffic.
“I missed you too.” I mimicked his affection.
“We need to plan a vacation together. Not one of those business trips where you can come too but a real vacation.”
“That’s a good idea. We should plan something. I need a vacation.” I did.
“Where do you want to go?”
“Cancun, somewhere like that.”
“Okay cool. I’ll look into it.”
“Did you just work most of the time in El Paso?”
“No, I had time to visit with my Texas family. I probably gained a few pounds. Aunt Rosita kept me stuffed.”
“I saw all the food pics you posted.”
“Are you okay babe. You look tired.”
“I’m good. Just a little tired.”
“You didn’t get into any trouble when I was gone.”
“I s
lept a lot.” That was true to some degree.
“Are you going to your place or mine?”
“Where ever you want to go?” At this point I was tired of the deception. I was just going to be nice to him. He deserved for me to be agreeable after what I had done behind his back.
“I can drop my suitcase off at my place and get some clothes for Monday morning.”
“Okay great.”
“Let’s get some take-out.”
“Works for me.” I looked over at him in the driver’s seat. I ran my fingertips through his shiny jet-black hair. He has such nice hair.
“I need a shower.”
“You smell great.”
“No, I don’t. I smell like an American Airlines airplane seat.”
“And that smells great on you.” I tried to smile but deception made my cheeks numb.
Juan stopped at a red light and peered over at me. “Come here.”
I leaned over toward him and gave him the kiss he expected from me. I really cared about Juan. I loved Juan.
***
We ordered Chinese Food that we ate at my place. Of course, Juan was horny. He hadn’t seen me all weekend, and he wanted sex. Juan was a sexy guy. Women were attracted to him. He had women in his inbox constantly trying to fuck him. They didn’t care that he had a girlfriend that he claimed publicly.
Juan was everything I dreamed of. It wasn’t like he didn’t turn me on. He did. Sleeping with him wasn’t a chore. It just wasn’t raw and wild. The connection I had with Logan was just that, raw and wild. It was something magical. I never had that magic with Juan.
My relationship with Juan was Durex condoms from day one. I didn’t even know how to make the transition from condom sex to condomless sex. I had been protecting myself for years, and it was a rule that if you wanted to roll with me, you had to strap up.
It’s still perplexing how Logan got around my golden rule. The entire time Juan was inside me all I could think about was Logan. I was literally making a conscious decision not to say the name, Logan. It was a hard thing to do and I was ashamed of myself. I couldn’t wait for the sex to be over. Being with Juan just felt dead wrong.
