Alex hung up the phone and stretched. He felt lousy, like a son of a bitch, wanting Jessie gone. But dammit, he was starting to care. He'd felt it last night when Jessie had asked him to say good night, and he'd found himself tucking the covers under her chin and impulsively kissing her on the forehead as a father would do. But he wasn't her father. He wasn't responsible; Eddie was.
Hell, Eddie was probably married by now with a good wife who baked cookies for when the kids came home after school. In fact, he probably had other kids, and Jessie would have brothers and sisters to play with, a mom to tell her all the "girl stuff," and a dad to lay down the rules and get her to clean up her mouth. Jessie would be better off with Eddie. She needed a loving family, a good home. And Alex couldn't give her that.
You have the makings of a great family, Alex, if you'd let yourself care. Faith's words rang through his head, but he forced them aside. He didn't want a kid or a wife or even a grandfather. Top Flight was all the family he needed.
A brief knock on his door made him turn around. Charlie stuck his head into the office. "Alex, what are you doing? We're waiting for you in the conference room."
"Sorry, I was just finishing up a call." Alex grabbed his memo pad and met Charlie at the door.
"By the way, I have some good news for you," Charlie said.
"I could use some."
"Elijah James has agreed to another meeting."
"Great! When?"
"Tomorrow evening in Chicago."
Alex paused. Tomorrow evening? How could he go to Chicago with Jessie hanging around, and his grandfather and Faith involved in a crazy quest? Who would keep them out of trouble?
Charlie sent him a curious look. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be jumping for joy."
"It's not a good week for me to leave town. I got the kid and my grandfather..."
"So your grandfather can baby-sit. This is Elijah James, Alex. I've never seen you put family before business."
That was because he'd never had a family before. The thought shocked him. He didn't have a family now, he reminded himself, just a few people spending a few days with him. They'd be gone with the next good wind, if past experience was anything to go by. And he'd be left with nothing. No, that wasn't true. He'd be left with Top Flight. "You're right. What was I thinking?"
"I have no idea," Charlie said, a speculative glint still lingering in his eye.
Alex walked out of his office and stopped by Theresa's desk. "I need tickets to Chicago tomorrow morning as early as you can get 'em."
"Already done, boss. You're out of here on the seven a.m. flight."
"Thanks."
"Do you want to get some dinner tonight after the meeting?" Charlie asked, as they walked down the hall to the conference room. "We should go over your new strategy for signing Elijah. I'm assuming you have one."
"Of course I have one." Actually, he didn't, but he'd think of one before tomorrow.
"Good."
"But I'm busy tonight."
Charlie quirked an eyebrow. "A date? I thought you'd sworn off women since you caught Sherry poking a hole in her diaphragm."
Alex's lips tightened at the memory. "It's not a date."
"Then what is it? A business meeting I don't know about?"
"No."
Charlie stopped in the middle of the hallway, forcing Alex to pause. He regarded Alex as if he were a column of figures that was not adding up. "Now I know you must be talking about a woman. You're not usually this evasive. So if not Sherry, who?"
"Faith," Alex said shortly.
"Faith who?"
"Faith -- the pastry chef."
Charlie burst out laughing. "A pastry chef? Now, that's a first."
"She's helping my grandfather. I told her she could use the computer here at the office to get on the Internet. Okay? Satisfied?"
"Are you sleeping with her?"
"No." The word exploded from Alex's lips. He would not sleep with Faith. Never ever. Although he had to admit he'd come damn close to making love to her on the couch in his office last night.
"Why not?"
"She's a..."
"A what?"
"A damn pastry chef."
"And that makes her bad because..."
"Because sweets are very, very bad for you." Alex shook a finger at Charlie. "If you lose control where sweets are concerned, you'll end up in serious trouble."
"But very, very happy," Charlie said. "You know, I've always wanted to date a great cook. Maybe you should give me her number."
"I don't think so." He ignored the smile in Charlie's eyes.
Okay, so he liked Faith. Admitting it did not mean he had to do anything about it. Forewarned was forearmed. And when Faith came to see him later that night, he would make it clear to her that he was only interested in her as a friend of Julian's.
Chapter Thirteen
Faith brought a chaperone; actually she brought two chaperones. Alex should have been relieved. But he couldn't quite shake the disappointment that accompanied Jessie and Julian.
"Good evening, Alex," Julian said, as he walked into the office, leaning a bit more heavily on his cane than usual.
His grandfather wore the same old gray suit he'd had on a few days earlier, the wrinkles in his coat mirroring the wrinkles in his face. Alex couldn't understand why his grandfather continued to wear the same clothes despite the fact that he had brought other items in his suitcase. Alex made a mental note to take Julian shopping as soon as possible. He didn't want Julian's act of the poor, neglected elderly man to gain credence with the state of his clothes.
"Hello, Alex," Faith said, her smile somewhat nervous. "I hope you don't mind that I brought along Julian and Jessie."
"Faith thought I might enjoy seeing the computer in action," Julian explained.
"It doesn't sing songs or tap-dance, Grandfather."
"Is that a fact? Now I am disappointed."
"Couldn't you at least wear some of your other clothes?" Alex complained. "I'm sure half of my office staff now thinks I'm starving you."
"Ah, Alex. 'It is a melancholy truth that even great men have their poor relations.' "
Alex sighed and caught a look of amusement on Faith's face. "See what I go through."
"Who said that?" Faith asked.
"Charles Dickens, my dear." Julian took a seat on the couch.
"We brought dinner," Jessie said, setting a large brown bag on Alex's desk.
That explained the incredible smell that accompanied them. Usually he associated Faith with cinnamon and sugar, but tonight she smelled like peppers and hot sauce. In fact, she looked hot. While she was distracted with unloading the food, Alex had a chance to take a good look at her -- another mistake. She wore a short black knit dress as plain and simple as it was sexy. It showed off her breasts and her legs -- her long, long legs. Alex swallowed hard.
"Alex, do you want a burrito or a hot tamale?" Jessie asked impatiently.
"What?" Alex asked, suddenly realizing he was still staring at Faith.
"A burrito--"
"That's fine." Alex took the wrapper from her hand. He hesitated. "Unless you want it," he said to Faith.
"I like tamales."
"Faith likes everything hot," Jessie added. "She insisted on getting that sauce with the jalapenos in it."
Alex smiled at Faith as Jessie chattered on about something.
God, Faith was gorgeous. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She moved so gracefully, leaning over the desk to set up the picnic dinner, gently scolding Jessie for swearing. Her glorious red hair brushed the tops of her breasts, swinging in such a tantalizing way, he wanted to reach out and catch a strand between his fingers and brush it against...
Faith cleared her throat and he wondered if she could read his thoughts -- if that explained the warm flush of red that colored her cheeks. "Alex, would you like a soft drink?"
"Sure, thanks." He took the can of Coke out of her hand and popped the top. Maybe a drink would cool him off.<
br />
Theresa knocked on the half-open door, then walked into the room with her purse in hand. "Looks like a party." She sent Alex a curious look. "And no one invited me."
"It was a surprise party," Alex replied.
"I'll bet. Aren't you going to introduce me?"
Alex didn't appear to have a choice. "My grandfather, Julian Carrigan."
"Charmed." Julian stood up and took Theresa's hand in his. He brought it to his lips. " 'She walks in beauty like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes.' "
"Oh, wow," Theresa said as Julian kissed her hand. "That is incredibly beautiful."
"He stole it from Lord Byron," Alex said, taking a bite of his burrito.
"I don't care. No one ever said such a thing to me." She frowned at Alex. "How come you don't talk to me like that?"
Alex rolled his eyes. He waved his hand toward Jessie. "Theresa, meet Jessie. She's, uh -- staying with me for a while."
"Lucky her," Theresa said, sending Jessie a broad smile, which quickly became more curious as she turned to Faith.
Alex could almost read his secretary's mind. He never brought women to the office, never took them to company socials, never let them host a cocktail party in his apartment, never mind a taco party in his office. His private life had always been kept separate from his business life, until tonight.
"Faith Christopher," he said at Theresa's pointed look.
"Nice to meet you," Faith said, shaking Theresa's hand.
"Likewise," Theresa said. "Have you known Alex long?"
"Not really, no."
"Faith owns a bakery down the street from me."
"That sounds like a fun job."
Faith smiled. "It has its moments."
"I'd probably turn into a big lump of dough if I worked in a bakery. I have quite the sweet tooth. So does Alex, but he's so much more controlled about it than I am." Theresa sent Alex a sly look. "At least he used to be."
"I still am," Alex said.
"Actually, after about the first week of gorging myself in cooking class, I learned to enjoy the smell of cooking as much as the taste," Faith explained. "It's the only thing that saves me. Would you like something to eat, Theresa? We have plenty." She waved her hand toward the spread on Alex's desk.
"No, thanks. With any luck, my husband has dinner waiting for me at home. Have fun, but not too much fun. Don't forget you have an early flight, boss." Theresa waved and left the office.
Silence followed her exit. Alex took another bite of his burrito, wishing he'd had the chance to break the news. He hadn't thought of how his trip would affect Jessie or Julian.
"You're leaving?" Faith asked, a look of surprise on her face.
Did she care? He couldn't help the shimmer of pleasure that ran down his spine. "I have to go to Chicago tomorrow."
"Oh."
"Business. It can't be avoided." He glanced at Jessie, who dropped her gaze to her taco. Then he looked over at Julian, who stared back at him with displeasure etched in his blue eyes.
"Of course," Julian said. "You must attend to your business. What could be more important than that?"
Alex stiffened at the implied criticism. "It's an important meeting, Grandfather." He tossed his burrito down on the desk. He'd suddenly lost his appetite.
"I'm sure it is. What about Jessie? Who's going to watch her? Who's going to make sure she gets something to eat and doesn't wander the streets? Or have you arranged for a baby-sitter?"
"I haven't had a chance." Alex looked at Faith, hoping to find an ally, but she appeared to be as annoyed as his grandfather. "I just found out about the meeting a few hours ago. Elijah James is going to give me one last chance to sell him on my shoes. I can't say no."
"You have other responsibilities," Julian said, "like your daughter."
"She's not my daughter. She's..." Alex's voice trailed off as Jessie jumped to her feet, so abruptly she knocked her taco off the desk.
"Oh, shit," she said, then ran out of the room without bothering to pick up the mess.
"Why do you have to hurt her like that?" Faith demanded, her green eyes flashing. "She's just a little girl. It's not her fault you don't want her. She hasn't done anything to deserve your attitude."
"My attitude? You don't know anything about my attitude." Alex stood up and planted his hands on his hips, as annoyed with her as she was with him.
"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out you're scared to death of loving someone."
"I am not scared of love. But she's not mine."
"Then why did you take her at all? Why not just let her go to foster care if you don't give a damn about her?"
"I don't know. Maybe that's what I should have done, but I didn't. Now I have to work, and I need a little help."
"You need more than a little help," Faith muttered, as she cleaned up Jessie's mess.
"What does that mean?"
"It means you're as selfish as they come, thinking only about yourself. Every time you deny that you're her father, you break a little bit more of her heart."
"But I'm not her father. And it's pointless to pretend that I am. Because any day now Eddie Saunders, her real father, is going to come back and claim her. It's better if she doesn't get attached to me."
"Better for who? For you or for Jessie?"
Faith threw the remains of Jessie's food into the trash and walked out of the room.
"Oh, hell." Alex sat down in his chair with a weary sigh. It had been a long day, and it was getting longer by the minute.
Julian walked over and patted him somewhat awkwardly on the shoulder. The Carrigans had never been affectionate, and it had been a long time since Alex had felt a fatherly hand on his back.
"It's all right, Alex."
"I screwed up." He hadn't needed Faith or his grandfather to tell him that. He'd seen the damage on Jessie's sweet face.
"Screwing up appears to be a family trait. I'll watch Jessie for you tomorrow. I shouldn't have said anything -- I know your business is important to you."
"Thank you for acknowledging that fact."
Julian smiled somewhat sadly. "Faith was right about one thing. You are scared of love."
"Everyone I love has left. What's the point? Love is a waste of time. I prefer to invest in reality, in business."
"Does your business keep you warm at night?"
Alex avoided Julian's pressing gaze. "It keeps me sane at night. When I want to go a little crazy, I find a nice woman who wants to have some fun -- for a night."
"Just one night? I suppose you leave before the sunrise, too."
"No one brings up the word commitment in the dark, but in the daylight, it's surprising how fast it springs to mind."
"You're far more cynical than I imagined, Alex."
"Am I?" Alex asked, meeting his grandfather's eye. "I bet you've run a few times in your life."
"Not like you." Julian paused. "Have you never cared about anyone enough to want to spend the night? Have you never loved to the depth and breadth and height your soul can reach?"
"No," Alex said shortly. "I don't think that kind of love exists. I've never seen it. You never showed it to me, not even with grandmother. You left her for the first short skirt that walked by. And my father goes through women as fast as he changes channels. A little sex, a few laughs. That's all I want from a relationship."
"And all you give."
"That's right."
"I feel sorry for you."
"And I feel sorry for you," Alex said strongly, as he stood up. "You're chasing after a dream that doesn't exist. You want to remember this woman, Suzannah, as being the great love of your life. But you didn't work very hard at finding her or at keeping her in the first place. Now, with the rose-colored glasses you've trained on the past, you'd like to believe she's pining away for you somewhere, that she remembers you with the same passion. The truth is, she probably married someone else and lived happily ever a
fter without you."
Julian sent him a steady look. "That may be, but I have faith." He smiled. "I don't mean Faith Christopher. I mean faith in love and hope and dreams."
"Fine, live in a dream world. It's no business of mine. Just don't expect me to live there with you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the conference room, where I can work in peace and quiet." Alex picked up a stack of contracts he wanted to review and walked to the door.
"You'll never have peace," Julian called after him. "Not until we break this curse."
"Then break the damn curse so I can get on with my life."
Alex closed the door behind him and leaned against it. Jessie and Faith were nowhere in sight, which was a relief. He needed a moment to get his head together. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, wondering why his life was suddenly in such turmoil. No one had ever wanted to have him in their lives. Now everywhere he turned, someone wanted a piece of him. He'd shut off emotion a long time ago. He didn't know how to turn it back on.
Maybe Faith was right. Maybe he was scared of love. Because he knew he couldn't do it. He didn't know how to do it. One woman for all time? He smiled to himself. Who was he kidding? No one stuck around that long.
Although... he could almost believe it of Faith. Maybe because she still wanted what he'd given up on -- a home, a family, children. She'd never had it, none of it. But he had had it and seen it ripped away. Why go down that road again? He had a nice home, a successful business, enough money, a few friends... What more could he ask for?
A wife? A daughter? He tried to quiet the tiny voice inside his head that told him he was lying. He did want a family. He wanted it so bad it hurt.
"Alex?"
He opened his eyes. The uncertain voice belonged to Jessie. She stood next to a desk, her hair falling out of its clip, her eyes red. There were no smart words coming from her mouth, no defiant muttering. She just looked lonely and sad. And he felt like he should be shot, whipped, knocked against a wall. No punishment would be too great for what he'd done to a little kid. He should have known better. Hadn't he suffered just such cruel, uncaring words from people who had no time for him?
The Sweetest Thing Page 15
