by Lanee Lane
"I got restless at home so I came early." It wasn't a total lie.
"You missed me, huh," he joked.
"Always," I replied.
"I miss you when I'm not with you too."
His words wrapped around my heart. I hated what I was about to have to tell him. I hated that Abby was still using. I hated that I knew this would hurt him.
"Let me go grab my stuff and we can go. I'm sure the others can hold down the fort if I leave a few minutes early."
I shook my head not able to speak.
When he walked away, I tried to take deep, calming breaths. My knee was shaking up and down under the table. I kept reminding myself that this was for Reed and Abby. She wasn't helping anyone, including herself, by harboring her secret.
Reed came back with his gym bag slung over his shoulder.
"Ready? I just have to put this in my car real quick."
"Yep."
Reed grabbed my hand, and led me to his car. He settled his bag in the car and locked the doors. I was leaned against the back door. He caged me between him and the car.
"Now for a proper kiss."
He pressed his lips into mine and ran his hands down my back until they were on my behind. He seemed to enjoy my backside because he was always touching or grabbing it. I secretly loved it.
He released the kiss and looked into my eyes.
"I'm so lucky." His smile was so sexy. I swear when he smiled at me like that I'd say yes to anything.
"Why's that?"
"Because my girl is beautiful, smart, kind, understanding... I could go on, but I think you get the picture."
I buried my head in his chest. Partially from embarrassment and partially because his words were making the situation even more difficult.
"Come on lover boy, let's go before you try to pull a stunt right here in this parking lot."
He put his hand over his heart and went slack jawed.
"I would never."
"Yeah, Yeah. Let's go."
He laughed, and grabbed my hand in his.
We held hands as we walked through the streets leading to the park. We didn't talk, just enjoyed the beautiful evening weather. In the park, we passed several benches. I kept saying at the next bench we would sit and I would tell him. After about the eighth one I decided I needed to stop prolonging it.
"Reed, can we sit?'
"Sure." He lead me to the bench.
Reed rested his arm on the bench behind me. Any other night I would have been snuggled up getting comfortable. Today I was sitting with my back straight and my hands rested on my knees trying to stop them from shaking uncontrollably.
Reed took the hand that was behind me and started to massage my shoulder.
"You seem tense. Everything ok? Did things not go well with Abby? I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you, but she didn't mention anything bad. It sounded like things ended up going pretty well."
This was it. I took in one last deep breath and went in.
"No, everything's not ok."
He stopped massaging my shoulder and shifted on the bench to face me.
"What's wrong Penelope? Are you hurt?"
"No, I'm fine. It's about today's lunch. The lunch started out rocky, but it ended on a good note. When I got to my car, I realized I left my keys in the restaurant. When I went back to get them I saw Abby."
Reed's eyebrows were raised and his mouth was set in a straight line.
"Okay." He drug the word out urging me to continue.
"She was in an alley with some guy. She gave him some money, and he gave her," I paused not wanting to say the words. "He gave her drugs."
Reed's torso leaned back from me with a deep frown marring his handsome face.
"How do you know it was drugs?"
"I-I saw her take them."
Reed got up from the bench. He started to walk back and forth running his hands from the back of his neck and through his hair. His breaths were audible.
"It can't be true. You had to have mistaken someone else for her. She's been going to classes. She's with me or Uncle Dwight almost all the time. It's not possible."
I stood up and walked slowly toward him. I reached for his hand, but he kept moving ignoring my gesture.
"Reed, Sweetheart, it was her. I had just finished lunch with her. I know what she looks like and I know what she was wearing. I'm so sorry, but I had to tell you. For hers and your sake."
Reed spun around and gave me his full attention.
"No!"
His voice raised. This was the closest I'd ever heard him come to yelling. I took a step back shocked that he would use that tone with me.
"They drug test them as part of the treatment. If she failed, they would have told us. She would have gone back into the facility. That was part of the deal me and Uncle Dwight made with her."
I tried to keep my own voice calm when I spoke next.
"Maybe it was the first offense. Maybe we caught it before she falls back down that path. I pray that's what it is, but I know what I saw."
I knew there were laws in place to protect a patient's privacy. It was possible she failed a test and they had no idea. The facility couldn't legally tell them anything without Abby's consent.
Reed pulled his phone out and started hitting buttons on the screen. He put the phone to his ear.
"Abs hey, where are you?
I couldn't hear her side of the conversation. I desperately wished I could.
"That's good. Listen, what did you do after you left lunch with Penelope?"
There were a few moments of silence while she responded.
"Did you meet with anyone after?"
"You went straight home? Penelope thought she saw you talking to a guy."
"I see."
"Ok, I love you too. Bye."
He hung up and put the phone back in his pocket. He turned to face me. A look I'd never seen before on his face. There was fury in his eyes and I had the sinking feeling it was directed at me.
"She said she didn't do anything after the lunch. Said she didn't meet anyone. She Ubered home and you must have seen someone else."
I shook my head no but didn't say anything. What could I say? She blatantly lied, and I had no proof of what happened.
"Abby is my sister. She's been working hard toward getting clean. I don't think she needs to be surrounded by any negativity. She needs all the support she can get. I think it's best that you don't contact her again. It's probably best that we don't see each other anymore either. I have to think about my sister's wellbeing."
Tears filled my eyes and spilled over onto my cheeks. I didn't know what I had expected to happen, but it wasn't this.
"I don't mean her any harm. I want what’s best for her and you, Reed. I wouldn't make something like this up. Addiction is dangerous. I would never take something like that lightly. Please don't do this."
"I can't Penelope. I just can't."
Instead of pulling me into his arms to comfort me like I so desperately wanted he was backing away.
"Please don't contact me or my sister."
I stood there not able to move. My vision was blurred by tears. The man I loved was walking away from me and there wasn't a thing I could do.
Wine & Tears
I don't know how long I sat on the bench staring in the direct that Reed went. I placed my head in my hands and allowed my tears to it hit the ground by my feet. I didn't care to try to stop them. My heart hurt.
I was able to gather myself enough to walk back to my car. Deep down I’d hoped Reed would either come back to find me or be sitting by my car. Neither of those things happened. In my car, I dialed Noel's number. She answered after a few rings.
"Hey girl, hey! What's shaking?"
Noel's upbeat voice traveled through the line. My voice caught in my throat and a sob released.
"Pen, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"
Heck yeah, I was hurt. My heart was broken, and I didn't know if it would recover from Reed. I tried t
o take a few deep breaths to be able to speak.
"Penelope, you’re scaring me. Where are you? Do I need to call the police?"
"N-no."
"What's wrong. Please talk to me."
"I think Reed and I are over." The omission brought on a whole new set of tears.
"What? Why?! Things were going well with."
"Can you meet me at my house? I'm headed home now."
"Of course, I'll be right over. I'll bring wine."
I hung up the phone and rested my head against the steering wheel. How could he not trust me enough to believe what I said? You couldn't have a healthy relationship without trust. I was also afraid for Abby. Despite how she had treated me I wanted her to get help.
Noel was pulling up to my place just as I got there. Sometimes her antics were crazy, but I was thankful to have her as a friend. She’d drop anything to help me if I needed it. Those types of friends were hard to come by.
She pulled me into a hug as soon I got out of my car. I didn't want to have a break down right in front of my building, but the tears wouldn't stop. She let me cry for a few minutes before putting her arm around my shoulder and guiding us inside.
Noel made me sit on the couch while she poured us both a glass of wine.
"Judging by the way you sounded on the phone I was tempted to let you drink straight from the bottle. Seems like you may need it."
"What I need is a new life."
"What happened Pen? I thought you two were ok."
" I thought so too."
I took a few gulps of wine to calm my nerves.
"You know how I told you about his sister not liking me?"
Noel nodded her head.
"Well I talked to my dad about it and he said I should invite her to lunch to see if we could talk. He thought if she got to know me that she wouldn't feel like I was a threat. I talked to Reed, and he seemed to think it was a good idea. So we went to brunch today. She was acting standoffish as normal. I laid it out for her that I wasn't trying to get between her and Reed. That seemed to register with her. It thought we were making progress."
"Then what happened that could have ended things with you and Reed? I dont understand."
"When I left the restaurant Abby said she had a ride home. I didn't want to press the issue and Reed hadn't mentioned anything about her possibly needing a ride. So I left, but when I got to my car, I realized I’d left my keys at the restaurant. When I went back, I saw Abby in an alley with a man."
I took another gulp of wine before I said the next part. The part that essentially ended my relationship.
"She bought some kind of drugs off of the guy and was doing them right there in the alley."
Noel's mouth fell open and her eyes about bugged out of her head.
"Wait, what? I thought she was supposed to be going through rehab."
"She was or is. I don't know what’s going on, but I know what I saw. There was no mistaking it."
"Dang, Pen that’s crazy. Did you confront her about it?"
"No, I didn't want to get too close to the dude she was with. He could be dangerous for all I know. I told Reed."
Noel’s lips pressed together before asking, “What did he say?”.
"He didn't believe me. He got really angry and said that he had to think about his sister's wellbeing. He told me no to contact them."
My tears were overflowing again. Retelling the story felt like reliving it. It was admitting that it was real and I didn't want to believe it was.
"Oh sweety, come here."
Noel pulled me into a hug and I cried in my best friend's arms.
"I know that man loves you. I don't believe for a second that things are over between you two. He may be upset now because he doesn't want to see that his sister may not be doing everything she says she is. He's probably in denial. No one wants to think the worst of their loved ones."
"He doesn't love me. He doesn't even trust me," I said between sobs.
Noel rubbed my back. It was comforting. It felt like something a mother would do when their daughter's first boyfriend broke her heart. Not my mother though. I wasn't used to being nurtured..
"Just because he hasn't said it doesn't mean it's isn't true. You love him and you haven't told him. What's done in the dark always comes to light. Addiction is not something she’s going to be able to hide from him for very long. He'll see and when he does, he'll be crawling back on hands and knees. He just better hope you’ll take him back."
Part of me hope Noel was right. He was the first person I’d loved since Alec. If I were being honest, he was the only man I'd ever loved. What Alec and I had wasn't love. I thought it was at the time, but it was a case of manipulation and verbal and mental abuse.
The other part of me didn't know if I would be able to forgive him if he did come back. I didn't know if I could be with a man that didn't even trust me, and could throw me away so easily. I made a promise to myself when things with Alec ended that I would never let another man make me feel less than worthy. I was worthy of love. I was worthy of commitment. I was worthy of respect.
Coming Clean
Reed
A month, that's how long it had been since I walked away from Penelope. That's how long since I’d heard her voice, held her in my arms, and kissed her soft lips. I’d been a wreck. I'd lashed out at a few people at work and Abby commented on more than one occasion that I’d been moody.
Penelope stopped coming to the gym, so I didn't even get a glimpse of her then. I knew this was my decision, but I missed her like hell. I started to question if I made too rash a decision. Maybe I should’ve talked to her and Abby together.
I talked to Abby after everything and she said that it wasn't her. She said she caught an Uber home. I didn't have proof from either side, but Abby was my family and I couldn't turn my back on her. Plus, Uncle Dwight and I had been personally taking and picking her up from her treatment.
Uncle Dwight had asked about Penny. I kept it vague. I didn't want to start any unnecessary family drama. I told him that things hadn't worked out, and we went our separate ways. He seemed bummed out by it. He'd said she was the type of woman you married. I didn't like to think about what could have been. I needed to move forward.
I was sitting on the couch with a now warm beer in my hand spacing out. I didn't drink often, but I needed something to help me relax. Sleep had been hard to come by. I heard keys in the door and I turned to look. I knew it had to be Abby since she was the only other person with a key. She was supposed to go on an outing with her support group and then go to Uncle Dwight's so he could take her to therapy in the morning.
Abby stepped in the door and closed it quietly behind her. She fumbled with the lock a second but finally got it. When she saw me she looked a little surprised, but it didn't last past a second.
"Hey, Reedy. What are you doing up so late?"
She came and plopped down on the couch next to me. It was only eleven. It wasn't really all that late, but it was later than I usually stayed up. Well, before things with Penny. Now I was lucky to get three or four hours of sleep.
"Just up thinking and relaxing."
I looked over at her and she looked pale. Her eyes looked a little glazed.
"Are you ok Abs? You don't look like you feel well."
“I feel a little tired.”
Her words were slow which heightened my concern.
"Are you sure you're feeling ok?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm not a baby Reed!"
"Why don't you go up to bed? I think sleep would do you some good."
"Fine," was all she replied.
The interaction made me feel uneasy. She may have thought I’d been moody, but her outbursts of anger were becoming more frequent. Most of the time they were over something small.. I'd thought about seeing if I could go to a few of her therapy sessions with her. Seeing the progress she was making and getting some tips on helping her deal with her emotions felt like it would be beneficial.
Abby g
ot up from the couch and moved to the stairs. She stumbled on the first step. She righted herself and slowly made her way up. I made a mental note to keep an eye on her and to see about the therapy session.
I clicked off the T.V. and headed up to my bedroom. I had an early morning the next day, but I knew it may be awhile before sleep came. Laying in my bed I scrolled through the pictures on my phone. There weren't many so it didn't take long to get to the one I was looking for. It was of Penelope. It was the picture she sent to me after I sent her the edible arrangement at work. I'd saved it to my phone's gallery.
Several minutes passed when I closed the picture and set it on my bedside table. Penelope was my past, and I had to start accepting that. Abigail's recovery and well-being were my priority. I needed to focus my energy on that.
***
The morning seemed to come quickly. I had a six am client appointment so I was up at five to get ready for the day. Abby was still in bed asleep. Uncle Dwight was going to pick her up and take her to her appointments for the day.
I went through the same routine I did every morning. In the back of my mind, I thought about the possibility of Penny coming into the gym today. Would she smile at me with that sweet smile of hers? Would she talk to me or would she look right past me?
I had three clients back to back and a class right after. After the class, I took my lunch break. I pulled my phone out of my shorts pocket and saw a missed call from Uncle Dwight. He'd left a voicemail, so I dialed my mailbox and listened.
"Reed, it's Dwight. Call me back when you get a chance will ya. I have a question about Abby."
His message didn't give me much. Worried that something was wrong I stepped outside of the gym and called him back.
"Hey, Unc. What's up?"
"Reed, was Abby sick last night?"
I thought back to the night before. She'd said she wasn't sick, but I had to admit she didn't seem like her normal self.
"She was acting kind of weird, but she said she felt fine. Said she was tired. She seemed to be a little off-kilter to me. When I pressed the issue she snapped at me."
"Hmm, she was still out cold when I wen to get her. She wouldn't answer the door. I had to use the garage keypad to let myself in. I could barely get her to wake up."
