“Not really. I haven’t been in my regular routine since you’ve known me. When it’s nice out, I prefer the trails.” She arched an eyebrow in return, curious where this fire between them could lead. That settled it. She was crazy. She forced her attention back to his military background and how that represented nothing but pain to her. The military had stolen her father and created the context where Dane could perform his evil.
Could she ignore this man’s military experience? Could she allow herself to explore what could develop between them? She blew out the spark of hope before it could ignite, because she knew herself too well. She couldn’t be trusted.
It took effort for Chandler to peel himself away from the workout room; the interaction with Jaime was so intriguing and different. She didn’t react like so many women. She was prickly on the edges, but he could see more beneath the surface, a depth waiting to be explored. But he had to get to work no matter how tired he was from his fitful night. As he showered and dressed, his thoughts traveled back to his caller. He’d tried dialing the number the call originated from, but all he heard was a mechanical voice saying the number was out of service.
There was nothing else he could do until he figured out who the man was. Meanwhile, the next thing in front of him was his job. He’d perform each task to the best of his ability and push the man to the area of “nuisance to be ignored” until there was something he could do.
He kept that in mind as he walked through meetings, counseling sessions, and paperwork. He’d be vigilant and alert, but that’s all he could do until this threat either materialized or disappeared.
His work cell rang, and he glanced at the caller ID. Madeline Ange.
“This is Chandler.”
“Tiffany is really struggling today.” The mother didn’t bother with niceties. “Is Aslan free?”
Chandler glanced at the dog bed in the corner of his office, then to the pile of paperwork and reports. “He can be after work. Tiffany’s at school, isn’t she?”
“I had to pull her out. She won’t say anything, and if anyone talks to her, she curls into the fetal position.” Madeline pushed out a shuddering breath. “She seems most comfortable when Aslan is around. Yesterday seemed to help.”
Chandler glanced at his desk calendar and noted a few critical appointments he couldn’t skip. Those would only add to the time it took to get caught up. “I’m sorry, Ms. Ange, but I can’t today.”
“How about tomorrow?” She was persistent.
“How about Sunday?” Chandler rubbed his forehead, trying to ease the tension that coiled there. “I could meet you somewhere early afternoon.” There was a required military ball Friday night, and he wanted to keep Saturday free to get Jaime used to the idea he’d be her shadow as much as time allowed.
“You’re sure you can’t today?”
“I’m sure.” Time to solidify boundaries.
“Then Sunday will do. I don’t know what I’ll tell Tiffany though.”
“You’ll tell her Aslan looks forward to a playdate then.” His dog’s ears perked up at his name. “I’ll text you Saturday for a location.”
She sighed, but he remained resolute. He’d help as he could, but he had a job and responsibilities. Madeline had to learn how to cope with what had happened as much as Tiffany did. That wouldn’t happen if he dropped everything to respond the moment she called. It was a hard but necessary truth.
CHAPTER 26
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11
The morning workout hadn’t removed the feeling of her blackout, and Jaime hurried through her front door. Maybe she just needed to relax a bit. Curl up with the novel she’d been reading in fits and starts. But when she walked through the apartment she couldn’t find it. She frowned, but she’d probably misplaced it, or Caroline had put it somewhere in one of her bursts of cleaning.
Without the book’s plot to distract her, the walls of her apartment pressed against her. It felt so empty and small that she toyed with asking Caroline to take a vacation day or two. Would that help press back the trapped feeling? She wasn’t really sure, but she couldn’t ask her friend to use precious vacation time to babysit her.
She felt the energy bottled up inside.
After pacing like a caged cat, no insult to Simba, Jaime decided enough was enough. It had been four days. She wanted that to be long enough for everyone to decide she was ethically sound. After all, attorneys had a lower professional responsibility standard than most would find acceptable. It had been a surprise to learn in law school that her personal standards for ethics were higher than those required by the bar.
Left to her thoughts she’d go crazy. The questions were endless.
What if the criminal charges didn’t stick? What if Dane decided to make her pay anyway? What if she lost her job?
She got dressed and headed to Old Town via the Metro. She’d forgotten to ask Chandler if he’d had time to reclaim her car, but it would be a while before she was jumping to drive anyway.
When she reached the King Street offices of Daniels, McCarthy & Associates, she was ready to argue long and hard for her dream. Bella had barely nodded her back to Savannah’s office before Jaime launched into her argument.
“It’s been long enough, Savannah. The bar must have had the allegations for at least a couple weeks before they sent me the letter, so surely they’ve made their decision.” Jaime met her mentor’s gaze.
Savannah was shaking her head. “These things take more than a couple days to handle.”
“What if I don’t have more time? I’ve got to get back to work or I won’t have a job.” Especially if someone was maneuvering to get her fired.
“You know that’s not true. You’ve always got a job.” Savannah spread her arms wide, indicating the office.
“But maybe that’s not what I want.” Jaime ignored the flare of emotion on Savannah’s face. “I am a criminal defense attorney. That’s who I am. I give a voice to the innocent who need an advocate they can’t afford, something I can’t do while I’m sidelined.”
“These things take time, Jaime.”
“I don’t have time.” Grant had been clear that he could only hold her job for a couple weeks—she’d overheard the pressure he was under. Was it only three days ago? Every hour away made it easier for him to talk himself into taking away her job. The injustice of the situation made her so mad—she wanted, no needed, to fight back. If only she knew how. “I don’t know who I am without my work.”
Savannah leaned forward. To Jaime, her black suitcoat fitted against her black sheath suggested she was dressed to attend the funeral for Jaime’s career. “You hired me to talk you out of craziness, so listen to me.”
“I didn’t hire you. You won’t let me pay you.”
“Then pay me a dollar.”
“I can afford to really pay you. I’ve got a little saved.” If she ate ramen noodles for the rest of the year.
“And I’m here to save you from yourself.” Savannah picked up a pen from her desk and put it dancing across her fingers. “If you rush this process, you’ll lose more than a few weeks at the PD’s office. You have to trust me.”
Trust.
It was easy to say but so hard to do.
Jaime met Savannah’s gaze and thought of all the times the woman had been there for her. Bile rose in her throat at the thought that her career was on the line. She swallowed against it. “I can’t lose my career.”
“I know.” But Savannah’s gaze hardened as she studied Jaime. “This is about so much more than a job. You must let go of control. You hold on to it so tightly, but you must trust me and ultimately God.”
“You’re easier to trust than He is.”
“Right now. But what if all of this is about pushing your future beyond your ability to mold and control? What if you have to lose it to see how unimportant it really is?”
“Unimportant? How can you say that when you know how hard I had to fight to get into law school and then get through it?” Jaime’s voice
shook. “I can’t depend on anyone else to take care of me.”
“Even me?”
The quiet words fell with the force of a thunderclap between them. Jaime got up and paced in front of Savannah’s desk, feeling as if there was a battle going on, one she couldn’t understand other than that the tight knot in her stomach told her she wasn’t all right. “That’s not fair.”
“Of course it is. You can’t make statements like that without expecting a reaction.” Savannah relaxed and placed her hands on the desk. “Jaime, there is more to you than this job.”
“It involves my reputation. No one will hire me if these charges follow me.”
“They won’t. But you have to be patient.”
“I can’t. I have to get back into court.”
“Why?”
“Because that is what I spent my adult life working toward.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to give a voice to the innocent and protect the rights of the guilty.”
“That’s noble, but why?”
“Because without help they will be wrongly imprisoned.”
“Wouldn’t that be easier to do from a firm like this?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because many lack the funds to pay for good representation.”
“And that’s your duty?” Savannah studied her with an unrelenting gaze.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“When did you become a two-year-old?”
Savannah just studied her.
“Because I know the pain of not being believed. I needed an advocate, and no one came. I want to ensure that doesn’t happen here.”
“So help Tiffany.”
Pain shot through Jaime with such an intensity she almost wished Savannah had sliced her open with a knife. At least then she could be put back together. Instead, she felt herself slipping into a memory. Into a well of pain she kept locked up. With three words, Savannah had thrown up the door to expose it to the light.
“I can’t.” The words barely qualified as a whisper, but she felt them vibrate from her soul.
“You can.” Savannah stood and came around to Jaime. “Sometimes the only way we are made whole is when we take our pain and use it to help others. You can do more for Tiffany than I ever could, because despite my best intentions and efforts, I have not walked her road. I do not know the unique pain she has experienced. You do.”
The words reverberated through her, a pulsing call to arms.
Jaime wanted to run from it, pretend she hadn’t heard. But she couldn’t. Savannah’s words echoed the call of her heart to be that voice for the innocent. What was more innocent than a violated child?
“Isn’t the fact she was abused further evidence that your God is one I should run the other direction to avoid? What kind of God would allow this pain for a child? And abusers rarely have one victim. They leave behind a string of ruined lives.”
“I can’t help all of them, Jaime. But I can help Tiffany. You can help Tiffany. She’s the child who’s been placed in front of us with a sign that says Help Needed. The only question is whether you’ll be part of her healing.”
“Where were people when I needed healing?” The words were too loud for the space.
“God is always there. Even when we can’t see Him. When He seems most hidden, He is most present. I’ve found in those moments He is closer than my breath. I have to choose whether to see Him, but He’s there.” Savannah reached for her hand, but Jaime tugged free of the touch.
The words rolled off Jaime. They didn’t connect with her reality, with her experience.
“Don’t forget He brought you to us.” Savannah let the words settle. “Will you help?”
“No.” Then, before she could walk away, “Yes.”
“Good.” Savannah opened a desk drawer and pulled out a slim red folder. “Here’s a list of questions we need to answer.”
Jaime felt numb as she took the folder. She didn’t want to look at the questions and see what Savannah thought was important. She already knew. What was important was getting Tiffany as far as possible from her abuser so he couldn’t molest her again. Until that happened, all efforts were wasted.
“Bella will show you an empty office. It’s the last one we have, but I have the feeling we’ll need more.”
“Are you attracting strays?” Savannah had given Hayden and Emilie space when they’d had to leave their jobs.
“No. This is about bringing together strong women who know how to use the law to help people.”
“Angela doesn’t fit.”
“Angela needed an escape to a meaningful practice.”
“I don’t want to be another charity case for you.”
“You aren’t, Jaime. By helping Tiffany, you’re freeing me to keep your case moving. Between your uncle and the bar, you create enough work for a couple clients.”
Jaime glanced around the office, took in the framed licenses, the graduation certificates, the Harvey prints. There was a dignified air to the space, with the colorful Persian rug and the real ficus tree in the corner. African violets bloomed on the wide windowsill. But it was clear that Savannah invested in people rather than things.
“What if I say yes to pay you back for helping me?”
“I want you to say yes because you want to help Tiffany.”
“I do, but I need to know I’m compensating you for your time.”
“Then do this, and I’ll consider the debt paid.”
Jaime heard her, but the words slammed around her soul. Could she do this? Could she really go deeper into Tiffany’s pain without losing herself? As she thought of the child’s shy smile and shadowed eyes, she knew she didn’t have a choice.
Savannah had found her Achilles heel and was using it forcefully.
“All right.” For better or worse, she was in.
CHAPTER 27
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12
Friday morning a knock at her apartment door startled Jaime where she sat drinking a cup of coffee and scanning headlines on her phone.
Caroline glanced at her sheepishly as she collected her trench coat and briefcase. “Don’t hate me, okay?”
“Why would I hate you?”
“Because I might have set this in motion.” She nodded toward the door, then blew her a kiss and scurried away at a pace that would have left Jaime breaking an ankle had she tried it in those stilettos.
As Caroline went through the door, Jaime’s mother stepped inside. Her tunic sweater and skinny jeans paired with boots made her look like she was only a few years older than Jaime. “Hi, honey.”
“Was I expecting you today?” Jaime flipped over to her texts to make sure she hadn’t missed something.
“No, Caroline texted me. She said you needed a reason to get out of the apartment, and I have the perfect one.”
“I’m going to kill her.” This was how she repaid Jaime for taking her in when she didn’t have a place to stay?
“Your father and I have decided to take you to the military ball tonight. You and I are going to have a girls’ day shopping for a gown and then going to the ball.”
“You think I’ll find Prince Charming there?”
“Maybe not, but it will be fun all the same.” Her mother looked around the apartment, and her nose crinkled. “Aren’t you about to go crazy?”
Jaime wanted to argue, but she could tell by the set of her mother’s shoulders and determined look that was a no-win proposition. “What if Dane’s there?”
“There will be so many people it would be hard to see him if we wanted to. Besides I’ve rarely seen him at these sorts of events. I’ve always believed he deliberately scheduled exercises with his team to avoid them.”
Jaime sighed and knew she had to give in to her mother’s attempt to bridge the space between them. “All right.”
“Thatta girl.”
Seven hours later, as their nail polish dried under LED lights, Jaime felt more pampered than s
he had before prom. Still, a thread of uneasiness tugged tight around her middle. She wasn’t sure she had the courage to wade into a ballroom full of military uniforms. “You’re sure Dane won’t be there?”
“As sure as I can be. I wish I could promise he won’t, but . . .” She shrugged.
There was no way to know. Jaime would assume he’d be there and brace for what that could mean. Anything else would be foolhardy. And while the thought of seeing him made her want to avoid the ball, she also wanted to step fully into a place of freedom where the thought of him didn’t terrify her. Maybe going to the ball was a step.
“Remember, you won’t be alone. Your dad would like nothing more than an excuse to deck him.”
“If he’s there, I’ll try to avoid him.” The ball could be fun, and her mom had gone to a lot of effort to create a special day for her. She couldn’t let her fears of what might happen if Dane showed up hold her captive. Instead, she’d focus on the excitement of attending an event like this. “All those years you and Daddy have gone to the military balls, I never have.”
“I know. We always have such a good time.” Her mother’s light clicked off, and she slid her fingers free to examine her nails. Then she reached for Jaime’s arm. “I want tonight to be a special Cinderella moment for you. Who knows, maybe you will meet a prince! Now let’s get dressed and collect your father.”
Her parents had gotten a room at the Renaissance Washington, the location for the ball. It was a nice but expensive touch that matched everything else her mother had done today. In return Jaime determined to give her mom the gift of joining in and pretending to have a good time. Surely it wouldn’t be that hard in a ballroom surrounded by men and women in dress uniforms, their dates arrayed in a kaleidoscope of colors.
She’d chosen the gown, a royal-blue halter dress, because it reminded her of the one Diana wore at the ball in Wonder Woman. Tonight she needed that same fortitude, determination, and grit. A military ball might be safe terrain for her uncle, but for her it felt risky.
She lifted her chin and examined her image in the mirror. She’d spent twenty years trembling at the thought of him. This evening she would walk into the ballroom knowing it was possible he’d be there. In court she’d cowered in his presence; tonight would be different.
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