by Aven Jayce
“Is that what I am to you? A caretaker? Where the hell did that come from? That one hurt.”
“Sorry, but—”
“No buts. No more excuses for drinking.”
“Well, you don’t have to gripe about me not being an adult because I’m hung over. People get drunk no matter what the fuck their age is. It’s not just college students. Eighty-year-old alcoholics can be this way.”
“You’re not an alcoholic.”
“Yes she is,” Jess says.
“Enough. Here, drink some juice. Wake up before we start the drive home.”
“Mmph.”
“I said, enough. You want a caretaker, fine. I’m caring for you. Stop pissing and moaning and cut the crap. And I don’t want to hear you say you’re better and drinking less when clearly you’re not. I’m tired of it.”
“You’re lecturing me.”
“Damn right I am.”
“She’ll be better when she gets back in school,” Jess says under her breath, checking who’s around. “Tell me about your man before Brian comes out.”
They chatter back and forth, causing my headache to turn into a migraine. I take small bites of a dry bagel, trying not to hear the details. Wish I had my headphones. Wish I were home. My real home... makes me wonder about Quinn and his. I haven’t stopped thinking about him since I was dragged out of bed.
I’m stuck in the dreaded longing stage, the way I always feel after a terrific first encounter. An infatuation. A crush. Replaying my time with him in my head like I do with every part of my life.
... he took the anal beads, you know, right at that moment and...
My mind returns to his touch, our kiss, the way my name was spoken in a short, heated breath when he came. Over and over I imagine those moments, and the more I think about him, the more aroused I become.
I’m dick-whipped.
... and what a name. Afterglow. Just look at our faces...
I wonder how many Ellises live in Schenectady and how difficult it’ll be to find him once we get back? Is that stalking? Am I one of those irrational women who track a man after one night together? Should I even bother?
“Speaking of glowing faces... Addie,” Jess prods. “What the heck did you do last night? Look at her smile, Nadine. Spill it. Details lady. We want details.”
“What? Nothing.” I uncross my legs and squirm in the iron chair.
“Baloney shit.” She flaps a piece of bacon at me before taking a big bite.
“What? That’s not bologna.”
“Close enough. Look, are you one of those girls who acts all sweet and innocent but you’re really a slut?” She turns to Nadine. “Is your niece a closet whore?”
“No.” She laughs. “Far from it.”
“Hey, I could be. And why don’t you ever act your age? You’re so annoying.”
She responds with a playful frown, triggering a dirty look from my side of the table.
“I think we should go, like now,” I say.
“Like, totally,” Jess teases again.
“Not funny. How would you like it if I barf in your car?”
“Addie, stop!” Nadine’s frustrated voice causes turning heads from nearby tables. “What’s with the attitude this morning? A threat to damage someone’s car isn’t funny.”
I lower my head in regret. “I-I’m just tired and disappointed. And you’re right, I shouldn’t have had so much to drink.”
“She must be feeling just terrible, aren’t you little one?”
Fuck... Roxanne. I wanted to get out of here before running into her again.
“How did you ladies enjoy your stay?” She places a firm hand on my shoulder, stinking of smoke, perfume, and coffee. Combine those three things and you get the smell of a skunk.
“Faaantastic!” Jess beams. “I’d stay an extra night if I had the money.”
“It was absolutely wonderful, thank you,” Nadine adds. “The retreat’s beautiful and Sean was perfect. He made me feel like I was with the real character.”
“Fake,” I say. “Characters aren’t real, they’re fake.”
Her eyes widen like she wants to smack me. Sorry, I mouth. Based on my mood, I know I’ll be repeating that word all day.
“And you, Ms. Moore?” Roxanne asks. “Did you enjoy your night?”
I look up at the two-faced woman. I’d love to tell her off, except that would be the last straw for my aunt. “Fine,” I lie. “The room was... it was orgasmic. O-R-G-A-S-M-ic.”
They’re silent, staring at me like I’m out of my mind until Jess flaps another strip of bacon and says, “She got laid. I’m sure of it now. My guess is she’s afraid to admit it so she’s acting out.”
Nadine attempts a quick explanation, embarrassed by the two of us.
“This one,” she gestures toward Jess, “I have no excuse for—she tells it like she sees it. But my niece, she lost her mom a while back and—”
“Lost?” I’m aghast. I can’t believe she just said that. “Lost her?” I repeat.
“Well, if your niece got lucky with one of my men it’ll be on your bill. You can count on it.” Roxanne’s hand slips away.
“She was murdered, Nadine. I’ll never play that down. It wasn’t an illness. She wasn’t lost. Someone took her life.”
“Okay, here we go again,” she says.
“Murdered?” Roxanne questions. “Is that why you’re so fascinated with Quinn?”
“What?” My brows lift. “What does that mean?”
Her mouth curves into a smile, but dies out a second later. “Ladies, I’m happy to hear my retreat gave you such pleasure... all of you. Enjoy your trip home.”
She walks to another table, asking the women the same questions about their stay, while snapping for a server to refill the coffee cups.
“Why did she say that?” Jess leans in. “You think he killed someone?”
“No way. Roxanne’s just a bitch. She hunted Quinn and me all night. Wouldn’t leave us alone.”
“Where is he?” Nadine asks.
“Where’s your man?” I counter her question with a question.
“6 a.m., sharp. That’s the end for character play.”
“I’m sure mine’s asleep,” Jess says. “We fucked three times. Three frickin’ times!”
“Sean did it once.”
“Yeah, but it sounds like he made up for it in other ways.” She laughs.
“True. So what did you and Quinn do?” Nadine turns to me.
I shrug and stare at the two sunny-side up eggs jiggling on my plate. “We talked.”
“Talked?” Brian’s voice climbs over mine. “Bullshit.” He deposits a sheet of paper in front of Nadine and puts Jess’s keys in front of her, refusing to sit with us. “You ready? The bags are in the car.”
“Are you in a bad mood, too?” Nadine asks, looking over the paper with a keen eye and a twisted mouth. She nods and hands it back before taking my hand. “I sure hope you did more than talk, considering we were charged for Quinn.”
“How much?” I ask.
“Five grand,” Brian says. “And no, I’m not in a bad mood. There’s a big game on this afternoon. Let’s hit the road.”
“Should we dispute the charge?” Nadine asks, standing and placing her purse strap over her shoulder. “Was this a massage or more?” she questions me.
“More,” I whisper.
“Good, no need to contest it, now get in the car.” They walk ahead while Jess and I stand. She faces me with a toothy smile and I shake my head, urging her to keep her mouth shut.
“Why are you so secretive all the time? Your aunt and uncle don’t care if you discuss sex with them. You know that. And they have the money. They’re not upset about the cost.”
“I didn’t buy Quinn. I like him, plain and simple.”
“Well... no, you bought him.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
I set my hair into a pony
tail and place my gold heart necklace on top of my pink tank. I feel the clasp in the front and pull the thin chain around to the back of my neck. I’m missing one of my earrings and I have a blister on the back of my heel from these uncomfortable strap sandals. Why can’t someone make a decent pair for once?
“God, the grounds here are gorgeous. Look at these flowers.” Jess twirls her car keys on her index finger as we follow a stone path toward the side of the retreat, through a garden, and over to the parking lot where Brian and Nadine are waiting. It’s a humid morning. The sun’s hot, not warm, but hot, and my skin’s sticky. “And the birds are chirping. I feel so alive. What a night.”
“Yeah, what a night,” I mumble.
Nadine puts her hand to her mouth and leans toward Brian, pretending to speak to him in private, although her words “Addie’s in a mood” are loud enough for me to hear.
“How come?” Brian asks as the car beeps and the doors unlock.
I give him a look of disappointment. “Because Roxanne’s an evil ogre and she fired Quinn... because of me, because of us, because of what we did.”
“What? That must’ve been some wild sex.” Jess pokes fun at the situation. “See, I told you she’s a closet whore. She’s got some freaky moves that—”
“Can you shut up for once?” I sigh. “It wasn’t like that.”
Brian pats my leg as Jess backs the car out of the lot, starting our descent down the narrow dirt drive.
“I didn’t have a great night, so you and I can sit back here and sulk the whole way home.”
“Oh, you are in a bad mood?” Nadine asks him, ignoring my comment about Quinn getting fired. “I thought you just wanted to get home to watch the game. What happened?”
“How was your night?” he asks.
Jess puts on her sunglasses and turns to Nadine, giving her a light elbow nudge. “Go on, tell your husband how sex with another man was last night.”
She turns away, gazing out the window with her arm on the door and her hand under her chin. “It was okay.”
“Liar,” he says, annoyed. “Why don’t you just come right out and say how great it was?”
“Please don’t fight,” I plead.
“What the hell are you so upset about? You’re the one who found this place. This one wasn’t my idea.” She glances over her shoulder into the backseat.
“We agreed on—”
“Stop,” I demand. “First you guys were all excited about coming here and getting laid, and now you’re upset that you did. Give it a rest.”
“I’m not upset,” Nadine says, facing the front again.
“Which way do we go?” Jess asks, reaching the end of the driveway.
“It’s left. Home is to the left,” Brian says. “Turn on the goddamn GPS!”
“Don’t you dare go there, fella. Don’t take your anger out on me,” she says.
She turns on the GPS as Brian and Nadine gaze out the window, not speaking, just watching the landscape sweep by in a blur. There’s silence in the car for half the trip home. Jess drives, keeping her mouth shut for once, and the other two are lost in thought, refusing to look at each other. And I’m irritated that I’m caught in the middle of this. I’m not looking forward to being around them when we get home, especially if they’re going to be like this for days. The tension’s palpable and daunting. It might be best if I stay with my friends in Jersey.
“I think I’ll go back home for a couple of days.” I break the silence in the car. “Hang out with old friends so you guys can be alone.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Brian says.
“No, Addie.” Nadine turns. “You get depressed whenever you go there, besides, this is our fault. You don’t need to run away. If anything, one of us will leave.”
“What?” Brian raises his voice. “What the fuck do you mean by that?”
“You said you guys had awesome sex after sleeping with a stranger, but let me tell you something, this relationship does not sound awesome,” Jess says.
“We do. It will. Just...” Nadine stares at Brian, reaching her hand slowly for his. “What happened?”
He touches her fingers, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles in a tender gesture. “Shit, she was so young,” he complains. “I’d say eighteen.”
“Mine too,” Jess says. “I could have a son that age.”
“That’s what I kept thinking. I felt... well... ashamed. And it got weird real quick. She was so agile. I threw my back out and couldn’t move. I was writhing in pain on the bed with this young girl hovering over me, holding a whip, asking me if I was having a heart attack and needed an ambulance.”
Jess snickers and I bite my lip to fight from doing the same. I feel bad for him, but it’s also funny... and sad. Poor guy.
“She reminded me of the young freshmen at school, still a teen, naive, and too trusting. It’s kids like that who’ll end up in a ditch somewhere before they’re twenty.”
“You should’ve asked for a different one. Maybe you could’ve switched.” Jess looks in the rear-view mirror, fluffing the bottom of her bob with one hand.
“You don’t get it. I had one of those ‘what the fuck am I doing’ moments. And when I was finally able to sit up, she got undressed and had track marks on her legs. I thought this place was clean. High quality. What a scam. That was it. It was over at that point. I’ll chalk it up as a waste of five grand. Screw it.”
“Whoa,” I say. “Hope you guys used condoms. I’d take a long hot shower after that one.”
“Or a long soak in the hot tub,” Brian says, cracking a half-smile. “Damn it, why are we in such a rut? Is this a mid-life crisis?”
“I suppose so.” Nadine pulls her hand back and turns away. “Sorry, sweetheart.”
“Next time this comes up we’re gonna go out and buy a new car, not cock and pussy.”
“Lovely,” I groan. “Why don’t you spend your money on counseling instead?”
“That’s not a bad idea, and you can come with us,” Nadine mutters.
“Man, I can’t believe I threw my back out.” Brian suppresses a laugh that grows into a loud rumble as he places his hands over his face and rubs away his frustration. “What was I thinking? Just give me a greasy pizza and a beer, turn on my sports, and let me sit in my recliner until I die.”
“Don’t forget to have your Brittany Love Doll within reach,” Nadine says.
“Ermahgerd.” Jess snorts.
“That was a gag gift from my players last year. You want me to get rid of her? I can toss her in the trash and put it out on the curb, let her legs hang out of the can for everyone to see.”
“Can we please change the subject? This is getting weird,” I say.
The three of them laugh and a better vibe enters the car. What a bunch of middle-aged loons.
Nadine twists with a big grin, asking me what I want to talk about.
“Quinn.” My head jerks to the road behind us.
“Okay, what—”
“No, stop the car, we just passed Quinn. Stop!”
Jess pulls to the side of the road and I rush out, being hit with a wave of heat and the smell of tar.
“What if he’s a murderer?!” she calls out, being hushed by Nadine.
“Don’t say that to her.”
“Hey, this morning you said she lost her mom. I thought she was okay with the term ‘murder.’ And I wasn’t trying to be funny. I’m dead serious.”
“Jess, wrong word again...”
“I almost didn’t recognize you in that ball cap.” I smile, placing my sunglasses on my head while striding toward him. “You need a lift?”
He looks curiously at the car while gripping the backpack strap on his shoulder. “That would be great, as long as they don’t mind.” He nods toward the car, using his shirt to wipe the sweat off his forehead, the fabric high enough to show his boxers rising out from under his torn blue jeans.
“Follow me.” I m
otion, flush with joy. “We can get back to where we left off last night.”
“Naked?” he jokes.
“Trust me.” I slide into the car, close to Brian, while patting the empty seat next to the door. “Anything goes with this group.”
“Where you headed?” Jess asks as he sits next to me, reaching over to greet Brian with a handshake.
“Thanks for the ride. Albany.” He closes the door.
“I thought you lived in Schenectady?” I question.
“I did as a teen. I’m in Albany now, or at least a year ago that’s where I lived, before I started working at Afterglow.”
“Oh... have you been on the road this whole time? Since you left the barn?”
“A guy gave me a ride part of the way, but I’ve been walking for about four hours.”
“Nadine.” I tap her arm. “Hand me one of those waters.”
“Why’d you get fired?” Jess looks at him in the mirror. I can tell by the quick tone in her voice that she’s about to start drilling him with a zillion questions.
His response is a shrug as he takes the water, chugging it down in big gulps.
“Addie said it was because of what you guys did... in bed.”
“Jess, I never said in bed.” I turn to Quinn. “Just ignore her.”
“That’s what I do,” Brian cuts in. “But it never works. She’s not easy to ignore.”
“Does that mean you messed up?” Jess asks. “Like, didn’t give her an orgasm? Or was it crazy good and you broke the mattress and made holes in the wall?”
“Seriously, pretend it’s just the two of us in the car. They’re not here.”
“It was crazy good. Adlyn’s rough and rowdy,” he exaggerates. “And yeah, we broke the bed.”
“Oh my God.” My hand covers my face. “Don’t give her any ammunition to use against me.”
“I knew it.” She tightens her lips in great satisfaction. “Knew it, knew it.”
“Jess, leave them alone. Tell us more about that cruise next fall. Maybe you can persuade Brian to purchase those tickets...”
I reach into my purse and take out a small notepad, writing a message to Quinn.
U Ok?
He nods and I write another...
You have a cell #?
