by Carver Pike
Rotten seems to know what he’s talking about.
“You shouldn’t even be out here alone with me,” I said. “To be honest, no man should ever leave you alone.”
“Oh that was beautiful,” Hag said. “She’s definitely going to let you eat her pussy now.”
Ally watched me and I couldn’t tell what she was thinking but I knew we were spending way too much time in the alley.
“So you don’t need to pay me,” I said. “But if you’d be willing to take me back to your place, I can give you all the drugs you want. We can spend hours in ecstasy.”
Ally smiled and I knew I had her.
She really is fucking pretty.
“I totally would consider this,” Ally said. “You’re flattering, really. But I’m not going back to my apartment. In fact, I’m supposed to be meeting my, well, kind of boyfriend I guess. Blaze. He’s kind of protective over his shit.”
“And you’re fine with calling yourself that? Shit?” I asked.
I’d meant it to make her see she was worth more than that, but she didn’t take it the way I’d expected.
“What I think of myself is none of your fucking business,” she suddenly shouted and turned to walk away.
No, don’t go. Fuck. Not like this.
“KILL HER!” Samuel yelled. “NOW!”
My limbs seemed to move all on their own. I don’t even know how I got the cloves and syringe out so fast but I was on her in no time, dragging her deeper into the alley. She tried to scream but I shoved the cloves into her mouth and held my hand there to stop her from spitting them out. With my other hand, I jammed a syringe into her arm and unloaded the drugs.
It’s incredible how quickly heroin works. She moaned a couple more times and her legs began to wobble. I sat down with her in the alley, far away from where anyone would venture, and stroked her hair.
“Shh,” I said. “You’ll find peace now. Far away from Blaze and the Iron Claw MC. Far away from abusive boyfriends and forced sex. Far away from spilled tears.”
She moaned and something about it turned me on. I realized my cock was hard against the small of her back. She was limp in my arms, giving in to me, and I liked the control of it. I could have taken her back to her apartment at this point and fucked her ‘til the sun came up, but I was committed. I had my new agenda to consider. The city needed to know I was here.
I pulled out the other five syringes. I jammed three into one thigh and two into the other. Thinking back, it was a stupid mistake, but then again, it’s not like I was trying to hide that she didn’t overdose. I'd originally wanted to do it in her apartment so her boyfriend and the rest of the MC would find her first, but this would be even better. They might have tried to hide the body. There would be no hiding the body now.
If she wasn’t dead already, she soon would be with all the heroin running through her system. Regardless, I needed to make sure my ingredient found its way home so I opened her slack jaw and shoved my fingertips into her mouth, forcing the cloves deep into her throat where they’d get lodged and she’d smother on them.
Her legs convulsed and her arms flailed but not much. The drugs had her too weakened to fight. She only sat there and took it. Once she stopped moving, I knew she was dead. I considered cutting her open in the alleyway just to leave a mess for the police, but that would have to come later. I’d already spent too much time in the alley.
So I left her there like that, the drugged up whore choking on cloves. As I walked away, I whistled my tune.
Ring around the rosy. Pocket full of posies. Ashes…Ashes. We all fall down.
Chapter 10 – Kevin
For three days I didn’t return to Mrs. Rebecca’s house. Of course, her house was empty when I arrived. My heart was broken because it was my fault she was gone forever. She’d withstood so much ridicule over the years, mostly my fault, or maybe I should say Ivory’s. Now, it was all over.
She was gone forever because of me. If I’d stayed away, maybe she would still be here. But I’d let my darker side win and now she was gone.
The worst part? Knowing what I’d done, I couldn’t say a word to anyone. I had to sit and let it simmer. I had to deal with it on my own. I missed her so fucking much that it hurt. Most of my life I’d spent wishing I could be with her and now I’d gone and fucked it all up. I’d wanted the world to know she was mine and I was hers and now she was buried deep in a dark pit where I knew I’d never see her again. She was buried deep in my heart.
“I l…l…love you,” I said under my breath.
“What?” Ivory asked, looking up from a sketch he was working on.
“Na…nothing,” I replied.
The temptation to shout out what I’d done was so strong. He’d never judged me before. Why did I think he would now?
Being normal became my top priority. I felt so abnormal. Ivory always told me I was as good as everyone else and that I was a good man, but how could I be a good man when I’d done such rotten things? I was capable of letting my brother rot in prison and then capable of…of Mrs. Rebecca. So I tried doing what other guys do when they’re feeling down.
First, I went to church. I did. All by myself. It wasn’t even a Sunday. I think it was a Tuesday afternoon. I sat somewhere in the middle of the crowd where I knew I would get lost in the gigantic sea of worshipers. It was some sort of protestant church. I don’t remember exactly which kind. It could have been Baptist or maybe Presbyterian. I don’t know. I only wanted to be alone and try to shake my demons. Demons weren’t allowed in the house of God, right?
That’s where I met Amber. She was so beautiful and so pure and so out of her mind crazy. Yes, I thought things would work out with her at first. I sat next to her the next two Tuesdays. She had two young sons with her. Our first time alone at her house, she traced the tattoos over my entire body. She made me feel special, like my scars and ink were only beautiful paths to righteousness.
Then she became a little too freakish with the righteousness. I tried watching Star Wars with one of her sons and she flipped out. She dragged me into the other room to yell at me, claiming that Star Wars was a horrible film for kids.
“What do you think the force is?” she asked.
“W…what?” I asked.
“The force, you idiot,” she said.
I hated being called anything that meant stupid. Idiot, retard, jackass…those were names I grew up hearing and no kid or even adult should have to hear those things. They’re wrong. They’re words that come from a place of hate.
“Th…th…the force?” I asked, still not sure where she was going with this.
“The dark side of the force!” she yelled. “It’s evil. To follow the dark side of the force means to follow evil, Kevin.”
“And the…the g…good side?” I asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “It’s good and evil and I don’t want my kids subjected to that at this age. You know what? I don’t think I want you around my kids anymore.”
I was confused. We hadn’t even slept together. We’d only stayed up late talking. I suppose it was always more like she was preaching to me. She was always telling me about right and wrong and how I had choices to make that would lead me down the right path. She’d taught me that only I could end my suffering and the only way was through becoming born again.
She didn’t give me that chance. Like everyone else in my life, she left me. She disappeared. I thought Amber was going to be someone I could depend on. She served only as a reminder that I couldn’t depend on anyone except Ivory.
So I did what any man would do when they have nowhere else to turn. I drank. Every night after work, I went out in search of fun. I’ve never tried drugs so that wasn’t a part of it. I blacked out often enough, especially when angry, and I couldn’t imagine drugs would make that any better. Amber called me a few times but I ignored her. I didn’t need that kind of negativity in my life. Sounds funny considering I was sitting in a strip club the first time I had that thought. Y
es, I had a beautiful red head on the stage in front of me when I blocked Amber’s ass. Oh the freedom that comes with blocking someone. They have no power to send you harsh words, sarcastic remarks, or idle threats. I imagined Amber angrily whipping her kids’ mashed potatoes as she thought of the audacity I had when I blocked her. Yes, no more Amber in my life. I’d retired her to the dark side of the force.
The stripper’s name was Cherry. That was her stage name I suppose. I knew better than to venture into strip clubs because they’d gotten me into so much trouble in the past. Cherry caused plenty of trouble, but luckily no cops got involved, and Ivory never had to hear about it. It started with a lap dance. I paid the extra cash to go with Cherry to the back of the house where I could sit on a couch and have her naked body grind up against me. To understand my fascination with the girl, you have to get a full picture of her.
Cherry had long, thick red hair. It was real. No extensions or hair dye. She was tall and something about her looked soft. For some reason, the image of Rose in the movie Titanic came to mind. The scene when she was lying naked on the sofa so Jack could paint her. Cherry was so much hotter than Rose but the body type was the same. She wasn’t super toned or extremely fit. She was so real and when she sat on my lap, I wanted to feel her stomach against mine. That’s all.
Strange, I know, but I didn’t feel the need to fuck her. Ok, that’s a lie, I did, of course. Who wouldn’t? But it was different. With Cherry, I only wanted her to hold me. So when she sat on me and removed her top, and I saw her enormous boobs for the first time, I didn’t think about sucking them or even playing with them. I only wanted to know what it would be like to have her lying on my chest, her boobs pushed against me, resting. I wanted to listen to her breathe. I wanted to know her more than anyone in this dirty fucking place was allowed to.
That’s how Mrs. Rebecca lay on me sometimes. After making love, she’d often lie there on top of me and fall asleep like that. I wanted to feel that again.
I wondered if any of the men working in the club had carnal knowledge of her. Had any of the bouncers fucked her? Was she into drugs? Was she a smoker? Was she an alcoholic? Or did she have kids waiting at home for her to bring home enough money to put food on the table? Did she let her kids watch Star Wars? Was she a fan herself? What was her story?
“S…s…stop,” I said.
I reached for her bra and handed it to her.
“What is it?” she asked. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Na…na…nothing is wrong w…with me,” I said. “I d…don’t want t…to see you l…l…like this.”
“We’re in a strip club, babe,” she said. “It’s kind of what I do. Don’t worry.”
She looked into my face and something in her expression changed.
“Wait, is it a money thing?” she asked. “Because I’m not giving you your money back. Once that hits my hand, it’s mine, babe.”
She doesn’t understand. She thinks I can’t afford this.
“I c…can afford it,” I assured her. “I only w…w…wanted to…”
“For fuck’s sake,” she said. “Spit it out. What do you want from me, you freak?”
I stopped talking. No words would change the situation. In her eyes maybe I did look like a freak but I couldn’t move. I could only stare up at her and watch as she refastened her top and rolled her eyes at me.
“I always get the fucking wack jobs,” she said. “Ronnie!”
Freak…wack job…idiot…stupid…ignorant…jackass…retard…freak…wack job…
All the names I’d been called in the past rotated through my mind. My desire for her had dissipated. My need to hold her had melted away. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. In that moment, I felt the world was broken. There was no place for me in this fucked up life. I was one of those children meant to grow up and play card games with my friends and retire into old age when I could spend my savings on the latest video games. Then I’d sit alone in my basement figuring out how to pass the next level while my younger brother was upstairs making love to whatever woman he’d brought home for the night.
This is my life. Mrs. Rebecca is gone. The only woman who ever cared about me is gone. She might have had strange kinks and may have seemed evil to the rest of the world, but she held me when nobody else would and she said nice things to me when nobody else felt the need to.
Was I suicidal? I don’t know. I can’t say that for sure but I can say that at that moment suicide made sense. It didn’t seem entirely wrong like I’d always thought.
Ronnie, who turned out to be a giant gorilla of a man, showed up to put an end to my self-examination. He grabbed me by my left arm and dragged me out of the club. I hadn’t done anything to deserve the treatment. All I’d done was stop the woman from giving me a lap dance. In most situations, that would be an honorable thing. To Ronnie, it wasn’t, and once he had me outside the club, I made sure that he knew that. At least I vaguely remember teaching him a lesson in manners.
“Get the fuck out of here, jackass!” he yelled as he pitched me forward into the gravel parking lot.
“Th…th…that was impa…polite,” I said.
It wasn’t the toughest thing to say, but at the moment I wasn’t trying to be a badass. I only wanted him to know that he’d gone too far. I would have been content with walking away and leaving it at that, but he had to take it too far.
“Impolite?” he said. “What did you say, motherfucker?”
Considering he’d just repeated what I’d said, it was fairly obvious he’d heard me so I didn’t find the need to repeat myself. I was bent over, wiping the dirt off my jeans when I heard his giant boots hit the gravel and come crunching my way. Talking has never been my strong point so I said nothing when I grabbed a large rock that was near my foot and swung upward in his direction. I smashed the rock into his balls as hard as I could.
The pain must have been immense because he dropped to his knees. That’s when things get a little bit hazy. I know I hit him in the face with the rock too but after that I only remember running. I ran until I found a fence and then I jumped the fence and ran some more. At some point I ended up under a bridge where I sat and thought about things.
My car was back at the strip club, but in a parking lot that stays full all night long, it wasn’t hard to sneak back in the early morning hours and retrieve it. What happened to the bouncer? I have no idea. I’m sure I didn’t kill him but I definitely wouldn’t be able to visit that place again. My list of favorite hangouts had gotten shorter by one.
Chapter 11 – Simple Simon
The first time I saw Nikki was by accident. She was outside The Motor Quill, staring through the window but standing in the parking lot behind an old beat up Sedan. She didn’t see me when I approached so I leaned back against the wall of a Greek restaurant and watched her. She looked as lovely as the first time I’d seen her. She may have even grown more beautiful with age. She looked back in my direction once, so I pretended to be chatting on my phone, while I studied her face.
She always had a way of looking content even though she never smiled. It was like she knew you were watching her and she enjoyed it. She was a slut, I was sure. Like so many other women around the city, she wore tight pants that hugged her ass. Her jacket covered her upper body but I knew if it hadn’t been raining, she’d be flaunting her tits like all the others.
It was the way she looked into The Motor Quill that I found so fascinating. She stared into it the way a young child might if looking in at the penguins or the dolphins at an aquarium. Something had her drawn there and I was sure it was James. At one point, she took a step toward the door but then backed up. Then she did it again. She couldn’t commit to stepping inside and saying hello.
She’d returned to the city, and I wondered why. This place had nothing in store for her. It never had. She’d spent her childhood trying to break out and now she was back, searching for something she’d never find. I doubted she had any intention of finding me. No, she was
only in it for one brother. She wanted James.
Nikki had no idea I had been stalking her for weeks. I knew where she lived and had even been inside her apartment. I knew the kinds of groceries she liked to buy, I knew she had issues with biting her lip when she was nervous, and I knew she hated her job. She always spent no less than five minutes outside the front door, willing herself to go in and start answering the phones. From hidden places in the parking lot, I’d see her and sometimes hear her talking to herself. She’d say things like, “Swift Fleet is only a means to an end. It’s not your life. You’re a dancer.”
A dancer. I had plans to involve her in a special dance, a special show, where she’d be the main event. She’d be the attraction the whole city would be talking about. Hag loved her. Rotten hated her. Putrid thought she was like any other whore. Samuel begged me to kill her.
Yes, I’d been stalking her for weeks the first time I made my presence known. I’d watched as she entered a nightclub that was a popular spot for the bay area’s gay scene. This had no bearing on why I didn’t follow her in. The truth was, I didn’t want to pay the cover charge. That and I had a giant hunting knife strapped to my side. The bouncers might frown on that.
So I waited in the shadows, much like I did the night I killed Ally.
Ally from the alley.
It was the first time I’d thought about that. What an amusing thought. Ally from the alley. It didn’t take long for Nikki to leave the club. She must have gone in for a drink with hopes to hook up, that whore, before realizing she wouldn’t be getting any dick in that place.
There she is. Look at her. She’s amazing. The whore.
My adoration for her was mixed with abhorrence. I was envious of the way she carried herself. She had a tough exterior and everything about her screamed sex. It was the sex and the meaningless way she’d lived her life that made me despise her. Thinking back, it’s interesting how the one thing I hated most about her growing up completely contradicted with the way she’d ended up as an adult.
