by Lyn Gala
The mood turned somber, and Temar had gone so pale that Shan itched to reach out and offer some comfort, but this wasn’t a topic he really understood. He could imagine what had been done to Naite and Temar. He could even feel badly about it, but he couldn’t understand what it meant to live through that. He was trapped outside, wanting to help them both and not knowing how.
“I don’t blame you,” Temar said quietly.
“Good to know. When your master blames you, it can get uncomfortable. However, the fact that you’re a forgiving soul doesn’t change the fact that I do carry some of the blame here. Not all or even most, but some. We’ll all have to decide how to pay for that.” Naite looked over at Shan and frowned. “Except for my idiot brother, who actually did see this coming. I’m never going to live that down, am I?”
Shan shook his head. “I don’t plan to ever mention it again.”
“That’d be a surprise.” Naite pushed himself up off the bench. “I’m going to go get some food and find someone to annoy until Lilian lets me back in.” Naite strolled off, and for a time, silence fell over them.
“So, they’re condemning him now?” Temar asked quietly.
“Yes.”
“Why aren’t you in there? Aren’t you council?”
“I was. I’m not now,” Shan said. It suddenly occurred to him, if the council decided to impose a punishment on all standing members when Temar had been punished, he might be looking at slavery himself. He frowned, his stomach rolling at the thought. It was an evil. He still believed that.
“Why? Did they kick you off?” Temar looked angry enough to go challenge the entire council, and Shan smiled. Temar wasn’t a boy, that’s for sure. He’d gone through life moving in the shadows, but when he decided to step forward, he was a force. Shan could see him being on the council someday. Perhaps some day very soon if the rest of the council felt as guilty as he did. Lilian had been making noises about retiring every season-end, and Bari… Bari Ruiz was such a gentle man that Shan couldn’t imagine how he’d handled the news.
“What’s going on?” Temar demanded in a louder voice.
“You don’t need to go defend my rights. I quit the priesthood. I can’t represent the church if I’m not a member of the clergy,” Shan said. Temar’s mouth literally fell open as he stared at Shan. Shan raised his eyebrows. “You can’t be that surprised. It’s not like I was acting like a priest.”
“But… you aren’t….” Temar closed his mouth so quickly that his teeth clicked.
Shan smiled. Div certainly hadn’t been surprised, and neither had Naite, so it was nice that he’d managed to shock someone. “I thought I might see if I could apprentice out to a mechanic. I’m almost done with my training, so I think I can get someone to take me on.”
“Not a priest?” Temar’s voice sounded distant, like shock had robbed him of the volume.
“I didn’t belong in the church anymore. God helped me off one path, and now I’m on another,” Shan explained. Div had simply smiled when Shan had explained how he felt and then added that Shan needed to listen to his heart and God more often because God had been saying that for a couple of years. Well, Shan never had been a fast learner, not unless you were talking about sand bikes. Moving slowly, he reached out and let his fingertips rest against Temar’s knee. Temar looked down to where they touched and then up at Shan’s face.
“On another? Another path?” Temar’s voice sounded unnaturally high.
Shan nodded. Hopefully it was a compliment that Temar couldn’t find words. Either that or Shan was pushing far too fast.
Temar took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “I think I like this path, but maybe….” He stopped and bit his upper lip as he frowned. Shan felt his stomach drop as he realized that Temar was unhappy.
Shan pulled his hand back. “I’m sorry. I don’t—”
“Why?” Temar cut him off.
“I left because my path isn’t with the church.”
“Because of me?” Temar’s voice still had that squeaky tone to it.
“No,” Shan quickly said. “Maybe you made me look at myself, but I’m not leaving the church because of you, Temar. Not because of you and not for you.”
“But you feel this thing between us?” This time Temar’s voice actually sounded like Temar.
“If you’re not interested, it’s still time for me to move onto my real path. I’m still staying out of the priesthood and trying to find work as a mechanic.” Shan cringed as he realized he’d backed Temar into a corner with this little announcement. Maybe he should get work near Naite, so his brother could insult him when he acted like a verbally incompetent moron.
“You’re an idiot,” Temar said with some amusement in his voice.
“I could have told you that,” Shan said with a shrug. “But I don’t want you to think I expect something from you. I don’t. I did what I needed to do, and Div himself told me that I should have left the priesthood years ago, when I found myself spending more time fixing the roof than reading the Bible. He told me he would have kicked me out himself, only the roof really needed fixing.” Shan smiled. He hadn’t believed Div for a moment, but the comfortable insults made him believe that Div still loved him, even though he chose to leave the priesthood.
Temar reached out and caught Shan’s hand, curling his long fingers around it. “I hope that maybe we can share a path. I just hope that you’re patient, because I’m still struggling to find my way.”
Shan’s stomach unknotted so fast that Shan let all his air out in one huge breath, relief forcing the air out. “Oh thank God. I thought I’d driven you away before I’d even asked you out on a first date.”
“Considering that I’ve seen you so drunk on pipe juice that you couldn’t walk, I don’t think I can be scared away that easily,” Temar said. “I do want this. Maybe when you rescued me I got confused about what I felt, but in the week since we got back to town, I miss you. I miss your sense of humor, and I miss having someone to talk to. I just don’t know how long it’s going to take me to get my head together. Some days I feel like the boy who stood at the back of your church and listened to your sermons, and other days I feel unaccountably old.”
Shan smiled. “I’ve waited nine years, Temar. In nine years I haven’t touched another person with desire. I think I can wait as long as you need.”
“It definitely won’t be nine years,” Temar said with a snort. “I’m not that screwed up.”
“Well, I would hope not.” The second the words were out of his mouth, Shan realized that was not the best phrasing.
Temar looked at him with a confused expression, and Shan cringed.
“Have I mentioned that I’m better with bikes than words?”
Temar smiled. “You might have, once or twice.” Then Temar leaned closer, his eyes falling half closed. Shan remembered this, even if he was six years out of practice. He moved closer and tilted his head so their lips met. The heat gathered between them as they kissed gently, lips brushing past one another. Temar’s free hand curled around the back of Shan’s neck, pulling him closer even as Temar opened his mouth more. Their tongues now slipped against each other, sending tingles up through his neck, and Shan could feel the heat gather in his whole body. He reached up and let his hand rest against Temar’s shoulder, his breath coming in fast gasps. When Temar hesitated, his grip on the back of Shan’s neck easing, Shan pulled back and smiled. The kiss was promise enough. Shan looked up at the sky and gave a silent prayer of thanks as Temar’s fingers tightened around his hand. They’d find a way through this together. Now that Shan had learned to listen to his heart, he could practically hear God whisper that promise.
About the Author
LYN GALA started writing in the back of her science notebook in third grade and hasn’t stopped since. When she found the Internet and the world of gay romance, she found her true calling. When she isn’t writing stories of happy men doing very dirty things she’s teaching in New Mexico.
Als
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