by Regina Scott
“Doctor Maynard needs me in Seattle,” she told Beth, knowing the statement for the truth, as well.
“We need you here, too,” Beth argued, hands worrying in front of the apron on her pink gown. “What if Ma gets sick again or Simon pushes James out of a tree?”
Catherine’s stomach flip-flopped. What if one of them got hurt? Who’d tend their wounds? Who’d nurse them to health?
Lord, You can’t ask me to stay. You know the need is greater elsewhere.
“You all survived before I arrived, Beth,” Catherine said, moving toward the door. “And if Simon pushes James out of a tree, maybe it will knock some sense into him.”
“You don’t mean that!” Beth followed her to the door. “Please, Catherine, don’t go! It was so nice having another girl to talk to. I never got to show you how to make flapjacks or milk the goats. We could have had fun!”
Living here was hardly fun. Being around the Wallins hurt deeply. And the thought of losing Drew made her physically ill.
“You can come visit me in town anytime you like,” Catherine offered, pausing at the door. “You’ll most likely find me at the hospital.” Where she could deal with patients on a purely clinical level.
She opened the door to find Drew on the porch. His hair had fallen into his face, and a bruise darkened one cheek. She had to fist her hands to keep from reaching out to him.
“You don’t have to go,” he said. “I’m fine.”
But he wasn’t. She didn’t have to lay her hand on his forehead to see that he was sweating. She could hear his breath coming fast, as if it hurt to draw anything deeper. He should be lying down, putting a cold cloth on his bruises, being examined for broken ribs.
But not by her. She knew if she put her hands on him now, she’d be holding him close and never letting go.
“All the more reason for me to leave,” she said, picking up her bandbox and stepping around him. “There is nothing more for me here.”
As if the very earth disagreed, Wallin Landing seemed to leap toward her, surrounding her. Everywhere she looked, she saw memories: sending Levi into the pool, firing the gun to bring Drew and his brothers a-running, sitting by the fire and listening to his dreams, being so sweetly held and kissed.
She straightened her spine and cast him a glance.
“No John, I see. Very well. I’ll start walking.”
Drew’s arms came around her. For a moment, she closed her eyes and gave in to the feeling of warmth, of safety. But it was all an illusion. He could be taken from her at any time.
“You don’t have to walk,” he murmured. “I’ll drive you. Are you certain this is what you want?”
He leaned back and gazed down at her. She could feel herself slipping into the blue-green of his eyes. Stay, some part of her urged. Take whatever life gives you and enjoy it while it lasts.
But she couldn’t. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. Already she felt as if she were shattering into a thousand pieces.
“This is for the best,” she made herself say. “I’ll wait while you harness the horses.”
He let her go and headed for the barn.
Beth touched her arm, blue eyes swimming. “Please, Catherine, I know Drew cares about you. I thought you cared about him.”
Catherine watched him cross the clearing. His shirt was torn where a branch must have caught it. Though he tried to hide it, she could tell he was limping. He was a battered, tattered fellow, yet he had never looked more honorable or more dear.
“I do care about your brother,” she murmured. “That’s why I have to leave.”
* * *
Maddie at least was glad to see Catherine when she walked into the boardinghouse late that afternoon. She took one look at Catherine’s face and hugged her close.
“Is there a fellow I should be scolding?” she murmured, “for putting such a look on your face?”
“No,” Catherine said, drawing back. “I’m the one who should be scolded, for putting myself in such a position.”
She could not forget the silence between her and Drew as he’d driven the wagon back to Seattle. She’d heard every creak of the wheels, each thud of the horses’ hooves. He’d kept his gaze ahead, as if she weren’t sitting beside him, wishing him to speak, praying he’d stay silent.
“Ma and Beth will miss you,” he’d said at one point, and she nearly asked whether he’d miss her, too. But she didn’t want to know. Oh! She didn’t want to know.
Now Maddie followed her upstairs to the room they shared. All she wanted to do was change out of this dress into something fresh, something that might not remind her of how she’d spent the past few days. But the room with its twin beds covered in bright wool blankets and its window overlooking Puget Sound felt tighter than she remembered. It was as if even the air in town wasn’t as clear, as deep.
“What happened?” Maddie asked as Catherine pulled out her trunk from under the bed and drew out her favorite brown dress. “I left you with a handsome man. Could you not be bringing him back with you?”
At least Maddie hadn’t changed. “I sent you a handsome man,” Catherine countered, rising to begin unbuttoning her gown. “Did a Mr. Ward call on you?”
Pink crept into Maddie’s cheeks. “Mr. Ward, the thespian? Oh, he’s as charming as the day is long, so he is. But I’m not sure I’m the lass for him.”
“Oh?” Catherine glanced up with a frown. “Why?”
Maddie twisted her fingers around each other, avoiding Catherine’s gaze. “Well, two Irish people? You know what everyone will say—there they go a-breeding! And a man with ideas about acting and such. No, no. If I marry, sure’n it will be to a man with gold in his pockets and the respect of the community behind him, someone I can be proud to stand beside.”
Money and position. Catherine knew many women back East who had married for those reasons. “I always thought a marriage required more than that,” she told Maddie as she pulled off the blue gown. “Love, for one thing.”
“Oh, now don’t you be getting on your high ropes the moment you get back, Catie, me love,” Maddie warned her, flopping down on her bed. “Isn’t position why you refused that lumberjack out in the wild?”
Catherine tossed the gown on her bed. “Mr. Wallin never asked me to marry him. And it’s not his position that troubled me.”
Maddie cocked her head. “Was he such a gadabout, then, courting any woman who took his fancy?”
She couldn’t leave her friend with that impression. “Not at all,” she said as she drew the dress over her head. The fine brown wool was fitted, the skirts narrow and it said the wearer would brook no nonsense.
“A more faithful fellow you’ll never find, I’m convinced,” she told Maddie. “But what he does for a living, where he lives, there are so many dangers, Maddie. I don’t think I can bear it.”
“Ah,” Maddie said, straightening. “You want a husband who will treat you like a fine porcelain doll, keep you safely wrapped in pretty blankets.”
“Certainly not!” Catherine shuddered at the image. “I wouldn’t stand for such treatment. I’ve worked too hard at my profession to want to give it up. I help people, Madeleine. Sometimes I give them back their lives.”
Maddie stiffened. “Begging your pardon, me darling girl, but only the Lord gives life. I’ve seen you be His hands. Yet doesn’t the Good Book say that any act done without love means nothing?”
Catherine marched to the little table near the window, picked up her brush and began attacking her hair. “So simply because I don’t engage my heart with every patient who walks in the door, you would have it I’ve done nothing worthwhile. I don’t believe that.”
In the mirror over the table, she could see Maddie watching her. “I’m not casting aspersions on your work, Catherine. I’m questioning your motivations.” She gentled her
tone. “Sure’n you can’t bring back your father and brother.”
“No,” Catherine said, hand stilling on the brush. “But I do my best to see that no one else suffers such loss.”
“And you can keep yourself from suffering, I’m thinking,” Maddie said, rising from the bed and crossing to her side, “by making sure you never let anyone close enough that you start to care.”
The words slammed into her, piercing her chest. She shut her eyes, but she couldn’t shut out the truth.
“Very well. I don’t want to hurt like that again. I don’t think I’m strong enough. Is that what you want to hear?”
Maddie’s arms came around Catherine, and she opened her eyes to meet Maddie’s gaze. “No, me darling. I want to hear that you realize love is worth the risk that you might be hurt again.”
Tears were coming. She could see them sparkling in her eyes in the mirror, along with Maddie’s mournful smile.
“I’m sorry, Maddie,” she murmured. “I’m not sure I believe that.”
Maddie gave her a squeeze before releasing her. “Well, that’s progress, isn’t it, now? Once you would have told me you didn’t believe it at all.”
Catherine smiled at her friend through the tears. “Only you would see my doubts as progress.”
Maddie nodded as if the matter were settled and picked up the brush to run it through Catherine’s hair, the strokes gentle and calming. “Doubt can be good if it brings you to the truth. And if it’s that Mr. Wallin who’s made you wonder, I’ll be saying a prayer for you both. Now let’s get you prettied up so you’ll be ready when he comes back for you.”
Something inside her leaped at the thought, but she couldn’t let her friend hope in vain. “He isn’t coming back, Maddie.”
“Oh, he is,” Maddie insisted, twisting up a hank of Catherine’s hair and pinning it in place. “I saw his face as you came to the door. He’s hurting as much as you are, so he is. A man like that isn’t going to give up. I’d say he’ll be back within the week, so you better decide what you’ll say when he proposes. And if it’s anything less than yes, you and I will have words, me darling.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Drew returned to Seattle three days later. He hadn’t intended to. They didn’t need supplies. The days were warming as May went by, and the leafy tops of Beth’s carrots were already waving in the garden. They didn’t need medical help. Ma was back to her regular routine, Levi was hobbling around on a crutch that John had made for him, and Drew’s bruises were fading.
At least, the bruises on the outside of his body.
No, the reason he had to return to Seattle was because he’d never know peace otherwise.
“You let her get away?” James had protested from his place on the rug when they’d all gathered in the front room the night Catherine had left. “And you call yourself a man?”
His mother, seated in her rocking chair, had tsked as she’d worked on knitting a new pair of socks. Beth at her feet had looked from one brother to another.
“I thought things were going so well,” she’d protested. “Levi said you kissed her.”
James had hooted as if he quite approved, but Ma had silenced him with a look.
“If she let you kiss her, I don’t see how you could have lost her,” John had said from his place beside James. “You’ve never failed to bring in a deer or bring down a tree you set your mind to.”
They’d had no idea what they were talking about. Wait until they fell in love. Leaning against the stairs, Drew had shaken his head. “Catherine is hardly a tree.”
From the opposite wall by the window, Simon had crossed his arms over his chest. “But the same principles apply. You determine your objective, plan your approach, gather your supplies and act. You knew the objective was to keep a nurse in the family. We gave you a plan and offered our help. You had all the supplies you needed.” He’d pointed a finger at Drew. “You didn’t act.”
“For shame, Simon Wallin,” Ma had said, frowning at him over her knitting. “I never taught you to think of a lady that way. Why, you make falling in love sound like a battle!”
Simon had colored as he’d lowered his hand. “Apologies, ma’am, but I tend to think of courting that way.”
“Another reason I’m still waiting for a daughter-in-law.” She’d set aside her knitting and risen to come to Drew’s side. Her green eyes had been solemn. “What happened, Andrew? I was under the impression you cared for Catherine.”
Drew had pushed off the wall. “I care. She doesn’t want to be part of this family. That’s all that matters.”
His mother’s face had softened. “How she feels about us is less important than how she feels about you. A lady can put up with a great deal for the right man.”
“Then apparently, ma’am, I’m not the right man.”
He had felt the protest building around him, shining in his sister’s eyes, shouting from his brother’s tensed shoulders. He’d had enough.
“This topic of conversation is closed,” he’d told them all. “I wish you a good night.”
He’d felt their surprised gazes follow him as he’d crossed the room and left the house.
Returning to his own cabin had seemed like the best way to remove himself from the criticism, but even there he’d found no rest. Catherine had seemed to linger in the air. One chair had been out from under the table, and he’d fancied he could still feel the warmth of her against its back. His quilt had held the scent of lemon and lavender he’d come to think was hers alone. And one pale blond hair had gleamed in the moonlight on the wood floor. He’d bent to retrieve it, stroking one finger down the length.
Oh, but he was lost.
What do You expect of me, Lord? She hesitates to fire a gun, she hates our work, she’s as bossy as the day is long.
And despite what he’d said to his mother, he’d known then and now that Catherine sincerely cared about his family, maybe as much as he did.
In the end, her love for his family wasn’t what had driven him back to Seattle. No, he had come for Catherine. For all her propriety and high ideals, there was something vulnerable about her. Spending time with her, watching her ply her trade, holding her in his arms, he’d caught a glimpse of her heart, and he wanted more.
He found her at the hospital, as he’d expected. Several people sat or stood along the white walls of the dispensary, waiting for Doc Maynard to see them. One man cradled his arm; another rocked back and forth, moaning. Catherine moved among them, speaking softly, laying a hand of encouragement on shoulders, offering advice on how to deal with the illness or injury. She was wearing a dress of a warm brown. The color contrasted with her pale hair, and the tailoring outlined her figure. With her apron wrapped about her, she looked competent, confident.
So beautiful he couldn’t look away.
He took off his wool cap and held it in his hands as he paused in the doorway. Now that he was here, he couldn’t think what to say to her. How did one family compare to the needs of the many here in town? How could his feelings vie with her calling?
Before he’d even taken a step, she looked up and met his gaze. Her eyes widened as she straightened, then she hurried toward him.
“Drew, what’s wrong? Did Levi’s leg fester? Did your mother have a relapse?” She clutched his arm. “Please tell me Beth’s all right. Simon? James? John?”
“Fine,” he assured her before she could ask after the stock, as well. “We’re all fine, or at least they are. I came for me.”
She pressed her fingers to her lips as if offering up a prayer. “Oh, no! Your fall must have been worse than I thought.” She gripped his hand and towed him to the nearest chair, pushing on his shoulders to make him sit. “You should have had one of the others drive you in,” she scolded. She ran a hand up his arm as if checking for injuries, and his hea
rt started hammering.
“Where does it hurt?” she asked. “Your arms? Your legs? Your back?”
Drew caught her hand and pressed it to his chest. “My heart.”
Catherine gasped, and he thought she must have understood him, but she jerked her hand away. “Doctor Maynard!” she cried, dashing for the door. “We need you!”
As the other waiting patients stared at him, Drew stood. “No, Catherine, you misunderstand. I’m fine.”
Doc Maynard strode into the dispensary. His white apron was speckled with a dusty red. “One more life in this world. What’s wrong?”
Catherine drew in a deep breath. “Apparently nothing. Please forgive me. And give my congratulations to Mrs. Stevenson.”
He nodded, then smiled at Drew. “Come to steal my nurse again, Drew?”
He was about to deny it when inspiration struck. “Actually, yes,” he said. “I’d like her to come out and take a look at Ma and Levi. I’ll return her tomorrow.”
Maynard waved a beefy hand. “Certainly. We can make do a day or two without her this time. But not much more.” He turned to the man waiting nearest him and began asking questions about his condition.
Catherine moved back to Drew’s side. “I thought you said everyone was fine at the Landing.”
“They are,” Drew replied, “and I’d like to keep them that way.”
Catherine’s eyes narrowed. “As you can see, we have a great need here.”
Though he felt like a selfish oaf for asking her to abandon these people for him, he couldn’t very well talk about their future in such surroundings. He needed her somewhere they could discuss matters, reach some agreement.
Where he could hold her in his arms and tell her how much she meant to him.
“Come with me, Catherine,” he urged. “I know everyone will be glad to see you, and you can make sure Levi’s leg is healing straight.”
Still she eyed him. He thought she might be holding her breath. He was holding his. Finally, she nodded. “Very well. But this time we stop by the boardinghouse before we go so I can alert Maddie and bring a few things.”
