“Yeah, what are you doing tomorrow? I thought maybe the four of us could have a picnic in Cady Hill Forest. Then perhaps Eva and Pauly can paint for a while in your dining room while we sneak off to your bedroom and I paint you with kisses.”
Maria laughed. “I think there might be some flaws in your plan.”
“Ok, so it’s an imperfect system, but we’ll work it out. Maria, I love you and I want you, and we can work this out.”
“I believe you.” Maria said, and they kissed on it.
SUMMER 2009
On July fourteenth, Sam woke up in her own bed. She had hoped to wake up on her birthday in Maria’s arms, but Dolores and her new husband had finally managed that honeymoon to the Florida Keys, and Sam needed to stay at home for Eva.
Stretching and popping a few joints back into place, Sam recalled with amusement the way Maria had woken up for her last birthday—to acrid smells of burnt quiche and a disaster in her kitchen. It hadn’t occurred to Sam then to think it special that Maria would spend her birthday with her. Sometimes when she recalled the times they’d spent together before they were, well, together, she blushed at her profound cluelessness. How could she have missed the signs indicating how much Maria cared for her, looked out for her, invested in her? How could she have missed the way she thought of Maria all day, the way she grew increasingly clumsier when Maria looked at her, the way Maria had sneaked into her heart and stowed away there until Sam woke up one day to the realization that she couldn’t live without her.
Maria had asked what she wanted for her birthday, and all she said was, “time with the people I love most.” She didn’t know what Maria had planned, and, frankly, she didn’t care; as long as she got to laugh with Eva and Pauly and got a few birthday kisses from Maria, she would be more than fine.
Rising before Eva, as was her custom, she put coffee on and hopped into the shower. After she dried off and dressed, she checked her phone to discover a few birthday messages from Stowe Away staff and Father Mark. By the time she’d poured herself a cup of coffee, three more messages appeared from Hunter, Kathy, and Brandi.
She didn’t do Facebook, so there was only one way these people could have found out it was her birthday. Perhaps she should have been more specific when she said “the people I love” to her girlfriend. Big parties where she was the center of attention were not her thing.
Eva stirred in her bedroom, and Sam put on a kettle for her mother’s tea. She supervised while Eva got dressed and settled at the kitchen table. Hoping to avoid ruining her own birthday breakfast, she made them bowls of yogurt and granola. Eva had a spoonful halfway to her mouth when the doorbell rang.
When Sam opened the door, the front stoop was empty. She peered around, but spied neither person nor parcel. She stepped outside a few paces, glancing down the street, and around the corners of the house. Nothing. Images of zucchinis stashed all around her house flashed across her mind, and she wondered briefly if Maria’s idea of a good birthday involved pranks.
When she returned to the kitchen, Eva wasn’t alone at the table. The door to the garage was slightly ajar, giving away their point of entry, and Sam stood in the doorway to the kitchen, shocked. Her three favorite women in the world were seated at her breakfast table as if they did this every morning. While Eva continued to eat her yogurt, Maria and Natalie were reading the morning paper and sipping orange juice and coffee, respectively.
“Looks like the Fletcher Allen’s capital campaign did well; the hospital now has enough funds for that palliative care wing they’ve been hoping to build,” Maria said, turning the page.
“Oh good. I’ve been worried about that. And the annual Hot Air Balloon festival is this weekend.” Natalie glanced at Maria. “We should check it out.”
Having seen cartoon characters do it, Sam pinched herself. It hurt, so she must be awake. She ran her hand through her hair, nonplussed.
“I’ve always wanted to ride a hot air balloon,” Maria said. “What about you Eva?”
Eva nodded. “I went once, I think. A long time ago.”
“Ooh, I’d love to see pictures. Do you think you have any?” Natalie asked.
“The trunk in the living room,” Eva said.
Natalie glanced up, the picture of innocence. “Oh, Sam. How long have you been there? Will you be joining us, or are you just going to stand in the doorway all day?”
Sam’s feet refused to move.
“Sam, dear, you’re drooling,” Maria said.
“I can’t even…what the…”
“Don’t you just love making Sam speechless?” Natalie asked Maria. “Wait, don’t answer that, at least not in front of Eva.”
Nearly choking, Sam sputtered some more as she sat down. Her mouth hung open, but she couldn’t close it.
“What do you want to do tonight, Natalie?” Maria asked.
“I don’t know, see a movie maybe? What day is it?” Natalie asked.
“Uh, Tuesday. I think there are half-priced tacos at that one Mexican restaurant in Stowe. Taco Tuesdays or something.”
“No, I meant, what’s the date?”
“Oh! Well, let’s see.” Maria folded the paper and read the date on the cover page. “July fourteenth.”
“July fourteenth, July fourteenth…That date seems significant.”
“Well, it’s Bastille Day.”
Natalie snapped her fingers. “Of course! Well, whatever we do, it should be something that appropriately honors the beginning of the French Revolution.”
“I couldn’t agree more, Natalie,” Maria said, her eyes sparkling.
Sam cleared her throat. “Okay, you two—enough. I’m duly surprised, and you’ve had your fun.”
“Oh, we haven’t even begun,” Natalie said. She pranced a bit as she trotted around the table and over to Sam, enveloping her in a hug. “Happy birthday.”
Sam hugged back as best she could from her position on the chair. “I’d stand, but my legs seem to be malfunctioning.”
“Again, that sounds like something you and Maria should keep to yourselves—I don’t want to know,” Natalie said. As she returned to her chair, Maria bumped her knee against Sam’s.
“I hope you don’t mind—you did say ‘the people I love most.’” Maria grinned and drummed her fingertips together like the mastermind she was.
“You’re amazing, you know that?”
“Believe it or not, I do. You tell me every day.”
“Don’t let it go to your head,” Sam said. She turned to her mom. “Were you in on this too?”
“Yes. I gave them the key.”
“Speaking of, Sam,” Natalie said, crossing her arms, “how is it that Maria doesn’t have her own key?”
“Uh…well, I guess we just never…I mean, she’s welcome to one.” Sam turned to Maria, contrite. “I can have one made today.”
Maria laughed. “Natalie, let’s give her a break. It is, after all, her birthday.” She glanced at Sam’s clothes. “But you do need to change.”
Sam looked at her loafers, gray slacks, and short-sleeved sweater. “What’s wrong with this?”
“Well, if you want to wear that hiking, fine by me, but I’m not listening to you whine when your feet hurt,” Natalie said.
“We’re hiking?” she asked. She glanced at Maria and Natalie’s clothes. Natalie wore hiking boots, cargo pants, and a fleece jacket. It was probably the most stereotypically lesbian Sam had ever seen her look, and that included the flannel attire she was wearing when she finally admitted to Sam that she liked girls. Maria was wearing lightweight sneakers, yoga pants, and a running jacket.
“Mount Mansfield. Eva and Pauly are going to hang out at Stowe Away.” Maria turned to Sam’s mom. “Eva, Brendon is going to put you to work. Do you know what to do with a rolling pin?”
Eva nodded solemnly. “Hit him with it.”
Natalie a
lmost sprayed a mouthful of orange juice across the table, and her eyes filled with tears.
Maria nodded and patted Eva’s arm. “You’ll do just fine.” She extracted a backpack from underneath the table. “We’ve got some of your favorite provisions packed, Sam. We should leave soon, because we have evening plans, and we’ll all probably want to shower after hiking.”
Sam raised her eyebrows but said nothing.
“Well, you didn’t give me much direction, so it would appear you’re just along for the ride, darling.” Maria kissed her cheek and patted her thigh. “Off you go. We’ll clean up in here.”
Still dazed, Sam meandered to her bedroom and stripped off the clothes she had just put on. She rifled through drawers and found a pair of jeans and an old Stowe High School hoodie. As she was lacing up the first of her running shoes, the door opened, and Maria stuck her head in. “May I come in?”
With her other shoe in her hand, Sam quirked an eyebrow at her. “Since when are we this formal? Yes, please come in. I don’t think you’ve properly wished me happy birthday.”
As warm arms slid around her waist and soft lips claimed hers, Sam sighed in contentment.
“Happy birthday, baby,” Maria whispered into her ear before nibbling on it. “I love you.”
Her free hand clasped Maria’s hips, pulling her closer and enjoying the contact. Leaning her head back, she peered into the most beautiful face she could even imagine. “You’re really something, you know.”
“Yeah?” Maria breathed. “Tell me all about it.”
“I sincerely doubt most women would invite their girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend across the country for a hike. Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
“Why, do I have any reason not to be?”
“No, no, not at all.”
“Look, you two have a complicated relationship, for sure. Your friendship has gone through a lot of different phases, and I think it’s time you entered into a new one. Besides, if I felt threatened by her, then you and I have bigger problems. You tell me you love me, you tell me I’m the only one you see, and I choose to believe you.”
Tears filled Sam’s eyes, making Maria seem momentarily blurry. “I don’t just love you. I’m wildly in love with you.” Sam bent down and kissed her cheek, her jaw, her lips. As their bodies closed the space between them, electricity sparked—she needed to cut this off before Eva and Natalie heard just how much she loved Maria. Already regretting her sense of propriety, she stepped away from her. “You did build time into today’s schedule for just the two of us, right?”
“Oh yeah, that’s the other reason Natalie’s here. Since Dolores is gone, Eva needed a new buddy to keep her company. And Pauly’s going to sleep here tonight too.”
“Gosh, you’ll have your house all to yourself. Won’t you get lonely?” Sam asked.
“You know, it is an awfully big place. I wonder if maybe you’d want to keep me company. At least once in every room of the house.”
“Oh, hell yes.” Sam’s eyes fixated on Maria’s lips, and her heart rate must have doubled.
Dropping her hands from Sam’s waist, Maria laughed. “Sam, honey, you need to take that look off your face, or your mother will know exactly what kind of birthday present I plan to give you.”
As she walked out of the room, Sam stood alone, one shoe on her foot and one in her hand. “Oh, Lord.”
The hike had been beautiful. Sam hadn’t ascended Mount Mansfield since Stowe High School sponsored a field trip there for the senior class on Skip Day. The administration must have figured, if you can’t beat ’em, at least redirect ’em so they’re getting exercise.
Back at Eva’s house, she stood in the hot shower washing off the hike. Natalie and Eva were watching Jeopardy, Natalie having insisted that the birthday girl get the first shower.
When she had asked what to wear for their evening plans, Maria had been evasive. “No need to break out your white suit,” Maria said, waving her hand. “And given what I know of your shoe selection, you’ll be just fine.” The last bit piqued her curiosity, but Maria wouldn’t say anything more.
Wearing a towel, Sam leaned into the living room. “Bathroom’s yours, Natalie,” she said before heading into her bedroom and closing the door. She sifted through hangers in her closet, and thumbed through her dresser contents. Standing naked in her room, she shrugged. The clothes she’d taken off that morning were in a pile on the floor, but they seemed like a good choice. She hung them up, wrapped her towel around her again, and went off to knock on the bathroom door.
The water was already running, so she turned the handle and cracked the door open. “Natalie?”
From the other side of the shower curtain, Natalie audibly gasped. “God, Sam, you scared me.”
“Sorry. I was wondering if I could hang some wrinkled clothes in here while you showered. Ironing is the worst.”
Natalie laughed. “Of course. Just close the door when you’re done, and I’ll turn up the heat. I’m always looking for an excuse to take a long hot shower, especially after a hike like that. My calves are going to be sore tomorrow.”
“Wimp,” Sam said, and she hung the hangers on the towel rack before closing the door and returning to her room. She stood there a moment, cold in her towel, before turning around and heading into Eva’s room. On the back of her mother’s door was a cotton bathrobe, and she slipped it on. Eva’s taste was a little more floral than hers, but it beat wearing a damp towel until her clothes were wrinkle-free.
She joined Eva on the couch for final Jeopardy, neither of them knowing the answer. None of the contestants knew it either, and Sam’s skin crawled when Alex Trebek gave the correct response with his typical disgusting smugness. After the commercials and the intro for another Jeopardy episode, Natalie strolled into the living room wearing jeans and a gray T-shirt. It was, possibly, the simplest outfit she had ever seen her in. She raised her eyebrows, and Natalie pointed to her opened suitcase by the couch. “Maria and I hadn’t decided what we were doing by the time I got on the plane, so I opted for universal.”
“I see.”
“And I see you’ve opted for sunflowers and no pants.”
Sam shrugged. “We all make different choices.”
Natalie laughed, and it was a sound Sam hadn’t heard enough of since they were juniors in college, before things fell apart. “Your clothes are wrinkle-free and in your room. Go get dressed, you goof.”
While she pulled on her clothes, it occurred to Sam that she hadn’t once thought about Natalie naked in her shower, even when she was in the bathroom with her. Maybe this was what maturity looked like. Or evolution. Either way, their interactions lacked the pressure Sam had always put on them, and they laughed with an ease that felt new.
Sam’s feelings toward Natalie felt more honest now, perhaps because she had been trying to force something that wouldn’t come naturally. Her single-minded focus on transforming their relationship into an epic romance left her without the resources to see Natalie’s flaws and embrace them, rather than myopically to deny they existed. The ping-ponging of her attitude toward Natalie had quieted into a steady flow of affection. She wasn’t scared to look at the great love she bore Natalie now, nor was she obsessed with it—taking it out of her pocket like a precious stone she turned over and over in her hands until she could no longer see it for what it was. She welcomed her love for Natalie now as the by-product of years of history. Natalie was family; she would always be so.
Sam emerged and Natalie whistled. “Lookin’ good, champ.”
“Champ? Seriously?”
“Sailor? Cowgirl?”
“Lady-killer?” Sam suggested.
“Basket case.”
“You two,” Eva said, shaking her head. “I don’t know…about you two. Am glad you’re friends.”
Sam grinned. “Me too.”
Natalie kissed Eva�
�s cheek and grabbed her car keys. “I’m driving. Maria says we need two cars, otherwise she’d pick you up. This way I can drive Pauly back here at the end of the night.”
“She thinks of everything,” Sam said.
“Lucky you. Eva, have a good night. You have all of our numbers, but I wrote them on the fridge just in case. We’ll call to check on you a couple of times, and I’ll be back before you know it.”
“I’m fine,” Eva said, shooing them toward the door. “Have fun.”
Sam hadn’t ridden in the passenger seat of Eva’s car in a long time. “Where are we headed?” she asked as Natalie backed the car down the driveway.
“Ah, ah, ah. You’ll find out when we get there.”
“Sheesh. Are we flying to Paris or something?”
“Nothing that extravagant. Actually, it’s quaint and sweet. I’d tell you, but we both know that you wouldn’t act appropriately surprised enough when we got there, and Maria would kill me. Suffice it to say, it’s chill, and you’ll be with lots of fun people, but you won’t be the center of attention.”
“Maria’s idea, or yours?”
“Hers, mostly. I simply mandated that the evening include ice cream.”
“Good woman.”
“She suits you, you know. I thought that when I first met her, but it didn’t seem like the time to say it. I remember the way you talked about her on the phone before I even came here—it was obvious you were into her, even though you didn’t seem to know.”
“I’m glad you approve.”
“Sam, you never need my approval,” Natalie said gently, turning the car onto Mountain Road.
“You’re my best friend, Natalie. Of course I need your approval. I wouldn’t want to be one of those people walking down the aisle while all those near and dear to me whisper about what a mistake I’m making.”
“Are you planning on walking down the aisle any time soon?”
Sam paused. “It just came out. I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Consciously. I think if we’ve learned anything about this whole experience, it’s that you may be brilliant, but there are some significant holes in your self-awareness. You might want to pay more attention to the things that just slip out—maybe you’ll learn something about what you’re really thinking.” She looked over, and grinned at Sam.
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