by J. S. Cooper
“What are you talking about, Steve? Calm down.” Blake touched his shoulder. “No one has said you’re not good enough.”
“He’s not good enough,” Jakob spat out, and put his arm around me. “Go back to the loony bin, Steve.”
“Jakob!” I gasped, and saw Blake’s eyes widen in fear as Steve’s face grew angrier. Jakob had said the absolute worst thing he could have said in that moment.
“Sing a song of sixpence,” Steve said as he glared at Jakob.
“What?” Jakob’s voice was harsh. “What are you talking about?”
“Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,” Steve said, and Jakob, Blake, and I looked at one another. I could feel my skin growing clammy. Steve was even more unbalanced than I’d thought.
“If you’re not going to tell us why we’re here, or introduce us to whoever it is you want us to meet, then we’re going to leave.” Jakob drew me to him protectively
“No!” Steve shouted adamantly. “Mary had a little lamb.”
“Yes, she did,” I said, and touched his hand. “Its fleece was white as snow,” I said with a smile, though inside I felt like crying. I didn’t understand what was going on, but I knew that I had to try and reach Steve in some way. Try and show him that I understood where he was coming from, and this was the only way I could think of in the moment.
“You could love me, couldn’t you?” His eyes glazed over as he looked down at my hand on his. “You could love me with all your heart?”
“You are deserving of love, Steve,” I said carefully. I didn’t want to lie to him. I wouldn’t do that. Not about love. He’d been hurt enough in his life. I couldn’t toy with his emotions and make him think that there was that possibility. At least not now. Not unless he pushed me to and I had no other option.
“So was my father.” He nodded. “All I want is love. All I need is love.”
“And you deserve love.”
“Steve, you need to understand that we’re here to help you.” Blake spoke up again. “Your father was a good man. Jeremiah should have proven his love to him if he loved him, but he didn’t. You can’t blame anyone but Jeremiah for what happened.” Blake’s voice was increasingly urgent, and I could see that he was worried. What was he hiding?
“How do you know so much?” Steve looked at him and frowned. “No one knew they were gay. Only me and Aunty Penny. No one else knew.”
“We spoke to Aunty Penny,” I said to Steve. “She sent Blake some e-mails, remember?”
“She’s gone.” Steve looked sad as he stared at me. “She went to France.”
“She can send e-mails from France, Steve.”
“She’s gone to Paris.” He looked at Blake. “Do you speak French?”
“Je ne parle pas français,” Blake said, and I wanted to groan. Now was not the time for him to play smart.
Steve frowned at Blake and turned to me. “She asked me if I wanted to go with her. She said I could have a good life in France. We’d be family.”
“Why didn’t you go with her?”
“Because I haven’t gotten what I want yet,” he said matter-of-factly.
“What do you want?” I asked him softly, trying to let him know that I cared. Maybe, just maybe, he would be on our side if he thought we legitimately cared about him.
“You.” He spoke the word so softly that I nearly didn’t hear him. His eyes softened as he looked me over, and I stifled a shudder as his fingers stroked my arm. “I want you, Bianca.”
“Well, you’re not going to have her,” Jakob said, and moved so that he was between us. Steve’s arm dropped to the side, and he glared at Jakob. “She’s mine.”
“If it had been just me and her on the island, it would have been us. There would have been no you.” Steve’s hatred for Jakob was written all over his face.
“No, Steve,” I said, but then stopped as I felt Jakob’s hand on my lower back.
“Who do you want us to meet?” Jakob said. “Is my father still alive?”
Steve looked at him and laughed. His laughter grew more and more hysterical until he was practically gasping for breath, and if it weren’t for the fact that he kept his eyes pinned on us the whole time, I would have fled. As it was, I didn’t trust that Steve wouldn’t pull a knife if we tried to run. I could feel all eyes on us in our immediate vicinity. Steve had drawn a lot of unwanted attention to our group, and I could see a man approaching us.
“Come with me,” Steve said abruptly as he eyed the man. Stepping directly in front of him, he barked, “Go away,” in a tone that made the man do an abrupt about-face. Guess there’d be no help from that quarter. He nodded to me and Jakob. “We have to go,” he said, all traces of laughter gone from his voice, and then he looked at Blake. “Not you, though. You can’t come.”
“Okay.” Blake looked upset, but he didn’t challenge Steve. Who knew what he would do in this erratic emotional state?
Steve turned to me and Jakob. “Put on your masks, and let’s go.”
“Where’s Rosie?” I asked him, surprised that I hadn’t seen her yet. “Where is Rosie and where is David?”
“They’re waiting for me to tell them you’re here,” Steve said, and I watched as he pulled out his phone. “Let’s go.” He turned his back, presumably to conceal his text to Rosie and David, but I couldn’t see for sure.
“What do you think?” I whispered to Jakob, but I could see him staring at something on the other side of the room very intently. “Jakob.” I grabbed his arm. “What should we do?”
“I don’t think we have a choice,” he said quickly, still staring across the dance floor. “Blake, I need you to do me a favor.” He handed Blake a card. “Call this number if you don’t see us in two hours.”
“And tell them what?”
“They’ll know what to do.”
“What are you three whispering about?” Steve’s eyes looked beady as he turned around to face us again.
“Nothing.” Jakob grabbed my arm. “We’re coming with you now, Steve. We trust you and know that you won’t do anything to harm us.”
“I’m not the one you have to worry about,” Steve said with a small smile, and then he gazed at me, his eyes looking almost apologetic. “I’m sorry, Bianca. I, more than anyone, understand what you’re going through. I, more than anyone, know what it’s like to have a father that has let you down.”
“What are you talking about?” I said, but he just turned around and walked away. Jakob and I followed behind him, and I saw Jakob’s eyes narrow as he gazed at someone across the room. I stopped still for a second as I thought I recognized Larry. But why would Larry be here? Wasn’t he in jail? My heart thudded, and I banished the thought from my mind. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, or how this was going to end. But there was one thing I knew for certain—no matter what happened, Jakob would be by my side. And we’d do whatever we had to so we could both make it out of this victorious.
twelve
“What are you thinking right now?” I asked quietly as we waited in a small dark room. There was one very dim light on in the corner that kept flickering, and the setting felt like the opening of a horror movie, just waiting for the arrival of a vengeful ghost. I was starting to feel panicky. “Do you think we were set up? Do you think Steve is coming back?” I kept mumbling to Jakob as I stared at the closed door. I was starting to feel claustrophobic. “And who did you see in the ballroom as we were walking out?”
“I think Steve is crazy.” Jakob sighed. “And perhaps we are too, for coming in here with him. However, I think Steve is the key to this whole mess.”
“You do?” I made a face.
“Yes, Steve.” Jakob nodded. “He’s unbalanced, but he’s not dumb, Bianca. I think he’s been playing all sides for a long time now.”
“I guess that’s true.” I nodded. “But whose side is he on? Larry’s?”
“I don’t know.” Jakob shrugged. “And I don’t know if I saw anyone in the ballroom. I thought I saw Larry, but I’m not sure.”
/> “He can’t have gotten out of jail, already, can he?”
“I don’t know,” Jakob said, and sighed. “I’m sorry, Bianca. I wish I knew what to say.”
“Should we leave?” I said softly. “I don’t think the door’s locked.”
“We’ve come this far, there’s no point in leaving now.” He shook his head. “Let’s wait.” He grabbed my hand, and we stood there in the dark room holding hands and waiting. The only sound in the room was that of our labored breathing. I shifted closer to him as I heard a loud creak in the corner of the room. Finally I’d had enough of the silence and spoke.
“What are you thinking right now?” I asked him, needing to hear his voice.
“I’m thinking about my mom,” Jakob said softly. “I’m thinking about what she would say about us being in this situation.”
“What would she say?” I said, and gasped as the dim light went out, plunging us into total darkness. I felt Jakob grabbing my arm and pulling me closer to him. “What just happened?” I said as my heart started racing. Why had I been so stupid as to believe Steve and Rosie could be trusted for even a second? My skin felt cold, and my throat felt heavy as tears built up in my eyes. “Maybe Blake will come,” I mumbled, but I knew that even he couldn’t save us in this moment. If anything, he’d be walking into the trap with us.
“It’s okay, Bianca. The bulb just went out. I’m here. I’ll protect you.” He rubbed my back, and I tried to concentrate on breathing in and out to control my nerves. “Before my mother died, she handed me a poem on a piece of paper. It was a poem that wasn’t in her notebook.” Jakob’s voice cracked as he continued speaking. “She handed it to me and she told me to always keep it close to my heart. To read the words and to live my life according to what it said. She said the worst thing in life is to die with more regrets than not.” He rubbed the top of my head, and his voice was soft as he spoke. “I want to recite it to you. I want us to think about my mother’s words as we stand here. We’re not waiting in vain, Bianca. We’re here for a reason. We’re here with a purpose. That’s all that matters.”
“I know.” My voice sounded as squeaky as a mouse’s. “I’m just glad that I’m here with you.”
“Bianca, you don’t know how much it means to hear you say that.” His voice was gruff. “I know we got off to an inauspicious start, but I’ve felt from the beginning of this journey that there was a deeper purpose to our meeting. And there was. It was for me to find you.” He pulled me toward him, and I felt his lips pressing down on the top of my head softly. He caressed me with his lips and fingers as my body shook slightly. “I’m not one of those guys who’s full of romance and strawberries. I don’t always have flowery words or gifts, but I want you to know that this life, this love of ours, it’s all I could have ever asked for. It’s everything that I wanted that I didn’t even know existed. You’re the reason my heart is beating right now. You’re my everything. We’ll get through this, whatever this is. We’ll get through it because we have each other.”
“You know just what to say when I need you to say it.” I reached up, pulled his face down, and gave him a deep kiss. “I wouldn’t have chosen anyone other than you,” I said against his lips as I pulled back.
“I know.” His voice was soft as he faced me, and even though I couldn’t really see more than the outline of his face in the dark room, I could feel that his eyes were burning a fire directly into my soul. I stood there staring back at him, and even though our eyes weren’t meeting and focusing on each other, I knew we were staring at each other.
“Let me hear your mom’s poem,” I said softly, knowing how much her words meant to him and loving that he felt connected enough to me to share them.
Jakob started reciting his mother’s poem, and his voice filled the room with strength and warmth. “ ‘In the last minute of the last hour on earth, there will be three things I’ll regret.’ ” I closed my eyes, even though the room was dark. I didn’t want to concentrate on the dark unknown of the room. I wanted to focus on his voice and the poem and only those two things. “ ‘I’ll regret not telling you I loved you. I’ll regret not getting to spend another minute with you. And I’ll regret not saying no.’ ” Jakob’s voice was heavy, and he paused as we heard a door open behind us. However, he didn’t stop talking, and we didn’t look around. This was our moment and even though I knew we both wanted to know who was with us, our being in this moment and seeing it through was more important. We were more important than everything else going on around us. “ ‘In the last minute of the last hour on earth, there will be three things I won’t regret,’ ” he said. “ ‘I won’t regret meeting you—’ ”
“ ‘I won’t regret loving you, and I’ll never regret giving you my heart.’ ” A familiar voice completed the line. I felt Jakob freeze next to me, and as my eyes popped open, I let go of Jakob’s hands and walked toward the door.
“Is it—?” I said, my heart racing as I felt my way toward the voice. The light suddenly came back on, and I stood there squinting in the brightness. I took a step backward as I gazed at the man in the doorway—and suddenly tears poured from my eyes. I couldn’t stop them, and I couldn’t even think as I just stood there, my body frozen like a statue.
“Bianca.” He stepped toward me, his face looking older than I remembered.
“Dad?” I said, and I heard Jakob gasp.
“ ‘In the last minute of the last hour on earth, there will be three things I’ll regret.’ ” My dad continued Jakob’s mom’s poem as he stared at me, but as he went on the words seemed to change to a confession. “I’ll regret not telling you I loved you every single day. I’ll regret not getting to spend another minute with you even when my heart is crying out for you. And I’ll regret not saying no to Jeremiah Bradley. In the last minute of the last hour on earth, there will be three things I won’t regret. I won’t regret meeting your mother and having you. I won’t regret loving you with all my heart . . . and I’ll never regret having to pretend I was dead to save your life.” He stopped and held his arms open to me. “Come to me, my darling Bianca. Come to your dear old dad.”
“Dad!” I said, crying out as I rushed into his arms. My brain was racing, and all I could think was, My dad’s still alive? My dad’s still alive? I heard Jakob’s footsteps behind us, and I pulled back so that I could introduce Jakob to my dad, but then Steve and Rosie walked into the room and slammed the door.
“Well, look who we have here,” Rosie said with a twist of her lips. “A dirty slut, a dirty slut’s sluttier boyfriend, and a dirty slut’s dad.”
“Roma,” Jakob’s voice was harsh. “Enough.”
“Enough?” She tilted her head back and started laughing. “Enough? Oh, no, dear Jakob. We’re just getting started.”
thirteen
“Dad, you’re alive?” I stepped back from him, my voice showing my deep hurt. “What’s going on?”
“Bianca.” His eyes looked at me sadly, his face but a shadow of what I remembered. “I did it for you.”
“Did what for me, Dad?” My voice grew louder. “Pretended you were dead?”
“Guess he won’t win Dad of the Century after all,” Rosie said with a sneer.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I screamed at her, finally having enough of her snarky comments. “I thought you were my best friend!”
“I’m a good actress, I suppose.”
“You’re a bitch.”
“Why? Because I’m a better actress than you are a writer?” she snarled at me. “You with your shitty-ass articles about shitty-ass movies.”
“You’re the one who told me about the job.” My voice showed my hurt, and I felt my dad rubbing my back, and I pushed his hand off me.
“Because you were always going on about movies. Movies, movies, movies. How blind can you be?” Rosie looked at me in disgust. “There’s a whole world out there, a whole world of money and fame and fortune, and you’re too busy thinking about history and bloody m
ovies.” Her eyes were slits as she gazed at me. “Pathetic.”
“You hate me because I enjoy movies?”
“I don’t hate you.” She laughed. “I’d have to care about you to hate you. I can’t stand your pity parties. Oh, pity me, my dad died. Oh, pity me, I need to make money. Oh, pity me, I got kidnapped and I fucked my kidnapper. Shit, have some self-respect.”
I looked down at the ground, embarrassed to be having this conversation in front of Jakob and my dad, and I could feel the tears falling silently from my eyes. It was all too much. I didn’t even know where to look. I didn’t want to look at my dad or Jakob. And I couldn’t stand to even look at Rosie anymore. So I looked at Steve, and I was struck by the uncomfortable look on his face. His eyes met mine, and I could see that he felt sorry for me. In all his craziness, there was a very real possibility that Steve really did have feelings for me.
“Why are we here, Steve?” I asked him.
“Your dad wanted to see you,” he said, his eyes never leaving mine. “He said it was time.”
“You knew my dad was alive? This whole time?”
“Do you remember when I told you that there weren’t many things I wouldn’t do to have a girlfriend like you?” he asked as he caressed my cheek, his eyes lightening.
“No.” I shook my head and tried not to push him away from me.
“On the island. That day we spoke. Remember?” He looked agitated.
“Oh, vaguely,” I said, my heart racing.
“Steve, is this all really necessary?” Rosie said, annoyed. “Have you called David? Where is he? I thought he was meeting us in here?”
“Shut up!” Steve shouted, and looked at Rosie. “Just shut up.”
“What?” She frowned. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”
“Shut up,” he said again, this time pulling a gun out of his waistband and pointing it at her. “Open your mouth again, and I’ll shoot you.”
“Steve.” Rosie looked panicked. “What’s going on?”
“You think you’re in charge? You think you can play me?” he screamed. “No one plays me!”
