by Alie Infante
I gasped as I saw Benjamin walking towards the gravesite, with a bit of help from Jacques. He looked at me, frowned, and I looked away.
What was I to say to him?
From the moment I had met him in Madame Soleil’s, I knew there was something familiar about him, especially the eyes. They always reminded me of the sky, sometimes darkening just as mid-day would the sky. I loved him from almost the moment I had met him.
However, even back then I knew it could never be, no matter what he said. We were both children, and it was just that, children’s fancy. The Dubios’ ball drove that point home for me, and we never saw each other after that. He tried to explain to me, but I wanted nothing to do with him. I was so distraught, that my father had Marié send me to St Martin’s with Adèle for the rest of the summer.
Over the years, I had slowly pushed him from my mind, and as I looked at him walking towards the gravesite, I could see that time had changed him as well.
Gone was the young boy scholar, replaced by a man. I had witnessed the sorrow, which filled his eyes whenever he did not see me watching him.
Although just the look of him now renewed that childhood fancy, but I knew we could never be.
Through my early years, I had dreamed of nothing else. The first kiss we ever shared was right under these live oak trees, but how could I ever face him again, knowing what he knew about me now. Not to mention, he hurt me more than anyone ever could that night long ago. I was not sure if I could trust him, or this love, which seemed to manifest itself again, just from looking at him.
I brought the back of my hand across my face, and I cried for not only my Granny, but for the love, I felt for Benjamin as well.
I could see in his eyes, he would never trust me again.
However, I felt it was his just deserves as well. It would do well, to allow him to know exactly what deception, and betrayal felt like!
I frowned as I felt the anger well up inside of me.
I felt Ms. Millie squeeze my hand again, and as I looked at her, she nodded to the Reverend.
When the procession was finished, the good Reverend Brant finished the sermon; and the people began to shuffle back towards Ms. Millie’s home. I was surprised to see just as many French people were at the gravesite as coloreds. Nevertheless, that was Marié, liked by all. She had done a world of good, in an otherwise horrifying time for coloreds, and French alike.
Just as the reverend said, she would be greatly missed.
The people shuffled their way towards Ms. Millie’s home, Abel patted my shoulder nodding, I nodded back, then turned my attention back to my Granny.
I could rail against God and scream why, but then what would be the point; it would not obtain me the answers I wanted. Marié Antoinette Basile would still be gone, leaving me here alone, desperate, and isolated. I cried even more, when I realized I was at the gravesite alone.
As I threw the last chunk of dirt on the box, I made to move back, when he was suddenly behind me.
“I would like to speak to ye.” He hissed, I shook my head, then made a mad dash toward the house.
I was astonished as he gave chase, then caught me just as I was about to pass through the hollow trees towards the bayou.
“Ye owe me an explanation Geneviève!” He shouted as he struggled to catch hold of me, and the tears came.
“For what?”I screamed, swiping at the tears, and he gave me an incredulous look as he released me.
“What the bloody hell do ye mean for what? Ye know what!” He shouted back, and I turned.
He snatched me back around, then took a menacing step towards me.
“Ye know damned well what I mean. Why were ye there?” He hissed, and I frowned.
“Why do ye think I was there?” I mocked, then noticed the vein in his neck protruding.
“Ye could have come to me!” He yelled, turning red in the face.
“And do what, basically what I have already done for you?” I questioned, and was surprised at his quick intake of breath.
“After all this time, ye think me capable of taking benefit of ye like this? I have loved ye ever since! Ye were my complete undoing. If father were here, he would attest to that!” He cried, and it was then I noticed the blood on his white shirt.
“How would I perceive that Benjamin, you chose long ago? You and I both know we have nothing.” I shouted back, and he gasped.
“I did no such thing, however ye ignored me, even after I pledged my love to ye!” He shouted, and I turned to go. “Ye will not walk away this time Ginny.” He said as he snatched me back around.
“This is madness! You do not love me, because if you did, you never would have allowed it to happen.” I wailed jerking away from him, but he snatched me back frowning.
“It is not, and ye know this. Moreover, I did, to the both of them! Ye cannot deny what ye feel, then as well as now. No matter how hard ye try, ye cannot negate this love Genny, for it has stood the test of years apart. Say ye do not love me, mean it, and I shall leave ye be.” He came back with, and it was my turn to frown as I looked at his shirtfront again. I wiped my face on the back of my hand, then stepped into the circle of his arms, placing his hands at his side.
“Sit, you’re bleeding.” I stated, then guided him to the fallen tree log.
“I said I love ye and I meant that. Even more now that I know tis ye! I have since the age of fifteen, and even more the day ye left me! Ye cannot even imagine that voyage home Ginnybean.” He wailed, and I paused in unbuttoning his shirt to look at his face.
That was his nickname for me long ago.
“You have not. Not to mention, we both know it is not proper. Equally, you love her, not me. We as well as they, settled this years ago Benny.” I lamented, and he frowned.
Benjamin smiled to himself, as she called him her childhood nickname for him.
“I do not give a shite about proper! Equally stated, ye are one in the same. I allowed them to taint me for one instant, and I have regretted it for 13 years Ginnybean! We are adults now! Tell me ye have no feelings for me Ginny, swear it truthfully, and I shall do what Tobias asked, then leave.” He demanded, and I frowned as I took off the doctor’s bandage to look at the sutures. They were a bit puffy and red, but healing well. I replaced the bandage, then looked up at him.
“This needs to be tended to.” I said quietly, prepared to step away from him, but he took my hands in his, jerked me to him, and the kiss he gave me sent my senses plummeting to those very regions he had made me completely aware of now.
“We cannot.” I wailed, and he nodded, kissing me again.
“Yes we can, ye know I speak the truth.” He hissed, jerked me into his body, and kissed me deeply again.
“Ginny?” Isaiah called, we broke apart, and Isaiah frowned as he watched the two of us for several moments. I noticed the deep frown Benjamin gave him, and Isaiah swallowed hard.
“Mr. Waverly needs a bit of assistance back to the house. Would you mind?” I asked smiling, and Isaiah shook his head.
“Of course, Ms. Millie is searching for you. You might want to see to that.” Isaiah said with a slight frown, as he looked from Benjamin to me. I nodded, then moved away from Benjamin, but he caught my arm.
“We are not finished.” He hissed, and those beautiful blue eyes of his seemed to darken.
“Yes, we are.” I hissed back, then snatched my arm from him and hurried off to find Ms. Millie.
“There is no need I…”
“Isaiah sir.” Isaiah supplied, and Benjamin nodded as he rose with a grimace.
“You sir, are quite têtu.” Stubborn Isaiah stated, as his arm encircled Benjamin’s waist to help him forward. “You two are most assuredly perfect for each other.”
Benjamin looked down on Isaiah, frowning.
“Then, may I behoove ye to explain that to her.” He muttered as Isaiah helped him up the front steps, and into the foyer. Abel was immediately there to cart him upstairs.
***
I w
iped my face before I walked into the backdoor of Ms. Millie’s home. I was not sure what I was to do, but he and I needed to part.
There was nothing good that could come of us.
He made that quite apparent years ago. However, the heart wants what the heart wants.
I sighed, then begged my confounded heart to slow its pace. True, I loved him, and just as he said even more than I did long ago, yet, that did not make this love right.
What were we to do?
Ms. Millie embraced me as I came into the kitchen, and I spent the next hour thanking people for their condolences.
By sun down, I was ready to retire, when I realized I was due at Madame’s. I sighed, then went home to ready myself.
I did not believe she would allow me to tarry home today, no matter if my grandmother had just died.
I had Henry carriage me to the French Quarter just as the sun was setting.
French
Quarter…
Madame frowned as she noticed my red eyes, then snapped her fingers to Monique, and she whisked me up the stairs.
“Here chér.” She said as she handed me the sliced cucumbers.
“I am not at all hungry.” I said looking up at her a bit bewildered, and she laughed.
“No file, they are to remove some of the swelling from your eyes. I am so sorry to hear about Marié. I was quite taken with her.” She replied, and I looked up surprised.
“You knew my Granny?”
“Why yes, most of New Orleans knew her, especially us French Quarter girls. Marié was a godsend to us. She helped to relieve me of a husband who beat me. Tis probably the very reason Madame was able to get her hooks in me. However, I had tallied up such a bill, that there was never any possible means of me being able to repay Madame, for what I mistook as kindness. Therefore, I have been forced to stay here. Marié tried and tried again to get us out from under her. Why do you think they were sworn enemies?” She stated as she ran the comb through my hair, and I gasped.
My lord! I had gone and done the one thing, my Granny was trying to prevent.
I frowned as I looked up at Monique.
“But I do not understand, tallied up a bill?” I questioned, and she nodded as she turned me in the chair, so she could apply the powdered color to my eyelids.
“Yes, nothing is free chér. All that we have belongs to Madame.”
“Which means what?” I countered, and she looked around the room to make certain we were alone, then frowned.
“There is a price for everything in life file. Never allow anyone to tell you differently. What Madame does for us, is done at a charge. The clothes we wear, the food we eat, and the rooms we live in. Each is tallied as a bill, and we labor here to work off that bill. When she first approached me, it was the same as you. However, I am not as stunning as you are, so I was called to service a different sort of clientele.
I was under the impression that she had my best interest at heart; however, it all boils down to coin with Madame. If we do not amount much coin, then she has means of extracting it, and you my love are fortunate for Mr. Waverly. If we in turn cannot pay what she feels she is owed, then she sets up other means for those girls, and often times it is quite grizzly. It can range from several callers at once, to abuse.” Monique whispered, and I gasped, looking up at her wide-eyed.
“But…”
“There are no buts petite, this is the life we live. Do you think any of the girls wish to be here? We are forced to stay, because since we have chosen this lifestyle, do you truly believe a respectable gentleman would ever want the likes of us? This is why I tried to warn you.” She said, blinking rapidly, and I surged up from the chair to embrace her.
“What is this?” Madame asked, and we broke apart.
“Nothing, I am just very melancholy today, because my Grand passed.” I stated, she gave what appeared to be an instant flash of teeth, then it was replaced by a counterfeit look of sorrow.
“Yes, just dreadful business. However, Marié was quite on in years. Now, come, we have callers waiting.” She said clapping her hands, and I frowned.
If I did not like her before, I hated her now.
I walked from the room, and she pointed to the yellow door.
I was not sure what I was to do, because I was certain Benjamin would not be here this night.
As I walked into the room, he was waiting.
I turned for the door, but he caught me before I could dash through it.
“If ye will not speak to me at home, then I must resort to this.” He said as he snatched me to him, and the kiss he gave me made my toes want to curl.
I jerked away from him and went to the other side of the room.
“Tell me ye do not love me, and I shall leave ye be.” He whispered harshly, and I felt the tears sting my eyes and the back of my throat.
What could I say?
God knew I did, however I still felt the pain of years ago.
I was apprehensive as well, because it seemed as if someone had tried to kill him because of me. Not to mention, he did not love me, he loved the false Marié.
Each time I looked into his eyes, everything in me wanted to shout from the rooftops that I loved him, but we both knew this kind of love could never be.
People would never allow it.
Not to mention my heart.
How could I ever trust what he said as true?
I squared my shoulders, blinked rapidly to clear the tears, then turned to him.
“Non, je n’aime pas. You eradicated it long ago, with what you did.” No, I do not. I stammered, he nodded, but I could distinguish that his entire countenance was altering; and equally, I would maintain that his eyes appeared to flash. I braced myself for the on slate, but it was not to come, except for his quick intake of breath.
He watched me for several moments, then frowned, just before he spoke.
“Hum.” He queried as he sat down on the bed, and I recognized for certain that his eyes hand altered. They appeared a darker blue, even in the dim candle light. He suddenly stood frowning forebodingly, and I receded as he drew even nearer to me. I only paused when I felt the door at my back.
I looked up at him stunned.
“And ye reason…to ply yer services elsewhere?”He ridiculed.
“No, have you gone mad! I am not this person!” I cried out as his hand meandered out to seize me, he lifted me, then slammed us into the door.
“Benjamin, what has come upon you?” I wailed, he jerked away from me, then walked to the other side of the room running his fingers through his hair frowning
“Ye! For what seems like an eternity now!” He jeered, then walked back to me.
“Please accept this! It is not meant to be!” I yelled, turned for the door, when he caught me, and we both slammed into the door again. I struggled for breath as he pinned me there.
“Ye want me to just permit this Ginny? As if I have no influence in the matter?” He growled as he picked me up, heaved me into the door again, my plats falling forward from the force of it.
I was a bit lightheaded.
“Yes! No! I am perplexed! Yet, it was not my intent to hurt you, as you did me! However, you are physically injuring me now Benjamin! What is the trouble with you?” I screamed as he pinned my arms above my head.
“Then, alors au moins faire votre travail, parce que c'est ce que j’ai payé.” Then at least do yer job, because that is what I paid for. He countered, and it was as if someone had struck me in the face.
I nodded as he placed me on my feet, stripped off the dressing gown and cast it on the bed. He frowned as I propelled him backwards to the bed, then straddled him.
“Is this not what you wish? The true harlot?”I spat, and he gave me an ominous grin.
“Yes!” He hissed, roughly wrenched on the chemise, and I blinked back the tears as I heard the fabric cleave.
He turned us, so that now he was above me, as he kissed me.
It was like no kiss he had ever given me.
He bit my neck, and I cried out as he opened my legs with his knees brusquely.
“Ye are slaying me! Now and then!” He swore harshly.
“It is equal!” I returned, blinking back the tears, and he frowned.
“Then do not perjure yerself to me. I can distinguish the disparity, and ye do.”
“I do not!” I screamed, as he jerked me forward, then kissed me deeply again.
“We both know ye do. Acknowledge it.”He countered callously, and I cried out as he pinned me to the bed, grasping both wrists.
I loved the smell of him, regardless of his cruelty.
He smelled like a fresh crisp autumn day, ginger, and some kind of woodsy aftershave. I felt the heat rise in me, as he looked down at me. Before I could say anything, he pulled me onto his lap. I sucked the skin in the curve of his neck into my mouth, and he gasped.
“God yes! I need this, need ye! Say ye do Geneviève.” He moaned, then jerked me backwards so that he could look at my face. Before I could respond, he got up and tore off his clothes. He pulled me into his lap completely, and as he rocked my hips, I screamed.
*
Benjamin knew he need this, needed her badly, and propriety be damned, he thought as put her back on the bed and turned her. He was mad with want of her, she sung through his blood, and the very thought of another man touching her like this, made him want to cause someone bodily injury!
He pushed her backwards, his lips going straight for her breast. As he slid his hand up her thighs, he found she was already wet for him. He caressed her, and she moaned his name as he began to roll his fingers. He drew her nipple into his mouth, then cupped her breast sucking on it until it was stiff. She moaned his name again. He needed to be inside her, and now. He tugged the chemise completely over her head, pulled her to him, positioned himself above her, his head dipping as he sucked the skin in the curve of her neck into his mouth and she screamed as he slammed his hips forward.
