Her mind warned her to be cautious, prudent even, to not outwardly portray her true feelings, so she focused on the easy, undemanding conversation they had a tendency to share. She loved the melodic sound and timbre of his deliciously masculine voice. Every now and then she would glance up, only to find his eyes fixed on her, and she was helpless to tear away her gaze.
When the exquisite meal was finally over and they were drinking cappuccino with their intricately conceived desserts, someone called his name. “Ayden!”
Ayden turned and smiled, then rose to his feet to greet half a dozen suited gentlemen coming toward them. It was late, but clearly they’d just had a business meeting. He shook the men’s hands. “Good to see you. You enjoyed your dinners?”
“Of course. This place has the best duck in Austin,” one of the men answered.
Several of them glanced in Maya’s direction and Ayden motioned her over. “Gentlemen, I’d like you to meet Maya Richardson, the best executive assistant in all of Austin.”
“Is that why you’re taking her out to a meal here?” There were snickers.
Ayden cleared his throat. Maya could see he was uneasy with the conversation, yet he was allowing it, feeding into it. “You misunderstand. We’re colleagues.”
Maya was stunned and stared at Ayden in anger and bewilderment. Tears pricked the back of her eyes, but she refused to let these Neanderthals see it. He hadn’t even defended her when they had snickered. And she couldn’t believe Ayden had just told these men that she meant nothing to him. He might as well as have put a neon sign on her that read Booty Call. Maya had to get away before she said something that embarrassed them both. “Excuse me. I need to visit the ladies’ room.”
She heard several of the men laugh behind her. “Does she know, Ayden, that you’re not the settling-down kind?”
Laughter followed her as she left the dining room, Ayden’s included.
* * *
Maya nearly slammed the door against the wall as she pushed the door to the restroom open. Not only had Ayden not introduced her as his girlfriend, but he’d laughed about it. Hell, she would have even accepted his describing her as his date, but his assistant? Clearly he valued these men’s opinions so much that he wasn’t even willing to acknowledge she meant more to him than someone who just worked for him. She was furious!
She clasped both her hands to her face and inhaled, trying not to cry. She couldn’t make a scene or fall apart. Not here. Not now. Damn! Why did she still care about his reputation after he’d just treated her so shabbily? Because she loved him, and despite everything, she wouldn’t embarrass him like he’d just done her. She glanced at herself in the mirror. Her makeup was still intact; she’d held it together. Just barely. Now all she had to do was get out there. She just hoped the other men were gone.
As she entered the dining room, she saw Ayden sitting alone. Thank God.
He stood when she approached. “Maya...”
“I’m ready to go.” She didn’t bother sitting down. “I’d like to go now.”
Ayden nodded. “I figured as much and have already taken care of the bill.”
Maya didn’t wait for him to continue and strode toward the door. She wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. Go back home and lick her wounds. But she wasn’t truly going back home. She was going to Ayden’s, where she wouldn’t have a moment alone to process what had happened.
He must have followed her because he slid beside her at the valet counter, handing the attendant his ticket. Maya folded her arms across her chest and waited for them to fetch Ayden’s car. Surprisingly, he was silent beside her. Maybe he knew she was peeved and was in no mood to talk. She did have one question for him.
Why?
Why bring her to a fancy restaurant?
Why romance her at all if all she was to him was a damn good assistant that he just happened to sleep with?
The Bentley arrived at the curb and she didn’t wait for Ayden’s assistance. She opened her door herself and slammed it shut. He took the hint and walked around to the driver’s side. Once it was just the two of them, he turned to her. “Maya. About earlier... I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Please don’t let what happened ruin a great night.”
“You did a fine job of that all by yourself.”
She heard him suck in his breath. Score one for her. But she really wasn’t interested in winning a battle of wills with Ayden. The real reason she was upset was because he didn’t love her. Never would. And she was fooling herself to think otherwise. It was the same as she’d done with Thomas all those years ago. She’d foolishly thought he loved her. When, actually, he’d been sleeping with her sister behind her back. It was humiliating and she’d felt those exact same feelings tonight standing by Ayden’s side when he relegated her to nothing more than the help. She couldn’t look at him, much less talk to him.
The ride back to his mansion was fraught with tension. As soon as the car stopped, Maya hopped out, but Ayden was hot on her heels. He caught her in the foyer and snagged her hips to him, but she refused to be handled. She knew exactly what Ayden would do: he would try to brush aside what had occurred at the restaurant. Make it appear as if she was blowing it out of proportion. And because she was so weak, when it came to him, she’d succumb and he would carry her off to bed where they’d have sex all night long. But then where would they be? Exactly where they’d started.
She continued twisting and turning in his arms in an attempt to get away, but all she did was spin herself around until her backside was against his swelling erection.
“Stop fighting me,” he whispered, clasping his arms around her.
“Let me go.” Her steely tone must have soaked through his brain, because he released her and they faced off. His hazel eyes were searching her face. For what? She wasn’t sure. She just wanted to go to bed. Alone.
“I’m going to bed.” She grasped the railing of the staircase and started to ascend.
“Maya, I don’t want to end the night like this. Can’t we talk? Please?” he implored.
She stopped on the staircase. “Talk? About what? That after nearly two weeks spent in bed together that there’s nothing between us? Is that what we’re going to talk about?”
He frowned. “That’s not fair, Maya. Some of them are my colleagues as well as clients. Did you honestly expect me to tell those men that we’re an item? To spill my guts to them and tell them how I truly feel?”
She descended the stairs until she was back facing him. “Actually, I did, Ayden. I expected you to acknowledge that I meant something to you.”
“You do. You know that. I wouldn’t have been with you this entire time, giving up work and obligations, if you didn’t.”
She felt confused. “But yet you couldn’t bring yourself to tell those men that you were with me, dating me. But I get it, okay? What we do in the dark is supposed to be for our eyes only and no one else. What I don’t understand is why take me out for dinner? Why not just keep me in the house to service you at your beck and call?”
His eyes blazed fury and she could feel the anger emanating from his every pore. “That was a cheap shot, Maya.”
“But well deserved.” She spun on her heel and ran up the stairs, but Ayden refused to let sleeping dogs lie and she heard his footsteps behind her. When she made it to her room, she slammed the door, shutting him out. She heard the latch give way on the door and sensed Ayden’s presence behind her as much as she heard the door click closed behind him. She didn’t want to look at him. He’d hurt her. She just wanted to go to bed and forget. To block out the pain until morning, when she would be forced to face reality, which was that Ayden was never going to love her.
When Maya began unzipping her dress and it stuck, she let him come behind her and help. He stilled her by placing his hands on her shoulders. Then h
e easily slid the zip down until he reached her bikini panties. Despite the tension between them, she stepped out of the dress, removed her undies and turned around to face him, naked.
Desire and hunger shot through her as it always did when she looked at him.
Maya didn’t speak and neither did he. Instead, she allowed him to tug her toward him until she was lost once again in the bliss she always found in his arms.
Fifteen
The next morning Ayden was gone from her bed before Maya woke up. She was thankful because last night shouldn’t have happened. She’d been so upset with him for how he’d treated her in front of his colleagues. How could she have allowed him to make love to her afterward? He must think her a fool, ruled by her libido rather than her head. She’d allowed the physical pull Ayden had on her to make her go completely left when she meant to go right.
After showering and dressing for the day, Maya packed her things. It was time for her not only to get out of Ayden’s house, but out of his orbit. She should never have allowed him to convince her to come back to work for him, not with the feelings she’d had. Knowing that he’d desired her, too, did little to soften the blow that Ayden wasn’t the type of man she was looking for. And there was no way she could lie or pretend otherwise. If she did, she wouldn’t be true to herself and it would suck away her soul.
Maya felt like a raw and open wound. The time they’d shared in Jamaica had been real, so real that it had changed everything. Ayden had made her want more than he was capable of giving to her, plain and simple.
Her task was complete in under a half hour because she hadn’t brought that many belongings to Ayden’s. She called downstairs and the butler ensured her luggage was taken to her car. When she inquired where Ayden was, he informed her he was in the morning room having breakfast. Maya saw no better time than the present to let him know her plans.
She had to do this for her own self-respect and self-worth. Somehow, she’d survive this, just as she had when he’d crushed her spirit five years ago.
She found Ayden reading the newspaper, a cup of coffee along with a half-eaten plate of food on the table in front of him.
He glanced up when she walked into the room. “Good morning.” He put down the paper. “I didn’t want to wake you, so I came downstairs. I hope you don’t mind.” He eyed her warily as she sat down next to him.
She shook her head.
“Would you like some breakfast? I can have Cook whip you up something, an omelet perhaps or some crepes. He makes the best crepes you’ve ever had in your life.”
Again, she declined with a headshake. Was Ayden Stewart nervous? Because he was babbling about breakfast when he had to know there was more to be said between them.
“We need to talk.”
He chuckled quietly. “Whenever a woman says those words, it can’t be good.”
She stared at him incredulously.
He held up his hands in defense. “Don’t bite my head off. It was just a joke to lighten the mood because I suspect I’m not going to like this conversation very much, am I?”
He fixed his gaze on hers and Maya reminded herself that she’d made up her mind and there was nothing he could do to change it. “I’m leaving and moving back into my apartment.”
He nodded. “I suspected as much when I saw your bags were brought down.”
“You know why?”
“You’re upset about last night. You feel like I disrespected you and this is your way of punishing me.”
Maya rolled her eyes in frustration. She wanted to strangle him because he wasn’t getting the point. “I’m not trying to punish you, Ayden.”
“Then why?” He pounded the table with his fist, startling her. “Why isn’t what we have good enough? Why are you leaving me? I know you like it here. With me. I know you want to be here and I don’t want you to go. So why leave, if not to punish me?”
“Because I want more, Ayden. And I’m not willing to take whatever scraps of yourself you’re willing to give me.”
“I don’t understand. What is it that you want? Whatever it is, I’ll give it to you.”
“Don’t you see? You can’t. You and I are on different pages. Yes, I’ve been happy here with you. Cut off from the world in our idyllic little slice of heaven. But it was never real. It was never going to last. I know that and so do you. I want marriage, babies and a white picket fence. I want a family.”
“A family?”
“Yes, I’ve always wanted one. When I was with Thomas, I thought we were headed in that direction. But he went and married my sister and gave her all the things I’ve always craved. Especially someone to love me.” There, she’d said the word aloud. The L word that she hadn’t dared to speak or make mention of, but she had to now. She couldn’t go on making the same bad decisions. Something had to give.
“I wish I could give you all those things, but I can’t.”
“You mean you won’t. Because you’re not capable of anything more than immediate gratification. And like an idiot, I went along with it, accepting less than what I wanted because I wanted to be with you. Because I never truly got over you the first time.” She shook her head. “Why did I do this to myself? Maybe it’s because I’ve never felt like anything special. I never have been for any other man, so why should now be any different? My own mother said as much for most of my life. And as for you, I’m a convenience who just happens to be compatible with you sexually.”
“Don’t say that!” Ayden shot to his feet. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that you’re nothing special, Maya. Because you are. You are to me.”
Then why won’t you love me? She wanted to scream at him, but instead she stared back at him and felt the tears of unrequited love trickle down her face.
“Maya, please don’t cry...”
He reached out to touch her, but she bunched her shoulders and moved away. She couldn’t let him touch her. Not now. Not when she was weak and vulnerable. He would use it to his advantage to pull her back into his web. She barely had enough strength to have this conversation and demand the things she wanted, whether he was able to give them to her or not.
“It’s okay. I walked into this affair with my eyes wide open. I knew who I was dealing with.”
He frowned in consternation. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” She rose to her feet and began to walk toward the doorway. “I’ve said what I have to say and it’s best I left.”
“Oh, no, you don’t. You’re not getting the last word. At least not until you tell me what you meant.”
“You want to go there, Ayden?”
“Yes,” he stated unequivocally. His eyes blazed a fire through her.
“All right then. How about we start with the fact that you’ve never had a serious relationship a day in your life. You flit around from one affair to the next.”
“That’s because I haven’t had the time. I’ve been building Stewart Investments.”
“Rubbish. It’s because you’re scared. Scared of getting close to anyone or anything because you’re afraid of getting hurt. But guess what, Ayden? I’m equally scared, but I’m willing to put myself out there on the off chance that one day—one day—I might find someone who loves me just as much as I love them. And I know that’s not you.”
“Maya...” His tone softened, “I—I’m just not capable of anything more. I wish to God I were because you’re an incredible woman, deserving of happiness. But I just don’t believe in happily ever after.”
“That’s because you’re still holding on to the past and the anger you have toward your father. Until you make peace with your family, you’ll never be able to move forward.”
“You know nothing of my family, not really, other than the few tidbits I told you.”
“You’re right. I only know the scraps you’ve chosen to share with me o
r that I’ve garnered from working with you all these years, because you’ve closed yourself off, Ayden. To the world. To your sister, Fallon. And most of all to me. I can’t just be the woman you sleep with anymore, no matter how pleasurable that might be. I want more. And I deserve it.”
“Yes, you do,” Ayden said finally in a quiet, defeated tone. “You deserve more than I could ever give you and that, my precious Maya, will be my greatest regret.”
Maya nodded and then quietly left the room.
Ayden stared at the doorway Maya had departed through. He’d been sitting there for the last hour in utter shock. She’d walked out on him. He’d woken up this morning with a deep sense of foreboding of her departure, but he’d told himself it couldn’t possibly be true. Maya, his Maya, would never leave him. During breakfast, he’d told himself that Maya was upset. Understandably so. He could have handled last night better, but at the time, he just hadn’t known what to say.
Were they on a date?
Was she his girlfriend?
They certainly hadn’t discussed the ramifications of becoming intimate. Seeing his colleagues had caught him off guard. He’d been that way from the moment she’d walked out of the boutique. She’d looked sensational. Beautiful. Stunning. But mere words did little to describe her. Unfortunately, he’d behaved like an utter jerk. He’d hoped making love would be a salve to her tender spirit, but it hadn’t been, even though for him it had been magical. He couldn’t recall another time in which he’d felt so connected to another human being.
This morning he’d planned on asking her to make their living arrangement permanent. It was the best he could offer when he didn’t do commitments, but for Maya he’d been willing to make an effort. But he hadn’t gotten the chance to even ask, because she wanted marriage and babies. And a darn white picket fence! Why did women always want the moon and the stars? Why couldn’t she let him have his say and just move in? It might not be exactly what she was looking for, but at least it would have given her some kind of commitment.
At the CEO's Pleasure Page 14
