His work was important, perhaps the most important work being done on the earth. He thought of his current research project, still in a very early stage. If he and his colleagues could perfect their matter-scanning techniques, have an image of every atom’s place within an object, they could, with the energy released by fusion, duplicate almost anything. Every person on earth might eventually have access to any material goods he desired or needed. Rare metals and other resources could be created as needed. No one would spend time any more in trying to acquire food and shelter, and human minds could turn to other problems. They would find intellectual or aesthetic challenges, and a world now starting to grow more comfortable and bored might become revitalized.
It was important for him to go to Bihar, to India, and work there to give others the same chances he already had. Innovations and technology were the only things that the United States had left to sell, the only things that gave it any influence at all in world affairs. Even in those fields, they had been hard put to be as creative as many other nations. The day was not far off when all the powers of the world would be equalized, when their greed and material comfort, cemented by a humane technology, might let them at last trust each other and work together on the next set of problems that would confront humanity.
He would have to decide what to do about Ed, who was suddenly an obstacle not only to him but to the well-being of those in Bihar. He chuckled to himself. No, someone else could always go to Bihar, it was just that he wanted to do the work himself, wanted to know that he was carrying out his self-assigned obligations. The thought of leaving Ed, when he dwelled upon it, seemed unaccountably to make him afraid. Thoughts chased each other through his head, disorienting him.
“Are you feeling any better today?” a quiet voice asked. He turned and saw Esther walking along the moving surface to catch up with him. He nodded, She stood at his side and smiled briefly. “It wasn’t like you to lose your temper.”
He looked past her, over her head. “I didn’t feel like discussing my private affairs.”
“Are you busy tonight, or do you want to stop somewhere for dinner?”
“I don’t know. I was just going to go home and read some papers, maybe talk to Ed later.” Mike felt as if he was saying too much.
“Aren’t you going to meet everyone later for a few drinks?” They stepped off the moving walk and hurried toward the train stop, a small building which housed a computerized newsfax and magazine stand. Several men and women stood outside the building, waiting for the train to arrive. The municipal train service was not as good as it could be since most people still used cars or commuted on the long-distance rapid trains to places outside the city.
“I can’t,” Mike mumbled. “I have to tune in a conference tomorrow morning and I promised myself I’d go to my office and get a progress report done. I’d rather do that tomorrow than have to do it first thing Tuesday morning.”
“Did Morel see you today?”
He nodded. Somehow his self-control was slipping away from him. He felt incapable of standing up to Esther, of telling her to stop bothering him.
“Well, you’ll have to decide pretty soon,” she said. “Look, why don’t I come home with you, we can make some supper and talk about it. I won’t stay long.”
“All right.” Easier to hand everything over to Esther for the time being. He was suddenly weary, feeling as if he could fall asleep on one of the nearby benches, just go to sleep and let someone else decide for him.
Somehow Mike had managed to put a meal together out of odds and ends; some leftover meat-flavored soybean and nut loaf, fish-flavored protein meal patties, and fresh asparagus spears. He ate it, along with a salad Esther had made, without tasting it, shoveling the food into his mouth and chewing it perfunctorily. It seemed dry and he found himself drinking more wine than usual. He could not even enjoy the asparagus and fresh salad vegetables, which Ed had purchased while in an extravagant mood.
He gazed absently out his kitchen window at the courtyard below. His apartment building, a set of cube-shaped modules stacked together like a child’s set of blocks, was on the fifth level of the arcology. People wandered through the well-lit courtyard past the shallow pools reserved for children. A few people sat on benches near the flower beds; others, more active, were playing on the tennis courts.
As Esther stacked dishes in the sink and shoved napkins down the recycler, Mike hurried out of the kitchen. He stopped in front of Ed’s bedroom door. He paused only for a moment before entering the room.
He was an intruder, a burglar. He had not entered the room of one of the others without being asked to since childhood. Paul had insisted on a respect for privacy, perhaps to an extreme because of their unusual circumstances. Even now he felt like a criminal.
He stood by Ed’s desk. On top of a pile of data sheets sat a letter with Arthur Gordon’s name on the envelope. Ed’s name and address had been written by hand.
The letter must have arrived that day. Gordon had apparently gone to the trouble and expense of having an actual letter delivered instead of simply typing it into a computer and having it punched out here. Mike hesitated, then grabbed the letter, pulling it out of the envelope before he could think about what he was doing. The letter was also hand-written, signed by Gordon.
He scanned it quickly: Gordon still wanted Ed to study with him, could not offer a fellowship since they were now taken but could find him a teaching job in the fall and get him a fellowship for the following year. The remainder of the letter was a short comment on one of Ed’s papers, much of it in the form of equations.
Mike knew little about mathematicians, that group of impractical drifters through airy abstract heights, who seemed to talk only of truth, beauty, and clarity. He was interested only in math that aided him in more practical tasks. But even he had heard of Arthur Gordon. He knew enough to know that Ed would be turning down a great opportunity if he refused Gordon’s offer.
He put the letter back in the envelope and placed it on the desk where he had found it. He was suddenly frightened, cast adrift. Ed might have replied to Gordon already. Perhaps he had decided to leave. Why this possibility frightened him, he did not know.
Esther was standing in the doorway. “Do you always come into your brother’s room when he isn’t home?”
He pushed past her and retreated into the living room. Somehow he had lost control. He sat down on the small beige couch in one corner of the room and buried his head in his hands. He had drunk too much at dinner. He was not used to it, that was all. He had slipped temporarily. “I’d like some coffee,” he said to the walls.
“I’m making some. You’ll have it in a minute,” Esther said. Her green skirt swirled around her ankles as she left the room.
Mike clenched his fists, then sat up. This simply would not do. He would not allow himself to wallow in this way, to shame himself. By the time Esther returned with the coffee, he was sitting up, trying to smile.
“You’ll have to excuse me,” he said quietly. “I’m not used to having that much wine.” She handed him his coffee and sat next to him.
“You know what I think?” she said. “You’re afraid of having Ed leave.”
His body tensed. “Not at all. He’s a pretty solitary sort, you know, I don’t know how he would handle himself if he were alone. He changed after our father died. He was kind of shy before that, but afterwards…”
“I’ve seen Ed. He doesn’t really seem to mind being alone. He has his math and his music. I don’t think he’s really that unhappy.”
“You don’t understand, Esther. I’ve known Ed a lot longer than you have. He’s pretty morose sometimes and I’m the only one around he can talk to unless he’s going to spend a fortune calling Al on the moon. I have a responsibility to him.” I can’t just go off and leave him the way Paul left us. He was startled at the ripple of resentment that washed over him at the thought of his father. Going off and getting himself killed in a stupid accident. He tried to concentrat
e on Esther.
“You’re more solitary than he is,” she was saying. “He’s probably changed, and you’re seeing him the way he was. You may need him as much as he needs you.”
He sank back into the couch. He longed to sweep Esther out of the room, out of the building. He opened his mouth to reply and could find nothing to say.
“Ed’s probably the only person you confide in at all, if you confide to anyone. You don’t really interact with anyone else, you know. And at least he’s an audience when you’re alone here. You probably feel better just knowing he’s around.”
He had obviously misunderstood Esther, thinking she had more sense. She was starting to meddle with his mind, trying to confuse him.
Instead of replying he sipped at his coffee, avoiding her dark eyes. A door slammed and he heard footsteps. “Hi, Ed,” he heard Esther say.
He looked up and saw his brother enter the living room.
“You’re home early,” Mike said.
Ed shrugged. “Short discussion.” Ed was pale. His white face had rarely been exposed to the sun and his short hair was still dark brown unlike Mike’s sun-streaked hair. He sat down in a low dark-blue chair across from Mike and Esther. “I should have dialed the discussion here, but I wanted to talk to some people afterward.”
“Did Mike tell you about his offer?” Esther asked. Mike straightened and tried to signal her with his eyes. She was stating at his brother and did not notice. “He was approached by Peter Morel today, the company wants him to go to India and help set up an orbiting fusion power plant.”
“Are you going?” Ed said.
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“I didn’t think they’d give you something like that this soon. It must be quite an honor.”
“I haven’t decided. I’d rather continue the project I’m working on now.”
“Gordon wrote to me again. His letter just got here today. He’s getting insistent.” Ed turned to Esther. “Arthur Gordon wants me to study with him. Maybe you’ve heard of him. I’m surprised that he even noticed my papers.”
“I know his work,” Esther said. “I took a lot of math before I decided on engineering. Sounds like quite an opportunity for you. You should take it. I’ve been trying to talk some sense into your brother here, he actually doesn’t know whether he should go to India. If he doesn’t, he might be stuck where he is, you know, the company will wonder why he turned it down and they might not be as inclined to listen to some of his ideas later on. You know what people are like. They draw all kinds of ridiculous conclusions from people’s actions. They might think…”
“Esther, you can leave now,” Mike said.
“What’s wrong?” Her innocent gaze and injured tone did not fool him.
“You can leave,” he said again. He put his coffee cup down on the small end table next to him. “I’d like to talk to Ed alone.”
“All right.” Esther stood up. “Maybe you can talk some sense into him,” she said to Ed. She left the room and Mike heard the door slam behind her.
“You were pretty rude,” Ed said. “I thought Esther was your friend.”
“Sometimes she gets on my nerves.”
“That’s no excuse. Well, is it true, this business about India?”
“Yes.”
“Will it help you with the company, or is it just another job?”
Mike had to be honest. Ed could easily detect a lie. He pulled nervously on his moustache before answering. “It’s a fairly important project. It’ll show them how I can handle that much responsibility. They might put me in charge of a whole research section when I get back instead of just a small lab group. I’d get more freedom to push the project I’m working on now, get more funds and workers for it.”
“You should probably go then.”
“I don’t know, I have to think about it. Morel gave me the weekend to decide. I have three days to consider it; I don’t have to decide right now.”
“I think you should go. I don’t want to push you or anything, but if you did, I could go east and study with Gordon.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve been worried about you, Mike. I don’t want to leave you here alone if it’ll make you unhappy. I’ve been worried about that. I have a responsibility.” Ed’s words seemed to echo in his brain, reminding him of similar words spoken by Paul to all of them long ago. “If you need me, I’ll stay.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You can’t fool me, you should know that by now. I’ll admit, I didn’t want to be alone at first, you were the only one besides the others that I could talk to. But I think I’m ready to go off now. I think I can handle things by myself. I just didn’t know about you, I didn’t want to leave if…”
“Go,” Mike said. “Go, I don’t care. I’ve been worried about you. I don’t know how the hell we can know each other for so long and still be this thick. Go.”
“Are you all right?”
“Go.” Mike fled from the room and stumbled toward his study, his mind in a turmoil. He was suddenly afraid of being alone and deeply ashamed of that fear.
Mike sat in Esther’s kitchen, trying to swallow the orange juice she had placed in front of him. He tried not to think of his brother who was home busily packing his things. He would forget the past week, his attempts at being lighthearted while Ed prepared to leave. He would ignore the fact that by tomorrow, he would be alone in his apartment. After all, I always wanted to get away from the others finally.
He would get to know Joe Lahani better in India. He would arrange with Morel to get some weekends off with Esther. He would be more open with her than he had been. She might even stay with him in his apartment until he left.
He was beginning to feel a bit better. He looked over at Esther as she sat down across the table from him.
“I was right, then,” she said. “Well, now you can go to Bihar and get some sense into your brain and Ed can do what he wanted to do.”
“All right, all right.”
“You’ll be better off, you know.”
He finished his juice. “I have to ask you something, Esther. Why did you do it, telling Ed all of that business about Bihar? I wasn’t going to, I didn’t want to make him feel guilty about standing in my way.”
“I figured it was best for you if I did. I think I was right.”
“That’s not the only reason. I don’t know why, but I feel as if there’s another reason.”
“You’re right, there is.” She got up and circled near him, brushing against his shoulder with her bare arm. “I want you to go to Bihar, I don’t want you around here any more. I might start falling in love with you, I feel as though I have been for a while. I don’t like it, it makes me feel dependent and foolish. I’d rather look after myself, you know. Besides, I know enough to know you won’t ever feel that way about me, and there are all those damned clones competing for your attention. If you leave, I’ll have enough time to forget you.”
He forced himself to look up at her. Her brown eyes seemed to shine. “Esther,” he started to say. He took her hand. “It doesn’t have to be that way. I think I…”
She pulled away. “Don’t you understand?” she cried. “I don’t want to be like this. I was going to put in for a transfer if you didn’t go. I don’t want to feel this way.”
“Esther…”
“We’ll both be better off this way. I’m not substituting for Ed.”
Mike left the kitchen and soon found himself outside her house. He hurried toward the elevator. The houses on either side of the road seemed to swirl around him. He bumped into an older man and shoved him aside angrily. He pushed his way onto the elevator and heard it humming around him as he moved down past the levels of houses and office buildings.
“…efforts to control biological modification of man will have to be carefully thought out in advance, not only in their technical aspects, but, more significantly, in their ethical aspects, and many of the biologists invo
lved in the research that will lead to biological engineering have called for just such thought.”
“The fact that ‘the nature of man’ is plastic under a variety of forces, including biological engineering, psychological conditioning, etc., urgently raises the question of what forms of man are to be preferred and condoned.”
—Gerald Feinberg
THE PROMETHEUS PROJECT
5
Kira: 2028
THE eagles soared, flying out over the wooded land below the barren hill. Kira Swenson watched them as they separated from each other and flew on, each searching for its own path. The Indians who comprised the Park Service here had been concerned; not enough eagles, too many smaller birds and rodents. Some of the birds had been shot at by tourists and left to die in underbrush.
The number of people allowed in the park at any one time was already limited. But several younger Indians had spoken of barring white people from the park altogether, where the Indians lived in an attempt to combine old ways and new knowledge.
The eagles would fly out now and feed on the smaller birds and animals, bringing the reforested park into balance. We all live on blood and death, Kira thought, we kill to stay alive and die to make room for others. We stand on the blood of a billion ancestors, the descendants of those who were strong enough to save themselves by murdering others. We have blood on our hands, and so few of us do anything to make all those deaths worthwhile.
She was bringing more death to this park. Unsuspecting sparrows and mice would be seized by talons today, carried off to the nests of the eagles.
Cloned Lives Page 18
