“Fine,” she said, hoping that the curtness of her answer didn’t make him think otherwise.
“Ah, okay. So, you going ahead with the race?”
She breathed deeply, letting out a sigh. “I haven’t decided, Kyle. I don’t think I can win with the brace, and you’ve made it clear that I shouldn’t race without it.”
“That sounds like progress. It seems you’ve been listening to me after all,” he said, turning over onto his stomach and perching on his elbows.
“Kyle, who was Maggy? I mean, was she a friend? Of Cassie’s?”
She heard him push his arms up in the sand and saw his face over hers, upside down. He looked strange that way, but his eyes still had their depth, their pain piercing her heart.
“She was my fiancée, Jessica. We were going to be married. It was a long time ago now, but she’s the only person I’ve known who made me feel so much. Until now,” he said, as he lowered himself over her, his lips meeting hers.
The sensation startled her with its intensity, the butterflies migrating to her throat. Sinking into the heat of his lips, she closed her eyes, feeling her heart warm. Her eyes fluttered open, and she watched as he stood up, walking back up the beach toward his campo. She stared after him, wondering how she could make a decision now, wishing she didn’t know how he felt. The weight of the decision she had to make was heavy, and she sat up, drawing her legs to her chest and resting her forehead on her knees as a tear escaped.
Chapter 21
Kyle wasn’t looking forward to the contingency in town, the time where many of the cars, quads and trucks that were going to be in the race the following day showed off what they had under their hoods. In fact, he hadn’t been for years, when he’d gone with Maggy to see the cars that would drive two hundred and fifty miles at breakneck speed, all trying to win.
Maggy’s accident had been the following summer, and the Baja races, along with riding at all, had left his life for good. His friend, Jimmy, had called him on the radio earlier in the morning, though, and asked if he was going.
“I wasn’t planning on it,” Kyle had told him.
“I haven’t been in a long time, and the Tecate girls are going to be there,” Jimmy had responded, his gruff voice carrying a tinge of pleading. “You sure you can’t give me a ride?”
“I have no interest in the Tecate girls, Jimmy,” Kyle said, remembering the scantily-clad, beautiful Mexican ladies that came along with one of the race’s biggest sponsors. He did have a vague memory of them, dressed in fishnet stockings and very small red dresses, standing in the back of the trophy trucks as they passed by on the malecon.
“What’s wrong with you, boy? You’re not living, then.” Jimmy didn’t travel out of Playa Luna much, but it seemed this was one time he really wanted to go.
“Okay. Pick you up in an hour,” Kyle said, thinking of the man who’d helped him learn about the desert and the sea, solar systems and scorpions. It’s the least I can do, he thought, remembering that he really didn’t have any other obligations.
He knew Jessica would be there, and wondered if that was the real reason he hadn’t wanted to go. “I have to do what’s right for me, and for my family,” he remembered her saying as she tried to justify the risk she was taking. He’d thought that was a pretty lame excuse for risking your health, risking your life, but when she’d tore off on the quad, even with her brace on, he knew he wasn’t going to try to change her mind. If that’s how she wanted to be, it wasn’t his problem.
He finished cleaning the kitchen, showered, and pulled on some clean shorts and a Playa Luna t-shirt. Campo pride, he thought, laughing at all the different shirts he’d seen around the south campos, each trying to sell the wearer’s campo as the best.
“Nice shirt,” Jimmy said, grumbling under his breath, which was his version of talking.
Kyle glanced over toward him in the passenger seat as he looked him up and down. “You like it? I can get you one.”
“I like my t-shirts. I have three, and that’s fine,” he said as he glanced in the back seat where his dog, Whiskers, was hanging his head out the window.
Kyle tried to stifle a frown as he thought of Jimmy’s meager existence. Kyle checked on him regularly, but his health was failing, his white beard turning even whiter and the non-filter cigarettes he chain-smoked turning his fingers yellow. He’d learned long ago that it was no use trying to change peoples’ minds, and that they were going to live the way they wanted to. He’d just have to let that one go, and help as best he could.
As they approached the main stage for the race send-off, the malecon was teeming with people, young and old, racers and spectators. The event was one of San Felipe’s most popular, with many of the trophy truck teams letting the young kids sit in the truck — after they’d climbed a ladder to get into them.
“I’m heading down to the beer stand,” Jimmy said as he let Whiskers out of the back, clearly experienced in traveling with a dog in big crowds. Whiskers never left Jimmy’s side or got into any trouble, and many people in town knew him anyway.
Kyle headed toward the Sea of Cortez with Jimmy, but said, “I’m going to wander for a bit. I’ll meet you there.” From past experience, he knew that’s where Jimmy would park himself, allowing the world to wander past rather than expending the energy to chase it down.
He got down to the main drag, dodging kids with cotton candy and groups of teenagers with too many cell phones, turning left when he got to the street where many of the race vehicles were parked. He set one foot off the curb and jumped back as he heard a loud honk, looking up just in time to see a truck roll past. Too fast around so many people, was his first thought, and he felt the butterflies start to flit around his stomach as they did when he was around race cars and lots of people. Now, anyway.
As he stepped foot off the curb once more, looking both ways to make sure he wasn’t going to be ambushed again, he crossed the street and paused, leaning against the pole of the traffic signal, and looked down the boulevard.
He didn’t have to look far to see the big Team McNally banner, its blue and black coloring standing out in a sea of other colors. The quad was gleaming, and he saw Mr. McNally, Cade and the rest of the pit crew milling around and answering questions of on-lookers. He stood stock still, as he realized that someone was going forward riding the quad as it was already registered for the race. Cade, maybe?
He reminded himself that he didn’t care who was riding in the race, but he felt his hands tighten around the signal pole, his muscles tensing as he saw Jessica hop down from the back of the support truck, in full riding gear, her brown curls floating down after her and softly surrounding her face. The image seemed incongruent to him, not flowing with her heavy leather boots, blue and black racing jersey and the helmet she held in one hand. As he watched, she reached up to move her hair out of her face. She held her helmet in her left hand, her good one, and as she lifted her hand up to her hair, she looked up and spotted Kyle standing a short distance away. As their eyes met, he continued to stare at her, his emotions racing as he saw she wasn’t wearing her brace. She looked at him and looked at her hand, and he saw her eyes widen and heard her say his name.
He broke his gaze, shrugged his shoulders and turned around, walking away to find Jimmy.
He’d thought he didn’t care who raced the bike, that it wasn’t his business. But now, as his heart thudded in his chest, he wasn’t so sure.
Chapter 22
“Kyle, wait,” he heard from behind, his heart tugging at heard Jessica’s now-familiar voice. His feet almost slipped off the curb as he was pulled backward, his shirt stretched behind him with Jessica’s sharp pull. He turned around just in time to see her face change from concern back into steely resolve, her chin raised high and her eyes clear.
“Hello,” he said, folding his arms over his chest and taking a step back. “Fancy meeting you here.”
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him, the gold speckles in her deep brown eyes seeming
to spark as her hands fell to her hips. If he knew her better, he’d swear she was angry.
“Look, Dr. Lewis, I would like you to know that I am very grateful for all you’ve done for me and my family this week. It was incredibly kind of you and I appreciate it very much.”
“Kind of you to say so, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve listened to a thing I’ve said. So, you’re going ahead with this, then?”
“Yes. Yes, I am. I’ve tried to explain what this means to my family ... to me. I can’t seem to make you understand. This has been a lifetime in the making, and I have to go ahead,” she said quietly. “You said it would be okay if I wore my brace.”
He stared at her, his eyes not leaving hers. He could see she was breathing faster now, and he thought he wouldn’t be surprised to see steam coming out of her ears. The thought made him smile, and a laugh escaped before he could stop it.
“Don’t you dare laugh at me,” she said, her voice rising.
“I’m not laughing at you. I said it would be better if you wore your brace, not that it was a good idea for you to race. Besides your wrist being weak, it’s just a dangerous thing to do, period.” He looked down to the ground, his feet shuffling as he broke her gaze.
“I am not a silly little reckless girl. I am so sorry for what you’ve gone through. Really, it is heartbreaking. But I am not Maggy. Her accident was awful — what all of you went through is awful.”
She took a breath, and reached her hand toward him, stepping onto the curb he was standing on. Her voice had gotten a little louder, and people walking by had stopped, beer in hand, to see what the spectacle was about. He wondered what they did look like as the beautiful racer, in full riding gear, leather boots included, began to poke him in the chest.
“I am not Maggy. Did you hear me? I am not reckless. I know exactly what I’m doing, and can take care of myself.” She stopped and took another breath, and he thought maybe she was out of words for a while. She really is even more beautiful when she’s mad, he thought.
Suddenly, all of the caution that had been so heavy on him for so long seemed to lift. He reached out for her, pulling her to him until his lips were inches from hers and he could smell the sweetness of her breath. He searched her eyes as his heart seemed to thaw, the heat of this girl drawing him to someplace he’d vowed never to go.
He felt her body soften in his arms as she tilted her chin up toward him. “You have to let yourself live again, Kyle, and take risks. Calculated ones, yes. But trust me. I know what I’m doing,” she said.
“I guess I hope I know what I’m doing.” He bent toward her, his lips searching for hers as he closed his eyes, letting go of all of the memories and visions in his head except for the beautiful one standing right in front of him.
Her arms reached around his neck as she leaned toward him, deepening the kiss, as cheers erupted from the revelers around them. Kyle didn’t let her go until he started to hear whistles and applause, his face turning hot in what seemed an instant.
“Si, doctor, bravo,” he heard from the people on the streets. Jessica seemed startled, and she took a step back and tumbled off the curb. He caught her, pulling her to him once again as she regained her composure. His palm rested on her cheek as he pulled her face toward him once more, her deep brown eyes looking at him questioningly.
“Please don’t do this,” he said softly.
Her hand covered his as she lowered her eyes. When she looked up again, her expression was different. Her face showed no emotion, as if a veil had fallen.
“I have to. I don’t know how to explain it any better.” She turned quickly, breaking into a jog as she headed back toward her team, her family and the big truck with McNally Racing splashed across the side.
“Then please be careful,” he said under his breath, but she was too far away to hear.
“You okay?” Jimmy said as he and Whiskers walked over to where Kyle was still standing on the curb. “That was quite a show.” He patted his friend on the shoulder and Whiskers circled them both as they stood watching Jessica head back to her team and her life.
“Was it?” Kyle was still watching Jessica retreat, his shoulders falling as he took in what had just happened.
“Sure was. Looks like you got the girl after all,” Jimmy said, nudging Kyle with his elbow.”
Kyle turned to Jimmy, his head a little light. “I think it’s the opposite, Jimmy. I think I lost the girl ... if I ever had her in the first place. This one just wasn’t meant to be, I’m afraid.”
“What are you talking about? She’s great. Certainly easy on the eyes. And a racer? You used to love to ride growing up. I remember.”
“I remember, too, but a lot changed there in the middle. I just don’t think I can do it, and worry about her all the time,” Kyle said as he ran his hand over the back of his neck.
“She looks pretty capable to me. I checked her out. She wins ninety-nine percent of her races and has never been in an accident. Well, except the one here.” Jimmy turned, stopping a vendor and buying a pina colada in a pineapple. “Here, have one of these. I remember they’re your favorite.”
Kyle sipped the frosty drink, the sweet and sour pineapple matching his mood. “I’ve been closed up for so long, I’m not sure it’s possible to be any other way.”
“You are not in charge of the universe, my friend. But if you don’t at least allow yourself to be part of it, for better or worse, you’re going to be very lonely for a long time.”
Kyle swallowed hard and turned to look at Jimmy, his white beard scruffy and hanging halfway to his belt. “What do you know about it? You’ve been single since I’ve known you.”
“Hey, watch it. There’s a lot about me you don’t know. I had a life before you came along,” Jimmy said, smiling as he turned and walked back toward the car, Whiskers following closely behind.
Chapter 23
The adrenaline had kicked in hours before the start of contingency day. Jessica always loved everything about it. It was the most exciting day—people all walking up and down the malecon, checking out the bikes the riders, wishing them good luck and placing bets on who would win. The race wasn’t until tomorrow—but this was the show.
Jessica had carefully dressed, making sure that all of her protective gear was in place. Now, as she sat at the staging area with her team, she looked down at the brace that sat in her lap. She felt her brother’s eyes on her and she turned, wishing he would tell her what to do.
Her wrist still hurt, and she knew she shouldn’t ignore it. This race had been meant to be her big win, her opportunity to solidify her sponsors for the coming years. Her crowning achievement, her moment of glory. Not just for her, but for her team — her dad and Cade as well as the pit crew.
She raised her eyebrows in question to Cade, asking once again for some help. He shook his head slowly, shrugging his shoulders as he smiled and pointed at her, letting her know she was on her own this time.
She stood as her father pointed to his watch, indicating it was time to get to the starting line, and she walked slowly, her head down as the crew pushed her quad to where she would have to commit, and finally decide how she wanted her future to play out.
What future? She thought of Kyle’s kisses, knowing that he really couldn’t — or wouldn’t — be able to accept her racing. She had been eager for his touch, feeling like they’d connected through the time they’d been together and when it happened, her heart had opened in a way she’d not known was possible. And he’d opened her eyes to so many things she’d never noticed before. It was almost as if the world had become new for her, beyond her family, beyond racing.
Even though he could never accept her, she was glad for the time that they’d had. She looked up as she spotted her quad, revved and running, waiting for her to hop on and race. She should be excited, but all she felt was a sense of confusion. If she wore the brace, she probably wouldn’t win. If she didn’t wear the brace, Kyle would be right and she would be as reckless as all the oth
ers, risking injury that could be beyond repair.
As she buckled her helmet under her chin and did a radio check, she stared down at the brace that was still in her lap.
She looked up at all the people surrounding the racers, the quads, the trucks—big smiles all around with great anticipation for the big race the following day.
Looking over toward the sea, where Kyle had stood moments ago, she realized that he was gone. She knew how he felt, but he was gone. It was left to her now to decide. And she only had one more day to do it.
The day of the race dawned with spectacular grandeur, the oranges and pinks of the clouds as the sun peeked over the water ablaze. As the sun shimmered on the water, Kyle slowly came to consciousness as he awoke. It didn’t take long for him to remember his conversation with Jessica the day before, and as he remembered that today was the fateful day, the big race, he sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands.
Coffee won’t even help this, he thought wryly as he noticed the knot of anxiety in his stomach, wishing it wasn’t there. What do I care anyway? If she wants to take that chance, it’s on her.
“Kyle, Playa Luna. Kyle, Playa Luna. Come back,” he heard over the radio. He walked slowly to it, picking up the handset and responded.
“Kyle here. Go six-eight,” he said as they moved from the hailing channel on the marine radio that was the primary means of communication in the south campos to a quieter one. He laughed at the memory of his first time using the radio, not realizing that it was open and anybody and everybody could listen. He was glad that he’d only asked his mom’s friend, Megan, what was for dinner and nothing worse.
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