“Yes,” their father said. “We can also sign you up for one of the church’s couples retreats. Your mother and I have done those before. They are very enlightening.”
Elise’s spine slumped in defeat for her sister already. Their parents weren’t listening to Kristen. She’d said divorced, not that their marriage was in trouble.
“Mom, Dad, you don’t understand. We don’t want to be married to each other anymore.”
Her mother shook her head. “No, no, no. This can’t be happening. You can’t get”—her mother looked around and lowered her voice—“divorced.”
“Mom, it’s not a dirty word,” Elise said. “Plenty of people get divorced nowadays.”
“And that’s what’s wrong with this world, Elise,” her father said. “People don’t take marriage seriously or understand that God disapproves of divorce.”
“I agree,” Elise said, “to an extent. But what if the husband is abusive or if someone cheats on the other person? Are you just supposed to stay married if your husband is beating you?”
“I don’t have the answers for that,” her father said.
“It’s not for us to decide,” her mother said.
Elise was flabbergasted. Her parents hadn’t said yes, but they hadn’t said no either. That they actually considered it acceptable for someone to stay with an abusive spouse was more than Elise could comprehend, and it left her speechless.
James steered the conversation back to where they’d left off. “Ward, Suzanne, Kristen and I love each other very much. But we’re not in love with each other, and we never have been.”
“But there is still time,” her mom said. “You could fall in love with each other.”
Unbelievable.
They’d been married for seven years. Even if they weren’t gay, they weren’t going to fall in love with each other now if they hadn’t in the last seven years.
“No,” James said, “you don’t understand. It’s not going to happen.”
“Then, explain it to us,” Ward said.
Kristen and James exchanged looks.
“There is someone else, isn’t there?” Ward said. He pointed his finger at James. “If you cheated on my daughter…”
Elise didn’t even know how they were supposed to respond to that. Technically, yes, they’d both cheated on each other. But was it really cheating when Kristen and James weren’t truly married—at least, in their hearts—to each other? And cheating meant secrecy and deception. Kristen and James knew about Ashley and Adam. Kristen had told Elise that she and James were best friends, and they didn’t keep any secrets from each other. In fact, they confided in each other and looked to one another for guidance.
“Dad,” Kristen spoke up before James had to say anything, “James didn’t cheat on me. At least, not in the way you think. And, whatever James has done, I have done the same.”
Their father began to stand before his wife grabbed his hand.
“Sit down, Ward. We’re not making a scene.”
Their father reluctantly took his seat.
“Mom, Dad, James and I can’t stay married to each other because we’re each in love with someone else.”
Their mother closed her eyes and clapped her hands together.
Elise thought she might be praying, but then she said, “Please don’t say it, Kristen. I’m begging you.”
Elise looked at her mom again. Did she know?
“I’m sorry, Mom. I can’t. James and I are tired of lying. I like girls, Mom and Dad, and James likes guys. We can’t stay together because we’re gay. We will always love each other, just not in the way you want.”
Neither of their parents responded. Their mother started praying out loud, and their father sat in silence, looking at anything and anyone but Kristen and James.
After several minutes of no response, Elise couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you going to say anything? Your daughter just poured her heart out to you—something that was very, very hard for her to do—and you’re just going to ignore her?”
Her parents were being completely unreasonable.
Her mother looked at Elise with so much rage that she sat further back in her seat. “You knew about this?”
It was on the tip of her tongue to say that she’d found out just today to defend herself from her mother’s wrath, but she didn’t think that would be fair to her sister, so she settled for a simple, “Yes.”
“How can you condone this sort of thing? The Bible says it’s wrong.”
Elise fought the impulse to roll her eyes. “Mother, the Bible was written thousands of years ago by men.”
“It’s the word of God.”
“No, it’s how each individual person interpreted the word of God.”
“It’s not an excuse to…to…choose to be…” her father started.
“To be gay?” Elise said. “News flash—nobody chooses to be gay; they just are.” She turned to her sister and clutched her hand. “It’s how Kristen was born, and I wouldn’t change a thing about her.”
“Thank you,” Kristen whispered.
“I’m sorry,” her mother said, “but we just can’t accept this.”
“Except you’re not sorry. Not really. Because, if you were, you would accept Kristen the way she was.”
“Elise,” Kristen interrupted, “you might as well save your breath. They won’t understand.”
Elise was too angry to stop. “No, they don’t want to understand.” She turned back to her parents. “You know, nobody is perfect.”
“Kristen got pregnant out of wedlock, is getting divorced, and is now gay. We raised you girls better than that,” their mother said.
Her parents were clueless.
“First, Kristen has always been a lesbian, and she got pregnant because she didn’t want to disappoint you, so she had sex with a man. And she might not have gotten pregnant if you had discussed birth control with us.”
Her mother stuck her nose in the air. “I don’t regret how we raised you girls. Sex before marriage is wrong. And, obviously, one of you listened to me.”
Elise laughed loudly, causing her mother to jump. “You honestly think I would sit here and not defend Kristen and James? That I took everything you’d told us growing up and lived by it? You’re more delusional than I thought.” Elise shook her head. “Mom, I am not a virgin, and I haven’t been for a long time. Actually, I’ve had more sexual partners than Kristen.”
“Elise,” Kristen said, grabbing Elise’s arm, “please stop. You don’t have to take yourself down with us.”
Elise shook her sister off. She was on a roll and too livid to stop. “Did you know, Mom…Dad, that I like sex? So much that I’ve had one-night stands and fuck buddies?” She purposely used the F-word to shock her parents. “And guess what? I’m still the same person I always was. There is nothing wrong with me.” She held out her hand to her sister and her soon-to-be ex-brother-in-law. “And there’s nothing wrong with Kristen or James.”
Her mother slowly stood and set her napkin on the table. “Ward, I think it’s time we go.”
Her father rose from the table as well.
The two of them turned to go, but then Elise’s mother turned around and said, “I don’t know why either of you thought I’d be okay with finding out that my daughters were going to hell.” Her mother wasn’t saying that to be mean; she truly believed it.
“Kristen, the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin, and your father and I will never condone it.”
Her mom looked at Elise. “And, Elise, why you think any man would ever value you as a wife and mother after you have had numerous sexual partners is beyond me. The Bible says you are supposed to save yourself for the sanctity of marriage for a reason. No man will ever be able to take you seriously or see you as anything other than someone who gave her body away freely. How is your husband supposed to see you as special when you have lain with other men? I can only hope that you find someone who looks past your errors and takes pity on you.”
/> With those parting words, her mother spun around and left.
Their father didn’t say anything. He just followed his wife out the door, as if Elise and Kristen didn’t exist.
Elise was avoiding Luke. The last time he had spoken to her was right before she had lunch with her sister several days ago. She had planned to come to his house after she had dinner with her family that night, but she had sent him a text saying that she was going to hang out with her sister for the rest of the night because Kristen was upset.
He understood that her sister needed her. Elise had told Luke about her sister’s impending divorce and how they would be dropping the news to her religious parents. Luke could only assume that the whole situation hadn’t ended well.
What he couldn’t understand was what had happened to have Elise blow him off. She hadn’t been answering his phone calls, and she’d barely returned his texts. He’d kept thinking over the last few days, trying to figure out what had gone wrong, and he could not understand what had happened between the two of them. All he knew was that he couldn’t go on like this.
Luke had messaged Elise earlier and asked if she wanted to get dinner and hang out tonight. She had responded with, Some other time. Some other time was not a positive response, especially from the girl you were supposed to be dating.
He had tried to get together and talk to her several times, and today was the last straw. He wasn’t going to wait around for her to come to him. There were two people in this relationship, and he didn’t like being kept in the dark. He deserved…something. To not be ignored at the very least.
Since Luke’s shift ended before Elise was done with work, he went home and showered. Then, he made his way to her house about the time she usually got home. He’d thought about warning her that he was coming, but he didn’t want her to flee or tell him not to come.
Luke arrived at Elise’s just in time to see her pulling into her driveway. Luke exited his SUV and approached the end of her driveway just as she got out of her own vehicle. He yelled her name, but she didn’t turn around. She reached inside her car and grabbed her purse and another bag as he called her name again. She either hadn’t heard him or was ignoring him, so he pressed on. He reached her just as she touched her door handle to go into her house.
“We need to talk.”
Elise jumped and spun around. “Holy crap, Luke, you scared me.”
“Sorry. I called your name twice.”
“I didn’t hear you.”
Luke looked her over. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and her green eyes looked flat. He wanted to pull her into his arms, but he sensed that it would not go over well.
“Can we go inside and talk?” he asked.
She tried to look cheery, but he saw right through it.
“Now’s not a good time. Can I call you later?”
“No. Lately, everything has been later or some other time. You can’t avoid me forever.”
Elise’s smile faded. “Luke—”
“Now, Elise. And, if you want to do it right here, in your garage, fine. But I’m not leaving until we talk.”
Her shoulders sank, and he knew he’d convinced her.
She turned back to her door and opened it. “Come on in,” she said.
Luke stepped in behind Elise and closed the door behind him.
“Just give me a minute to go change, okay?”
He met her eyes. “Five minutes. Then, I’m coming after you.”
Elise changed out of her work clothes and tried really hard not to cry. When she had realized that Luke had come up behind her in her garage, she’d wanted to throw herself into his arms. He looked so good and smelled amazing. Like Luke and soap. But his eyes. His beautiful brown eyes had been hard, and he had never looked at her that way before.
She knew it was her own fault. He was right. She had been avoiding him. She hadn’t meant to, but she hadn’t been able to get what her mother had said out of her head.
“No man will ever be able to take you seriously or see you as anything other than someone who gave her body away freely. How is your husband supposed to see you as special when you have lain with other men?”
She knew her mother had been upset and had had a lot of things thrown at her at once, but there was a part of Elise that wondered if her mother was right. As much as she tried to tell herself that her mother didn’t know what she was talking about, she couldn’t get rid of the huge cloud of doubt that now hung over her.
She kept thinking, Luke will never love you because you don’t deserve it.
Then, she’d tell herself to shut up, but the thought lingered. And it was still there.
It didn’t help that she’d done the stupidest thing possible and Googled relationships and a male perspective, focusing on one-night stands and how she and Luke had started. The most damning article she’d found was full of so many things that she didn’t even know where to start.
Supposedly, men had one-night stands because they liked sex—duh—but they also did it for bragging rights or because they were still hung up on an ex. Luke wasn’t a bragger, but Elise just couldn’t stop thinking about Ava.
Then, there were things like guys wanted girls who they could bring home to meet the family, and being on a list of girls they’d screwed wouldn’t lead to that. Elise couldn’t help but notice that she had yet to meet Luke’s parents. And, considering how hot the sex was with Luke, he probably wasn’t in any rush to bring home a slutty lover to introduce to his mom.
Also, in these articles, men didn’t sleep around to find the women of their dreams; they often slept around because they had commitment issues. And women shouldn’t get their hopes up because men could have trouble taking their casual partners seriously.
The big one was that men wanted to work to get a girl to prove she was worth him and his time, and a girl giving in too easily told them she was only in it for a good time. And they definitely didn’t take girls who liked sex a lot and obviously slept around sincerely.
By sleeping with Luke right away, she had told him that she wasn’t worth it and that all she wanted was a good time. Yes, all she’d wanted was a good time in the beginning. Now, she wanted more, but it was too late. Now, she wasn’t worth it, and he wouldn’t take her seriously. He probably didn’t realize it, as it was subconscious, but it was bound to come up, and the longer she was with him, the harder it would be for her.
Her mother was right. Her horrible, backward, old-fashioned mother was right. It pissed Elise off and made her utterly depressed.
It was the twenty-first century, but apparently, some things were never going to change. This was why Elise usually kept her naughty side locked away from her boyfriends. So what if sex with them had all been boring? At least they had introduced her to their parents.
Elise looked at the clock and realized that she was almost out of time. She absolutely could not let Luke come into her bedroom. He already thought she was easy and just another girl he slept with. She couldn’t prove that was true once again.
Elise practically dragged her feet as she went back downstairs. She walked into her kitchen to find Luke waiting for her. Once again, there was a burning in the back of her eyes. She could not let Luke see her cry.
“What’s going on, Elise?”
Just like Luke to not beat around the bush.
She supposed she owed it to him to do the same, so instead of pretending like she didn’t know what he was talking about, she answered his question, “I think we need to take some time apart.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said, I think we need to take some time apart.”
“Oh, I heard you. I just don’t understand why you think that.”
She looked down at her hands. “I need some time to think.”
She looked up to see Luke’s mouth set in a firm line.
“You need time to think?”
“Yes. This all started so fast. It was never supposed to go past one night. That one night wasn’t ev
en supposed to happen.” That was when she hadn’t known she could feel this way about him.
“I see,” he said.
But she didn’t think he did.
“So, you regret what happened between us?”
How was she supposed to answer that? She cherished all the time she’d spent with Luke, but if she hadn’t gotten involved with him, then she wouldn’t be standing there with her heart breaking.
Luke put up a hand. “You know what? Don’t answer that. Your lack of a response says it all.”
“No.” She couldn’t let him think she regretted their relationship. “You don’t understand.”
He put his hands on his hips. “Explain it to me then.”
Elise searched his face. The sweet Luke she knew was gone. All that was left was this angry man. Not that she could blame him. But it was better this way. It was better for it to end now—before Elise got in deeper and then realized she wouldn’t be good enough for Luke to be with long-term. She wouldn’t be good enough to meet his family, be his wife, or be the mother of his children.
If only she’d made him wait…
If only she’d gotten to know him first…
If only she hadn’t shown him how dirty she was…
“It’s my fault. I was the one who slept with you that first night. I never thought we’d get this far, but it’s too late. I had no idea it would mean…” She just couldn’t say she wasn’t good enough in front of Luke. She couldn’t admit she was unworthy of him, not to his face. It was too humiliating. “I had no idea it would mean our relationship wasn’t good enough to last. That having a lot of partners and one-night stands would doom a relationship.”
A look crossed over Luke’s face. He finally understood where she was coming from.
“It’s better to end this now rather than later, don’t you think?” she whispered, her voice wobbly and her tears threatening to spill.
“I guess so. It sounds like there is no changing your mind.”
Elise looked him in the eye because she might be unworthy of a serious relationship, but she was still human. “No, there isn’t.”
Dirty Page 20
