Craig studied it for a moment. "Being admired was Krystal's goal in life." He set the photograph facedown on the table.
"Did you go to visit her grave?" she asked.
He nodded. "It's been a year. I started out just going for a drive, but that's where I ended up." He took a sip of his drink. "I didn't feel anything different standing there. I guess I wanted to see if there were still any ghosts. Seems like the only ones left are the ones I carry with me."
It took her a moment to realize that the bitterness on her tongue came from envy. She was envious of a dead woman. Of the power she still had over her family and the way she still possessed Craig's mind.
None of this matters, she reminded herself. Craig wasn't her man, the boys weren't her children. She was here very temporarily. But telling herself the obvious did nothing about the emotion.
"This must be very difficult for you," she said. "A year isn't all that long. You need to give yourself time to move from loving to remembering."
He turned his head and stared at her. "I haven't loved Krystal in years. If ever." He raised his glass as if toasting the photograph. "One didn't love Krystal, one admired and adored her. She was more interested in how things looked rather than how they really were. A tough attitude to teach children, but by God, she tried her best." His gaze narrowed. "To you, my sweet wife. May you be in the hell you deserve."
He drained his glass with one long swallow, set it next to the picture and leaned against the sofa.
"I'm sorry," Jill whispered.
"Me, too. Every damn day. That's the irony of it. I was so determined not to be like my dad." His smile was bitter. "I wasn't. Not even for a moment. It was Krystal. She could have been his twin."
"I don't understand," Jill said, before she could stop herself. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear this, but she couldn't seem to force herself to leave. Part of it was that Craig was in pain and she was at her best when someone needed her. Part of it was the man himself, She wanted to know all about him, especially his past.
"The Haynes family curse," he said. "I have five uncles and not one of them has ever been faithful to a woman. My father believed if he slept in his bed at night, he could do what he wanted the rest of the time. I swore I wouldn't be like him. I was going to be different. I wanted a wife and kids, like the old man, but I was going to be there for them. I swore fidelity, to honor and love. What a joke."
His pain was a tangible beast in the room. She could hear it breathing, clawing at him, draining his life force. She wanted to go to him and comfort him., but he wasn't Danny or C.J. He was a man, and she didn't have the right.
"I can't see you acting dishonorably," she said quietly.
"Is it honorable to be a fool?" He didn't wait for an answer, but instead continued to speak. "She was a sable-haired beauty. Now I see I wasn't thinking with my head when I met her. I was taken in by the big eyes and ready smile. I thought she was sweet and innocent. I couldn't have been more wrong. I found out later that she screwed the chauffeur who drove her to the church. They got it on right there in the back seat of the limo. After the wedding she and I drove off in the same car. And I didn't know."
Jill didn't know what to say. It was all too much to take in. Was it possible that someone could behave that horribly? She remembered what Aaron had done to her and she knew it was.
"It took me years to figure out the truth," he said, rising to his feet and crossing to the small wet bar in the far corner. "Maybe I didn't want to know what was going on. The minute I admitted it to myself, I would have had to have thrown her out. I worried about the boys and what that would do to them. I wanted so much more for them."
He uncapped a bottle of Scotch and poured about an inch into his glass. "You want some?" he asked.
"No thanks."
He leaned against the bar and stared at the empty fireplace. "In the end, she left on her own. I didn't even have the balls to throw her out. Once she was gone, she never bothered with her children. She saw them occasionally, but it was just for a few minutes at a time." He took a drink of the Scotch. "I didn't know what was right. Should I have refused to let them see her at all? Were the short visits better than nothing? Did it all confuse them?" He shrugged. "I guess I'll never know."
Dark hair fell across his forehead. She wanted to go to him and brush it away. She wanted to hold him until the pain faded and he could forget. How could Krystal have behaved like that? Didn't she know how lucky she was to have Craig? If Jill had met a man like him she would have—
She slammed the door hard on that train of thought. It was dangerous and unproductive. Krystal or no Krystal, Craig was off-limits. Jill wasn't going to get involved. This was a part-time situation.
Craig downed the last of his drink and set the glass on the bar. He swore.
"Are you more angry with her or at yourself?" she asked.
He looked at her. "Both. I hate her for what she was, and I hate myself for being such a wimp. I should have thrown her out of our lives years ago. Except then—" He shook his head. "Hell. Relationships. Do any of them work out?"
She didn't have an answer for that. She wanted them to. She believed in love – for others, if not for herself. "Some people have happy marriages," she said at last.
"Yeah. My brother Travis and his wife. And Kyle has Sandy. Austin's happy with Rebecca and if he can do it…" He walked over to the sofa and sat down. He rested his elbows on his knees and laced his hands together. "I used to think it was a family curse, but now I think it might just be me."
"Do you date much?"
He looked at her and tried to smile. The corners of his mouth tilted up, but the smile never reached his eyes. He was a beautiful, wounded male. Her heart went out to him. She wanted to touch him … heal him. Instead, she kept herself firmly in her seat.
"I don't have a lot of time. Between the boys and work." He shrugged. "Besides, I don't want to introduce them to someone until I know there's a chance that the relationship might work out. I think it would confuse them more. Sometimes it's easier to just stay home. Do you?"
"Date?" Her laugh was genuine. "No. I'm not really the dating type. And since leaving San Clemente, I haven't run into a lot of single men."
"Why do people get married?" he asked.
"Because they're in love."
"Do you believe in love?"
"Of course. Don't you?"
He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. "I'm not so sure anymore. Nothing's for sure."
"There are no guarantees, if that's what you mean, but that's not an excuse to stop trying. Eventually, there's someone out there who believes the same way and wants the same things."
"Is that love?"
"It's a part of it."
"Did you love Aaron?"
"I—" She hesitated. "I thought I did. Looking back I see that I just wanted to belong to someone, to be a part of a family. I think maybe I took the easy way out. I should have asked questions, but I didn't want to know the truth."
"Like me," he said softly.
"Yes."
The single word hung in the air and she wondered what else she'd just agreed to. Her gaze riveted on the open V of his shirt and the few dark hairs she saw. Her fingers curled toward her palms as she thought about touching him there. What would it be like?
A flush climbed her cheeks, and she looked away. The clock came into view. "Oh, it's nearly eleven," she said, shocked at how quickly the time had gone by.
Craig stood up. "I've got to be in early tomorrow. I think we're getting close on this case. Mrs. Hart is wearing a wire. A car seems to be following her, but so far no one's made a move."
"I hope it works out," she said. Before she could stand on her own, he offered his hand. She rested her fingers on his and let him pull her to her feet.
Heat radiated from him. She wanted to warm herself against him until the ice around her heart thawed. She wanted to be held in his strong arms until her strength returned.
He released her hand and s
miled at her. "I always forget you're so short."
"I am not. I'm perfectly proportioned."
His smile faded. The heat moved from his body to his eyes, where she saw and felt the flames.
"I couldn't agree more," he said and reached for her.
She went into his embrace because the act of refusing required more strength than she possessed. His large hands spanned her back, drawing her next to him. Her fingers brushed his chest. She felt the solid muscles ripple beneath her touch.
He loomed above her, tall, powerful, masculine. Her lips trembled slightly as she anticipated what his kiss was going to feel like.
But instead of kissing her, he chuckled. "This will never work," he said.
She stiffened, prepared to pull away. "I'm sure it wasn't my idea."
Rather than releasing her, he tugged her along until he reached the end of the sofa. There he sat on the arm and spread his legs. He settled her against the apex of his thighs. They were nearly at eye level.
"Much better," he said, then covered her mouth with his.
She didn't have time to resist or think or relax or question him about anything. One moment she was wondering if she'd been insulted, the next she was being consumed by fire.
The gentle brush of his lips belied the inherent strength of his passion. She could feel it vibrating through his skin, she could smell it in the scent of his body. Inside, her heart pounded frantically. Her blood rushed, making her ears ring and her hands tremble.
He held her at her waist, his fingers brushing near hers pine, his thumbs resting on her belly. Their thighs touched but not intimately. She wasn't flush against his crotch, although the thought of being there made her woman's place flare with heat.
Her hands clung to his shoulders, holding on as if she was in danger of being swept away. Just from an innocent kiss.
That's all it was. Firm lips exploring hers. He murmured her name, then kissed her again, making no effort to deepen the caress. From top to bottom, corner to corner, he discovered her lips. Then, without warning, he stroked her with his tongue.
It was as if she'd been doused by a bucket of liquid desire. From the top of her head, down to her curling toes, need swept across her skin. Her breasts swelled until her bra became an uncomfortable confinement. Her nipples hardened, then ached. Her hips arched forward, finding nothing, and her panties dampened with a sudden rush of moisture as her body prepared itself for his wondrous assault.
She parted instantly for him, admitting him into her mouth. He touched her tongue delicately with his, as if asking permission to continue. Overwhelmed by unexpected need, she clamped her lips around him and sucked.
The results were instantaneous. The hands at her waist dropped to her behind and cupped the curves, hauling her hard against him. He shifted until she was flush against him, her hot, damp need resting against the hard ridge of his arousal.
Her breasts flattened against his chest. He tilted his head and stroked his tongue against hers. She clung to him, first holding on to his shoulders, then sliding her hands down his back. Sinewy muscles rippled as if her touch could bring this large man to his knees. She arched against him, wanting it to be true, wanting more.
In response, he slipped one hand between them. His long fingers brushed against her belly, then lower, teasing her through the layers of panties and jeans. His thumb found her point of desire and he pressed there, making her whimper.
He raised his head slightly and kissed her jaw, then lower, down her neck to the collar of her shirt.
"You're incredible," he murmured against her skin. "I want to take you right here."
His words thrilled her. The hoarseness of his voice and the way his hands shook left her weak with desire.
She wanted to make love more than she'd wanted anything, but… "Craig?"
"Yeah, I know." He moved his hands back to her waist, then set her away from him. Fire still burned in his eyes, but it had been banked.
His gaze met hers. "I'm not going to apologize because I'm not sorry that happened." His smile was sheepish. "I just want you to know I don't go around seducing the boys' nannies. You're the first woman—" He cleared his throat. "No one's made me feel like this since my divorce."
"Me, either," she said, and was shocked her voice was still so breathless. Every part of her hummed with desire. She wanted him more than she wanted to be sensible. Thank goodness one of them was thinking straight.
He shifted on the sofa arm and grimaced. "You didn't sign on for this. I guess I'm saying—"
She touched her fingers to his mouth. "I know what you're saying."
Actually she didn't, but she didn't want to hear any more. If he said that this was a mistake and would never be repeated, she would be crushed. If he said it was the start of something else, she would be terrified. Better to be confused.
He bent forward and kissed her forehead. "Thanks for understanding, Jill."
Understanding what? But she didn't ask. She just stood there in the family room, long after he'd disappeared upstairs. She listened to her blood race and felt the aching need in her body. Just a couple more weeks, she told herself. Then she could walk away without looking back.
* * *
Craig was back in uniform the next morning. He joined the boys for breakfast. That was unusual, but Jill tried not to let it get to her. She ignored the way the black shirt emphasized his strength and the firm line of his freshly shaved jaw. She didn't acknowledge the secret half smile he gave her as he said, "Good morning."
"Hey, Dad," C.J. said, and handed over a box of cereal.
The boys seemed to have recovered from yesterday's upset. Except Ben. When Jill went to put a load of laundry in the washer, he followed her.
She measured in the detergent, then tossed in the whites. Socks and underwear quickly filled the machine. She set it, but didn't pull out the knob to start the cycle.
"What's wrong?" she asked her back to the boy. She thought it would be easier for both of them to speak without actually looking at each other.
"Yesterday—"
"You've already apologized. Your dad told me about your mom. It's okay."
"I know. I just—" He moved closer. "I didn't want to eat that candy. I don't know why I did. I thought I was mad at you, and I wanted to hurt you."
She turned toward him. "Ben, that only hurts you."
He nodded, obviously miserable.
She held out her arms. He slammed against her, nearly knocking her off her feet. She leaned against the washer and absorbed his misery.
"It was just a mistake," she said as she smoothed his hair. "You'll do better today."
"But we didn't go for a walk."
"I didn't know if you'd want to."
He raised his head. Tears swam in his eyes. "I did."
"We'll go tomorrow. I promise."
He swiped at his face with the back of his hand. "Okay."
"Let's go get some breakfast."
He walked with her to the table. Craig glanced at her, but she smiled to tell him everything was fine.
"I thought I'd take you boys to school today."
"Cool," Danny said. "Dibs on front."
"It's my turn," C.J. said. Danny stuck out his lower lip but didn't argue. Jill started making Ben's lunch.
The conversation flowed behind her. She liked mornings with the boys. As long as they weren't fighting, they were great fun to be with. Craig's voice traveled across the kitchen and set her nerves to quivering. She worked quickly so she didn't have to think about what had happened – and not happened – between them last night.
"Jill, are you leaving soon?" Danny asked.
She looked at the boy. "What do you mean?"
"Yesterday Ben said you were gonna be going. Are you leaving us?"
All three boys stared accusingly at her. "When I started, I told you I was just staying until spring break."
"But that was before," Ben said. "You can't go."
"Jill has her own life to think of," Cr
aig said. "Leave her alone. Which reminds me. I've got to start interviewing nannies."
Another nanny? The thought should have thrilled her, but instead she felt vaguely unsettled. She wasn't ready to move on.
C.J. pushed his cereal bowl away. "It's too soon, Jill."
"Stay," Ben said.
"I have a job," she said. "My condo is only sublet until September. I really can't…" But she didn't know what she couldn't do.
"Then stay until then," C.J. said. "Until September. We can spend the summer together."
"We'll have the best time!" Danny promised. He scrunched up his nose. "Please?"
Her throat tightened, making it difficult to swallow. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She wasn't supposed to get involved.
She glanced at Craig. "I haven't set up any interviews," he said. "I'd love for you to stay. But it's your decision."
Staying was risky. Not just because Craig reduced her to putty in his arms, but because of the boys. She was foolish to think she could hold her heart at bay.
September. That was over five months away. Five months was a long time. She could figure out what she wanted to do with her life. So far she hadn't given that a thought. Staying here would allow her to finish healing and then plan things out.
Could she take the chance? She stared at the three boys. Could she walk away from them now, when they were just figuring out how to live together?
"All right," she said. "I'll stay until September."
There was a collective cheer. C.J. and Danny raced over and hugged her. Craig stood up. "Thanks, Jill. I really appreciate this." He glanced at his children. "We'd better get going."
The boys started for the door. Ben came back and reached for the lunch sack she was holding out. He hesitated, then bent down and kissed her cheek.
"Way cool," he said.
She watched him walk away and knew she'd just given up another chunk of her heart. How long until Danny and Craig took the rest?
* * *
Chapter 9
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"You can't go on the teacups. You'll throw up," Ben said with the superiority of the older brother who has experienced life.
PART-TIME WIFE Page 10
