"You cold?" he asked, reaching for the bedspread.
"No. Just an aftershock." She bent her knee and ran her foot up and down his calf. "Craig, we have to talk."
"I know."
She hadn't thought it would hurt this much, but it did. The exquisite pain filled her until she didn't want to breathe. But she had to. And she had to say the words. "Ben told you about what he saw."
"Yes."
So he knew about the pregnancy test. That was why he'd come to her. Damn. Of course that was the reason, but she'd really hoped it was something else. Something he'd thought of on his own.
"I like you, Jill," he said slowly. "I respect you."
"I feel the same way." But liking and respecting weren't loving. Her heart tightened a little. She kept her eyes closed, wanting to pull away, but knowing he wouldn't let her.
"You make me feel alive," he went on. "I'd forgotten what that felt like. I've been going through the motions for years. I've been lonely. Until I met you."
Oh, God, she wanted it to be true. She hadn't known how much until this moment. She curled her fingers into her palm and bit down on her knuckle.
He continued to stroke her hair. His other hand cupped her buttocks and squeezed gently. "I guess I don't have to tell you that you turn me on."
If her answering laugh sounded a little like a sob, he didn't seem to notice.
"I've been scared," he said. "That's not something I'm proud to admit, but it's true. You've helped me change that. I've seen that I've been hiding from the boys and that's wrong for them and for me. They need me around almost as much as I need to be around them. I was looking for a sure thing, with them and with love. But life doesn't work that way. Sometimes you have to be willing to take chances. I'm willing, Jill. I love you. I want to marry you."
She raised her head and glanced down at him. If only he knew how much she wanted that to be true. Just hearing the words … believing them even for a second. It was a million times more wonderful than she thought it would be.
His dark eyes were bright with emotion. If only she could believe.
"I love you, too," she whispered. When he started to speak, she covered his mouth with her hand.
"Let me finish," she said, then paused. "I–I guess I've loved you for a long time. Maybe from the first time I saw you with the boys. It would be easy to accept your proposal, but I can't."
"Jill—"
"No. It's my turn. I can't do this again, Craig. I can't do the right thing for the wrong reason. I can't afford to be second-best."
"You wouldn't be. This isn't about you being pregnant."
"But if Ben hadn't told you about the test you wouldn't be here right now."
"Maybe not at this minute, but soon."
She slid off him and sat on the edge of the bed. "I don't believe you."
"I want you in my life," he said. "The boys want you. It's not about the things you do. Hell, if it makes you feel better, I'll hire a housekeeper and a nanny. We just want you. I want you."
"I can't spend the rest of my life wondering if it's real."
He sat up and grabbed her shoulders, then turned her toward him. "I knew you were going to be difficult about this. How can one small woman be so damned stubborn?"
"Just lucky, I guess." But she couldn't make herself smile.
"Jill, I love you. Please believe me."
"I want to," she said. "If you only knew how much." He had no idea how much. But it wasn't to be. She needed to know they were talking about an honest affection and not simply obligation.
"I want to marry you," he insisted.
"You don't have to. I'm not pregnant."
She wanted to be a coward and look away, but she forced herself to stare at his face. She searched carefully for the flicker of relief and the verbal backpedaling as he tried to withdraw his proposal.
But Craig didn't look relieved. Instead, something amazingly like disappointment crossed his features. "Are you sure?" he asked, his mouth turning down at the corners. "Couldn't the test be wrong?"
"You sound like you want me to be pregnant."
"Of course I do," he said forcefully, shaking her gently. "What did you think this whole damn conversation was about? I want to marry you and be with you. I want to break the Haynes curse and have a daughter who looks just like her mother. I want it all, Jill, but only if I can have it with you."
The shaking started from the inside. She blinked several times, sure he must have misunderstood. "I'm not pregnant," she repeated.
"I got that."
"And you still want to marry me?"
"Of course. I love you."
"Even without the baby?"
"There is no getting through to you," he said with exasperation, then hauled her close and kissed her.
She hung limply in his arms as his lips pressed against hers. Thoughts raced through her mind. He knew she wasn't pregnant. He still wanted to marry her. He wanted to marry her!
She surged against him, knocking him off-balance. They tumbled back on the bed, a tangle of arms and legs.
"You mean it?" she asked.
He took her hand in his and stared into her eyes. "Jill Bradford, I love you more than life itself. I want to make love with you until we're both so old our bones are threatening to crack. I want to wake up next to you, I want to see you grow round with my child. Will you marry me? For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, as long as we both shall live?"
She grabbed him by the back of his head and pulled him closer. "Yes," she said, and kissed him. "Yes, yes, yes."
He laughed. "The boys are going to be thrilled. They love you very much."
"I know. I love them, too."
He touched her face, then ran his thumb across her lips. "I meant what I said about the baby, Jill. I'd love to have a child with you."
"I want that, too."
"Maybe we can get started on it right now."
She smiled. "Maybe we already did." At his frown, she giggled. "I'm not pregnant, Craig. We didn't use any protection."
He drew his eyebrows together, then relaxed as the realization dawned. "I didn't think about it because I thought you already were pregnant. Why didn't you stop me?"
"I'm not sure. I wasn't paying attention. Maybe I wanted it to be true."
"If not this time, then next time," he promised.
"Or the time after that," she said.
He moved his hand over her breasts and grinned as her breath caught. "As many times as it takes," he agreed. "It's not as if it's hard work or anything."
He reached between her thighs and touched her quivering skin, then entered her.
She wrapped her legs around his hips and drew him closer. "I love you," she whispered. "For always."
"For always," he echoed, then led them on a journey that would seal that love forever.
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PART-TIME WIFE Page 20
