by Smith, S. E.
Shaking her head, she opened the door. It had been foolish for her to stay outside. She should have just remained inside where it was safe. Where she could hide. How could a man as strong as the one standing in front of her understand what it was like to feel weak and helpless? He would never understand what it was like to feel hopeless and lost.
“Don’t leave,” Ha’ven called out softly. He hated the feeling of emptiness that filled him at the thought of her pulling away from him. “Please, I….” He paused, desperate to think of some way of convincing her to stay longer. He waited until she turned to look at him again before he continued. “I promise not to touch you unless you say I can,” he rashly vowed.
Emma studied him for several long minutes before she reluctantly let go of the door. She relaxed when he stepped back down onto the steps. She watched as he sank down to sit on the top step. It was as if he knew she didn’t trust him to keep his word. She finally walked over to one of the chairs and sat down. They both recognized and understood the uneasy compromise that they had silently agreed upon.
They sat like that for hours. She listened attentively as he spoke of his world. She loved the images he shared as he described the great waterfalls and thick forests where he played as a child with his two younger brothers. She couldn’t stop from giggling when he explained how his youngest brother, Jazar, earned the nickname Arrow.
“Even as a child he loved the tales that Salvin, our teacher, would tell of the old ways. He could barely walk when he found one of father’s bows. He would drag it out of the chest where it was stored. Of course, it was much too big and heavy for him to use but he didn’t care. Melek, my father, gave him his first bow when he turned six. Mother finally gave up trying to take it from him. Jazar ate, slept and would have bathed with it if it wouldn’t have ruined it. Adalard started calling him Arrow and it just stuck until that is the only thing we call him anymore,” Ha’ven said, leaning back against the wall, staring at her as he spoke.
He loved watching how her eyes sparkled in the moonlight and the way the colors of her aura changed as he spoke. When he first saw her standing on the balcony, the colors around her had been dark and ominous. He didn’t know what she had been thinking about but he wanted to chase the shadows away. Her mind had been protected by the icy walls of protection that she used to hide behind when he tried to reach her in the dining room.
He had not returned to the dinner after their meeting earlier. He had parted ways with Adalard after one of the female servants had caught his brother’s eye. Another tried to catch his but there was only one female he was interested in now. Instead, he had wandered through the gardens again hoping to figure out what was happening to him. It didn’t take long before his power had flared, pulling him through the shadows until he found himself staring up at the cause of his confusion.
There were so many questions he wanted to ask her but he didn’t. He could see that she didn’t trust him. He could see the stiffness in her body as she fought against her instinct to flee. He also saw the hesitant curiosity in her eyes when she glanced at him when she thought he wasn’t looking.
Everything about this female confused him. He wanted her with a desperation that he had never tasted before but he also knew that if he was not careful, he could lose her. So, he continued to tell her about his world. He also asked her simple, harmless questions like what her favorite color was… violet like his eyes. He bit back a grin when the thought swept through her mind when she let down her guard. She loved to sing and dance. He saw the images of her with an older man as they twirled around in a circle.
He realized questions about her past were off limits at the moment. She withdrew from him the moment he asked her if she could go to any place in the star system where would that be? He hid his grimace of frustration behind a calm mask as the icy walls in her mind rose, blocking him from seeing into her thoughts. Even so, he could feel the pain and grief before she hid it from him. Understanding that she was not ready to share that part of her life with him yet, he continued with his tales of adventure.
Emma curled her legs under her on the seat and leaned back. She enjoyed listening to Ha’ven’s deep, rich voice though she would never admit it. At first, she had been uneasy when he would ask her a question and she realized he could ‘see’ what she was picturing. It was only when she realized that she could also ‘block’ him from seeing into her mind that she relaxed a little.
After the first couple of hours, she was surprised to realize that she didn’t even think of it anymore. Sometimes she answered him with a flickering thought, other times she would hold the wall she had built around her and just look out over the garden at the softly colored glow of the plants. She found she enjoyed the comfortable silence between them just as much as when he spoke. They reluctantly parted ways as the sky began to brighten on the horizon.
“I will not be able to see you tonight,” Ha’ven said as he stood up and stretched. “You must promise me you will stay inside until you are told it is safe again, misha petite. Promise me that you will listen. These are dangerous times and it is important that you understand that.”
Abby already told us, Emma replied, wrapping her arms around her body. She said two warriors would remain with us until it is safe.
Ha’ven bit back a low growl of jealousy at the thought of another male being near Emma. He wanted nothing more than to bundle her up and hide her away until all the danger was past. Instead, he gave a tense nod.
“I will return as soon as I can,” he promised, aching to kiss her again but mindful of his promise.
Not for me, Emma whispered back. This has been... nice but I just want to be left alone.
Ha’ven stared at Emma, a dark frown marring his face. “I will see you, misha petite. I promise to keep my vow to not touch you… for now but I will see you again,” he swore in a steely voice filled with promise.
He watched as Emma shook her head in denial before she slipped into her bedroom. His hands clenched at his sides as he fought the overwhelming urge to follow her. His eyes darkened as he thought of the battle ahead. Not just the one with Raffvin but the one to earn his mate’s trust.
*.*.*
The next day, she and Sara were told they had to stay inside their living quarters for a couple of days. Emma remain in her bedroom. She wasn’t comfortable being around the two warriors who were assigned to protect them.
She heard Sara talking with Audrey, the human doctor who had been by to see her before. Audrey tried drawing her out into the living room. She finally gave up, realizing that as long as the men were there, Emma would not come out of her room.
“Emma doesn’t like it when others are around,” Sara explained softly to Audrey, looking over at where Jaguin and Gunner were talking quietly. “Those are the two that brought us aboard the warship. They were there when we…” Sara’s voice broke as memories crowded her.
“It will take time,” Audrey said soothingly. “I worry that Emma isn’t showing any improvement, though.”
Sara nodded and turned her head to hide the tears in her eyes. “It’s hard,” Sara whispered. “I never used to be afraid. Now…,” she glanced toward the men when she realized they had stopped talking and were watching them. “Now, I don’t like being around other… people. I can understand where Emma is coming from.” Sara bowed her head, ashamed to admit to Audrey she was scared of being around people, especially men.
Audrey touched Sara’s arm. “Sara, you and Emma have been through a very traumatic experience. I wouldn’t be surprised if you both weren’t suffering from some form of PTSD. There is nothing to be ashamed of,” Audrey assured her.
“What is PTSD?” Jaguin growled. “You said you were fine! I thought my symbiot healed your wounds,” he bit out, glaring at the huge golden shape laying at Sara’s feet.
“Do you mind?” Sara snapped out. “I was having a private conversation and you were not invited to participate!”
Jaguin ignored Sara’s retort and turned t
o glare at Audrey. “Do you know how to heal this PTSD?” He demanded.
Audrey folded her arms across her chest and looked pointedly at Jaguin. “This is a private conversation between myself and Sara but I will explain what PTSD is. It stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It often occurs after an individual has suffered a terrifying ordeal, often from physical harm or the threat of physical harm. What Emma and Sara went through would definitely classify as such an ordeal.”
“Audrey,” Sara whispered in a strained voice. “I don’t want to talk about it. Especially with him here.”
“I was there, Sara,” Jaguin said tightly. “I saw what was done to you.”
Sara’s eyes darkened in distress and she let out a low, wounded cry before turning and rushing from the room. Jaguin took a step to follow her but Audrey put her hand on his chest and scowled up at him.
“Enough!” She said in an authoritative voice. “I’ll go to her. You two… just stay here and make sure no one takes the silverware,” she ordered before turning to follow Sara.
Gunner walked over to where Jaguin stood near the couch. He laid his hand on his friend’s shoulder and squeezed it in support. His own eyes followed the figure walking stiffly down the hallway, a golden symbiot by her side.
“Give her time,” Gunner said quietly. “You were there. You know what was done to her.”
“But not everything,” Jaguin said, a muscle throbbing in his jaw as he gritted his teeth in frustration. “I don’t know everything that was done to her.”
Gunner looked at his friend’s tortured expression. “You may never know,” he responded. “Just accept and support her. That is all you can do.”
Jaguin nodded stiffly. “I will be there for her, even if she refuses to accept me.”
Gunner grinned and smacked Jaguin hard on the shoulder. “Since when have you ever accepted defeat?” He asked. “You have a challenge, my friend, to get her to accept you. Now, you must think of the best way to break down her barriers.”
Jaguin’s eyes narrowed for a moment before a slow smile curved his lips. “You are right, Gunner. I think it is time I took this challenge to more familiar ground. Somewhere I know and somewhere that she won’t be able to resist going.”
Gunner’s eyebrow rose. “How do you plan to do that?”
“She loves unusual plants,” Jaguin said, looking at Gunner with a devious smile. “I know a place where there are all kinds of unusual ones.”
Gunner stared into Jaguin’s cunning eyes and saw the determination in them. His friend had a plan. He grinned and laughed.
“You are too cunning for your own good sometimes,” Gunner said. “Now, what do you think my mate meant when she told us to make sure no one took the silverware?”
*.*.*
Emma glanced over as Sara entered her bedroom two days later. She sat at the small table looking out over the garden. She was replaying the unusual meeting with the huge warrior once again. It was like a broken record in her head. She couldn’t stop thinking about him and it was beginning to drive her even crazier than she thought she already was!
Sara walked quietly across the room and sat across from her. They sat in silence for several minutes before Sara sighed loudly. Emma knew something was wrong when she felt the tremble in Sara’s fingers as she touched her hand.
“I’m going away for a little while, Emma,” Sara said reluctantly. “I’ve been invited to go up into the mountains where there are some very unusual plants. I… I miss my research,” she admitted softly. “I need to find a place for myself on this world and this is the one thing I know I’m good at.”
Emma looked at Sara’s tear-filled eyes. She could see the guilt waging a war with the need to start living again. She knew that Sara had put her own wants and desires on hold in a misguided effort to help her. She felt the weight of her own guilt surface as she realized that Sara was waiting for her approval to move on.
Emma forced herself to respond. She gently touched Sara’s cheek with the tips of her fingers. Her lips curved into a ghost of a smile in understanding and acceptance. She didn’t blame Sara at all for wanting to move on. Sara squeezed her hand in return.
“You have to fight back, Emma. This is a good place to live even if it is different. The people here are…” Sara paused as if searching for the right words. “The people here are strange and different as well but they would never hurt us. Not like Cuello did. You have to fight back. I can’t stand watching you fade away any longer. I… I need to heal and I can’t do that unless I get back to doing what I love,” she finished in an emotion-choked voice.
Emma stroked her thumb over the dampness on Sara’s cheek and nodded. She understood what Sara was saying. Sara was strong. She had fought against the men who had kidnapped them. She had lived a life back on Earth. Something had broken deep inside Emma during her captivity. She wasn’t sure if she could ever be fixed.
I just don’t fit in, she thought sadly. Neither here nor on Earth.
I think you fit perfectly with me, Ha’ven’s husky voice broke through her dark thoughts.
What are you doing back in my head? She asked testily. I thought you were busy,
Never too busy for you. Will you have dinner with me tonight?
No, she thought back, looking out the windows. I… I think it best if you left me alone.
Never, came the dark promise before he had faded away again.
*.*.*
Emma signed as she picked at the hem of her skirt. She sat at the small table near the windows overlooking the gardens, impatiently waiting for the sun to set. Her mind was focused on a certain tall, dark-haired alien. She touched her lips as she remembered his kiss yet again. She swore she could still feel his lips touching hers!
She impatiently rose from her seat and looked around the empty room. Everything seemed so much quieter since Sara had left almost a week ago to travel to the mountains to study the plant life there.
At first, Emma had wandered around the empty space trying to convince herself that it was what she wanted. She thought if she was alone she would be able to find the icy solitude that she had surrounded herself with before. So far, it wasn’t working thanks to one very irritating male who refused to leave her alone.
She still didn’t understand how or why he could talk to her the way he did. She had briefly fought against it before she just accepted that there was no way to totally shut him out. She had tried to understand how this could have happened but she kept coming up with a blank. She finally decided it was just part of the crazy world she now lived in and should just accept that she would never understand it.
She glared out the windows into the brightly lit garden in frustration. She was looking forward to nightfall when she could escape out into it without fear of running into anyone. Well… anyone but the male who refused to leave her alone for the past ten days.
I look forward to our time as well, a husky voice broke into her thoughts.
I didn’t say I was looking forward to seeing you! Don’t you have somewhere else you need to be? Emma snapped back in exasperation. Why don’t you just leave me alone?
Because, like you, I cannot forget the sweet taste of your lips, he teased.
Emma pictured rolling her eyes so he would know she didn’t believe him. Don’t forget you promised you wouldn’t touch me again without my permission, she reminded him once again.
A promise I regret making, he growled back in frustration. Why do you fight me?
You… wouldn’t understand, Emma whispered back. Any more than I understand how you can talk to me this way.
Misha petite, he started to say before he broke off with a low growl of annoyance. I must go. You will come to me tonight?
Emma folded her arms around her waist and rolled her eyes again. I don’t ‘come’ to you. You are the one who finds me, remember?
A low chuckle echoed briefly through her mind. I will find you again tonight in your favorite spot by the wall, my stubborn little mate. Think of
me until then.
Not likely, Emma snorted before she threw up the wall in her mind to block him from knowing how his words affected her.
I will be thinking of you and dreaming of holding you in my arms, came his soft reply before he faded away.
Emma shook her head. One thing she was learning was when it came to pickup lines, Ha’ven Ha’darra never seemed to have a shortage of them. He had been slipping in and out of her mind since the night of the dinner. He also had an unerring way of always knowing where she was.
She was still surprised by his reluctant promise not to touch her without her permission. He had given it to her the same night as the dinner and, so far, he had kept his word. A soft smile curled her lips as she remembered how he had called out to her. She still didn’t know why she had stopped. Maybe it had been the desperation in his voice. She had also heard the confusion and hesitation in it. It was as if he was as puzzled by her as she was of him.
*.*.*
The night Sara left was the beginning of their almost nightly meetings once Emma was allowed to venture out again. He had found her later that night and each night afterwards near the low wall looking out over the ocean. Each night, he brought a basket filled with food and a soft blanket that he would fold for her to sit on.
Tonight was no different. She sat on the folded blanket, listening in silence as he shared more of his home world and his family. She was thankful that he did not ask about hers. She wasn’t ready to share and she got the feeling that he understood she needed more time. He spoke of light-hearted moments as well as some of the darker ones during the Great War. Emma was shaken when she saw a brief glimpse of him hanging by his arms in a dark cavern, blood running in thick streaks down his body before a different image replaced it.
War is never good, she said silently. I am glad that Creon did not kill you.
“I am thankful as well,” Ha’ven responded with a chuckle as he placed several slices of fruit on her already full plate.
