by Joya Ryan
“Can’t get away from me that easy,” Jack said against my ear and bit the lobe. His chest was pressed against mine and Cal’s chest was against my back, his big hands gripping my hips. For one moment, it felt like a puzzle coming together.
I swallowed hard and look into Jack’s eyes, the contact didn’t break when Cal’s cold nose skimmed over the top of my head.
I turned to see Cal’s blue eyes bright and alive. Then he glanced at Jack and shook his head, as if dislodging from the moment. Jack moved back several paces, and Cal’s hands fell from me. I felt instantly cold, colder than even the weather should make me feel.
I had been so close to them. Between them. Yet, one thing remained: I wouldn’t choose. Despite how the next week went and our eventual goodbye, I would never choose, for good bad or otherwise, between them. Because it was choosing between my heart and soul.
“Let’s get you that tree,” Cal said, and turned to head back to the one I’d picked out.
Jack was right behind him. He turned and held out his hand.
“You coming?”
I did the one thing I shouldn’t. I reached for it.
“Yes.”
With that, I followed behind the two men that I was desperate for, yet could never have completely again.
Chapter 13
“What can I do?” I asked, walking into the kitchen.
Jack glanced up from cutting a potato. “You can sit there and relax,” he said with a gruffness in his voice.
The tree was in the corner, and Cal had gone into town to get some stuff to decorate it with, which left Jack and me alone under the roof.
“No,” I said with equal determination. That one got his glance to turn into a glare real quick, so I hustled to finish my statement. “Cal’s off doing something, you’re making dinner, and I want a job.”
“Fucking Cal,” Jack muttered and chopped the rest of the potato.
“What does that mean?” I asked, rounding the bar that separated the kitchen from the living room.
“It means he changed you,” Jack replied. He turned away to wash his hands. His black sweater looked soft and masculine and was rolled at the sleeves, and paired with dark jeans and a black leather belt made him so mouthwatering I didn’t care about dinner. I wanted something else. But his words were too heavy to pull away from.
“Cal changed me, huh?” I challenged. “What? You don’t like that I say what I want? That I don’t give in to your every command?”
Clenching a small towel, Jack wiped off his hands and stared are me with a sinister and sexy gleam.
“That hasn’t changed. You’ve always voiced what you’ve wanted. In fact, I recall a time you scratched and clawed and took just that,” he said. My mind flashed to the memory he was planting. Jack liked his control, yet he’d gotten me so hot, so needy, I’d demanded and took everything I wanted, and he was right…scratched and clawed for more.
“I also remember the follow-up to that encounter,” I said.
A small tug of Jack’s lips was enough to do me in when he said, “Oh, so do I. And if memory serves, you liked me smacking your ass and commanding you.”
I swallowed hard. I did like that. So much. Jack was all strength and dominance, and with every touch and command he gave me the freedom to let go. To put myself in his care. To trust him while reveling in my own strength of letting go.
“I’m different now,” I said, a slight tremor in my voice.
“I’m aware.” Jack tossed the hand towel on the counter.
“And, you don’t like me anymore?” I said with sarcasm.
He scoffed. “You used to drive me nuts. Always straddling the line between innocence and wanton.” He took another step. “Begging and demanding all at the same time.” His gaze skated over my body. “Now you drive me fucking insane. You’re more assertive, but those pretty eyes are looking at me, silently telling me that you still crave being taken over. Which makes this very difficult because I more than like you.”
“Stop,” I said softly. Because it was too much. I didn’t want to hear what he maybe would say next. Especially if it was good. Because, while I remembered quite a bit, I also remembered one thing vividly. I’d asked Jack once if we were doomed form the beginning…and his answer plagued my dreams. Yes. Now it was just playing out what we both knew would happen. The end.
“Stop? Are you giving me a number? Because I’m not even touching you.”
I closed my eyes for a moment. Our number scale was something Jack had come up with to help ease me out of my fear of men, of sex, of everything.
“Give me a number, Lana,” he said, moving closer.
“It’s not that simple anymore.”
He was so close that I could smell his cologne. His fingers barely dipped into the front of my jeans and ran along the waist.
“Give. Me. A number.”
“Six,” I said.
“I won’t ask you hot or cold, because I feel it. You’re hot.”
I couldn’t deny it, but couldn’t give in either. Justifying the single time I’d had sex with Jack since he’d been back was one thing. But going into this was another.
“It’s not—”
“That simple?” he cut me off. “I know. But you want to talk about how I left, how I hurt you?”
“You broke me, Jack,” I said with anger-laced sadness.
“And I fucking hate myself for that!” he snapped. He cupped my hip. “You’re the one in control. Always have been. And you’re holding my God damn soul in your fist, Lana. So just this once, stop squeezing.”
My eyes shot wide. Jack was nearly shaking from the instinct he was fighting. He struggled when he felt out of control. He was being honest, stripped and raw, and it was hurting him. Despite everything, I loved him. I didn’t want to hurt him. Didn’t want to make him pay for the past anymore. I wanted to let the pain go. Wanted him to be happy. Wanted to be what he needed. It was an instinct of my own I couldn’t fight.
He’d told me once that he didn’t share, didn’t dance around the truth, and he was going against everything in his nature to stand before me and say what was true. I’d taken control from him. And we both knew I couldn’t give it back, because I’d never be able to choose and life would never be the same.
“Say what you need to say,” I told him. Just like he’d told me so many times before when I was finding my own strength. “There’s no room for vagueness here,” I added, and that got his dark eyes to fuel hotter. The hand on my hip squeezed and he looked down at me like a predator.
We both knew I was challenging him, and all I could do was wait to see what kind of dominance he’d reign over me. And I welcomed it.
“You asked me what you could do?” he growled, going back to the original question I’d posed when I first walked in.
I nodded.
His hand slid from my waist, up my breast to my throat, cupping it gently but possessively.
“You can get down on your knees and fuck me with that brassy little mouth of yours.” His hot grip on my throat made me instantly wet and a part of my brain kick on that only Jack had the switch to. Submission. The need to obey, the want to do anything he asked—told—was overwhelming.
His whole body shifted, as if recognizing the change in my demeanor.
“Number,” he said between gritted teeth.
“Eight, hot. Very, very hot.”
Despite his need to control, he still checked my comfort. Always.
“Then you can suck me deep. Show me how much you missed me. Because, baby,” he leaned in, his mouth against mine and said, “We both know you did.”
Keeping my eyes on his, I gripped his belt and slid to my knees. Instinct took over, as if my body was made to follow Jack. Understood that he was some kind of master over me. And I wanted to be mastered by him.
Kneeling, I looked up at him. “Take off your shirt,” I whispered, then added quickly, “Please. I want to see you.”
He pulled it off and dropped it to the
floor. His chiseled muscles looked so sharp that his abs could cut through his skin. He was all strength and sex and dominance, and he was right, I missed him.
His hand threaded into my hair, gripping a handful at the back of my head. He didn’t make me move, didn’t say anything, just held me in his tight grasp, and waited. Dominating and demanding, but reading every expression and giving me the slack to take things at my own pace. Like he always had.
I unclasped his belt and opened his jeans. As I tugged them low on his hips, his cock sprang free and my attention was taken. He was long and thick, and exactly what I wanted. But I liked his domination and wanted to feel it. Feel all his strength and get taken over in a way only he could take me.
“You say I drive you insane?” I asked, then licked the head of his cock. His hot skin throbbed against my tongue, so I trailed it along the crown until a low growl escaped him. Looking up I rubbed my cheek against his pulsing shaft and said, “Prove it.”
With his grip still firm in my hair, he yanked enough to cause my face to look up at him as he shoved his big cock into my mouth.
I moaned.
He clenched his teeth and pumped his hips.
“You like goading me on purpose?” he asked. “You want to be punished?”
I just moaned again around his cock and sucked the best I could. But his thrusts were intense. He was the one fucking my mouth, and I could tell just how much he’d missed me.
My core shuddered, seeking to be filled. I hated the emptiness. With each push of his hips, he went down my throat and spurred my lust on. I wanted more. So much more I could barely stand it.
I gripped his ass and pulled him closer. Sucking deep and flicking my tongue as I went. His stomach flexed when I tasted the underside of the crown, so I paid special attention to that spot and licked it wildly while continuing to take his thrusts.
“Fuck, baby,” he rasped on a strangled breath. Just when I thought he’d come apart, he pulled away and in one quick swoop, had my pants off. “How do you do this to me?” he said, lifting me up and sitting me on the counter.
Ripping my panties away, he spread my legs, and shoved deep inside my core.
“Jack!” I cried his name and held on.
“Say it again,” he demanded, and he fucked me hard. My ass slipped along the counter as my shoulders banged into the cabinets behind me. I looked out to see the living room quiet, the one window showing off the night sky. I closed my eyes for a moment at the peace and pleasure of the moment.
A slap sound burst my eyes open and a sting was left high on the side of my ass. My eyes were on Jack and his intense glare.
“I told you to do something,” he growled. “Say my name again.”
“Jack,” I whispered.
“Again,” he demanded.
“Jack.” The sound of his name tied with the sting of his hand on my skin made my whole body tense with release. I was so close. Wanted to be taken over the edge. I lost myself to him. To his control and need. Because it was my need too. I loved every sting, every ounce of pleasure pain he delivered. He knew exactly what I craved and delivered. Never going too far, never backing down.
He lifted my shirt with one hand while keeping a tight grip around my back, yanking me against him with the other. He sucked my breasts, moving between the two to rain down equal attention. Licking and biting while he plunged deep and hard between my thighs.
He was consuming every inch of me he could get his hands and mouth on and this was the Jack I loved. The Jack that took me over to a different plane of existence. The dark corner I lost myself in, and never wanted to be found.
Heat was rising, my inner walls tightening.
He cupped my face and kissed me, then smiled against my lips. “You’re there aren’t you?” he breathed and nipped my chin before tonguing his way back between my lips for another drink.
“Y-yes,” I moaned as vibrant white pleasure hummed through my veins.
He fucked harder. Faster. His hips slapping against my thighs with each punishing thrust. He never had to ask, he always knew when I was close. But he wanted to hear me say it.
I tensed, my sheath gripping his plunging cock and raining down the beginning of my release.
“Ah, that’s it. Come for me, baby.”
The sound of the front door shutting caught my attention like a whiplash. My eyes shot open and I saw Cal, standing in the living room, staring at me.
I was in shock, seeing those blue eyes fastened to mine. Jack paused for the briefest moment and turned his head slightly. He didn’t look behind him, but he knew Cal was there. His attention was back on me and with the most animalistic expression I’d ever seen on man. He sank deep. I gasped, my eyes shooting wide and my orgasm flooding my body like a live wire.
I shook and trembled and Jack just pounded harder. Fucking me through every intense tremor and wet clench of my pleasure.
Cal didn’t take his eyes off mine. Just remained still, and watched me come while Jack continued to take me over.
Jack’s shaft thickened and twitched—his hot release flooded me in wave after wave of intensity.
I didn’t have time to come down from the high, but Jack kissed me hard. Cupping my face in both his hands as if demonstrating his hold on me in every sense.
I didn’t know what to do. I kissed him back, wiggling at the same time until he let me get down from the counter. I pulled my jeans on quickly and Jack tugged up his, not bothering to buckle them.
Cal and Jack exchanged a long, deadly look. Jack just leaned back against the counter I’d just been on and crossed his arms, as if waiting for Cal to say the first word. Cal turned his attention to me and I didn’t know what to say. Because the instinct that had gotten me into the position I’d just been with Jack, was the same one screaming at me in confusion.
If I apologized, it was like a betrayal to Jack.
If I didn’t, it was like a betrayal to Cal.
My chin trembled as I looked at Cal. Because what I saw in his expression made everything so much worse: empathy.
He wasn’t mad. Wasn’t enraged, he just looked at me as if…he understood. And that broke my heart in a way I couldn’t describe. I’d made a choice today. The choice that I wouldn’t choose. I’d also let go of the pain from the past. But I’d also gotten caught up in the commanding darkness of Jack. Coming out of that kind of consuming corner was difficult. So I did the one thing Cal taught me how to do, let me do, I ran.
Ran down the hall and into my room, trying not to cry or scream or curse. I just ran until I was out of that moment, out of sight of both of them.
Chapter 14
After a long shower and no hope for clearing my head, I wrapped a towel around myself and walked into the bedroom. Cal had been in the bedroom because there was a T-shirt laid out on the bed. His Golden Fire shirt. The one I’d worn before getting into bed with him weeks ago when we were a happy couple.
My heart lurched at the sight and I ran my fingers over the cotton. God, I missed him. Missed us. How he made life so easy and happy. I missed so many things. But it was his shirt. Not mine.
And it was a statement, one I couldn’t make or get lost in at the moment. So I took the shirt and went to put it back in the dresser, when a whiff of Cal’s masculine scent caught me. I brought the T-shirt to my face and took a heavy inhale. It smelled like him. The soft material against my face brought tears to my eyes, so I just buried my face in it and tried to get a grip.
The shirt wasn’t helping, so I tossed it back on the bed and dug through my bag and pulled on a pair of panties. Panties Jack had picked out when he’d packed. In fact, everything in the bag he’d picked out. And I noticed quickly that the only undergarments he’d given me were white lace thongs.
And there went the Way Back Train again, pulling through my mind attached with all the ghosts of memory past. Like when I’d worn panties just like this and Jack had ripped them away before taking me for the first time. The first man to really make love to me.
I dug through the bag in hopes of finding something that didn’t remind me of either of them. But what I found at the very bottom surprised me. My running shoes. The shoes Cal had given me. Jack had packed them for me.
I finally came to a fuzzy set of pajamas.
Thank God he’d packed me warm sleepwear. Pink flannel pants and a long-sleeved shirt. Now wasn’t the time for sexy, it was time to be practical. To figure out what I was doing, because being a slave to emotions was not helping anything.
Getting snug in the PJ’s and running my fingers through my damp hair, I heard deep voices come from down the hall.
I cracked my bedroom door open slightly and the voices were clear. Jack and Cal.
“There’s nothing to discuss,” Cal said, his voice echoing down the hall.
“Bullshit, there isn’t,” Jack said. “You’re still trying for Lana.”
I put my hand over my mouth. I knew this would be addressed. But had no idea the guys would talk about it without me. Much less not confront me. All I could do was stand and listen quietly.
“Why are you pissed? Because you realize that just because you got to her first, doesn’t take me out of the running?”
“It’s never been about first,” Jack snapped the last word.
“Like hell it hasn’t,” Cal fired back. “I backed off. Because she’s important to you. But now, guess what? She’s important to me too. Do you have any idea what it was like, what it still is like competing with not just you, but your fucking memory? She loves you, always has, and I have to deal with that every God damn day because I didn’t get to her first!”
I stifled a gasp, hearing Cal’s raw voice deepen on the admission.
“You’re right,” Jack said, and my eyes shot wide, listening to his strong tone sort out logic. “I couldn’t have done what you did. I couldn’t handle it. I can barely handle it now, knowing she needs you in a way I can’t give her.”
A heavy breath was released, and I didn’t know if it was Jack or Cal or maybe me? I just clutched the door frame, hoping it would keep me upright, because my knees were shaking.
“You’re my family,” Jack said. “I’d give you anything. But I can’t let her go.”
