“That’s true.” She shrugged. “But I’m not saying that you hate him. I do think that you resent him.”
“My relationship, past and present, isn’t any of your business. I’m just here to help Brendan get his land so that I can get my divorce. I’m not here to revisit my marriage to Brendan, and I’m certainly not here to defend myself to anyone. I would appreciate it if everybody here would keep their nose out of my business.”
Debra snorted and shook her head. “Good luck with that. We all love Brendan here, and you need to get used to that.” She turned her back on me and took off walking. “Come on. Brendan wants you working with Silva while you’re here.”
I wasn’t sure I’d heard her correctly. “Wants me working with Silva? I don’t have any experience working with horses,” I protested as I jogged to catch up with her.
“It’s not a hands-on job. Silva is a horse that Brendan rescued a few months ago. He survived horrible abuse, and he’s just lost his only friend, Blue. He stopped eating, and we’re hoping a little company might cheer him up.”
I was stunned. “Company? You want me to entertain a horse? I’ve seen more than a dozen people working around here.”
“All men, and Silva doesn’t like men. You happen to be the only female right now with not a lot on her plate.” We entered the stables. There were only two horses in the stable. “This is Darling. We brought her in hoping to entice Silva.”
“Entice him? Like sexually? That’s a little weird, right?”
Male laughter filtered out of one of the stalls, and the door opened. Brendan stepped out. “Not at all. Sex is a basic instinct. Just like needing food and water. The horse who wants to mate is the horse that has something to live for.”
I took a deep breath and grimaced when I got a whiff of Darling. “Please tell me that I am not here to facilitate a booty call.”
Debra clapped her hands together and took a step back. “As much as I would love to stay and watch this, I have work to do. Jillian, don’t freak out with Silva. I’ll come back and check on you in a little bit.”
“Check on me? Check on me doing what?” I asked, but she was already marching away. I did not want to be alone with Brendan.
When I turned back around, the man I wanted to avoid was right next to me. With a yelp of surprise, I stumbled away, and he quickly caught me by the arms. “You’re jumpy this morning,” he murmured. “Did you have an interesting night?”
“My nights are none of your business.” I jerked away. Just the slightest touch from him had a way of heating my blood. “Can we just focus on whatever it is that you expect me to do here?”
“All work and no play,” he whispered and didn’t move away. “You didn’t join me for breakfast.”
I shifted uncomfortably. There were hooks digging into my back. “I slept in late.”
“Why? Did you have trouble sleeping last night? I know that I sure as hell did.”
I blamed my dreams. There was no other reason why I didn’t stop him when he dipped his head to kiss me. There was no other reason why my heart was beating a mile a minute or why I was wet in all the inappropriate places. The dreams and the fact that no one had satisfied me like he had.
His lips touched mine, and I immediately opened to him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pressed my body against his and moaned. As his tongue stroked mine, his hands roamed my body and he pulled me away from the wall. He devoured me as he lifted me up in the air. As he sat in a chair, I straddled him and immediately rubbed up against him. Even through his jeans and mine, I could feel his erection pressing up against me, and I wanted it.
A switch flipped inside me, and I was running on the fuel of desire. It was so easy to give in to him. It felt so natural to do this.
“That’s my girl,” he whispered as his lips moved down my neck. “I knew you were in there somewhere. Let me touch you, Jillian. Please.”
I didn’t fight him as he leaned me back and lowered the straps of my shirt and pulled my bra strap down with it. My nipple hit the crisp morning air, but it wasn’t long before his hot breath was warming it. “I’ve missed these.”
I’ve missed you.
The words were on the tip of my tongue, and I moaned as his lips wrapped around me. Running my fingers through his hair, I urged him closer. I wanted him. I needed him. Right here and right now.
Pulling me up again, he ran his hands down my body, and when he lifted the hem of my shirt, his knuckles brushed against the bare skin of my abdomen.
“You’re pregnant?” he whispered in wonder as he lowered himself to his knees. “Really?”
I’d been so concerned about how he would react, but as he lifted the shirt and pressed his lips to my belly, I knew that I had nothing to worry about. He was going to love this child. He was going to be the perfect father.
“No.” Stung by the painful memory, I pushed him away and stumbled off his lap. Turning to the stall door, I pulled the straps back up and righted myself. “I can’t do this. I just… I can’t.”
Before he could protest, I turned and ran, but I knew that I couldn’t run from my desire for my husband, and I couldn’t hide from the past.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Brendan
A week passed, and I saw no signs of Harry. I was grateful. Jillian and I weren’t off to a great start. After the incident in the stable, she avoided me like the plague. I never saw her at breakfast, and while she was always at the dinner table, our conversations were tense and short.
We tube-fed Silva for a few days. This was supposed to be the first day without a tube. I stopped to check on him before lunch, and to my surprise, Jillian was sitting in a chair outside his stable, talking to him.
Not talking. Reading to him from her cell phone. “Juvenile. Can you believe that? Just because I don’t want someone to need a dictionary to read my dissertation doesn’t mean my language is juvenile. I want my ideas to be relatable to everyone and not just a bunch of stuffy shirts who are more concerned about their reputation in the academic world rather than helping other people.”
I stayed back and watched her quietly. She’d traded in the uptight bun for a long ponytail. She didn’t have a stitch of makeup on, and her jeans were dirty, but she was still stunningly beautiful.
“Don’t give me that look. What do you know? You’re just a horse. One that won’t eat either, so obviously, you’re not that smart of a horse,” she said in the same singsong voice she’d been using as she slipped her phone in her back pocket. “You heard what the vet said this morning. You can’t rely on the tube forever. You need to eat.”
Reaching down, she pulled an apple out of a bag. “Debra said you might like this.” With a grimace on her face, she hesitantly held the apple out. “If you eat my fingers, we’re going to have problems, and I don’t think you’re going to like how I deal with that problem.”
Silva sniffed at the apple. He didn’t devour it, but he did take a bite out of it, and my heart soared.
Jillian smiled, and if I wasn’t mistaken, there were tears in her eyes. “See? That wasn’t so bad. You chew on that for a bit, and stop giving me that stare. I’m only here because Brendan apparently thinks that you don’t trust men. I don’t blame you. Men are scum, but Brendan is a stubborn man, and he doesn’t give up that easily. At least not on horses anyway. Wives are a different story.”
What the hell was she talking about? I stiffened. I didn’t give up on her. She’d jumped on that divorce like it was a lifeboat.
Darling whinnied behind her. Jillian sighed and turned. “Silva is never going to be interested in you if you hog all the apples. Relationships are about sharing, and right now, your man, or your stallion rather, needs your support.”
As she fed the rest of the apple to Darling, I chuckled softly and turned away. Now she was giving advice on relationships to horses? At least Silva was interested in something other than the ground.
Happy that the stallion was in good hands, I instead went down to check on Sta
rlight’s progress. The buyers interested in him were getting antsy, and I needed to know when I could put him up for auction. I’d already done background checks on them and knew that he was going to a good home.
If he’d just behave himself.
I heard her scream before I was halfway to the training ring. Breaking into a sprint, I hurried to my sister’s side. She was sprawled out on the ground, and Starlight was prancing proudly away.
“Demon spawn,” Kim grumbled as she sat up. Relief swept through me, and I glared at her angrily.
“What the hell happened? Where is Debra, and why aren’t you wearing your helmet?” She started to get up, but I pushed her back down. “Wait. Does anything hurt?”
“Just my pride, and would you please go away? Starlight is never going to respect me if you’re always hanging around.”
“He just bucked you off, and you’re pissed at me?” Standing, I helped her to her feet. Kim dusted herself off and stalked over to the horse, who immediately danced away. “Where’s Debra?”
“She went to go have a chat with Ben. Apparently, whatever Jillian said lit a fire under her ass. She’s supposed to be right back, but she and Ben are probably getting it on in the barn. Kind of like you and Jillian last week.”
I didn’t even know where to begin.
“First, Jillian and I are none of your business. Secondly, what would Jillian say to Debra to make her and Ben do anything other than snipe at each other?”
“What? It’s obvious that they’re in love with each other. Well, obvious to everyone but them. Jillian picked up on it by the second day. She’s been helping them out in subtle ways.” Kim finally got a hold of Starlight’s reigns and walked him over so she could anchor him to the post.
“What do you mean that Jillian has been helping them out? I didn’t bring her to the ranch to counsel people. She’s supposed to be playing my fucking wife.” I waved my arms in the air like a complete idiot. “Are you supporting her now? Every time you two are together, you’re sniping at each other!”
“I don’t like her,” Kim said simply. “But no one has been able to get through to Debra and Ben. She’s very good at her job.”
“Wonderful. If she’s so good at helping people, maybe she can help them do their jobs because I don’t need a ranch full of lovesick adults. I need a ranch full of people who want to help me run it! Stay off of that horse until Debra gets back,” I growled as I rubbed my temples. What the hell was going on here?
“I’m making progress!”
“That’s good, but you’re not going to be making any more progress until Debra gets back. What if Starlight bucks you off and you really hurt yourself? There isn’t anyone around to help you. And find your damn helmet!”
I knew that I was angrier than usual. I was amped up after tasting Jillian again, and I had no outlet. Ben was supposed to be doing the employee schedule, but he wasn’t in his office. More annoyed than ever, I stormed over to Silva’s stable to give Jillian a piece of my mind and found her with Ben and Debra.
In some sort of damn therapy session.
“I keep telling him that I don’t give a damn about his age!” Debra yelled. “He’s just using that as an excuse because he’s stubborn and bullheaded.”
“Debra,” Jillian interrupted calmly. “We talked about name calling and how it doesn’t solve anything. Ben has legitimate fears about your age difference, and you need to hear him out instead of dismissing him.”
My normally rock-solid ranch manager shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “I wouldn’t call it a fear, exactly. It’s a fact.”
“It’s fifteen freaking years. It’s not like you’re walking around on a cane,” Debra grumbled.
“Yes, but Ben is uncomfortable about those years, and as long as that’s the case, he won’t be comfortable with you two in a relationship.”
I couldn’t take any more. Walking up to them, I glared at all three. “You’ve got to be kidding me. My horse trainer isn’t training any horses, and my ranch manager isn’t managing my ranch, and the woman who knows absolutely nothing about successful relationships and listening to people’s needs is counseling them!”
Ben jumped to his feet. “I was just checking on Silva’s progress, and I got ambushed. I’m pretty sure that they planned it. Sorry, boss.”
I glared at him, and he quickly left the stable. Debra got up as well and rolled her eyes. “Kim’s been making plenty of progress with Starlight. I felt comfortable letting her work on her own for fifteen minutes.”
“He bucked her off, Debra.” Her eyes widened, and I gritted my teeth. “If she can’t control him, then she doesn’t need to be alone with him.”
“Oh, god. Is she okay?”
“She’s fine. Just go and make sure she doesn’t do anything else stupid, or I’ll make sure she isn’t around another horse for a month,” I growled. Lowering her eyes, Debra hurried away. I finally set my sights on Jillian. “Is this why you’re finally showing an interest in Silva? To set up an ambush for Ben?”
I expected her to yell. I wanted it, in fact. I was spoiling for a fight, but she calmly grabbed a carrot from her stash and held it out to the horse. He walked up to us, but he didn’t take the carrot.
“You’re scaring him,” she said quietly. “If you want him to eat, you need to leave us alone. I got him to take a bite of an apple earlier.”
“Don’t act like you care about him! My employees are not your clients, and you need to leave them alone!”
“Your employees are still people, Brendan. You should care about their happiness.”
“What do you know about happiness? You’ve closed yourself off and become this ice princess,” I snarled. She visibly flinched, and I knew that I was hurting her, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t want her temper to be the only thing that pierced through this wall she’d built around her.
I wanted to see Jillian again. My Jillian.
“If you’re so concerned about your work, then maybe you should go back to it,” she said in a clipped tone. She turned away from me, and I walked around her until she faced me again.
“Why did you agree to do this?”
“Because you wouldn’t give me a divorce otherwise, remember?” Taking a deep breath, she stepped around me and walked over to Darling’s stall. Reaching in, she stroked the horse’s muzzle with shaky hands. I could tell that she was upset. She wouldn’t be touching a horse unless she was trying to avoid me.
I pressed on. “Admit it. You wanted to be near me again. You’re here telling other people that they need to admit their feelings, and you can’t even admit your own. You want me.”
She whirled around. “You want to talk about needing something? You need me. Unless you want me to march up to Harry Blackwell right now and tell him your whole plan, I suggest you leave me alone.”
“Resorting to blackmail, Jillian? That’s not very professional of you, is it?”
“Who blackmailed who first? If you want to pick a fight, you can find someone else,” she said sharply as she backed away from me and grabbed her bag. “I’m not going to stand here and let you harass me like this.”
“I’m not harassing you. I’m just trying to get you to talk to me. To open up!”
“Why would I open up to you? Why would I talk to you? I thought that we were done. I thought that I was never going to see you again. I don’t harbor any longing to have a final conversation with you. I’m just here for my divorce, and if you can’t accept that, then I can just leave.”
Swinging the bag over her shoulder, she stomped out.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Jillian
I knew that he was spoiling for a fight. I recognized the look in his eyes all too well, and I knew that if I fed into it, I’d make it worse, but he knew how to push all my buttons. He followed me back to the house.
“You want to give people advice on how to be happy? When was the last time that you were happy, Jillian? Huh? When was the last time you did something just for the fu
n of it?”
“I lead a busy life, Brendan. I have lots to do. A doctorate to complete. A practice to start. A husband to divorce.” I immediately regretted the last part. It was just fuel for the fire.
“You found time for Don. Don’t forget that,” he snarled.
I dropped off my bag in my room and grabbed my toiletries. I’d resorted to taking two showers a day. With as much time as I was spending with Silva, I couldn’t get the stench of manure and horse off me. Plus, if there was one place I could escape Brendan, it would be the bathroom. Every time I told him that I needed a shower, I didn’t see him for three hours. It was like the guy couldn’t even be within fifty feet of me when I had to get naked.
Which worked out just as well for me.
“Don is none of your business because we aren’t together anymore. And the time that I spent with Don was just as much me learning to navigate the academic and professional world.”
Too much information. Damn it, why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut?
He followed me up the stairs. “So Don wasn’t about having fun. You were just using him to get ahead? That’s cold, Jillian.”
“You’re one to talk. How exactly are you using me again?” I just couldn’t stop. Annoyed, I picked up the pace. “Would you go back to whatever it was you were doing before you picked a fight with me? I’m going to take a shower.”
“Not until we finish talking.”
“But we’re not talking. We’re fighting, and I’m really not sure what we’re fighting about,” I grumbled as I opened the door to his room. I tried to close it in his face, but he stopped it and followed me right in. I couldn’t very well kick him out. It was his room.
“We’re trying to have a conversation about you distracting my employees and trying to sow the seeds of love,” he blustered.
“Sow the seeds of love?” I laughed. “Where did you get that from?”
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