by K H Lemoyne
The backwash of her shock, then the hurt, and finally a brief sense of longing hit him before she shut him out.
“Thank you—for the honesty. And for all you’ve done for me in spite of knowing my goals.”
“Bri—” He took a deep breath and caught her arm before she could leave. “I didn’t make that choice last night to hurt you. It was better for both of us.”
“Yes. You’re right. I certainly hadn’t considered the ramifications.” She pulled her arm from him with a silent tilt of her head and turned away.
Damn it. He should have told her he loved her. That he needed her more than the air he breathed. That they’d find a way to reach her brothers without portal hopping. But the last, he couldn’t promise. And he suspected it was the most important thing to her.
Either way, he couldn’t allow his feelings to sway her decision. A life for them together was worth nothing if they weren’t both committed to each other.
And knowing what he did about Owain’s commitment to wipe out the Mackenzie bloodline, Logan couldn’t walk away from defending his family any more than she could abandon her search for her brothers.
Where did that leave them?
Bri slowed her pace and turned back to Logan. “I’m going to head higher and walk with Robert for a bit.”
He gave her a brusque nod, but waited until Robert came into view and she’d caught up with his cousin. Then he swiftly moved ahead and around the bend.
With a blond brow cocked, Robert watched Logan’s retreating figure. “First lover’s spat?”
Bri ignored him, but set a pace beside him. The minutes droned on, and she concentrated on keeping up with his longer stride. “Would it be okay if we slowed down?”
When he didn’t answer, she snorted and doubled her pace. “I like exercise, but I’ve never contemplated running across the entire island!”
Robert exhaled with a gust that had the power to rustle the leaves on the trees, but he paused. A relief, given his previous pace left no chance for them to speak. Not if she wanted to breathe. She glanced at the mouth of the loch, visible beyond him. Their path toward the falls near home snaked in a steep drop along the hill.
No, not home. Only Iverna qualified as home. Though the thought of leaving Grainne and Hefin behind saddened her. And the thought of never seeing Logan again? Well, that hurt too much to consider. He’d become a part of her.
“Happy now?” Robert stared at her, asserting a quiet pressure beneath his scrutiny for her to confess.
Too bad. She wasn’t prepared for whatever new challenge he would devise for her now. No doubt it would fix her life. She snorted. A grossly unfair accusation, she admitted. He was her friend. Even if his advice was hard to listen to, and frustratingly correct.
They resumed walking, this time at a more leisurely pace.
“See? Isn’t it more pleasant with company than racing off by yourself?”
He gave her a look that clearly said he didn’t believe this was a casual stroll. “What did you want to discuss?”
“You and Logan are very close. More like brothers—at least, like my brothers.”
“Magical power is not common or acknowledged where we live. We’re a close family anyway, but the need for protection and secrecy bound us even tighter.” The rough path became steeper and angled down between sparse trees and boulders. “Let me go first and test the way, in case there’s loose debris.”
Robert edged by her, eased through the next narrow space, and motioned her forward. “Don’t get me wrong. Logan and I did all the normal harebrained things boys do. Because having a partner in crime doubles the excitement. We did everything together.”
Bri headed toward Robert, focused on the path so she wouldn’t fall into him. She almost succeeded. Her foot was already in motion, when the pebbles near a drop-off moved, and the tail of a snake slithered across the trail.
Her squeal rose as she backstepped, and lost her balance. One hand flew out to cushion herself from the boulder to her right, but she spun toward the steep drop.
He grasped her arm, clutching her to him, his other arm shielding her head as they pitched over the edge. She clung to his waist, her cheek pressed to his chest, their legs intertwined. Gravel, roots, and dirt scraped along her knuckles and her knees. Robert took the brunt of the impact and slid on his back until they hit bottom.
Sucked into a hailstorm of impressions in her mind, she barely noticed the trip down.
Waves of gray and black swam behind her eyelids as her hands conveyed the images in radiant streams. A stuttering red filtered out from Robert’s body in broken lines. Black tears and rips blanketed his torso. Inky snowflake splotches surrounded him. Where rainbow streams should have augmented the brilliance of his energy, only gray mist tied strands of ash and dull red. Ribbons of healthy red beckoned before her gold, but spirals of black strangled them before they could grow. A glimmer of purple shot from within, just as quickly quelled. She waited, but it didn’t return. Somehow, she didn’t believe it was gone. Just hiding.
He tried to release her and move away. She held on, her eyes still closed, her fingers digging into his shirt, the shock of his condition still ripping the air from her lungs.
“Bri. Are you hurt?”
She couldn’t choke out a response, but shook her head.
Robert disengaged her hands and pulled her up to sit. Then he crawled backward a foot and collapsed against a nearby tree.
Once free from the overload of sensations in his body, her energy returned. During her visit in Fiona’s mind there had been gray mist and disjointed memories. A representation of weakness, yes. But Fiona’s attachment to this life still existed within the vivid colors. The fiber of Robert’s essence, his health and power, were being eaten away from within by a foreign substance. His unusual strength was attempting reparation, but the enemy’s relentless pursuit was stronger.
She blinked as she stared at him. Of course, he’d known all of this before she’d ever touched him. He’d known this since before she’d met him. The reason for his personal and emotional distance now clear and tragic—and likely no accident. Robert’s power was his strength. To overcome such a gift in the way she’d seen took more than random illness.
Like a coward, she wanted to turn time backward to when she believed his withdrawn demeanor reflected his judgment of her, and not his attempt at hiding the devastation in his body.
“This is why you’re always ten paces away from me. Why you held yourself apart. So I wouldn’t touch you and know.”
He hung his head with a huff and braced his elbows on his knees. “After seeing how you were with the kid, I didn’t stand a chance of keeping this quiet if you got close.” He lifted his gaze to her, one weary and pleading. “What I have isn’t curable.”
“You can’t be certain?”
Robert focused on the hills shrouded in clouds far in the distance. “A number of doctors have checked me. They’ve probed, prodded, and taken samples from everywhere I have to give—dozens of times. It’s not just one sickness. I know you can tell, Princess.”
She could see many things in his body. Her heart broke at the thought of this man’s loneliness and torment. Oh Goddess, but he wasn’t alone. “Logan.” Her voice echoed in a strained whisper as she lifted her fingers over her lips. “You haven’t told him. He doesn’t know.”
Robert grasped her hand. “And you’re not going to tell him. You owe me that.”
“I can’t agree to such a thing. He would want to know. He loves you.” She almost shouted the last at the cold realization of how this would rip Logan apart. Her husband loved with strength and ferocity. He would never give up on any of his family. Not even the wife he’d become saddled with. Certainly not the brother of his heart.
“If it weren’t for your ability, you wouldn’t know,” Robert added, more gently. “This isn’t your problem.”
“It may not be my place to interfere, but I care for both of you.” Bri tugged her fingers from his
hold, not sure what to say. She couldn’t make this right. Nor could she make the reality of Robert’s horror go away. “How long have you known?”
Robert shifted and ran a hand over the top of his head. “I requested a discharge from the service, from my job, when the illnesses couldn’t be cured.”
“Before you started searching for answers with Logan.”
“My situation refocused my priorities.” Robert’s gaze wandered over Bri’s face, then back out to the loch. “My time is limited. I can muster strength, but less each time. What I have to give, I want to use to save our family. We can’t risk losing Logan.”
“Didn’t he ask your reasons for joining him?”
“He asked. But he also respected me enough not to push.” He dropped his hands to his lap and sat there, so still she could hear the birds flutter from branch to branch in the surrounding leaves. “You’ve seen how Logan is with Fiona. He’d never seen her before we entered this world. We stumbled into her life. Yet, he was determined to fix it and save her. He’s always been that way.” Robert smiled sadly.
Bri crawled forward and placed her hand on his. “He’ll have to know soon. Waiting until he can figure it out on his own is cruel. He deserves a chance to help you, or—” She shook her head, trying to find the right thing to say. “Or at least come to terms with this. I’ll give you my promise to keep silent if you promise to tell him.”
Robert looked at her, then nodded. “But I’ll pick the time.”
“The longer you wait, the harder it will be.”
“Now look who’s spreading the wisdom.” Robert turned his hand over and clasped hers. “He can’t fix this.”
The tears Bri couldn’t stop spilled slowly over her lashes. Robert released her hand and gently brushed at her cheeks. Accepting his decision and his fate hurt, but she had one thing to add. One faint measure of hope. “What I sensed—it was very dark, very wrong. Not natural. But I sensed something else, something equally unusual.”
He looked at her expectantly.
“It’s hard to explain and I don’t want to give you false hope. But it’s unfair not to let you know I don’t see an end.” At his frown, she rushed her jumbled thoughts into words. “With Quinlan, I could feel his end. With you—there’s another presence fighting inside of you. It’s just as determined as the infections. Even if what I sensed is a small possibility, don’t give up.”
Robert smiled ruefully. “Since when did you hedge your bets? Logan must be rubbing off on you.”
Bri shook her head. “The extent of what I feel, what I can do, is shifting, but I’m learning to trust in my growing senses. Someone wise once advised I do so.”
“Hope is one thing. But I’m not going to string Logan along.”
“Not allowing Logan the chance to accept and adjust is equally unfair. Please tell him when we get back.”
“And will you make the same promise? Decide and let Logan know where he stands with you. Otherwise, it’s not fair to Logan.”
Bri sucked in her surprise. She couldn’t deny that she knew what Robert meant. But was she capable of committing in the way Logan deserved?
20
“What’s not fair to Logan?” He paused on the edge of the clearing at Bri’s comment.
That they were both sitting at the bottom of the ravine was odd enough. He’d also surprised them with his appearance because Robert jerked back from Bri. As she turned, Logan saw the tears tracking down her cheeks. He immediately delved into the emotions surrounding them.
Bri broadcasted sorrow, stress, compassion—an odd mix for any conversation.
Logan looked abruptly to the trail forty feet above the steep incline before he scrutinized her from head to toe. “Are you both okay?”
Robert rolled his neck until it cracked, and shrugged.
Bri dusted the bits of dirt from her pants and stood. “I lost my footing and Robert saved me from plunging all the way down into the loch. Is Hefin far ahead?”
“I imagine he’s at the cottage by now.” Logan glanced at Robert. “We should all stick together for the rest of the trip.”
However, Bri was already disappearing down the trail and Robert didn’t move except to gesture for him to sit. “I need to talk to you.”
Logan glanced at Bri’s retreating form and back.
“She’ll be fine between here and the cottage,” Robert said, and then hesitated. “Before we left, I spoke with Baven. He gave me more details about the message the laird wants delivered. I’m planning on handling that after Fiona’s on her way.”
Puzzled, Logan shrugged. “Okay, we can head out after she’s gone.”
“I’m going alone.”
“No.” Logan frowned and dug deeper into the cloud of Robert’s emotions, only to hit a frustrating wall. Did everyone have their guard up with him today? “Just cut to the chase. What are you getting at here?”
“I’m not going back.” Robert clenched his jaw, and leaned back against the tree trunk. “I’m staying here. When the next portal opens, you need to get Bri through it with you so you can cover Gwyn and Dana.”
“Like hell I am. We’re not leaving you here.”
“I’m choosing to stay here.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Come on, Logan. You know there’s something wrong. I bet your instincts have been bugging you for months and you’ve ignored them to give me space. Don’t think I don’t appreciate the consideration, but the time for secrets is over.”
Logan didn’t move. He couldn’t. Rooted in place, he stared at Robert, not wanting to hear what came next. He had this sense that once it was out in the open there’d be no going back. His lungs refused to work, as if he’d been dropped on a planet with no oxygen.
Robert leaned closer. “You never pushed me on why I left the military.”
“Robert—” He shook his head.
Lips pursed, Robert held up his hand for Logan to be quiet. “I’ve got one shot at getting this out, so just let me.” His hand fisted on his raised knee as he took a breath. “I survived several attacks in the Middle East. Nothing so major I couldn’t heal, nothing beyond my abilities. I didn’t think anything of it. It was war. I’m a soldier. Certainly better suited to surviving than most men.” He looked up with a lopsided grin. “I had better odds.”
Logan sank to a squat at Robert’s feet. It was an active struggle to stay silent, but he waited.
“My radar went up when the same person kept appearing around the periphery in hostile areas. I was the only one who saw him, though. When I was finally taken to a field surgical station and the man was one of the doctors, I thought I’d created the hallucination.” He swept his hand around. “Given what we’ve learned here, I realize now what happened wasn’t an accident. When I woke up from surgery, they’d given me a bone graft in my leg. Nothing major—except a few weeks later, my follow-up results showed early-stage bone cancer.”
He held up his hand again. “They treated. I healed. Another few weeks went by with new results showing the cancer migrating to my organs. More treatment. More new diagnoses. I had cancers that aren’t even normally linked together. If I didn’t have my power, I’d already be dead.”
Logan swallowed past the dry spit in his mouth. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“So you could suffer with me?” Robert pulled a small rubber tube from his pocket—a waterproof container—and shook out a rainbow of pills. “These are the drugs I take, for now. They only stem the side effects. I know how you had to watch your dad with the drugs, the treatments for his aneurysm and the migraines. I’m not dragging you through that again. To be honest, coming through the portal was the best thing that’s happened to me. I suddenly have a choice. I don’t have to end my life dealing with pain and watching myself wither away. You don’t have to watch that, either.”
Logan’s stomach burned as pain circled his chest and squeezed. But whatever he was experiencing paled in comparison to what he’d heard. He looked at his cousin,
his friend, seeing what he’d blocked out these past weeks. Robert, who was always active, strong and focused, had rings beneath his eyes, his frame now bent with weariness. The physical symptoms hadn’t shown up as well in the sunlight. Here in the shadows they owned him. Or perhaps Robert’s shields were finally down, revealing what Logan had tried to uncover.
“There are doctors and treatments, ” Logan spat out.
“I’ve been there and done those. The military’s good about that. If there had been a chance for a cure, I’d have had access to it. Do you think I haven’t tried everything? Hell, I even went to Grainne,” he said with a laugh. “Not even magic can heal me.”
“It wasn’t an accident,” Logan ground out.
“We’re targets. Our bloodline. Our gifts. Someone got to me. And if someone got to me, that’s all the more reason you need to get back for Dana and Gwyn.”
“If you stay I can’t help you, an—I’d never even know.” Logan ran his hand through his hair. He sounded more like a petulant boy than a mature man, but the world was spinning out of control.
“Yeah. It’ll be hard not having you to lean on.”
Logan let out a bitter laugh. “Funny one. You’ve always backed me up, stood beside me when I needed help.”
“You have a weird way with logic. Your energy sustains the people around you, Logan. You’re kind of like your missus that way.” Robert smiled and took a slow breath. “You’re family, but you’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I’ve sucked a lot of strength from our friendship. I need just a little more.”
Logan looked at the sky and forced the anger down. There was a way. He’d find a way. “I won’t leave you here. We’ll stay. There’s some way we’ll make this work.”
Robert shook his head. “It’s not meant to be that way. I can feel it. I bet if you ask the Elven queen, Agnes, or the mages, or even Hefin, they’d tell you I’m right. You guys have to go back. I’m staying here. It’s part of the plan.”
Logan shook his head. Not in this lifetime.
“Don’t make me beg.” Robert’s gruff tone verged on desperate.
