by Vivian Arend
Loathing and nausea joined the frustration.
Then fury rose, and Travis lost it. He roared in anger and rushed the stack of bales in the corner, crashing his body into them in the hopes of knocking some sense into himself.
All he got was a side full of itchy, sharp pokes and a sore shoulder.
He hunted frantically for something, anything that would help, searching his memory for what he’d tried in the past. Something that would allow him to let off a little steam.
A chain? Too dangerous with the mood he was in. A rope? Possibly. His irritation grew by the moment, and he slammed his fist into the wall. Pain blasted through him as he screamed curses into the air.
He felt ready to break, and there was no one to help hold him together.
The office door slammed against the wall. Cassidy was already on his feet as Ashley bolted through, her hair wild around her.
“You’ve got to come now. Before he seriously hurts himself.”
All the frustration, all the anger he’d been nursing since tearing himself from Travis flipped to fear. “Where is he?”
“In the barn.” She grabbed him by the arm and would have dragged him after her, but he hesitated.
Ashley exploded. The calm woman he’d seen floating around the camp vanished as she turned on him with eyes filled with fiery rage. She jerked him forward by the shirtfront. “I don’t care what your issue is, or how you think you’re saving him from some fate worse than death. There is nothing worse than death, so if I have to kick your ass all the way to the barn, you’re going to help.”
Cassidy caught her wrists and jerked himself free. “I care about him too. You’re not the only one who—”
“Then stop wasting time and get your goddamn ass down there,” Ashley shouted.
She wasn’t listening to reason. He wasn’t trying to get out of anything, not now, but he understood. She was as scared as he was. Just as powerless. More powerless in a way.
They sprinted all the way to the barn. Cassidy outpaced Ashley, bursting through the doors he’d run from less than thirty minutes ago.
Travis stood at the far end of the barn, pained grunts escaping him as he swung a rope, smacking the knotted end into his back again and again.
“Travis, stop,” Cassidy ordered. “Stop, and I’ll help you.”
“Nobody can help,” Travis snapped. “You don’t understand.”
Cassidy didn’t understand, not completely, but this was his friend standing before him, tears of frustration marking his cheeks. Bloody knuckles. A torn shirt. A wildness in his eyes that needed taming. “I’m going to help, so shut up.”
Travis laughed, a bitter, broken sound. “You’ll help. Right, bullshit. You’re part of the problem. If I could give it all up. Give it up—”
He grimaced and swung the rope.
Cassidy caught the cord in midair before it could land again. Instead, the knotted end walloped into his own forearm hard enough to bruise. “Fuck. I said stop it.”
Travis swung his fist.
Cassidy ducked the blow and jabbed with his right. He made contact with Travis’s diaphragm, catching him by surprise, and Travis folded in two as all his air rushed out.
Cassidy wrapped a hand around the rope and took advantage of the moment to jerk the other end free. He caught Travis by the shoulders and spun him, confining the other man’s hands behind his back and pinning him against the wall. Travis struggled, but Cassidy had the size advantage to lock him in place.
He pressed his chest to Travis’s back and put his head by his ear. “I promise I’ll help you. Give me a chance.”
Travis dragged in a ragged breath. Another. His upper body shook as he fought for control. But he stopped trying to escape, instead shivering in Cassidy’s grip as if he’d been stripped bare.
Cassidy didn’t move, only leaned in harder and hoped like hell his next brilliant idea would arrive soon.
Travis’s voice trembled. “Give me your belt.”
The words whispered out. Begging. Needy.
Oh fuck.
Bloody, aching pain wrapped around Cassidy’s brain. With four words Travis all but destroyed him. Physical, mental and emotional agony.
As if he’d sensed Cassidy’s alarm, Travis spoke again. “You promised,” Travis insisted, his voice down to a whisper. “Please. I can’t… I need it. And you promised.”
“I promised,” Cassidy echoed. How in the hell was he going to endure this? He’d expected to have to cause his friend pain—had worked that out long ago—that wasn’t the issue.
But a belt?
He shoved away painful memories and took a deep breath. “Grab the wall.”
A shudder escaped Travis, as if all the fight was going out of him. His hands shook as he obeyed, fingers spread wide on the rough boards.
A vision hit Cassidy—Ashley had stood like that in the shower. It was a strange echo, and yet encouraging. He’d made it through that impossible situation; he could make it through this as well. No matter that it felt as if Travis’s request was rapidly dragging him to the edge of sanity.
He loosened his buckle as he stepped back far enough to kick Travis’s feet. “Open your legs more.”
Travis moaned as he obeyed.
Cassidy didn’t want to be getting turned on, but fuck if he could stop it. The sound ripped through him straight to his balls, his cock hardening. And considering the alternative, maybe letting loose his desires would stop him from falling into the stinging pit of memories.
Neither of them was breathing very steadily. “You sure you know what you’re doing, T?”
Travis nodded. “Please. God, please.”
If he was going to do this, Cassidy wanted to be in as much control as possible. That meant not simply beating on his friend without knowing what kind of damage he was inflicting. Cassidy lifted Travis’s shirt, shocked to see red welts already marring the other man’s skin. “Shit.”
Travis took his hands off the wall for long enough to tear the fabric over his head. “If you stop now—”
He’d never done this before. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
The absurdity of the statement hit them at the same time, but there was no laughter. Tension hung in the air like a knife.
“I trust you.” Travis spoke quietly. Low. “Just…don’t stop, okay?”
Cassidy pulled his belt free from the loops, a soft slick accompanying the motion.
Travis sucked in air and braced himself. His shoulders bulged in the position he stood in, smooth bands of muscle wrapping around his torso and waist. Red marks dotted his skin here and there where the knotted end of the rope had landed.
Cassidy folded his belt in his hand. He held the buckle section firmly in his right hand and pulled the doubled section to the left, making sure there was nothing there but soft leather.
He held his left hand in the air. “I need to try this. I need to know I’m not going to—”
He couldn’t breathe. Cassidy swung the belt and slapped his own palm. Swung again. On the third attempt it landed with a solid thwack, stinging his flesh but not unbearable.
He could do this. For Travis. “You ready?”
Travis nodded, shifting on his feet. He rounded his back slightly and stared straight ahead.
The first blow hit too softly, wrapping partly around Travis’s torso. Cassidy snapped back a curse and moved farther to one side. The second strike landed with a smooth slapping noise, and Travis’s head fell back as a soft moan escaped him. “That’s it. Again.”
Surreal. Cassidy adjusted his stance and tried his best to aim, but the stripes of red showing up lay in clusters. He didn’t change his force, didn’t try to ease up but kept as close to that first strike point where he knew Travis felt it, but wasn’t screaming in pain.
It seemed to go on for hours, one blow after another. The tongue of the belt rattled against the metal like an obscene church bell ringing over the prairies. A rhythm developed as Cassidy checked for signs that Travi
s had enough. Watched to see he wasn’t permanently injuring his friend. If this was where they stopped, Cassidy might survive.
Of course Travis had to fuck that hope up with one bloody word.
“Harder,” he ordered.
“Damn it, T—”
“Harder.” Travis glanced over his shoulder, his dark eyes snapping bright. “I can breathe again. It’s good. Only take me a little farther, Cass. You can do it.”
“You’re a fucked-up bastard,” he said grimly, accepting they were going further.
Travis didn’t give an inch. He stared Cassidy down, wetting his dry lips before landing his own blow. “You’re my friend. I trust you.”
The words had so much power in them, no matter how softly they were spoken. No matter how much he’d rejected what was inside, Cassidy couldn’t deny that belonging to someone, even as a friend, rocked him hard.
“Ten. I’ll give you ten, if…” He swallowed hard and made a decision. “If you do exactly what I tell you.”
Something flared in Travis’s eyes, and Cassidy knew he’d guessed right. This wasn’t only about pain.
It was about power.
“Face the wall,” Cassidy snapped.
Travis turned in an instant. Set his shoulders and hunkered down as if he expected Cassidy to flail skin from bone.
His heart pounding, Cassidy moved forward and raised the belt. He snapped it, harder than before, but not much. The ringing sound of leather on flesh echoed in the silence of the barn, bouncing back from the rafters.
“Hear that?” Cassidy asked. “That’s all I want to hear. You grunt or moan or make a single noise, I’ll stop. If you keep quiet, I’ll give you nine more. Understand?”
Travis nodded.
One last thing, but what Cassidy needed wasn’t handy. He stepped in closer and reached around Travis’s hips, undoing his belt and pulling it free. He tried to ignore the hard-on that was all too apparent.
“You going to beat my naked ass with your belt?” Travis asked.
Another shot jolted him along with the realization that was one situation Cassidy could never allow himself to get into. “No. Don’t want you chomping off your tongue.” He folded the belt in two and pressed it to Travis’s lips. “Bite down.”
He waited until Travis had a good grip before he stepped back and started again.
The leather cut through the air with a strangely hypnotic noise. It landed on Travis’s reddened back with a sharp slap. Travis jerked, muscles clutching.
But he didn’t make a sound.
Three. Four. Five. Drops of sweat ran down Cassidy’s forehead, and he paused to drag the back of his forearm over his face. He jerked off his shirt and tossed it aside, heat steaming from him as Travis waited motionless.
Silent.
The sixth stroke screamed through the air—but it was Cassidy who moaned, not Travis. Deep red welts stained white skin, but there was no blood except on Travis’s cut and bruised knuckles.
Cassidy stared at the signs of Travis’s earlier desperation, and steeled himself to finish.
Seven. Travis jerked hard enough his hands left the wall, arching violently, muscles tight. He set himself back into position immediately, not glancing at Cassidy.
His heart ached. His body—he swore he felt every blow as he struck it, but he had to finish this.
Eight…
Nine…
Ten.
The final stroke still ringing in their ears, Cassidy dropped the belt and rushed forward. He covered Travis with his body, bare chest to heated flesh. He pulled the leather from Travis’s mouth and dropped it to the ground then simply stood guard over his friend. Offering his presence as a physical comfort while Travis came down from the whipping.
Travis’s breathing was smoother than he’d expected. The tremors racing through his torso shook them both—intense, but passing quickly.
Cassidy didn’t know which desire to give in to. To turn tail and run like every nerve warned him. Or to stay where he was. Stay and accept what he wanted.
Travis’s head hung toward the floor, his fiery hot back like a condemning sentence against Cassidy.
Only, when Travis shifted his fingers on the wall slightly to cover Cassidy’s hand, his breath caught in his throat.
Being with Travis was right. It was completely and totally wrong, but it was right.
“You okay?” Cassidy whispered.
Travis nodded.
He might have been motionless on the outside, but his mind was racing a million miles an hour. This wasn’t the end. After what they’d experienced, Cassidy couldn’t simply turn and walk away.
“Come to my cabin.” He stroked his fingertips gently over the welts. “I’ll put something on your back.”
Travis didn’t move for a moment, then shifted his head slightly to acknowledge agreement.
A barely there snick jerked Cassidy back as he recognized the sound of the barn door being gently closed.
Only to register a second later…
“Ashley.”
Chapter Eleven
Ashley ran. Inside she’d gone numb, and yet not nearly numb enough. Pain twisted in her gut and she took off, not quite sure where she was headed.
Her mistake had begun so casually. Snapping back at Travis without thinking. Stomping off like an offended child. Words couldn’t hurt her—she knew better. She should have looked closer and seen the why of his behaviour. Maybe she could have guessed what he was reluctant to share.
Instead she’d pissed on him and left him. When she’d gone to scold him some more and discovered him in the barn beating himself up, everything had gone downhill from there.
Even knowing he craved pain, even having discussed the need with him, she hadn’t known. Hadn’t registered what seeking pain meant. She’d gone for Cassidy out of desperation but seeing them fight…
Seeing Travis stretched out and whipped—
A lifetime of chasing rainbows hadn’t prepared her for the raw violence. Travis’s yearnings weren’t wrong in any way, but witnessing the beating administered had turned her upside down.
She ran, feet turning over again and again until she reached the trailhead leading into the wilderness. Heart pounding, eyes smarting with tears she paused, panting more from inner turmoil than from physical exertion.
Turn around. Don’t go…
The words echoed in her head, and she wept. Stood in the middle of the path and let the tears flood down her cheeks. Everything was all mixed up. Memories of the horror she’d experienced in January. The shock of today.
Footfalls sounded behind her, rapidly approaching, but she couldn’t move. Just stared off into the trees and wondered when life had gotten this confusing.
Life was simple. It was a game you played, and occasionally you discovered shiny moments or the next, sensual pleasures. Yet in the past hour she’d had another callous reminder that something had gone terribly wrong with her philosophy.
Warm hands slipped around her waist, tugging her tight against a solid torso. She wiped her eyes and tried to calm herself enough to face him.
“Ashley.”
She tensed from the toes up. The wrong man was holding her.
“…Cassidy?” She twirled, staring into his face. “Oh, God, where’s Travis?”
“I sent him to my cabin. Come with me. Come help me.”
She wanted to shake her head, but she couldn’t stay away. She would have dodged past him, but Cassidy blocked her path.
“You okay?” he asked.
Ashley laughed, the sound hurting her throat. “Is he okay? Go back—go be with him. He shouldn’t be alone.”
“He wants you. He was ready to go racing out the door to chase you down, but I promised I’d bring you.”
Promise. Cassidy had promised to help Travis, and he had. She cupped his cheek and forced out the words. “Thank you for what you did. I know it was tough.”
Cassidy nodded then tenderly linked his fingers with hers. “Come.”
“Travis is fine. I have some salve you can put on his back.”
His fingers were so warm as he guided her down the path. Warm in contrast to her own that had gone icy cold.
After what she’d witnessed, she wasn’t sure Travis wanted her around. “I think he’d like you to help him.”
The grip on her fingers tightened briefly. “He asked for you. Don’t turn him down.”
Cassidy opened the door to his cabin. Travis rose from where he’d been seated on the edge of the bed. “Ash…”
The breath she took was ragged and uneven. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Travis wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face against his bare chest, the firm muscle hot against her cheek. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”
They stood silently for a couple minutes as her racing heart slowly settled. He really was okay—Cassidy had helped him, and Travis was going to be fine. Still, she couldn’t stop from drifting her fingers over his skin, trying to reassure herself he was whole. “I shouldn’t be here. I’m glad you’re okay, but I’ll let Cassidy take care of you.”
Travis tightened his grip on her arms. “What?”
“I have to go. I have to—”
She tried twisting away, another involuntary shiver racking her body.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Travis caught her by the chin. “Where’s my singing gypsy who makes me smile?”
She shook her head.
Travis lifted her chin. His dark grey eyes examined her face carefully. “You’re scared.”
There was no way to deny the fear in her gut, so she nodded.
His smile grew. “Hon, remember, if I’d picked a fight with some big, bad guy in a bar, when we were done I’d have dragged myself to my truck and driven home. I feel like I’m being coddled right now. There’s no beer soaking my clothes, no glass in my hair—hell, I might need to get Cassidy to step up his game next time.”
A whimper escaped before she could stop it.
