by Vivian Arend
Chapter Twenty-One
July rushed past in a blur of activity. Campers came through on a weekly rotation; supplies arrived and were transferred from one camp to the other. Travis soaked in the pleasure of working with a group of easygoing men and women as everyone fell into a routine.
What was more incredible was the time he got to spend with Ashley and Cassidy, which was neither routine nor relaxed. He never knew what to expect with Ashley—that hadn’t changed, not even when it wasn’t just the two of them fooling around, but them with Cassidy.
There were still times when he caught a shadow in her eyes, and he figured she was thinking back to her cousin. For the most part, though, she was the life and the joy in their days. He wasn’t sure how he’d survived without having her around for so long.
Cassidy as well. Not for the stress relief the man offered, but for the conversations and sharing that had begun to stretch late into the evenings.
The stars were already high overhead when Travis stoked the fire then sat back to watch them closer. Cassidy strummed a simple chord pattern as Ashley accompanied him on the second guitar she’d had shipped in during a supply run. An old-fashioned folk melody wrapped around the campfire, enveloping them with its peaceful rhythm.
Cassidy still had to eye his fingers closely, but Ashley had no such limitations. A mischievous smile creased her lips as she played and watched Cassidy with approval. Travis thought both of them were incredible, firelight reflecting off their light colouring and making them shine as if under a spotlight.
Even as he admired them, Travis considered the new skills he’d learned over the past months. Maybe nothing so obvious as playing an instrument like Cassidy, but important nonetheless.
Lessons about how he could let others give to him without it meaning he was weak. He didn’t have to always be right, or be in charge, and the lessons were slowly untangling fears built during years of holding back.
Ashley turned her gaze on him, and he fell into the endless blue depths of her eyes without worrying about hiding what was inside. If what he felt showed on his face, so much the better. Caring for her had always been easy.
Letting her see it? A hell of a lot harder, but he was trying.
Cassidy strummed on after Ashley’s fingers fell silent, her stare fixed on Travis. “You got something on your mind, over there?” she teased softly.
“Thinking about you going back to Rocky. You sure you need to leave on Saturday?”
She nodded. “I know there are only a couple weeks of camp left, but I need to get going on my bigger projects. And I want to get settled into town—start making it home.”
He liked that part of her plan even as he hated the idea of her being gone. “We’ll miss you.”
Cassidy’s fingers stilled. He put the guitar away, and silence settled over them, brushing away the music. Travis understood. There wasn’t much to say beyond they didn’t want her to go.
Ashley slipped to Cassidy’s side and crawled into his lap. She rested her head on his chest and stroked his jaw gently. The fire created the music now, blending with the fainter sounds of the horses settling in the barn.
Peaceful. Relaxing.
All of it shattered in an instant.
“When you’re done here in mid-August, you coming straight to Rocky or do you have to go somewhere else first?” Ashley asked.
Cassidy didn’t answer her immediately.
She frowned. “You are coming back to Rocky, aren’t you?”
The thought that once again Cassidy had plans to disappear didn’t sit too well with Travis. “Of course, he is.”
“Didn’t have it in mind. I was thinking about heading south. I can get back on with the ranch—”
“You can find work around Rocky.” Travis couldn’t believe this. “Why the hell would you want to go back to Pincher Creek?”
“Why not?”
“Because—” Travis snapped his mouth shut. The first response that leapt to mind was far too self-centered.
Ashley was no longer cuddled against Cassidy. She had pushed herself upright, back stiff, her expression filled with shock. “Because you need to come to Rocky, that’s why.”
“That’s the last thing I need to do.” Cassidy stroked her arm. “Damn it, Ashley, this shouldn’t be a surprise. You knew all along the three of us being together was a short-term thing.”
She jumped out of his arms and stomped a few steps before twirling and planting her hands on her hips. “I didn’t know anything of the kind.”
“One day.” Cassidy barked the words far rougher than usual. “That’s what we started this with. The fact it’s worked until now has made the summer special, but that’s it. It’s time to get that straight.”
“Things changed,” Ashley insisted. “We’ve changed. Short term isn’t good enough anymore.”
Cassidy raised a brow. “You think you can dictate where I live? What I do? You don’t want to go there with me, Ashley.”
Travis couldn’t believe this. “The only reason you should be calling this off is if you’ve had enough, and I don’t believe that for a minute.”
His righteous indignation faded to misery as Cassidy glanced into the fire and refused to meet either of their eyes. “It’s been good, but it’s time it was over.”
“Bullshit,” Ashley retorted. “If it’s been good, then we get ready for the next step, which is you coming back to Rocky and finding a job.”
“Ashley, stop it,” Cassidy begged. “I can’t move to Rocky. I have no job, I have no place to stay—there’s no reason to move there. ”
“You’ve got Travis.” Ashley pointed across the fire. “If you’re saying walking out on him again is right, you’re an ass.”
“Plus you’ve got a place to stay,” Travis cut in. He rose to his feet, confusion and anger swirling together. “But what are you talking about, Ash? He’s got you as well, and it sucks that he thinks that’s not important.”
Cassidy dragged a hand through his hair. “Stop it, both of you. You’re not making this any easier.”
“If easy is you walking away, I don’t want to make it easy.” This was the last thing Travis had expected tonight—this kind of conversation. A turn in the path he hadn’t seen coming that he definitely didn’t want. “Look, Cassidy. Let’s back up and start again. Maybe I’ve made some assumptions, but I thought things were going well. Was I wrong?”
Cassidy shook his head. “But this is here, it’s not Rocky Mountain House. It’s not the Six Pack ranch, and most importantly, your family isn’t around.”
“Wait. What?” Travis held up a hand. “You don’t want to move because of my family?”
“You said we’d back up the conversation,” Cassidy said. “Let’s back it up a bit further, and how about you tell me why you’ve never let your family know you’re interested in guys?”
The question jerked Travis to a standstill. He opened his mouth to answer, but got lost in the maelstrom swirling in his brain.
His friend nodded knowingly. “Because that’s where this conversation has to begin. You’ve been in denial for years—and in a way, you still are. This summer has been a kind of fantasy world where it’s been safe to be with me because Ashley’s here. No one knows that you’re with a guy, do they? No one knows that the tough redneck cowboy doesn’t only love women, he gets off on men as well.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. “Shut up,” Travis ordered. “Goddamn bastard. Or are you having fun running off at the mouth? You don’t get it.”
“No, you don’t. You haven’t figured out yet that if I go to Rocky, everyone is going to know. This won’t be some tidy little secret anymore, and I’m not willing to let your family hate you because of me.”
Travis stomped over to Cassidy and hauled him from his lawn chair. He caught Cassidy by the collar and held him in place so there was nowhere to escape. “That’s a pretty big burden you’ve laid on your shoulders. Ruining my life with my family. Trust me, if my family hates me, it will be for a whole diffe
rent reason.”
“You’ve been keeping secrets from them, admit it,” Cassidy snarled.
“Hell, yes,” Travis shouted. “But the secret was about me going off and damn near getting killed on a regular basis. That I crave something most people would consider sick. That’s what I was hiding from them.”
Cassidy stood as if frozen, his hands wrapped around Travis’s wrists. “But I thought…”
Travis tugged Cassidy closer. “You thought wrong. Yes, I love my family, and the idea of disappointing them kills me. Maybe they will be surprised when I take you home to a family dinner. But…” It was his turn to hesitate. Confessions were good for the soul, right? “For as long as I can remember, I’ve been turned on by both girls and guys, it’s true. But you’re the first one that I not only want to fuck, but spend time with.”
His friend turned his face away, a soft curse floating into the night air.
Travis slipped a hand farther around Cassidy’s neck, easing off the pressure slightly, making it more about being together than pinning Cassidy in place. “That’s what was freaking me out so hard last summer. I wanted you like I’d never wanted a guy before. It wasn’t just about sex, it was more, and it threw me for a loop. This summer confirmed it. You’re—special.”
Cassidy snorted. “Yeah, right.”
“And I wasn’t keeping you some dirty secret,” Travis continued. “We’ve been in a strange situation here at the camp, with the crew coming and going all the time. Yeah, maybe I didn’t want any questions or to make them feel awkward, but not because it’s you, it’s you and Ashley.”
“That does add a complication, doesn’t it?” His friend nodded slowly, his gaze drifting to the side where Ashley had stood. “Shit, she’s gone.”
Crap. Another unwanted twist. “Come on, let’s go find her.”
Cassidy held him back for a moment, staring intently as if trying to read his mind. “I’m sorry for assuming, and I’m still not comfortable, but I’m willing to talk about this more.”
“We’ve got a ton to talk about, but we’d better find Ashley before she decides to hide all your clothes or something.” Travis pulled his friend forward, his mind whirling with far too many surprises.
So much for a relaxing evening by the fire.
When the woman took off, she vanished well. Travis was the one who finally spotted her blonde hair, and Cassidy followed him toward the small stoop outside his cabin.
She was seated on the porch swing, staring into the darkness. The faint light from the barn shone past the fence posts and trees, casting vaguely human-shaped shadows. As if the settlers who’d abandoned the land so many years ago had returned, watching to see what would happen next.
“Ash?” Travis approached slowly. “You got company.”
She wiggled all of an inch to one side. “There’s room.”
Travis sighed as he paced forward. “You couldn’t make this simple, could you?”
Ashley sniffed. “Nothing is simple anymore.”
“Not taking off in the first place would help, so stick around, you understand?” Travis sat on the swing, curling an arm around her shoulders.
Cassidy knelt in front of her. Her expression seemed far more heated than upset. “How much did you hear before you left?” he asked.
Ashley shrugged. “You don’t want to move to Rocky because you don’t want to be with us.”
God, now he knew how raw hearing that comment really was on the soul. “Okay, saying it like that hurts a hell of a lot. No, Ash, that’s not it at all.”
“Cassidy, I can only go on what I see you doing. What I hear you saying. So what is it? You joining us or leaving?” she asked.
Travis held his breath as well as they waited for him to answer.
“It’s not that simple,” he insisted. The “ha!” that burst from her forced him to smile. “Yeah, I know, but it’s the truth. This isn’t just me relocating. We can’t leap forward and assume it’s not going to cause a hell of a lot of trouble.”
Fingers brushed his cheek as Ashley leaned forward and caressed him gently. “It’s worth putting up with trouble for something valuable.”
Cassidy caught hold of her hand and linked their fingers together. He needed the connection as they worked this through.
Ashley lifted her gaze to his. “So here’s honesty on my part. For a long time I thought that once you two were together, I’d no longer be important. I was totally planning on leaving at that point.”
“What the hell?” Travis growled. “Why would you do that?”
She pressed a hand onto his thigh and squeezed tight, clinging to them both. “Because there are things that Cassidy gives you that I can’t. But you know what? The longer we’ve had out here, the more I’ve realized that we’ve all got something important to give. I’m good for you in ways that Cassidy isn’t, and I like Cassidy for different reasons than I like you. It’s a full circle, and hell if I want anything to stop us from being together.”
“Even after the summer?” Travis asked.
She nodded. “I have to go back first, but once you’re done here you guys come and…” Something between a sigh and groan of frustration escaped her. “That’s what I was planning on suggesting tonight. I know my upbringing is far more twisted than most people, and I’ve seen some strange family combinations over the years, but I think we could make it work with the three of us living together. I want us to at least try.”
Cassidy’s heart ached. “At what cost? What if it meant that’s all we’d have? The three of us?”
Her forehead creased, her blue eyes full of confusion. “Why would it be all we’d have?”
“You think Travis’s family is going to accept that he’s got both you and a male lover without a blink?” Travis opened his mouth to protest, but Cassidy cut him off. “No, let me finish. If you both want to know why I planned to leave, then let me have my say. Ashley, you’re talking about setting up a permanent threesome, and while part of me is thrilled at the idea, I’ve also got a sick knot in my stomach. I don’t think Travis realizes the big picture.”
Travis slid off the swing and wrapped an arm around Cassidy, his strong hand resting on Cassidy’s hip as if offering shelter. “I’m listening.”
Cassidy took a deep breath. “It’s not the typical homosexual hang-ups we’ll face, it’s the three of us. What kind of attitudes will we see from the community when we go to town? Or show up at the bar? What if we try to take in a movie? Hell, are they going to be shaking pitchforks or sending hate messages to us?”
“You have some faith in humanity, don’t you?” Travis said. “Maybe they’ll ignore us like they ignore most people, and all we’ll have to worry about is your typical day-to-day shit that everyone deals with.”
“When my own father beat the shit out of me for being a fag, you think other people are going to be more forgiving?” Cassidy snapped.
Dead silence.
He wondered if the shock of his words would be hard enough to knock some sense into them, even as he ached with the memories.
Ashley was off the porch swing and pulling him to his feet, and five seconds later he was wrapped in two sets of arms as both she and Travis surrounded him.
She gazed up, grief in her eyes. “I’m so, so sorry. That’s not just wrong, it’s outrageous and cruel and unbelievably stupid.”
Travis shook his head. “You said things weren’t good between you, but you didn’t mention how bad it was.”
“When? ‘Sure, I’ll have another drink, and by the way, did you know I haven’t seen my family since the night my father found out I was gay?’ It’s not the kind of thing you go around telling people.”
“It’s exactly what you share with close friends.” Ashley pressed her hand against his chest and paused for a moment. “With people who care a hell of a lot about you.”
His knees nearly gave out. “I couldn’t.”
Travis pulled him closer and supported him against his long, strong frame. “So y
ou will now. All of it. I want to know, and then I want to talk this out until we come to a decision together.”
He tilted his head toward the door, and Ashley rushed to open it. Cassidy had no choice but to follow her in.
There was a lump the size of an elephant in his throat, but a flickering flame of hope inside his heart. Maybe his fears were finally going to be washed away. Maybe there was something to look forward to other than sorrow and endless nights alone.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ashley sat on the mattress and waited. A flood of anger had quickly erased the disappointment that had struck as she’d listened to Cassidy’s plans.
She was tired of accepting life as it came. It was time to grow up the rest of the way and take what was right. Take and give—and right now that meant giving to Cassidy.
Travis got the fire going. Cassidy perched on the edge of the mattress as if bracing himself for the rest of the evening. She slipped over and leaned against him, rubbing his shoulders to try to work out the rock-hard knots. Ashley kissed his cheek. “You know we only want the best for you.”
He nodded then pulled her around to settle into his lap. “I’m sorry I chased you off earlier. I like it when you curl up against me. Feels as if you can’t get enough of me, and you’re soaking me in through your skin.”
She smiled and snuggled in tighter. “Works for me.”
They sat and watched Travis as the flames licked around the kindling and slowly took hold. He twisted to face them, pulling a chair over so he could be close. He nodded in approval at Ashley, then took both her and Cassidy’s hands into his. “I don’t care how long it takes,” he said. “Tell us. We want to know.”
Cassidy shivered, and she squeezed his hand encouragingly. “Whatever you want to tell us.”
“It’s pretty basic. He caught me looking at porn. Which usually would have been acceptable, since it was a manly thing to do, but this time the magazine was guys.”
“Shit.” Travis shook his head. “Yeah, that would be pretty cut and dried.”
“You were curious?”
Cassidy nodded as he stroked her cheek. “I love women, with your soft curves and all, but guys were attractive too. I wasn’t sure why and thought I’d look.”
