She said this all so matter-of-factly that Ryan had to laugh. "I bet it was a little harder than that, Catherine."
"Only a little," she insisted. "They were really quite accommodating."
"I just bet they were," Ryan commented wryly, knowing that money talked.
Over some fabulous duck raviolis they discussed their plans for the remainder of their trip. "I need to go on some roller coasters," Ryan decided.
"Go over tonight," Catherine urged. "You can put Caitlin to bed and stay until they close, since you had such a good nap."
"Done," the dark woman decreed. "Now, since the baby hasn’t really seen the park, maybe we should take her over tomorrow for the early admission and let her explore Toon Town. Then we could go on a couple of kiddie rides and come back for her nap."
"That sounds good," Jamie agreed. "What do you think, Mom?"
"That’s fine, girls. I think she should go on some type of ride on her first visit."
"What about you, Catherine?" Ryan drawled. "This is your first trip to Disneyland…shouldn’t you go on something?"
She looked a bit taken aback as she considered the notion. "I…I…I wouldn’t know what to go on," she admitted. "I’ve never been to an amusement park."
"Never?" Ryan shrieked.
"No, I’m fairly certain that I would remember if I had."
"Jeez, who says rich people have all the fun?!" Ryan asked as she let out an exasperated breath.
As soon as they reached the lobby, Ryan directed Jamie away from the monorail, leading her to one of the deserted pools. She sat on a chaise and pulled her partner down with her, saying, "You’re as tense as a python, Love. I could tell you were putting on a good front, but you don’t have to do that around me. Now tell me what’s going on."
Sighing heavily, Jamie leaned back against her partner, immediately feeling a little better just to be able to vent. "Don’t leave me alone with Mother anymore," she moaned.
"What?!" Ryan asked, the surprise in her voice clear. "I thought you were enjoying being alone with her."
With a bitter laugh Jamie said, "I enjoy everything but the revelations she keeps dropping on me. I don’t think I can take much more, Ryan," she said softly.
Beginning to massage the tense muscles in her partner’s shoulders, Ryan asked, "What now, Honey?"
"My father had an affair." Jamie’s voice was flat, but Ryan could feel the torrent of emotion that was poorly hidden by her tone.
Unconsciously, Ryan’s hands stilled as the weight of the secret she carried settled onto her shoulders. She had put more thought and spent more time worrying about this issue than she had invested on her decision on where to attend graduate school. In her heart, she knew that Jamie would want to know about her father’s indiscretion, but she was just as confident that it would have done no good to tell her. She knew that telling would severely harm Jamie’s relationship with her father, and she had a real fear that having the secret out in the open could destabilize the Evans marriage. Even though it was incredibly hard for her to keep this knowledge to herself, she still thought it was the correct decision. Over time, she had developed a well-thought-out code that she tried to never vary from. That code dictated that she never reveal secrets about a living person unless she could spare someone else pain by doing so.
When the incident with Jim had first occurred, Ryan had been tormented about what to do. Finally deciding that she needed to stick to her beliefs, even though she knew Jamie would be unhappy about it, she had been able to put the issue aside for the most part. Now, however, she tried to still her heart, knowing that she had to reveal what she knew, now that the secret was out.
Jamie continued, "I don’t know if this is something that happened a long time ago or if it’s still going on, but the whole thing sickens me," she said, leaning hard into Ryan’s body.
Oh, shit! she cried in dismay. Well, that clinches it, Ryan thought to herself. She doesn’t know much—Catherine might not even know that it’s still going on. If it made sense to keep the damn secret before, it still does now!
The tense body in her arms moved slowly, as Jamie’s head swiveled around so that she could look into Ryan’s eyes. "You aren’t surprised," she said slowly. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement, and she cocked her head quizzically, seeking confirmation.
In an instant, Ryan had to make her decision. Pursing her lips, she decided to follow her conscience and not reveal what she knew. "I’m not surprised, Jamie," she said softly, her eyes blinking slowly. "I uh…I think it’s pretty darned common for powerful people to cheat. I read a survey once that showed there was a very high correlation among wealth, power and cheating," she said.
Satisfied with her answer, Jamie turned and cuddled into Ryan’s body once again. "I don’t care if every other man in America did it," she said, her anger just below the surface of her still-calm voice. "It sickens me, Ryan. I’ll never be able to respect him again."
Resuming her massage, Ryan urged, "Please don’t say that, Honey. I know that you’re angry, but it’s really hard to look at someone’s marriage and assign blame. That’s really between your parents."
"You didn’t see her eyes, Ryan," she said softly, a few tears starting to fall. "You didn’t see the hurt."
"No, I didn’t," Ryan agreed, leaning over to kiss Jamie’s head. "I’m really sorry that your mom had to go through that. I can’t imagine how much that would hurt." Still stroking her back, Ryan stated one more time, "Even though it’s a horrible thing for your mom, I still think you have to let it be between them, Honey. This isn’t your fight, and I can’t imagine that your mom wants you to fight her battles for her."
Jamie sat up and gazed at her partner for a moment, the look so intent that Ryan began to pull back from it. "Don’t you think this is disgusting? Aren’t you furious with him?"
Ryan pursed her lips and shook her head. "If your dad cheated on your mom without her knowledge or permission—of course I’m angry with him. But I don’t know what happened between them, Babe. It’s really none of my business, and I don’t want to take sides or assign blame when I don’t know all of the facts."
With another heavy sigh, Jamie scooted around until she could face her partner. "Ryan," she said softly, her voice full of emotion. "I don’t understand why you’re not outraged, but I certainly hope it’s not because you think cheating isn’t a big deal."
Ryan’s eyes were so wide they almost hurt, and she hastened to reassure Jamie that was not the case at all. Before she could get a word out, Jamie cut her off by pressing her fingertips to her lips. "I know this seems like something that could never happen to us, but some day, after we’ve been together for a while, you might be tempted."
Once again Ryan started to interrupt, to defend herself against the mere suggestion that she could ever be unfaithful, but Jamie silenced her once again. "Hear me out, please," she begged.
Ryan nodded, realizing that it was important to her partner to get this out.
"I just want you to know that to me, cheating is an unforgivable sin. As much as I love you—and I love you more than I can say—I will not tolerate it—in any form. That is the only thing that would ever make me leave you, Ryan. I would leave you…as hard as that is to conceive…if you were ever intimate with another woman."
Tears were welling up in Ryan’s eyes and Jamie gently wiped them away with the tips of her fingers, leaning forward to kiss each soft eyelid.
"I know that sounds harsh, Sweetheart, but I feel so strongly about this that I feel like I need to tell you. I don’t ever want there to be any misunderstanding about this."
"I understand," Ryan whispered, her voice gone rough with emotion. "I know that it’s easy to promise my fidelity now, Jamie, when things are so new and exciting, but I swear with every fiber of my being that I will never betray our love."
"That’s it, Baby," she said softly. "It’s the betrayal. People think it’s about sex, but it isn’t. It’s betrayal. I’m glad that you understand tha
t."
"I do," Ryan vowed, holding her beloved close, and wishing that she could erase the hurt that was so evident on her face.
After holding each other and talking softly in the warm night, they decided to go back to the park and try to put the upsetting topic to rest for a while. Jamie mused that it was really fortuitous that they were in a place where the entire culture revolved around carrying people into a fantasy. After just a few minutes they got into the spirit and managed to have a good time, even with all of the turmoil of the evening.
At 11:30 they finally reached the front of Space Mountain. They had managed to get on every other attraction that caught their interest, but every time they had come by this one, the line had been too long. By 11:15 the estimated time was down to 20 minutes, so they hopped in line.
Jamie was a little apprehensive as they waited. She had been to a big amusement park in Santa Clara when she was in high school, but she had been too afraid to go on any of the roller coasters. She was dating a rather wild boy at the time and she knew he would make the experience more frightening than normal, so she wisely stayed on the ground and held everyone’s change and wallets.
She wasn’t generally afraid of heights or falling, and speed wasn’t an unpleasant sensation either, so she assumed she would like the ride as long as she had Ryan with her, but still she felt a little gripping in her stomach.
Ryan, of course, was bubbling with excitement. She loved all things fast, and she had to admit that roller coasters were one of her favorite guilty pleasures. Her arms were draped around Jamie’s shoulders from behind, and as they got closer, she could tell that her lover was trembling slightly. Leaning over, she whispered into her ear, "It’s okay to feel a little nervous. That can actually make it more fun."
Jamie turned and shot her a doubtful glance, but Ryan persisted. "I’m certain that this ride is completely safe, Babe. I will have my arms around you the entire time. I won’t let anything bad happen to you."
Jamie just nodded quickly as she tried to take a few deep breaths. As they got closer, Ryan did the math and figured out that they would be in the last car of the ride. Releasing Jamie, she walked back through the line until she got to two young men. She spoke to them for a moment and signaled to Jamie to come back to join her as the young men switched places with her. "What was that all about?" she asked.
"We were going to be in the last car. I like it back there, but it’s very whippy. I thought it might be too rough for you, so I switched places so we would be right in the middle. That’s where you get the smoothest ride," she promised, bending to kiss Jamie’s nose.
"You take such good care of me," Jamie mumbled as she snuggled her face into Ryan’s shirt.
Moments later they were herded aboard the capsule that would be their home for the next three minutes. The pod held eight, and Ryan quickly directed Jamie to sit in the third seat. She got in next to her and scooted over until she was tight against her body as the bar lowered to hold them in. She snaked one long arm around her back and under her right arm, resting her hand firmly around her partner’s waist.
They were immediately plunged into complete darkness and Jamie felt her stomach do a little flip, but Ryan’s arm tightened a bit and she felt the tension ease. Nevertheless, she slid her hand between Ryan’s legs and tightly wrapped her arm around a firm thigh just for added protection. It was obvious that they were climbing, but it was not clear how steep the angle was. She began to observe how vital a role sight played in spatial orientation, but just as the observation was formed in her mind, the car began to drop. It seemed that they were falling off a cliff at a 90-degree angle, but she knew that wasn’t possible. Even so, it was hard to convince her inner gyroscope of that, especially since she was basically blind. There were tiny little lights representing stars up on the ceiling and walls, but they provided no illumination in the utter blackness. Just when she thought they would surely crash to the ground, the car made an abrupt right turn and they were catapulted forward with a whipping motion.
As the car began to make a series of tight, banked curves, she heard a piercing scream--only to discover that the voice was her own. Another quick climb had her braced for the worst as she grabbed Ryan so hard she was afraid she would pull her leg from the socket. But this drop was much less severe than the previous one and she began to relax, only to scream again as they dipped quickly at least four times, each time a little deeper. One last tightly banked loop around the structure, and the car slid to a stop at the dimly lit platform.
She looked over at Ryan with profound relief on her face. "My throat hurts," she said with a little puppy dog look.
"How do you think my ear feels?" Ryan gently teased as she exited and held out a hand to assist her. "Come to think of it, my right leg is numb, too. I should be more afraid of you than I am of the ride!"
Jamie leaned against her as they exited the building. "Even though I was scared spitless, that was kind of a rush," she said with a little grin. "Can we go again tomorrow?"
"Yet one more example of what I love about you," Ryan beamed with pride.
"Wanna sit by the pool for a while?" Jamie asked as they approached the hotel.
"Bet it’s locked," Ryan accurately guessed. "Not ready to go inside, Babe?"
Jamie shrugged, looking like she was uncertain. "No, it’s not that," she said. "I just want a few minutes alone with you. Even though the baby’s asleep, I still notice that she’s there." She looked up at Ryan with a clear hint of desire in her eyes. "I’m still a little wired up from the roller coaster," she admitted. "It got my blood pumping."
Ryan had an immediate desire to pinch a few places where she guessed the blood was pumping particularly strongly, but she behaved herself since they were in a public place. "Let me show you a little spot I discovered when I was walking Caitlin around the other day," she suggested, taking Jamie’s hand.
They walked down the ramp to the belowground waterfalls that provided a very soothing background noise to the resort, giving the place an almost tropical flavor. "This is cool!" Jamie said, having to increase her volume so that Ryan could hear her.
"Cait liked it," Ryan agreed. "She wanted to jump in, of course."
"Mmm…I don’t have that desire," Jamie decided.
"What desire do you have?" Ryan asked as she pressed her body against her partner’s back. Her head dropped a bit and she started to nibble on the soft skin of Jamie’s neck, nuzzling her shirt away from her skin to give her more access.
Jamie’s hands slid behind Ryan and she grasped her butt with both hands, pulling her in tighter. Twitching her hips a few times she turned her head and said, "I think we’ve done this enough to have you recognize the signs, Tiger. Think hard."
"That’s always so hard to do when your body’s moving against mine," Ryan said, not kidding in the least. "As soon as you start to touch me, my brain takes a break. The hotter I get, the dumber I get," she chuckled. "We’re gonna have to start making love less, or I might flunk out of school."
Jamie turned around and wrapped her arms around Ryan’s neck, pulling her down for a soft kiss. "I’ll admit that you do tend to act rather than think when we’re intimate, but the phenomena seems to be short-lived. You seem perfectly lucid when you’re vertical."
"No so," Ryan grinned, "I’m vertical now, and I bet you could render me as dumb as a box of rocks with very little effort."
"Hey!" Jamie teased. "Don’t demean my skills! It takes a lot of work to drive that massive intellect down to the amoeba-like level it sometimes falls to. How about a little respect?"
Ryan linked her hands behind the small of her partner’s back, letting a stray finger or two roam a little lower. "I have nothing but respect for your skills, Sweetheart. No one has ever rendered me stupider than you have."
"Aww…you say the sweetest things," Jamie grinned, as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss her partner. The kiss lasted a little longer than she had planned, and soon Ryan’s hands were splayed out across her butt, squeez
ing her cheeks with abandon.
"I’ve already lost my ability to perform quadratic equations," the dark beauty whispered. "Polynomials are next. Heeeeeelp!"
"Come on Hot Stuff," Jamie chuckled. "Let’s get upstairs while you can still remember how to walk."
"I don’t think I can do this," the blonde whispered to her partner. The sheet, blanket and comforter were pulled over their heads to provide not only privacy, but a small sound barrier.
"It is a little close in here," Ryan agreed.
"No, not that!" she whispered. "I don’t think I can stay quiet enough. You get dumb, but I get loud."
Running her fingers down her partner’s face in a loving gesture, Ryan agreed completely. "I always knew you’d be hot in bed. I just had no idea you were so…vocal," she said, trying to be as diplomatic as possible.
"You can say it," Jamie smirked. "I’m a screamer. No two ways around it."
"That’s not a bad thing, Love," Ryan reminded her. "It’s nice to get such clear feedback on my work. It’s like getting your grade report right when you’re finishing your final answer."
Even though it was pitch black under the covers, Jamie found and patted her lover’s cheek affectionately. "You’re Summa Cum Laude in my book, Tiger. I just don’t think I can keep my opinion to myself, though. I’ve never tried to be quiet."
"We certainly don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, Love. You know that I never want you to be uncomfortable."
"Oh, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable," Jamie decided. "I honestly don’t know if I can do it, though. I don’t want to traumatize Caitlin."
"Honey," Ryan reminded her, "she’s eleven months old. She has no idea what we’re doing—except that it would look like we’re having fun. You know you spend half of our lovemaking giggling, and that certainly wouldn’t frighten her."
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