by Amy Brent
I shook my head. “I really can’t,” I said breathlessly.
“What. Did. He do?”
“We got into an argument and he sort of…unleashed.”
“Define unleashed,” Ryan said.
“He yelled,” I said as a tear cascaded down my cheek. “He said…a lot of things.”
“What kinds of things?”
“I don’t even know where to start,” I said.
“From the beginning,” Ryan said. “And don’t leave anything out.”
He reached into his suit coat and pull out a handkerchief. Then he leaned over and placed it on my desk. I reached for it, bringing it to my tears before any more of them could fall and make me look weaker than I already did.
I really hated to cry.
“I brought up some details about the move I figured we could discuss,” I said. “My suggestion was to coordinate our moves and then possibly hire movers to make the day much easier on us. You know, so we could enjoy it. And his immediate response was that he didn’t want to talk about it because it stressed him out. I didn’t understand why that stressed him out. In my mind, it should only cause excitement, so I asked Adam if he still wanted to move in with me, and he paused.”
“He paused.”
“For a long time. I had to speak to him before he spoke back,” I said. “He came to and accused us of fighting and I yelled at him, told him he always thought we were fighting when I was only trying to discuss things with him. Then he yelled back. He accused me of shutting him out and I told him I wasn’t shutting him out. I was only trying to get him to communicate with me. I figured out he still resents my taking this job instead of working with him.”
I leveled my eyes at Ryan to search for a reaction, but there was none.
“Continue,” he said.
His voice sounded hard, and it made me nervous.
“He told me to quit my job here and go work for him, and it spiraled out of control. I accused him of lying to me all the time when he told me he was happy for me when really he wasn’t. He admitted that it does irk him that I’m working here for you, then said I only talk about communication when it suits me. He thought I should’ve not taken your job until we had talked about it, and I yelled again. I told him that I don’t compromise his career. I only support it, and he should give me the same. I called him a control freak.”
I snickered and shook my head as the memory of the fight came rushing back.
“He tried to apologize and I told him I was tired of his apologies. I told him that instead of growing and morphing with me, he stays stuck. I said he wants to control me, and when he can’t do that, he tucks himself inward and hopes I’ll make a decision that plays in his favor. I told him he enjoyed being a film producer because he can control every aspect of everything in his world, and it upsets him that he can’t control his world when it comes to me.”
“The theory makes sense,” Ryan said.
“I told him it was the only logical explanation after he denied it, and he said ‘fuck you and your logical explanations.’”
“He what now?”
“I’ve never seen him that upset before. Adam has never yelled at me. He’s always been so patient, even when I get worked up about stuff like this,” I said. “But he yelled, and he yelled so loud, it echoed along the trees of the forest. He said he was sick of everyone telling him he had to follow a certain path for his life. He was tired of people telling him he was supposed to move in with me and ask me to marry him and have children. He said he didn’t want to live his life that way, and that he couldn't understand why him just wanting to be with me wasn't enough.”
“What was your response?” Ryan asked.
I looked up into his eyes and drew in a deep breath.
“I told him that him losing himself in me isn’t enough because I want all the other things as well.”
The silence that hung between us was pregnant with unsaid words.
“Then we called each other frustrating and I told him I wanted to go home,” I said. “That was it, our fun, romantic, stress-free vacation—complete with fishing.”
“Say it, Kylie.”
“Say what?”
“The one thing you’re afraid to say.”
My jaw trembled as I looked into my lap, at my fingertips playing with Ryan’s handkerchief.
“I don’t think Adam wants to move in with me,” I said breathlessly.
Putting it out into the world crumbled every single wall I’d erected. My toes uncurled from the floor and I placed my head in my hands, sobbing as my shoulders heaved. I felt my heart shattering into a million pieces as the weight of my fight with Adam came crashing down on top of me.
He didn’t want the same life I wanted.
Our futures no longer aligned.
“I’m sorry,” I said breathlessly. “I shouldn't…be doing this in front…of you all the time.”
“You have no need to apologize,” Ryan said. “I’m the perfect person to rant to because I know my son. At least I thought I did.”
I cried into my hands until I couldn't cry anymore. Then I felt a warm hand wrap around my elbow. I stood up on my bare feet as a pair of strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a strength I didn't expect. My cheek landed on the softest material I’d ever felt. Ryan’s hands rubbed up and down my back as my tears fell onto his tie. I tried to catch my breath as the moment engulfed me wholly.
Ryan was hugging me, comforting me the way his son should’ve been.
“I admit Adam has been different lately,” he said.
“I don’t know what happened to us,” I said in a whisper.
“I don’t understand why Adam treats you the way he does. Coming from his father, you deserve better than that from my son. From any man for that matter.”
“He wasn’t always like this,” I said with a sniffle. “Not always.”
“I know. I know he wasn’t. I know he’s better than this. And I wish I had answers for you, Kylie. I really do.”
“Things are so weird between us right now, and we move in together in less than two weeks. What am I supposed to do? What can I do?”
His embrace tightened around my body, and I felt my knees grow weak. I snaked my arms around his waist, shocked at the strength hidden underneath his tailored suit. I was glad we were alone in my office. I wasn't sure how any of this would look to anyone else. My tears finally dried and I drew in a deep breath, trying my best to regain my composure.
His embrace made me feel so much better.
“Here,” I said as I held up his handkerchief.
He stepped away from me before he held out his hand.
“Keep it. I have plenty. And before you apologize, don’t. You can come talk to me anytime about anything, Kylie, day or night.”
My eyes fluttered up to his as a kind smile graced his cheeks.
“Thank you, Ryan,” I said. “I really appreciate it.”
Adam
“Just so you know, I think it’s stupid you have to get permission from Susan to come get a drink,” I said.
I embraced Sawyer and clapped his back before we sat down at the bar.
“Trust me. One day when you marry Kylie, you’ll understand.”
I cringed at his words as a beer slid down the bar to me. I caught it in my hand and brought it directly to my lips, trying to drown out the echoes of statements that had been rolling around in my mind for days.
“This isn’t a friendly outing, is it?” Sawyer asked.
“That easy to tell?” I asked.
“What’s going on? Time to spill. Did you get into another argument with Kylie?”
“Yep. And this one was massive. I yelled at her, Sawyer. I mean throat-throttling roars.”
“Are you serious? Dude, you never yell. I’ve heard it maybe once, and that was you yelling at me across the bar to stop making out with Susan in a corner so we could take shots.”
“It all happened so fast. I don’t know what the fuck happened,”
I said.
“What was the fight about?”
“Everything. But it started with the apartment. She asked me if I wanted to still move in with her, and I paused.”
“Okay, first off, I didn't know the two of you had agreed to move in together, so fuck you for not filling me in.”
“You were kind of having a baby with Susan. Sorry for not wanting to steal the limelight,” I said.
“So, just a quick blurb: you agreed to move in with her and now you don’t want to?”
“That’s the gist of it, yeah. And I thought I did. I thought I wanted to move in with her. I thought maybe if I compromised and gave in, it would make her happy and progress our relationship, that she’d settle the fuck down when it came to always talking about our future.”
“You’re an idiot,” he said.
“And three days later, you guys had the baby and she flat-out asked me if I wanted kids. We just put a deposit down on a damn apartment and she’s asking me about kids, Sawyer.”
“You’ve been with a woman for four fucking years and you still have no idea how they operate. You’re an idiot,” he said. “So, all this shit goes down, something that I don’t care about happens, she asks you if you still want to move in with her, and you pause?”
“Yep.”
“The pause is never good, Adam. Why did you pause?”
“It was just a damn pause!”
“No, Adam. It’s never just a pause. It’s you debating how to answer the question, which means the answer isn’t a straight-up ‘yes, sweetie, I really do.’ Do you still want to move in with Kylie?”
“I’m not sure if I’m ready for it, no.”
“Are you over the relationship?”
“Why the hell is that your automatic assumption?” I asked. “Because I don’t want to move in with Kylie I’m somehow over the past four years? I somehow don’t love her anymore? What the fuck is up with you people?”
“All right. Well, if you threw that kind of attitude at her, I hope she yelled back at you.”
“Trust me, she did,” I said.
“First off, good. Secondly, what the fuck, Adam? Answer the damn question and quit letting your emotions rule the damn roost.”
“No,” I said. “I don’t think I’m over the relationship.”
“There’s that ‘think’ word again.”
“Why do I have to answer everything with a definitive?”
“Because relationships are definitive, Adam! Susan and I aren’t married, ‘I think.’ We’re married, ‘I know.’”
“If you’re asking me if I still love her, then yes. We still have amazing sex and Kylie’s beautiful and funny and smart.”
“But…?”
“But sometimes I wonder if we’re moving down different paths in life,” I said. “Sometimes I lie in bed alone at night and wonder if Kylie would be better off with someone a little more her speed, with her same outlooks. Someone who operates on the same sort of structure she does.”
“She roots you, Adam. You’re a creative spirit, but sometimes your mind gets the best of you. You float through life, and Kylie gives you that anchor you need.”
“But that anchor is becoming a ball and chain. I don’t want that for my life, Sawyer. I want to be spontaneous. I want to be stress-free. I want to be careless and reckless and break the rules.”
“Well, Kylie isn’t that kind of woman. She never will be,” he said.
“She’s ready to settle down, you know? Buy a house or a condo. Have kids and hold down a steady job. That’s what she wants. Instead of this move abating the conversation about a future, it spurned her toward other things—marriage and kids and a nine-to-five. It freaks me the fuck out.”
“It sounds like you already have your mind made up about something you don’t want to speak into the ethers,” he said.
“Maybe she should be with someone like my dad,” I said with a grin.
“What do you mean?”
“You know, someone like my dad: successful, rich, driven, always making her laugh. Essentially the total opposite of me.”
“What do you mean your father always makes her laugh?”
“What?”
The look on Sawyer’s face made me panic.
“It was just a comment. A joke,” I said.
“Didn’t sound like one. What’s going on with your dad?” he asked.
“Nothing! It’s just…I saw them coming out of a meeting Monday morning when things were still good with Kylie and me, and they were laughing.”
“About what?”
“How the fuck should I know?” I said. “They were down the hallway.”
“How was she laughing?”
“How the hell is that even a question?”
“Was it a giggle? Was she blushing? Did she have her head thrown back?”
“You’re freaking me out, Sawyer.”
“You made the comment that she should be with someone like your father. You didn’t name the traits; you specifically named your father. I want to know why.”
“I sometimes forget you’re a psychologist,” I said. “It’s nothing, really. They just looked friendly is all. You know, standing close, her hand on his arm. Laughing.”
“Flirting.”
“No, laughing.”
“Either way, the fact that you brought it up is weird. Whether it’s an insecurity or a red flag for something else, it’s worth noting.”
“Because I don’t have enough to note,” I said.
“You want another beer?” he asked.
He pointed to my empty beer bottle and I nodded. He signaled for the bartender, but my mind was elsewhere. Why had I mentioned my father specifically? Sawyer was right that I hadn’t just rattled off traits. I had mentioned my father before all of those traits. It was meant to have been a joke to lighten the mood, but now my mind was picking apart everything about that encounter: the way Kylie smiled up at him, the way his eyes looked down on her, that soft little arm touch. But she always did that. She always touched someone’s arm if they made her laugh.
But her fingers had lingered.
Had that been intentional? Or did she feel like she had to butter my father up to do well at her job?
A beer settling in front of me ripped me from my thoughts, but it did nothing to abate my worry.
“How’s Daisy?” I asked in a desperate attempt to change the subject.
“Not sleeping and eating like crazy,” Sawyer said. “Susan was more than willing to kick me out. I might be the only man who goes back to work sooner than paternity leave is finished.”
“You like being a dad?” I asked.
“I do. I’ve always wanted to be a father. And the second I met Susan in high school, I knew I wanted her to be the mother of my children. I’m a lucky man, Adam. And so are you if you ever do choose to settle down.”
But that was the thing. I’d never had a passion to be a father. I didn’t look at Kylie and see anyone other than my girlfriend. I didn’t see a wife or a mother. I saw a career woman who helped me on sets and sat on my cock as the sun descended below the trees. I saw us, not a family. I saw our partnership, not a marriage. And when I held her close at night, I didn’t think about a future or a house or family dinners or massive Christmases or Thanksgiving dinners.
I only thought about her, in the moment, wrapped around me while I held her close.
“To big decisions and new adventures,” Sawyer said.
“Yeah. To all that.”
We clinked our beer bottles and threw them back before ordering a round of shots.
Kylie
I sat in my studio apartment wanting to talk to someone, but Adam was ignoring my phone calls and Alyssa was busy with a project for work. I stared at the boxes packed up around me, and my stomach rolled. Adam and I were due to move into the apartment in less than two weeks and I had to get a truck rented. But he wouldn’t take my calls and it made me upset. The rest of my workweek had gone by smoothly without so much as a peep
from him. Hell, his father had checked in on me more than he had.
Ryan.
I could call Ryan to talk.
I picked up my cell phone and dialed his number, then held it to my ear. I’d had it ever since my hospitalization my senior year. I’d come down with a bad case of mono, the Epstein-Barr strain that knocked people on their asses and made them almost catatonic. He gave me his number in case I needed anything and Adam wasn’t available to come help me. I’d never had to use it because Adam had always been there.
Until now.
“Ryan Tucker speaking.”
“Hey there. It’s Kylie,” I said.
“I forgot you had my cell number. How are you?”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Mostly.”
“Adam hasn’t called you I see.”
“He keeps ignoring my phone calls and text messages, yes.”
Ryan mumbled something on the other end of the line, but I wasn’t sure what he said.
“Ryan?”
“Sorry. Clearing my throat. You know if you need to talk, I’m here. If you want to come over, I can pour us a drink and you can vent. Call it a judgment-free zone.”
“Now I’ve never been one to turn down free alcohol,” I said.
“I have a bottle of very nice champagne I’ve been saving for a special occasion, but it seems as if it might serve us well for another purpose. Care to come over and have a glass?”
There was something in his voice that had me worried. He didn’t sound as confident and rooted as he usually did.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine. But you don’t sound okay, so come over. Let me pour you a flute of champagne and we can talk.”
I thought back to how comforting it had been to vent to him in my office, so I pulled myself off the couch and walked over to my shoes.
“I’ll see you in fifteen minutes,” I said.
“The door will be unlocked. Come right on in, Kylie.”
He hung up the phone without saying good-bye. I giggled and shook my head as I reached for my purse. I fished around for my keys before heading out the door. Sitting and staring at my packed boxes only made me fume with anger. The limbo state Adam had me hanging in didn’t do anything for my psyche. I cranked my car up and backed out of the parking space, then set my sights on Ryan’s house.
