We were running low on rations, but I made a full dinner. Loki looked like he needed it. We both ate every morsel. After we cleaned up, Loki played his flute for us, and I read from Aeon’s book. Huddled around the fusion-battery-powered lantern light in our little tent, with wild, dark Oregon surrounding us, a feeling came over me. I wasn’t sure at first what is was but after a while it dawned on me that it was happiness, or maybe even joy. We had only been companions for a few days, but I felt like we were becoming a sort of small family, protecting and caring for each other, bonded by our journey and the things we had been through. It wasn’t like anything I had felt before. My own family had always been sort of weird and awkward. I suppose my parents loved me but they never said so. My sister was a brat and treated me and our parents like hopeless freaks. She was the only normal one. The psychologists would call her prosocial, properly oriented I guess. I had often felt judged--for being weird, for not always being able to control my emotions, for not being good at making friends--not just by strangers and classmates, but by my own family. Now, though, with Xel and Loki, it felt like a kind of trust and quiet acceptance of each other had grown between us. Xel, although artificial, felt like a full member of our family. I realized with a shock that I had begun to think of him as a someone instead of a something. Whatever I had done to his programming, it had released a humanity in him that he hadn’t possessed before. I glanced at their faces while I read. They were both listening intently, wrapped up in the story. I realized that I loved both of them. Quiet, scarred, strong Loki and capable, rational, protective Xel. They were like brothers I thought, not knowing for sure what it was like to have a brother but thinking it might be like having Xel and Loki. Ever since the night I spent on the roof of the hospital, I had been more and more aware of a kind of knotted, compressed, tightly bound clump of shame and humiliation at the center of my being. I felt in some ways like part of me was a small child, huddled up, unable to speak what I felt, pushing everything back in upon itself, locking my true self away so that nobody would see me or notice me. Something had started to untangle over the days I had spent on the run though. A crack had opened, a knot had come undone, some of the tension had released. And I felt happy.
***
The next day, we passed through a couple of small towns. The railroad tracks ran through the outskirts so we kept to them and avoided the busier main street areas. Xel stayed hidden, following us but staying in the grass or among the trees. We did see a few people. There were a couple of kids in a big yard, digging with sticks, who watched us silently as we passed. An old man sitting in a truck parked on an access road tipped his hat to us and nodded.
“Was that a self-operated car?” Loki asked, amazed.
“Yes. I think so,” I answered. “Although most old cars here are retrofitted with operating computers.”
We saw more old cars and newer autocars passing by overhead when we crossed under overpasses. Once, a passenger train came down the tracks heading south. We crouched in the weeds and watched it go by, hands over our ears. All in all, the people we saw didn’t pay us much attention. It wasn’t unusual in PacNW to see people on the move, wandering from place to place looking for work. People were poor. If anyone saw how young we were, they might have asked questions but, from a distance, we were unremarkable.
We finally reached Eugene around one p.m. I was tired but feeling excited. I couldn’t wait to see my grandmother. I was sure she would be able to help us. Her house was near the tracks, in an area of town called Whitacre so we stayed walking along the tracks all the way into town. I had never come from that direction so it took me a little while to orient myself, but with Xel’s help, I found the right place to turn off from the railway and begin heading in toward the neighborhoods. It was an area of low warehouses, cinder block buildings, and giant empty lots full of weeds. As we moved farther from the tracks though, we began to see small, single family houses. It had begun to rain again--tiny drops drizzling down out of leaden clouds. We slouched up Blair Street, passed a small business area with a little grocery store and a tea house, then turned down Fourth. I walked ahead, speeding up. Emotions were coming fast and making my stomach hurt, my head swim. We were half a block away. I hope she’s home, I thought, willing her to be there. It was a Saturday. She was usually home on weekends. At last, I stood in front of her house. It was a small, tidy house, painted gray. There were three steps up to a front porch, then the door. I didn’t see any lights in the windows. I glanced to the right and saw Loki and Xel, half a block away, hanging back. Resolutely, then, I walked up the path, climbed the steps to the porch, and knocked on the door. While I waited I looked at the old wicker rocking chair to the right of the door. It was covered with a big red and orange piece of cloth. There was a patch of fur on the seat where my grandmother’s cat Alexi liked to sit. No answer came. I knocked again and called out this time.
“Grandma? It’s Tara.” Still no answer came. I heard a sound and turned toward it.
The front door of the neighbor’s house was open and I saw Mrs. Sullivan looking around the jamb.
She saw me and waved. “Tara! Are you looking for your grandma?”
“Yes,” I called back.
“She’s not here. She went up north. Called up to help with the flu epidemic in Portland. She won’t be back for a month or more. It’s all quarantined up there. Only medical personnel in and out. I’m taking care of Alexi for her.”
I felt my stomach sinking and a hollow, numb, blackness growing inside me. My ears were buzzing. How could she be gone? For a month or more? I needed her. I shook my head, forced myself to call back. “Thanks.”
I realized I should say something else, but I couldn’t think of anything. Instead I turned and began walking back toward Loki.
“Tara, what are you doing here anyway? I thought you all moved down south,” she called after me but I didn’t turn. I just kept walking, straight past Loki. Half a block later I found a bus stop and sat down on the bench. I rested my head in my hands. I was rocking back and forth. Hot tears came, and I began to cry. I heard a low keening moan and realized after a moment that it was coming from me. I couldn’t stop. It was all too much--to find her gone after making it, against all odds, to Eugene! I felt Xel leaning his head on my shoulder. On my other side, Loki sat next to me. He took my hand and held it. I knew I needed to pull myself together. I took a deep rattling breath, then another, turned and looked at Xel then Loki.
“She’s not here,” I said. “She’s away helping with a flu epidemic. Maybe for a month or more. What are we going to do now?”
Chapter 12
Running Again
We had been sitting at the bus stop for several minutes, each silently thinking our own thoughts while the rain drizzled down around us. I was feeling defeated and helpless. The emotion wrapped me up like dark wings. All of the calm and happiness I had felt the night before seemed dashed away--replaced by confusion. I couldn’t imagine what we were going to do. I watched the raindrops rippling a puddle, my mind unfocused. I felt out of control, like my brain was spinning off into space. I was losing my grip. Fiercely, I began reciting to myself the titles of old science fiction books I had read, starting with an author, then going over every book title I could remember, then moving on to another author.
I got stuck, trying to remember the name of a book, and felt myself beginning to unravel again. I doubled down, and the title came to me. Slowly, the exercise brought me back under control. It was something I had started doing when I was younger and learning to deal with my meltdowns. It had been a while but I found it still worked. Finally, a thought came to me, unfolding slowly like a flower opening. At first it was just a feeling--a tiny blossoming of hope. Then it solidified into an image: Rosie. We could go to Rosie’s house! It wasn’t far. We could ask her mother for help. I laughed when I thought of it. Loki and Xel both looked at me, waiting for me to tell them what was funny.
“We can go to my friend Rosie’s house,” I said.
“Her mom is cool. She’ll help us.”
“Are you sure?” Xel asked. “We don’t want to contact anyone who will turn us in. The police here will send us back if they find out who we are. They don’t want trouble with the federalist clusters.”
“I think so,” I said. “Rosie is my best friend.”
“Maybe you should go by yourself then. Loki and I can wait nearby. Make sure she is okay with you bringing us to her house. Come get us if everything seems all right.”
Loki and I agreed that Xel’s plan was sensible. Rosie’s house was close--only a mile away. Soon we were walking through another old residential area where giant trees lifted the sidewalk with their roots and the roofs of the houses were covered with moss. Rain dripped steadily down but it wasn’t a downpour and our ponchos kept us dry. Xel’s artificial fur shed the water without ever looking wet. There was a narrow alley that passed by Rosie’s back yard. I decided to lead them that way and leave them in the alley while I went in. There was a garage facing onto the alley with a roof that extended out a few feet. They huddled in the dry area under the overhang. Loki leaned against the garage door, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched against the cold.
“I’ll be back soon,” I said.
They both nodded. Loki looked wary.
“Be careful,” he said.
“I will,” I answered and turned to the gate that let into the back yard.
As soon as I closed the gate behind me, I heard a bark and a giant, fluffy black dog came bounding around the side of the house.
“Rufus,” I called and he ran to me through the wet grass, yelping. I hugged him while he licked my face. “It’s good to see you. Is Rosie home?”
“Who’s back here?” The screen door at the rear of the house banged open, and I saw Rosie’s mom, Wen, standing in the doorway.
“Wen, it’s me, Tara.” I stood, my hand buried in Rufus’s fur.
Wen’s face was confused for a moment. She stared hard at me across the yard and tapped her specs, issuing a softly spoken command to zoom in on my face.
Then she smiled. “Tara! What are you doing here? Come give me a hug. Are you back for a visit?”
“Sort of,” I answered. Walking across to meet her. “I’ll tell you all about it. Is Rosie home?”
“No, she’s at her dad’s house on the coast. She’ll be back tomorrow night.”
A strong feeling of disappointment surged up in my chest but it was better, actually. I needed to talk to Wen alone.
I reached the door and she hugged me. “Come in out of the rain. You grew!”
Half an hour later, we were sitting at her kitchen table with cold cups of tea. I had told her everything in my halting, back and forth way.
“This is really serious, Tara. I need to think. You can stay here tonight, and we’ll talk about next steps tomorrow. And your friends too. Where are they? Out back? Go invite them in.”
“Thanks,” I said, overwhelmed, hugging Wen again. “I’ll go get them.”
Soon we were all back inside the little house, and I was introducing Loki and Xel. Wen was fascinated by Xel. She was an AI researcher at the university. Rufus, though, wasn’t so sure about Xel. He kept whining and whimpering and looking at Wen for permission to attack the furry intruder. Finally, Wen put him outside where he sat on the back stoop with his head on his paws. Loki and I took showers for the first time in days. It felt like heaven to be under the warm water. Wen found warm robes for both of us then put our traveling clothes in her rattley old washer. As evening fell, we cooked a simple meal of beans, rice, onions, and bell peppers from the garden, and homemade tortillas. Loki helped cook, and Wen seemed surprised by his skill. I explained to her how they lived at the garage, and he told her about the community gardens. I was a hopeless cook so I sat back and just enjoyed the warm kitchen, the good smells, and the rain falling outside. The old oak table and the white tiles yellowed with age were comfortingly familiar. It was almost like being back in my old house.
When dinner was done and the dishes were washed and put away, first Loki, then I, began to yawn uncontrollably.
“I think you two need to go to bed,” Wen said, looking from me to Loki.
“I think you’re right,” I answered around another yawn.
The house had only two bedrooms. Wen gave me Rosie’s room and made up the couch for Loki.
“I don’t suppose you sleep,” she said, looking at Xel.
“No, but I will stay with Tara,” he answered.
I thanked Wen again for letting us stay, said goodnight to Loki, and went to Rosie’s room. Xel hopped up next to me where I sat on the bed. It felt weird to be there by myself. Everything was weird lately though so I shrugged it off. Snuggled down under two layers of blankets and a quilt, I reached over and turned off the light. I hadn’t slept in a bed since the night before I ran away. My body seemed to melt into the mattress. Xel was curled at my feet.
“Goodnight, Tara.”
“Goodnight, Xel,” I whispered. “Do you think we can trust Wen?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. “I hope so.”
“Me too,” I said, laying my head down on the pillow.
***
I woke in darkness to Xel pawing my shoulder. “Tara. Wake up. We have to go.”
“What is it?” I asked, instantly awake.
“Wen is on a voice chat with someone from Xia Yu Corp. I am sorry to admit that I did not trust her. I have been monitoring the traffic on the local network in this house.”
“Xia Yu?”
“Yes. She has informed them that we are here.”
“Crap.” Immediately my heart began to race and adrenaline kicked in. I tossed Rosie’s quilt aside and fumbled in the dark for my clothes. Luckily my clean laundry was put away neatly in my backpack. I had become very strict about packing my things and keeping them in order since I’d started living out of a backpack. It was one of the ways I dealt with the chaos of our journey.
“We should wake up Loki,” I said, pulling on my padded vest.
“I already did. He’s getting ready.”
In the living room, I found Loki dressed, with his pack already on. He was agitated, pacing back and forth.
“Let’s go,” I said.
Loki nodded but then stopped in his tracks, looking toward the doorway that led from the living room to the kitchen. Wen was standing there, her face frozen. She was wearing her specs. I faced her, not knowing what to say, my head still muddled from being woken so abruptly.
“I’m sorry,” she said finally, her voice breaking. “They contacted me. They said you might come here. They threatened to take Rosie away. They said I had to tell them if you came here--”
“I’m sorry, too,” I answered haltingly. “We shouldn’t have come. We put you in a bad position.”
“You have until morning. They said they would contact the police. They’ll come for you in the morning. I’ll tell them I fell asleep. I didn’t hear you leave. Run. Get as far away as you can before then.”
Out on the sidewalk, it was cold and very dark but at least the rain had stopped. Gusts of wind battered me as I led Xel and Loki back the way we had come, toward the railroad tracks. It was the only thing I could think of. We could get away from town, hopefully hop a freight train. We went as fast as possible, running across the street at lighted intersections, walking fast. As we approached Seventh Street though, Xel called to me.
“Tara, stop.”
I turned. Loki was standing, unmoving. I could barely see his face in the darkness.
“Loki! Are you all right?”
He didn’t answer. I walked back and put a hand on his arm. He was trembling. He opened his mouth to speak but the words froze, unspoken, as his body stiffened. His eyes locked on mine, and he stood absolutely still for a moment then abruptly slumped and crumpled toward the ground. I caught him as he fell, getting my arms around his chest. Crouched down on the sidewalk with his weight on my legs, I looked to Xel helplessly.
“What are we going to do?” I cried in frustration.
“Drag him that way, into the carport.”
I followed Xel’s gaze and saw that we were in the driveway of a small house. At the end was a dark carport with what appeared to be a car parked in it. It was covered with a tarp but was definitely automobile-shaped. I straightened my legs and dragged Loki up the driveway. His heels bumped along the ground and through piles of wet leaves. He was still convulsing. When we were under the roof of the carport, we stopped, and I laid him down on the concrete floor.
“Try the car door. See if it’s open,” Xel said.
I lifted the canvas. The car had old fashioned door handles. It was a four door. It took me a minute to figure out that I needed to push the button in to disengage the latch then pull to open the door. I tried the rear door on the driver side and it creaked open with a screech of old hinges. Inside I saw a wide stretch of back seat in the dim light from a streetlight half a block away.
“Get him inside. You’ll have to lift him,” Xel advised.
The Place Inside the Storm Page 12
