Where would I be today if I’d been courageous enough to tell Sawyer about his son? she mused.
She rolled her eyes at herself. Her mind went instantly to white dresses and wedding rings, which was ridiculous. It was insane, thinking that she might have married Sawyer, that he’d make all her problems vanish.
She was like a wide-eyed little girl, caught up in daydreams and fairy tales. That simply wasn’t the way the world worked, period.
Remy had been fighting with her mother about just this thing since Shiloh was 3 months old. Eulah River was a good Christian woman who had raised a good Christian family. In her mother’s mind, Remy leaving Shiloh home during church was tantamount to treason. Tolerant though Eulah might be, there was no such thing as an uncivilized and unbaptized child in her household.
Purely for the sake of saving herself another argument with her mother, Remy had agreed to have Shiloh baptized – in the next town over. The compromise worked, so now Shiloh’s soul was safe, and Remy’s privacy was somewhat respected.
Before Remy realized it, they were pulling up in front of one of the biggest houses on Catahoula’s main strip. A big white plantation house, with brand new construction. Flashy as all get-out, with a vast acreage of glorious green grass.
When Remy climbed out of the car with her two sisters, her mother was waiting.
“Grab some pies,” her mother said. “Head around the back of the house, Mrs. Faraday has got a beautiful gazebo set up back there. That’s where everybody will be.”
Remy accepted three foil wrapped pies from Micah, then led her mother and her siblings around the side of the plantation house and into the backyard.
The layout was even more beautiful than her mother had described, tables spread out all around the pristine white gazebo, lights strung in the trees. With the gazebo at the center, the yard sprawled out into little copses of trees, paved walking paths winding everywhere and cute little statues of cherubs spitting water adorning the paths.
There were already about 50 people milling about the food tables, quite a few faces that Remy recognized – even people who hadn’t even been in church that morning. Church socials took place every Sunday afternoon, rain or shine. It was pretty common for the majority of the town to show up, religious or not… basically anybody who wasn’t currently in social disgrace was welcome.
Remy delivered her pies to the already-overburdened dessert table. She turned and looked around, scanning the crowd. To her relief, or maybe her disappointment, the Roman family had yet to make an appearance. If they were even going to show up at all, that was.
“You want to get some lemonade?” her sister Larkin asked, appearing at her elbow.
“Oh, sure.” Remy trailed after Larkin, realizing that Shelby and Micah were right behind them. Classic River siblings, forming a human shield around whoever was struggling socially.
Of course, over the last two years, that person had always been Remy. Since the first day that she went into town with her pregnancy beginning to show, she’d been the weakest link amongst the four of them.
“Are you bummed?” Shelby asked as they took turns ladling lemonade from an intricate crystal punch bowl into tiny punch glasses.
“Why would I be bummed?” Remy asked, sipping her lemonade.
Shelby just snorted and looked away, giving Remy time to look around the party. Maybe it was better that the Roman family didn’t show up at all. This morning, she’d been terribly shocked to find that the Roman brothers were not only in church this morning, but sitting only one pew ahead of the Rivers.
All three Roman brothers kept looking back at her, being about as sneaky as Shiloh when he was trying to hide something. For her part, Remy spent the entire service pointedly ignoring all of the Romans, but she’d be darned if she heard a single word of the sermons.
Just when she thought she’d dodged the same bullet at the social, Arlo Roman turned up.
Sawyer’s father stalked into the backyard about half an hour later with his new wife-to-be, but none of the Roman sons seemed poised to make an entrance anytime soon. Remy busied herself socializing with some of the older ladies, especially the ones who didn’t get out of the house much. Spinsterdom was very much alive and well in Catahoula, and since Remy figured she was headed that way eventually, spending time with her future kin seemed like the polite thing to do.
Well, that, and the fact that those ladies were some of her strongest supporters during the first year of Shiloh’s life. For a while, Remy had been a town outcast, despite the fact that hardly anyone had come right out and called her names to her face. This was the South, where social politics all happened by word-of-mouth, at socials and picnics just like this one.
So Remy settled herself in a circle of older women, feeling a strange kind of comfort as she listened to them rehash and pick apart the week’s goings-on in Catahoula. One she was ensconced in her little group, it freed up Shelby and Larkin and Micah to go do their own thing, which was a bonus. Remy was content fetching drink refills and holding her tongue, though the irony of being confined to such a group when she was only 28 years old was not lost on her.
At length, her mother came over. Though Eulah didn’t travel in the same circles as the other older ladies, preferring her own company, she was perfectly friendly with them. She settled in and sat next to Remy, fanning herself with the program from the morning’s church service.
“You need something, Mama?” Remy asked her.
“I think I got everything I need, sweet girl,” her mother said, patting Remy on the hand. “I just wanted to come spend some time with my firstborn daughter. I feel like I hardly see you these days, between working for your father, your job in town, and taking care of Shiloh.”
“Mama, we live in the same house.”
Remy’s mother favored her with a smile. “I know, baby. I just get to missing you, is all. I can’t say how excited I am to hear y’all sing this afternoon. It’s been too long.”
Remy nodded. Though her mother had never worked outside the home, Eulah River had once been the church’s choir director. Though her mother could barely sight-read music, and while Eulah didn’t have the best voice, she always said gospel music was in her blood. She’d raised her four children accordingly, filling them with the love of music and group performance.
To this day, Remy and her siblings performed as a quartet. Usually a cappella, though sometimes Micah would play along on his guitar, or sometimes Shelby would provide them with simple piano accompaniment.
“We’re only doing a few songs today, but I promise you I think you’re gonna like our selection,” Remy told her mother.
“I like anything with a melody that gives glory to God,” her mother said with a soft smile.
Remy smiled back, suddenly finding herself wishing that she had the same strength of faith that her mother had. She went to church regularly, of course. And she did believe in most of the church’s teachings, but not all of it. In Catahoula Baptist Church especially, Remy often felt a little out of place.
Maybe it was the fact that she herself was what some might consider a fallen woman. Maybe it was just her age, the fact that she was still young and curious and accepting of new things. She just felt that oftentimes people at church could be harsh and cold, especially in situations where they maybe didn’t have the best understanding of the context.
Life was complex, and sometimes when you faced challenges, you just had to do the best you could with what you had. Knowing that everyone in town was judging and plotting against you didn’t help anyone a single bit, at least not in Remy’s recent experience.
“Are you all right, sugar?”
Remy turned to find her mother looking at her with concern.
“Oh, yes,” she said, shaking her head. “I was just thinking about our performance.”
“Well, as much as I imagine it’s nice to get away from your parental duties for an afternoon,” her mother said, “I must admit that I wish Shiloh were here.”
R
emy glanced over to the gazebo, where more than two dozen kids of varying ages were playing a game of tag. Shiloh might yet be young, but soon he’d be of the age to play with other kids just like the ones here at the social.
Remy turned her gaze to the group of twentysomething mothers, the social group that she should fit into… Except that she’d had a child out of wedlock, and her peers weren’t exactly shy about sharing their opinions on the matter.
Heaven knew what they said in front of their kids about Remy and Shiloh; Remy flinched at the thought of sending Shiloh to school with those children, who would in all likelihood parrot back all those hateful things to Remy’s son.
“Remy, darlin’,” her mother said, tapping her on the arm with her paper fan. “Don’t you worry about them.”
Remy smiled at her mother, amazed always that she knew exactly what each of her children was thinking. Remy’s mother and father were complete extremes; her dad usually oblivious, and her mother empathetic almost to a fault.
“It’s like you read my mind, Mama,” she said.
“Well,” her mother said. “We’ll see how much you appreciate me when the time comes to talk about putting Shiloh in public school. I know you think you’re homeschooling the boy, but I’m willing to go to the mat with you on that one.”
Remy arched a brow. “Is that right?”
“Mmmhm,” her mother murmured.
“He’s got a good life,” Remy said, suddenly feeling defensive. “I know we don’t have much, but Shiloh has a house full of people who love him. He’s got a lot more love in his life than most people do.”
Remy’s mother crossed her arms and gave her a stern look.
“Girl, don’t you go putting all the things you feel about yourself onto that little boy. Lord knows, if you have the choice, you’d hunker down and probably never leave the farm again.”
Remy gave her a look, but couldn’t disagree. “So? There are worse things.”
“Well, if it was just about what you actually enjoy, and about being happier around your family than around outsiders, that would be one thing. But that’s not it,” her mother said. “You refuse to make friends or leave the nest because you’re scared to take a risk. You want to control everything in your life, protect yourself and protect Shiloh.”
It was everything Remy could do not to snap back at her mother. She took a deep breath and exhaled, closing her eyes for a brief moment before responding.
“Mama, it’s my life. I don’t understand why you keep resisting my choices, since you love the fact that we still live at home.”
“I’d like it more if you weren’t so busy lining the nest of your own gilded cage,” her mother said, pursing her lips.
“Well, tough turkeys. We don’t always get what we want, do we?”
Remy turned away, just in time to see the three Roman brothers coming around the side of the yard.
“Crap,” she muttered.
Sawyer was in the lead, as always. Looking handsome as sin in a white dress shirt, dark jeans, and a crisp new cream-colored Stetson. All that was missing from his look was a good pair of weathered cowboy boots, and he’d blend right in with the rest of Catahoula.
It was a trick, of course… Sawyer was a level above his hometown peers, always had been. He didn’t belong in Catahoula, not in the long-term.
“Well,” Remy’s mother said. “Speak the name of the devil, and he shall appear.”
“Mama!” Remy said, stifling a laugh. “That is not a nice comparison.”
Eulah merely fanned herself and batted her eyelashes, looking not one single bit regretful. Her expression turned to distaste as Arlo Roman and his hoity-toity new fiancée walked over, meeting the Roman brothers in front of the gazebo.
It only took Sawyer a few moments to locate Remy, pinning her with his gaze. Arlo was right on his son’s heels, shooting Remy a glare the second he saw her.
Like she’d done something wrong, just by being in the presence of his prodigal son.
“Jerk,” she muttered under her breath.
“Now who is not being nice,” her mother asked. Remy made a face, knowing that her mother didn’t know the extent of Arlo’s threats against Remy and Shiloh.
Remy, for her part, avoided both their gazes and focused on her mother. She forced herself to concentrate on the women around her, not looking up again until the social hostess called everyone to attention.
“Hello, everyone!” their hostess Mrs. Faraday shouted. “If we could all please settle down and find a comfortable spot, the entertainment is about to begin. It’s our lucky day, because the River Siblings Quartet is going to perform for us. Isn’t that nice?”
There was a light smattering of applause, as Remy and her siblings rose and headed toward the gazebo. Remy could feel her pulse pick up, her hands begin to sweat as she climbed the steps. Even with Larkin and Shelby and Micah at her side, she found it difficult to turn and face the crowd.
She cleared her throat and closed her eyes, summoning her courage. Just because some of the people in town didn’t approve of her, didn’t approve of the choices she’d made, well, that didn’t mean she should quit doing the things she loved.
And singing, that was something she loved.
Maybe she struggled for faith sometimes, sitting in church. But the moments when she was singing, totally wrapped up in the lovely melody of a classic country gospel song… In those moments, Remy took flight like she had wings.
Micah started tapping his foot, beginning the beat to “Can The Circle Be Unbroken”.
The song was slow and sweet, the melody a perfect blend for the siblings. Remy and Shelby sang soprano, Larkin sang contralto, with Micah coming in as a tenor or baritone as needed.
Their harmonies dipped and soared, pulling her into the rhythm. Remy completely forgot about their audience, about her problems, even her concerns about Sawyer’s father. It all faded away as they slipped into “Farther Along” and “Coat Of Many Colors”. By the end of the first song, everyone else seemed to have forgotten all but the music, too.
There was a huge burst of applause after every song, especially leading into the finale of “Amazing Grace”.
Halfway through their last song, Remy opened her eyes and looked out into the crowd. She instantly locked gazes with Sawyer, her voice faltering when she saw the intensity glowing in his hazel eyes. He was watching her like a hawk, not swaying or tapping his foot to the music like everyone else.
He was watching her, only her.
Remy started to feel hot all over, and this time it wasn’t stage fright. Larkin nudged her in the ribs with an elbow, and Remy caught up the melody once more, but she couldn’t look away from Sawyer. He’d taken off his hat, showcasing his dark hair.
She hadn’t had time to notice the last time she saw him, back at the bar, but his hair really started to grow out – enough to be a little bit curly on top, which made her stomach flip-flop for some reason.
As the song came to a close, she ran a hand over her dress. She’d had a baby, her body changing as she aged. Not that she didn’t keep herself up, but she was a woman now — not a thin, perky teenaged girl.
Sawyer, on the other hand, looked better than ever. He’d always had the height, of course, but his time in the military had packed his form with thick muscle, filled him out in ways that made her feel a little faint.
She hated that, the way men got better with age. Women started to slowly wrinkle and expand, usually hips first. Sawyer was definitely in no danger of that…
The audience applauded, snapping her out of her reverie. She turned to find Shelby grinning at her. When her sister winked, Remy went red.
“No need to explain, really,” Shelby said. “I’ve seen the Roman men. They’re darn near irresistible. And you have the fortune of knowing that firsthand.”
“Shelby!” Remy said, feeling a little scandalized. They headed down the stairs and over to the refreshment table. All four siblings were forced to stop here and there to
receive praise from the church members, thanking them in return.
“Well, I’m just saying. It isn’t like there’s a doubt about it,” Shelby said. “Or was Shiloh an immaculate conception?”
“The mouth on you,” Remy scolded.
Shelby arched a brow, like she wanted to push the topic further, but she changed the subject instead.
“I just want to come right out and say it,” Shelby said, grabbing a bottle of water from the drink table.
“Well, you’re already being a little roundabout,” Remy said.
“I’m rooting for you and Sawyer to get together,” Shelby said.
Remy paused in the middle of twisting the cap off her bottle of water. “What?”
“Come on. It’s sooooo obvious,” Shelby said. “High school sweethearts, reunited…”
Remy grabbed Shelby’s wrist and led her away from the main group, down one of the little walking paths. Glancing around to make sure they were out of earshot, she took her sister to task.
“Shelby, I’m not sure if you’ve somehow forgotten this in the last few seconds, but Sawyer and I have more connecting us than just a high school fling,” she snapped.
“Yeah, duh. That’s my point,” Shelby said, crossing her arms.
“Listen. Me and Sawyer? Never, ever going to happen. If he wanted to, he could sue me for custody. The fact that I never told him about Shiloh, the fact that the Romans have the money for a big fancy lawyer? That means a judge might side with him. I could lose custody. Is that what you want?” she asked.
Shelby narrowed her eyes not. “Of course not. That’s an unfair thing to say.”
“Well, that’s what I’m facing here. So I can’t be mooning around after Sawyer, or any other man in town for that matter. No one can know. No one.”
“You’re so mean when you’re being a scaredy-cat,” Shelby said, shaking her head.
“Is it so wrong to fear for my son?” Remy asked, outraged.
“Yeah, if you’re basing all of this on the supposition that Sawyer would try to take Shiloh from you. He’s a really good guy, always has been. You know him. You know that better than anybody.”
Promise Me: A Second Chance Romance Page 37
