by K. M. Galvin
“I know. I’m amazing.” He laughs and then smiles that familiar smile.
It reminds me so much of home, of when we were in college and visited my dad. Of the three of us sitting around the fire while my dad told ridiculous stories of the people he took on hikes.
“I don’t know how I’ll ever pay you back, how I could ever make it up to you.”
He takes my hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. “Sometimes people do things just to make another happy. I guess if you want to make it up to me, don’t disappear again. Answer the phone when I call. Before you were my girlfriend, you were my best friend. I’d like to try and get back there.”
“I’ve missed you, Jamie. Probably more than I ever realized.”
He grins. “Missed you too. Now let’s see when I can bust you out of here.”
I smile as he leaves, and I stretch, glad to no longer be attached to any machines. I climb out of bed and make sure my gown is secure so as to not flash everyone in this hospital, then slip my feet in the thin slippers next to my bed.
Time to say goodbye.
I WALK DOWN THE HALLWAY, my slippers dragging against the tile. I speak with a nurse at the nurse’s station and she gives me East’s room number with no issue. I guess surviving a sinking boat, days at sea, and weeks on a deserted island gave you a family status.
Before long, I’m staring at his door like a weird ass. Why is this so hard? Flexing my fingers, I squeeze them into a fist and knock gently against the door. Bringing my fist to my mouth, I gnaw on a knuckle as I hear whispers from inside before Carter calls out to enter.
I shake out my hand, smooth my ridiculous gown, and open the door, peeking my head in first.
“Taylor, hi! Come on in.” Carter smiles widely.
“Where’s your evil twin?” I kid, sitting in the chair he gestures to beside him.
“Bathroom. You guys must have really missed plumbing,” he jokes, and I laugh. Probably way too loudly in order to cover my nerves.
“I’d die for a shower.” I comb my fingers through my hair. The oils balanced after the first two weeks, but it’s gritty from salt and sand. The idea of having warm water beating down on my skin, and shampoo and conditioner… Ugh, God, it’s almost too much.
I glance at Carter, still shocked by the sight of him, and blush when he catches me staring.
“Something on my face?”
I shake my head, embarrassed. “It’s just—I didn’t know you were twins. And seeing you here, healthy…it just highlights all that East went through.”
Carter smiles softly. “I want to thank you.”
“For?” I ask, tilting my head.
Carter leans forward and takes my hand in his. “Taylor, you saved my brother’s life. You kept him sane and helped get him off that island.”
I chuckle lightly. “Carter, I hate to burst your bubble, but I saved him so I wouldn’t be alone. Keeping him sane kept me sane. And I wanted off that island just as badly.”
Liar.
Carter shoots me a knowing look. “You can keep your modesty, but to me you’re a hero and I owe you everything.”
Rubbing my forehead, I concede. He’s as stubborn as his brother. “Where’s Henry?”
Carter grimaces. “Unfortunately, with his grandparents at the moment. I didn’t want him to miss any school and this is too stressful for a little boy.”
I don’t press for more information, though I want to. East’s life is such a mystery to me. Further proving my point. We only know each other as two people trying to survive.
“Your face just closed off. What did I say?”
I pull out of my thoughts and turn my attention back to Carter. “Nothing I didn’t already know.”
“And what do you know?” East asks, staring at both Carter and I.
I watch him warily as he makes his way to the bed and sits on the edge. He changed into some sweats, making me instantly jealous. Nothing like sitting bare ass in front of two gorgeous men in a thin hospital gown to make you feel vulnerable.
“I’m going to give you two some privacy,” Carter excuses himself, kissing the crown of my head quickly before exiting.
Surprised, I watch him leave. Seems both VanHoutens accept people into their lives quickly.
“Well?” East prompts.
I scratch my head, looking anywhere but at him before huffing, “What do you want me to say?”
“You can start by telling me who that guy was this morning,” East says, his jaw tightening.
I roll my eyes. “You’re jealous?”
“Unless I’m mistaken, we fucked a couple days ago. I think I have a right to be jealous,” he counters nastily.
Flinching at his word choice, I curl slightly into myself. “He was my boyfriend.”
East gets up and crosses his arms, turning away from me. “Why’s he here?”
I stiffen at the suggestion in his voice. “For the same reason Carter is: to help. I have no one else, so thank God he is here.”
“You have me,” he growls, turning to glare at me.
I scoff, “East, come on. Do you know what happened to my apartment? Where my money went? What about making sure I have my dad’s cabin in order? Do you even know where I’m from? When’s my birthday? Do you even know how old I am? How about—”
He holds up a hand, cutting me off. “Those are all details. I know you, Taylor.”
I rise to my feet, agitated, and face him, deflating against the earnestness facing me. “I’m not trying to be mean.”
“No, it sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself none of this happened.”
Walking over, I reach for his hand. “Please East, you have to understand. This is the second time this year that my life has completely upended.”
East tugs me into his arms. “I know, but I wish you would lean on me.”
I close my eyes, listening to his heartbeat. “Can we just press pause? Revisit all of this in a month? Life is going to be crazy for the next few weeks; I need to land somewhere safe before deciding to take another leap of faith.”
His arms squeeze me to him. “Well, just so you know, I’m a sure thing.”
I snicker against his shirt. “You’re an idiot.”
East kisses my forehead. “Please don’t disappear from my life, Taylor.”
I detangle myself from him, needing to put distance between us before I totally cave and do whatever he asks of me. “You survived all this time without me, you’ll be fine.”
East grabs my chin gently but firmly. “Stop underestimating what I feel for you.”
Before I can argue, he captures my lips with his own. I squeeze my eyes shut, savoring the feel of his lips. Memorizing the feel of his beard against my skin, the way his hands clutch me like he’s afraid I’ll slip through his grasp. The way his muscles mold to my hands as I run them down his back.
“Hey—” Carter calls out as he barges into the room, jolting me out of my stupor. I push away and glance guiltily at East’s brother. East’s slower to back away, licking his lips, taking the last taste of me inside.
“I should…” I trail off, pointing towards the door.
“Ah, don’t leave on my account. East will kill me if I chase you off.” Carter pouts playfully.
I smile; it’s easy when he’s so cheery. “No, I need to go. I haven’t spoken with the doctor yet, and Jamie’s bringing me back some clothes.”
“Jamie,” East repeats gruffly.
“My friend,” I stress meaningfully. “He’s helping me get home.”
“And where’s that?” Carter asks.
“Well, it was Seattle, but apparently I lost my apartment and nearly everything in it.”
Carter’s expression drops and he turns to give a look to his brother. East’s brows are furrowed in concern and he nods to his twin.
“Are you sure you don’t need help? I don’t like that idea of you not having anything to go back to,” East says gently.
My breath hitches, and ignoring the
stinging in my eyes at the piteous looks they are both giving me, I say, “I’ve got it sorted. Jamie is readying my dad’s cabin. I’ll be ok—I always seem to land on my feet.”
I give them a brighter smile than I feel and head to the door.
“Don’t disappear on me, Taylor,” East calls out.
I glance over my shoulder and give him one last smile instead of responding, because that’s exactly what I intend to do.
I leave with Jamie later that day. He brought me a hot pink t-shirt dress, St. Croix emblazoned across the front in bright green, and yellow flip-flops. I looked like someone spilled fluorescent paint all over me. I exit the small bathroom, grimacing.
“You couldn’t have grabbed me any underwear?” I tug at the front of the baggy dress. At least it’s so large no one can see anything.
“I didn’t think it would be appropriate,” he grins sheepishly.
Rolling my eyes, I say, “We’ve known each other for years. We were engaged. I think in this situation you can forgo propriety.”
Jamie shrugs. “So I don’t want you to be alarmed, but there are photographers outside.”
Crossing my arms, I try not to panic. “Why? This is ridiculous.”
“You were lost at sea with the oldest son of one of the richest families in the United States. Sorry, Taylor, but it’s a big story.”
“This is why I wanted to sneak away,” I moan, throwing my dirty hospital gown onto my bed.
“I’ll pull the car up to the front,” he promises. “Do you want to say goodbye to—”
“No,” I shake my head forcefully, “it’s better this way. He’s got an entire life to return to, a life I don’t belong in, and he’s a lightning rod for attention right now. I don’t want—”
Jamie holds up a hand. “No worries. I’ll go grab the car. Give me ten minutes.”
After he leaves, I look around the room to collect my things and realize I have nothing. Not even a phone. That will have to be one of the first things I do when I get back. Also, a car. I sold mine before I left and banked every check I got…assuming I could get access to my bank account. I should have enough to get something decent.
I check the clock on the wall and see it’s been a little over ten minutes. My hand hovers over the door handle, waffling on whether or not to say goodbye. Before I can renege on my original decision to slip away, there’s a knock on the door. I open it to find Carter standing there, smiling.
“Hey there, rainbow.” He laughs lightly.
“Please, do not comment on it. I feel like I should be going to a rave.”
“Were you going somewhere?” He raises a knowing brow. “Possibly before you said goodbye to a certain someone?”
I lean against the doorjamb and sigh. “So what if I was? This is better for him.”
Carter looks surprised. “I think it would actually be the opposite. I don’t know you very well—”
“Try at all,” I interject.
“Fine, or at all, but I do know my twin and he will be very angry that you’re leaving without a word.”
My heart pinches with guilt. “Carter…he doesn’t know me and my life is such a mess right now. I have nothing to offer someone like him.”
“Someone like him?” he echoes.
“Come on, you know! You’re one too. You’re both, like, the most eligible bachelors in the country. This isn’t some kind of Cinderella story.”
“I don’t think you give my brother enough credit. He’s not shallow.”
Raking my fingers through my hair, I look at him balefully. “Carter, I have lost everything this year. Twice. I just need some stability, and the next couple weeks—maybe months—are going to be a nightmare of an adjustment. I don’t need to worry about all that comes with dating some mega-rich guy, the attention he’s going to draw from the media, and a long distance relationship.”
“I get it, I get it.” He sighs roughly. “But this is going to tear him up.”
“I don’t plan on disappearing forever. I just need a brief hiatus, ok?” I brace my hand on his forearm. “Promise to take care of him for me?”
Apparently even off the island my need to make sure he’s ok is still there. Even though I’ll be the one hurting him this time.
“Always,” he promises and tugs me into a hug. “Take care of yourself too, and if you don’t find us, we’ll come for you. The VanHouten men are a stubborn breed.”
I laugh, giving him one last squeeze. “That I know. I’ll see ya later, Carter VanHouten.”
“Not before I see you, Taylor McKay.”
I watch him for a moment as he heads back towards his brother’s room before I head towards the exit. I keep my head down as I pass nurses, doctors and other patients, but there’s no escaping the barrage of attention I receive the second I walk through the automatic doors of the exit.
“Ms. McKay! Ms. McKay! How did you survive?”
“Ms. McKay! Are you happy to be going home?”
“Ms. McKay! Ms. McKay!”
The shouts are nearly drowned out by the sounds of cameras shuttering as they capture my shock. I cover my face and hunch over. “Jamie!” I yell, terrified as they begin to crowd me. My breath comes in faster and faster. I haven’t been around this many people in weeks.
“Jamie!” I cry out again, as loud as I can, and begin to feel my legs weaken. I could not collapse in front of these people. They would love it.
“Move! Get the fuck out of the way!” Jamie’s voice comes to my right and I begin to make my way towards it.
“Sir! Sir! Who are you? Are you the boyfriend?”
“How do you feel about your girlfriend being alone with East VanHouten for over a month?”
“Ms. McKay! Were you and Mr. VanHouten involved in any way?”
A hand reaches out and grabs my arm, pulling my hand away from my face, and I scream, stopping only when I register that it’s Jamie hauling me to his car. Opening the passenger side, he shoves me in and slams the door shut. The sounds are instantly muted, but I’m still exposed.
Jamie shoves a reporter away from the driver’s side door and gets in quickly, breathing erratically. “Holy shit! Holy, holy shit!”
He continues to cuss, slamming on the car horn as he drives away.
I stare out the window at the unfamiliar landscape, shaking like a goddamn leaf. I knew there would be some people looking for a story, but that—
“Are you ok?” Jamie asks urgently. “Taylor! Tell me you’re ok.”
I turn towards him, stuttering my reply as panic consumes me. “I-I’m fine. J-Jamie, what am I g-going to do?”
“I’m going to get us out of here and then you’re going to hide away at your dad’s place until this dies down. I can’t get over that. They mobbed you!” he yells, slamming a hand on the steering wheel. “As if you didn’t just go through something traumatic. They’re like vultures.”
“Why do you think I’m trying to sneak out of here?” I slap his arm.
He looks over as he rubs his arm. “Ok, yes, no need for violence.”
Kicking my feet up on the dash, I crack a window, feeling slightly claustrophobic. The wind snags my hair and fills my nostrils with the once frightening but now familiar salt and sea perfume of the nearby beach.
“So what’s the plan?” I tilt my head along the headrest towards Jamie.
“I’ve got us flights for tomorrow morning. Once we land, we head straight to your father’s place. Then…whatever you want.”
“I need to access my money, then phone and car.” I tick them off my fingers.
“Taylor, you already have a car.”
“I do?”
“God, you really zoned out at the lawyer’s office, huh?” Jamie looks over, concerned.
I knot my hands at the bottom of my dress. “Jamie, it was two days after my father died. Of course I was out of it.”
“You haven’t looked at his will at all?” He sounds incredulous, and I guess it is strange.
“I broke u
p with you less than a week later, quit my job, and took off to work on a boat. I don’t think I was in my right mind.”
“About any of it?” he asks innocently, but I hear the undertone.
I turn to face him; he needs to understand. “I don’t regret any of it. I’m just saying I wasn’t thinking clearly, but maybe that needed to be the case in order to do what I had to.”
Jamie’s quiet for a moment before clearing his throat. “Well anyway, he left you his old Bronco.”
“He did?” I ask, startled.
“Taylor, he left you everything,” Jamie says gently.
I rub my eyes to alleviate the burning. Dad was looking out for me, even in death. He couldn’t have known how much I would need his help. How could I have not known that he basically gifted me his life? Setting me up for when I fell again. And it was inevitable.
“Stop beating yourself up,” Jamie continues quietly.
I laugh ironically. “Sure.”
“You’re going to be fine, Taylor.”
I swallow thickly. “Sure,” I repeat.
Two months later
MY PHONE BEEPS, ALERTING ME that my next tour is in fifteen minutes. I stare at myself in the mirror, squinting to see if I look any different. My hair is a little longer. My skin still glows from being outside most of the time, but it’s a healthy tan, not the deep tan I had on the island. Most importantly, my cheeks have filled out, one of the most visible signs I’ve gained my weight back.
My screen door at the front of cabin bangs slightly with the wind, causing me to blink and refocus. I set down the thing that just changed my life and go into my bedroom to slip on my hiking boots over my thick socks. I shrug on one of my dad’s plaids over my gray tank top and smile slightly as it grazes the bottom of my shorts, tickling my legs.
Wearing his clothes always feels like he’s giving me a hug.
At first, when I moved out here it was weird. I felt as if I was living in a mausoleum. Everywhere I looked there was a memory, something that reminded me of him. I still don’t sleep in his old room, the biggest room in the cabin. Instead, I moved back into my childhood room.
I did refurnish the cabin once I got a hold of my things. Now the cabin is a blend of my father and me. Everything I kept reminded me of the best times. I even took up his hiking tour business. His cabin borders one of the larger lodges on the lake and they were more than happy to take me on full-time in place of my father. Especially since I helped out during the summer in my teens.
