by Irene Brand
“Just like her mother,” he mumbled, but Alice chose to overlook his remark.
“It’s like you,” he continued, “to find excuses for them, but I can’t be that benevolent yet. Right now, I feel like snatching you up in my arms, leaving all of them behind, and going away together.”
Alice bent over and kissed the top of his head. “Not Eddie—I wouldn’t leave him behind.”
He took her hand. “Of course, I’m angry now and didn’t mean what I said. I’m disappointed, too. Just when I thought my life was turned around and that the future was open before me, I have a problem rise in my own household. I don’t know what to do about it.”
There was only one possible solution, but Alice wasn’t going to mention it now—Mark had enough to worry him tonight.
“Think about a Scripture verse that I read during my morning devotions. ‘In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’”
“I’ve quoted that to members of my congregation who were experiencing trouble hundreds of times. Now my own words come back to convict me.” He stood up and pulled her into his arms. “I’ve been on a spiritual mountaintop all afternoon and evening, but now I’ve been plunged into the valley. Perhaps God needs to know how strong my commitment really is. But I’ve stood the test—my plans haven’t changed at all. With you by my side, I can weather any storm.”
Alice wouldn’t disillusion Mark, but as she lay awake most of the night, she could see only one solution to their problem. She wouldn’t come between Mark and his family, and she didn’t believe that Kristin would ever accept her. She kept telling herself that the Tanners could get along without her now—that her role in their life was to come and get them on their feet. Now that Mark was financially solvent and had made his commitment to return to the ministry, God wouldn’t need her help in righting the Tanners’ world. Did this mark the beginning of the end for her and Mark?
She faced the decision she’d dreaded all along. When it came time to leave Mark and his children, what would it do to her heart? If only she hadn’t learned to love all of them, the break wouldn’t have been so difficult. Tonight, she’d had a glimpse of paradise—of what marriage to Mark could mean. Had Moses felt the same way when God gave him a look into the Promised Land, and told him he couldn’t enter? If it came to sacrificing her own happiness to make Mark’s life easier, she’d do it, but she wasn’t ready yet to give him up. She covered her head with the pillow and sobbed—hard, wrenching sobs that shook the bed. She couldn’t control her sorrow—she only hoped that Mark wouldn’t hear in his room across the hall, for she knew that he, too, would be unable to sleep.
Mrs. Guthrie looked from one to the other as they gathered for breakfast. Only Eddie was his normal self.
“I’ve had a good time here,” he said, “but I want to get back to Richmond so I can go to school. Can we come back here again, Alice?”
“I don’t know, Eddie. I’ll probably sell the beach house before another summer.”
“Aw, gee—I like it here.” He sipped slowly on his orange juice and looked around the table. “Why’s everybody so quiet?”
Mark glanced at Alice, but he shrugged his shoulders. “You and Mrs. Guthrie might as well know, Eddie—Alice and I’ve decided to get married, and Gran and Kristin are opposed to it. What do you think?”
Eddie’s eyes lighted to a brilliant blue. “Oh, yes, Daddy. Get married. Alice loves me.”
Alice bit her lips to keep back the sobs. Even Mark’s eyes filled as he laid his hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “She loves all of us, Son.”
But Eddie’s endorsement didn’t have any influence on the opinions of Gran and Kristin. When Alice came downstairs with her final load of luggage, Gran was already in the back seat of the station wagon. Without speaking, Alice helped Mark pack both vehicles.
“Do you want Eddie to ride with you?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No, I’m just as well off alone. You go ahead—I’ll need to talk with Mrs. Guthrie about closing down the house for the winter. She goes to visit her sister in Florida for a few months then.”
“You are coming back, aren’t you?” Mark asked anxiously, and she wondered if he sensed her struggle.
“Yes, I’ll be there soon after you arrive, although I don’t know what to say and do.”
“We’ll go on as we’ve been doing. Gran and Kristin will soon get used to the idea. It’ll work out.”
“I hope so.”
The next few weeks were more disturbing than Alice had anticipated. Eddie didn’t miss a meal, but Gran refused to come downstairs. She called an agency that delivered food to the elderly, and they brought her a meal once each day. The rest of the time she existed on food that Ethel Pennington brought her. Apparently Kristin had telephoned Ethel as soon as they returned to Richmond, for she came every day and took Kristin to her home. Alice had overheard several telephone calls Gran made to nursing homes indicating the older woman planned to move.
If Gran did leave the house, Alice would have to go even sooner than she expected, but she’d hoped to stay a couple of months for Eddie’s sake. If she remained in the house without Gran living there, both hers and Mark’s reputation would be ruined.
Kristin wouldn’t let Alice take her to school, but asked Susie’s mother to stop by for her each morning. Erin looked speculatively at Alice the first time she came, but Alice merely shrugged her shoulders—she couldn’t talk about the tension in the house.
Mark was moody, as if a capricious streak had invaded his household, and he couldn’t decide what to do about it. The only bright spot in Alice’s life was Eddie. She’d taken him to school the first day and had spent a few hours with him as parents were expected to do. He was enthusiastic about his class and the new friends he made. He talked constantly when Alice picked him up and brought him home from school, and also during the evening meal, which he shared with her and Mark.
One evening when Mark came home, Alice sensed a difference in him—a new determination on his face.
“I see Ethel’s car parked in front. Is she still here?” he asked.
“I suppose so. She never invades my part of the house.”
“Will you come into the family room in a few minutes? I’m going to assemble the rest of the household, including Ethel.”
She heard him going upstairs. “Kristin, Eddie,” he called, “I want to see you in the family room. Gran, I’d like for you to sit in on the session, and you, too, Ethel.”
They were all seated, expectantly, when Alice entered. She perched on a chair near the door. Mark stood by the fireplace.
“I’m returning to the ministry within the next few months,” he announced.
“Oh, Mark,” Ethel gushed, “that’s wonderful news. I’m only sorry you can’t come back to Tyler Memorial. Will you be so far away that your friends can’t keep in touch with you?”
“I’m not prepared to say yet where I’ll be, or what I’ll be doing.” He paused, and his eyes grazed everyone in the room before he continued. “For several days I’ve been wondering what to do about our family’s situation, even questioning if I should accept the pastorate of a church when my own home is in such a turmoil. But I remembered when the Apostle Paul advised the church on what to expect from their pastors, he said, ‘He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect. If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?’”
Alice became conscious of another quality that made Mark a good pastor. Always before she’d seen him as a counselor, a confidant, a servant to his people. Now he stood before them as dynamic as a prophet of old pointing out the sins of his people.
“So I’ve decided to manage mine. I’ve never been dictatorial with my family, but I am responsible for the upbringing of my children. In all honesty, I won’t consider assuming the leadership of a church when I have an eight-year-old daughter who’s rebelling against me and my personal decisio
ns, even when she’s being encouraged in this rebellion by adults.”
The silence in the room was almost unbearable, and no one moved except Eddie, who crept out of his chair and scurried to Alice’s side. She held out her hand and he leaned against her.
“Alice and I love each other, and I’m going to marry her in spite of what the rest of you think.” He turned to Gran. “You can have a home with us as long as you like, whether it’s in this house or in a parsonage someplace, but only if you accept Alice as my wife. If you don’t choose to do that, you can leave.”
Kristin was crying. “And, me, Daddy? What about me? Are you going to make me leave, too?”
He stared at her for several moments. “Of course, you can’t leave. You’re my daughter and my responsibility until you’re of a legal age to make your own decisions. Even if you don’t approve of Alice as my wife, you’re expected to treat her respectfully as the woman I love.”
He surveyed Gran and Kristin with a stern glance. “I just can’t understand you two. Kristin, she’s been the best mother you’ve ever…” He paused and rephrased, “The best mother you can hope to have. And, you, Gran, do you know of any other ‘servant,’ who would give you the love and attention you’ve had from Alice this summer? I’m out of patience with both of you.”
Finally, he turned to Ethel, and she took the offensive, shouting at him. “How can you turn against your own family for a woman who took over your home as if she owned it and ingratiated herself with your children in an effort to trap a husband? Can’t you see how she’s manipulated you—put you in a position where you had no choice but to marry her?”
Mark held up his hand in protest, but Ethel refused to be silenced. “She’s been secretive about her past, but I did a little investigating. Alice is so stinking rich that she can buy any family she wanted—it was a sad day when she chose the Tanners.”
“A sad day for the Tanners or for you?” Mark retorted, and his face was red with anger. “Now I come to the part that I find most distasteful. I’ve never before asked anyone to leave our home, but I’m doing it now. Ethel, please leave and don’t return, and—” he turned to Kristin “—you’re not to have any further contact with Ethel. You’ll be punished if I learn about it. Do you understand?”
Ethel’s face blazed when she stood up. “If she hadn’t come here, you’d have married me. We were getting along all right before she showed up.”
Mark shook his head forcefully. “I’m sorry, Ethel—that isn’t true. I had no thought of marrying anyone, especially you, but that changed when I met Alice. I firmly believe that God sent her to the Tanners to help us through the difficult days we’ve had.”
Alice left the room—she couldn’t bear anything more. Eddie followed her and Mark didn’t try to stop them. She went to her room, sat on the bed, and Eddie cuddled beside her.
“Don’t cry, Alice,” he said. “Daddy loves you and so do I. Ethel’s naughty to say those mean things about you.”
Eddie’s comforting manner brought tears to her eyes, but Alice swiped them away with the back of her hand. “I’m not going to cry. You help me set the table and get ready for dinner.”
Wondering how many plates to put on the table, Alice gave Eddie five place settings, and he arranged them while she took a pan of baked fish from the oven and tested the potatoes to see if they were tender. Gran and Kristin came into the kitchen when Mark did, and took their regular places at the table. After he said the blessing, Mark grinned at Alice.
“You left before you got your orders. It will be a few months before we can be married, but in the meantime, you’re to take your place as mistress of this home. No more going to your room until bedtime. You sit in the family room with the rest of us as if you belong there—as you do.”
After she filled the dishwasher and laid out the items she would need for breakfast, Alice picked up her needlework and went to the family room, but she had little to say. Mark helped Kristin with her homework, while Eddie sat on the floor and played with some toy automobiles. When Eddie grew sleepy, and Mark was still busy with Kristin, Alice said, “I’ll take Eddie to bed.”
She was extra tender with Eddie as she rubbed his hair dry after he showered, and listened to his nightly prayers. When he got into bed, she lifted the sheet over his body, and kissed him. Even after Mark’s ultimatum, she knew she must eventually leave. He could force Kristin and Gran to be civil to her, but you couldn’t force love, and that was what she wanted and needed.
When she went downstairs, she paused at the door of the family room. “I’m going to bed, too. Good night, Mark, Kristin.”
Kristin mumbled her reply, but Mark said, “No, I must talk with you, Alice. Come in for a few minutes.”
She sat in an armchair and pretended to be reading a magazine while he finished with Kristin and took her upstairs to bed. When he returned to the room, he stood by the fireplace, his elbow on the mantel, and a muscle twitched in his face.
“Alice, I don’t know why this hasn’t occurred to me before, but Ethel’s remarks about your wealth made me wonder. Are you the one who reduced the loan on this house?”
The crimson that flushed her face would have been answer enough, but she said, “Yes.”
He threw up his hands and strode angrily around the room.
“I don’t know why I didn’t suspect that, since you had finally told me that you owned quite a lot of property, but to be able to pay out that much money to help a stranger must mean that you really are wealthy.”
“I hardly consider you a stranger, Mark.”
“You know what I mean. My pride had suffered a lot this year—I suspected from the bountiful meals you prepared for us that you were spending more than I’d budgeted, and that you’d paid for Kristin’s camp expenses, but I didn’t want to make an issue of it. But this is the last straw! I won’t take that money from you. I suppose that’s the reason your parents have been angry with you—no doubt, they think I’m trying to get all your wealth, and if we’re married, they, and probably everyone else, will think I’m marrying you for your money.”
Alice had noticed that he’d said “if we’re married.” Did that mean he was having second thoughts?
“I’ll go ahead and sell this house as I’d planned to and give back what you paid the bank.”
Alice stood and, on trembling knees, walked to the door.
“Do whatever you want to, Mark,” she said wearily.
Alice continued to live at the Tanners’ although the tension in the house was almost unbearable. Mark wasn’t the same, apparently still seething over the house payment, which he considered a loan, but wasn’t able to pay back. If he intended to move to another location, he didn’t mention it to Alice. In fact, they talked very little. Kristin and Gran didn’t give her any trouble, but the happy family atmosphere was gone. Only Eddie remained unchanged, and she stayed on for his sake.
One event did bring some peace to her heart, for after a silence of two months, Alice’s sister telephoned her one evening.
“I want to apologize,” Nancy said immediately. “I know I shouldn’t have been angry that you wouldn’t help me buy that house. As it turned out, the house wasn’t for me anyway. I’ve found a much better buy, which I can handle myself, and I signed the papers on it today.”
Relief evident in her voice, Alice said, “I’m glad you let me know, Nancy. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, but it was impossible to do what you asked me at that time.”
“I should have been grateful for what you’ve already done. I had a talk with Mom and Dad last night, and she’s going to call you, too. How are things with you, Alice? Are the Tanners all right?”
Attempting to speak lightly, Alice said, “We have Eddie enrolled in kindergarten and that’s a miracle in itself, considering all of the physical problems he’s had.”
Nancy chatted on about her children, and Alice was spared any further comments on her situation. She couldn’t tell her family about her problems—she didn’t wa
nt her mother saying, “I told you so.”
When she confided her concerns to Betty, her friend advised, “Hang in, there. The man’s pride has been wounded, but he’ll get over it. Go ahead and marry him.”
“He may have changed his mind now—he’s so cool toward me.”
The tension between Mark and Alice affected the whole house, and at the dinner table, the only time they were all together, Alice noticed that the children often glanced from her to Mark. She tried to act the same as she always had, but it was an effort, and the children were concerned. Kristin and Eddie helped her with the dishes, but as soon as the kitchen was in order, Alice went to her room. Eddie spent some time with her each evening, and he and Alice played games on the computer. Sometimes Kristin came, too, and while they played, Alice sat with her embroidery in her hands, but she made so many mistakes that she laid it aside. If she didn’t have the tablecloth ready for Nancy’s Christmas gift, she’d make it a birthday present.
One night, after Kristin had gone to bed, Eddie stood by Alice’s chair. His lips quivered, and he said, “You’re not happy like you used to be, Alice. Are you going away like my mommy did?”
“Eddie, the time will come when I have to go away. You’ll be a big boy soon, and big boys don’t need a nanny.”
“I don’t want you to go away, Alice. Don’t you love us anymore?”
She hugged him tightly and buried her face in his soft curls. “I love you very much, Eddie. You’re special to me.”
“Do you love Daddy, too?”
Alice heard a movement at the door, and she looked up quickly and gasped. Mark leaned against the doorjamb, and she wondered how much he’d heard. She lifted a hand to her flaming face.
“Go ahead and answer his question, Alice,” Mark said. “I’d like to hear the answer myself.”
“Do you, Alice? Do you love Daddy?” Eddie said. He turned a pitiful gaze on his father. “She’s going to leave us like my mommy did.”
