by Joanna Neil
Until the mysteries of her past were cleared up, she was condemned to drift through an in-between world, where nothing was as it should be and her mind was flitting in all directions. ‘I know things might not turn out well, but I have hazy memories of a loving and caring woman, and those are the recollections I want to cherish.’
He reached out and placed his hand on hers. His palm encompassed her small hand, and the warmth of his caring touch surged into her and gave her comfort.
‘I hope it all turns out all right for you,’ he said. She knew that he thought she was making a mistake, but he wasn’t going to press his point home and she was thankful for that.
Their lunch was long and leisurely, as he had promised, and when they had eaten and drunk their fill, they started back across the bridge that spanned the lake.
‘That was a lovely meal,’ she said, ‘but I’ve probably put on five pounds just looking at all that food.’
He gave her an amused glance. ‘I doubt that. In the last few years your figure has hardly changed at all, except to become even more easy on the eye, if that was at all possible. You have a perfect figure.’
Did he really think that? A ripple of heat flushed her cheeks. She swallowed and said, ‘Well, anyway, I’m the one who has to struggle into the jeans and skirts.’
They stood and looked over the lake, at the green expanse of the park beyond. Hannah said, ‘Thank you for bringing me here, and for lunch. You were right. I needed the time out. I feel a lot calmer now.’
‘I’m glad of that. I think you probably need to take more time for yourself whenever you can.’
‘Perhaps.’ She smiled at him. ‘But I really ought to start thinking about going home. I have to pick up Ellie from her childminder.’
‘I’ll see you home,’ he said. ‘It’ll be quicker and easier for you if I do that. I just need to stop off to pick up the car. It’ll give me a chance to show you my apartment. You’ll have time for that, won’t you? I’ve just bought a new espresso machine and we can try it out.’
‘An espresso machine…such decadence,’ she said with a laugh. ‘I’d love a cup of coffee, and I can’t wait to see where you live. People have been telling me that it must be a fabulous place, and I just have to see it for myself.’
It didn’t take them long to get there. A lift took them smoothly up to his Bayswater apartment, and they stepped out into an impressive hallway. Adam unlocked the door and ushered her inside. Hannah stood for a moment and looked around, awed by the beautiful surroundings. She hadn’t known what to expect, but nothing on earth could have prepared her for this.
‘It’s…stunning,’ she said, enthralled. She was standing in a long, rectangular reception room that was bordered along two sides with windows. They were draped with voile curtains that allowed in all the natural light, and the room was flooded with sunshine. From the angle of the sun, she guessed that the aspect was south facing.
The floor was wood finished, and the furnishings were luxurious…a couple of comfy, inviting settees, a glass-topped occasional table and an elegant white marble-fronted fireplace. There were plants set at intervals around the room, pale green frothy ferns and a beautiful arrangement of leaves and flowers on an elegant stand, to add colour to what was already perfection.
‘Come and see the rest of the apartment,’ he murmured. ‘We’re actually on the top floor, and that makes this place kind of special. It means I have the advantage of a roof terrace.’
He took her hand and led her over to the far side of the room and into a glass-walled conservatory. Looking out from that vantage point, Hannah’s eyes widened as she took in the spectacular view of the city skyline. The room itself was set out as a breakfast room, with warm-coloured furnishings, a dining table and chairs. She could imagine him sitting here, reading his paper and glancing up every now and again to look out over the London cityscape.
From there, Adam showed her out onto an open roof terrace where there were seats set out to catch the warmth of the sun, along with another occasional table and tubs of flowers to add bright spots of colour. She gasped out aloud.
‘This is all yours?’ she said in a weak voice, looking at him with startled eyes.
‘It’s all mine,’ he said. He tilted his head to one side, as though gauging her reaction. ‘You like it, then?’
‘Oh…that’s an understatement,’ she managed. ‘It takes my breath away.’ She walked over to the balcony rail, and looked out over Hyde Park and the city environs. ‘Do you really mean to tell me that you actually bring yourself to leave this place and come into work every day?’ Her eyes were wide with astonishment. ‘How can you do that? I’d want to sit and drink it all in and not even think about moving from the spot.’
‘Sit and enjoy,’ he said with a smile, patting the smooth surface of a bench seat that was shaded by a trellised screen. ‘I’ll go and make us some coffee.’
She did as he’d suggested, and leaned back against soft cushions, absorbing the light, sweet scent of flowers that filled the air.
He brought the coffee and set the cups down on the table, coming to sit beside her. They sipped the hot liquid and talked of nothing very much for a while, enjoying the tranquillity of the afternoon.
‘You’d think it would be noisy, here in the city,’ Hannah said quietly, ‘but it’s so peaceful, as though we’re set apart from it. It’s lovely out here.’
‘It probably has to do with the way the balcony is screened. It cuts out the sound of the city, but still allows you to look out and enjoy the unspoiled view.’
Hannah nodded. She was silent for a while, her mind far away.
‘You look thoughtful,’ he said, a minute or so later. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘No, how could anything be wrong? I was just thinking how heavenly it is up here, and how easy it would be to simply forget your troubles and while away the hours.’ Her gaze clouded momentarily. ‘I wish Abby could see all this. She would think it was so cool.’ She smiled, then said softly, ‘And my mother…’
‘You could bring her to visit…’
‘Could I?’ Hannah’s mouth curved. ‘She’s very down-to-earth, my mum. I’m sure she’d say, “Wow, this is fantastic…I’d better not stop for long, though. Our Saxon will want to tear chunks out of that woodwork.”’
Adam laughed. ‘I can almost hear her saying that.’ He sobered, and said, ‘There’s something more, though, isn’t there? Were you thinking of your natural mother?’
Hannah nodded. ‘I wish I knew why it was so important to me that I find her. It colours everything I do, all my thoughts. It’s as though I can’t move on or settle to anything until that part of my life has been laid out for me so that I can see clearly what happened. I know she wasn’t well and that she thought she couldn’t care for me properly, but why did she just disappear from my life? I need to know the reasons.’
He reached for her, taking her into his arms and folding her to him. ‘I know that’s how you feel and I understand what’s driving you, but it might be for the best if you never get to know the truth of it. How will you feel if your father was right about her?’
He ran a finger lightly down her cheek, tracing a line along the length of her jawbone to her chin. Then he gently tilted her face upwards and kissed her lightly on the mouth, the brush of his lips as soft as gossamer. ‘Let me take away the worry and the hurt. I’ll be here for you.’
Heat rippled through her veins. Her mouth trembled with unspoken need and he kissed her again, possessively this time, his lips making demands, seeking, coaxing, as though he would have her open up to him like a flower to the sun.
She felt the strength of his arms around her, keeping her close, drawing her to him, so that the fullness of her breasts was crushed against the hard wall of his chest. A warm tide of desire ran through her.
‘I want you, Hannah,’ he said, his voice rough around the edges. ‘I could make you forget, if only you would let me.’ His hand stroked along the length of her, along th
e curve of her hip, lingering on the smooth, silky expanse of her thigh.
‘Would you?’ she whispered. ‘I wish…I wish I could be sure, but…’ She gazed up at him and asked the question that haunted her. ‘Do you think you would ever want to give up your London life and go back to the countryside?’ Would he ever want to be with her, stay with her?
‘That wasn’t in my grand plan,’ he murmured. ‘Does it matter that much?’ He looked into her eyes and smiled, and bent to kiss her once again, his lips leaving a trail of fire along the creamy line of her shoulder and making a detour over the swell of her breast. Her whole body shook in response, a slow tingle of expectation that started up in her abdomen and spread outwards.
She wanted him, too. It seemed as though she had yearned for him for a lifetime, but an inner caution held her back. How could there ever be any future for her with him? He didn’t love her. In all this time, he had never told her that love was on his mind, and why would he?
They had nothing in common. Their lives were so far apart…you only had to look at this magnificent apartment and compare it with her tiny flat to see that. She couldn’t see herself living and working in the city for the rest of her days…and hadn’t he just made it clear that he would never think of leaving this place?
She put up a trembling hand and held him back. ‘Perhaps we both had a little too much wine with our meal,’ she said, with a small frown. ‘I think it must have gone to my head.’
‘I didn’t have any,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I’m on call, so I have to stay away from alcohol.’
She blinked. ‘I didn’t drink the whole bottle,’ she mumbled, trying to clear her thoughts. ‘Did I?’
‘No, you didn’t.’ His mouth indented. ‘Don’t worry about it.’
She straightened up and avoided his gaze. ‘I should go,’ she said. ‘I have to go and fetch Ellie.’
He nodded, and just then his pager bleeped. Pulling a face, he checked it and reached for his mobile. ‘I’ll call you a taxi,’ he said. ‘I have to go back in to work. There’s been a multiple RTA and they need extra support.’
‘I’ll catch the tube,’ she said, but he cut off her words.
‘No, you won’t. I’ll pay for the taxi and the driver will take you wherever you need to go. You could get him to take you to pick up Ellie and then ask him to drive you home…whatever you need to do.’
He stood up in one fluid movement and made ready to leave.
It took Hannah a little longer to compose herself, but she walked with him to the lift, and he saw her into the cab just a short time later. He was already distancing himself from her. His mind was on his work, she could see that, and it only went to underline her basic instinct. He didn’t love her. Mentally, he was already moving on.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘I WANT to see my mummy,’ Ellie said. ‘Why can’t I go and see her? I made her a picture and I want to take it to her.’
‘I know you do, sweetheart,’ Hannah murmured. She finished washing the last of the crockery and left the pots to drain. Hurriedly, she wiped her hands on a teatowel, and went over to the little girl. ‘Just as soon as the doctor says it’s all right, I’ll take you to see her, I promise.’ She put an arm around Ellie’s shoulders. ‘I know it’s hard for you, not being able to see your mummy as you used to, but we saw her yesterday, didn’t we? You gave her a big kiss.’
Ellie’s lip was jutting. ‘Want to see her today.’
‘She wasn’t feeling very well today. Anyway, I thought we could go and buy her some flowers in the morning, so that she’ll have a nice surprise when we go and see her tomorrow. Which flower does she like best, do you know?’
‘Roses. Ones that smell nice. She loves those.’
‘Good. Those are what we’ll get for her, then.’ Hannah went to a cupboard and brought out some tissue paper left over from a present-wrapping session. ‘Shall I show you how to make some flowers out of tissue paper? I bet we can make some really pretty ones.’
Ellie nodded, intrigued, and came to sit down at the table, watching as Hannah cut the coloured paper and twisted it into shape. ‘See, doesn’t that look lovely? Now we need to fix it with some wire, to make a stem. I’ll have to see if I can find some.’
Ellie was momentarily distracted and started to make flowers of her own accord. Watching her, Hannah breathed a small sigh of relief. It was difficult sometimes, not knowing what to do to soothe the child and keep her happy.
Abby’s condition had improved a little, after a brief setback, but the medical team wanted her to get as much rest as possible. Hannah had gone to visit her every day, and she had taken Ellie with her as often as was possible, but obviously it wasn’t often enough as far as Ellie was concerned.
‘We’ll go and see her early tomorrow morning, if you like, before I start work.’ It would mean dropping Ellie off at her childminder’s house afterwards, instead of taking her straight to nursery school, but that was a small price to pay.
The flower shop was closed when they set off after breakfast next day, but Ellie didn’t seem to be too upset about that. She was clutching the paper flowers they had made, and she was waiting expectantly to see how her mother would react to them.
Hannah felt good inside. Two letters had arrived in the post that morning, and they were both from the same source, the missing persons line, and one of them was for Abby. She wondered how her friend would respond to her own surprise package.
‘Oh, they are so beautiful,’ Abby said, her face lighting up in a smile when she saw the flowers. ‘Thank you, Ellie. These are lovely.’
‘We was going to get you real ones, but the shop was closed.’
‘These are just as pretty. They’re perfect.’
It was good to see that Abby was looking better today, and after a while Hannah gently broached the subject that was on her mind. ‘I had a letter this morning,’ she said, ‘from the missing persons agency. They’ve given me a phone number to pass on to you…It’s your parents’ number, I believe, and there’s an address, but neither of them are the same as the ones you had. Do you think you might feel up to giving them a call later on?’
Abby’s mouth dropped open, and her eyes widened. ‘How did the agency manage to find them?’
‘I’m not sure. They checked the electoral register for different areas, as far as I know. It took a while, and I suppose there’s a chance that they may have the wrong people, but at least the agency managed to come through with a result.’ Hannah handed the letter to Abby.
‘I don’t know what to say.’ Abby sank back against her pillows. ‘Thank you for doing all this for me, Hannah. I’ll have to think about it for a bit and try to take everything on board. For some reason it’s taking a while to sink in.’
‘Don’t hassle yourself. It was bound to have come as a bit of a shock. Just try to rest and concentrate on getting well again. Ellie wants you home.’
Ellie sat on the bed and snuggled in the crook of her mother’s arm. ‘You come home soon?’ she asked.
‘Just as soon as I can,’ Abby promised.
When Hannah walked into A and E half an hour later, Adam was assigning patients for treatment. ‘You can take the angina patient,’ he told her. ‘Sarah has put him on an ECG, but he’s not responding to glyceryl trinitrate.’
‘I’ll go and take a look at him.’
Adam stopped her as she would have walked away. His hand lightly gripped her arm and he was looking at her oddly. ‘You seem different this morning…though I’m not sure what it is that’s changed. Has something happened? Is your friend, Abby, being discharged from hospital?’
She shook her head. ‘Not yet. I’m hopeful that it won’t be too long before that happens, though, and in the meantime we’ve had news of her parents. Or, at least, we think we’ve found them.’
‘I’m glad for her…but there’s something else, isn’t there?’ His eyes narrowed. ‘Does it have something to do with your search for your mother? Has something turned up?’
She nodded. ‘I’m trying not to get too excited about it just yet. These things have a way of not turning out as you expect, but the missing persons line has given me the name of a company where my mother used to work at one time. Apparently she was a textile designer there. There’s a possibility that they might have a forwarding address, or they might be able to tell me something about her. Anyway, I’m going to follow it up just as soon as I have the time…perhaps later, after I finish work.’
She had already made up her mind to give Ryan a call and see if it was possible for him to come and sit with Ellie while she went to find the place.
‘Perhaps you had better leave early. These organisations tend to keep to business hours. If we’re not too busy then, I’ll arrange cover for you.’
‘Would you?’ She gave him a beaming smile. ‘Thanks, Adam. It means so much to me.’ She laid a hand lightly on his arm but he shifted away from her and her hand slid down.
‘I know it does.’ He didn’t say any more, but turned away to attend to his patients, leaving her stung by that sudden rejection. Why had he done that? Was he remembering how she had ultimately pushed him away that day at his apartment, or did he still believe that no good would come of her search?
She couldn’t talk to him about any of that now, though. He wasn’t in a receptive mood, and she doubted she would get anywhere for her trouble. Right now her work had to take priority.
She went in search of her patient. He was in a good deal of pain, and was clearly anxious about what was happening to him. She carefully examined him.
‘I’m going to give you an injection to relieve the discomfort,’ she told him, after a while, ‘and I’m going to set up an infusion of glyceryl trinitrate, so that you should soon be feeling much better. It should work better for you that way, rather than taking it by mouth as you’ve been used to doing.’
