by Koethi Zan
And then the world could be whole again.
CHAPTER 47
The crunch of gravel sounded outside. A truck pulled into the driveway and a flush crawled up Cora’s neck. She would have recognized that sound from the grave.
James was home.
She rubbed her temples, then her eyes. Some part of her had thought he wasn’t coming back. The girl must have gotten to her.
She rushed downstairs and checked the state of the kitchen. Things were in order more or less, but she hurried to put away the dishes drying on the rack and wipe down the kitchen table with a wet rag. She gently stoked the fire in the hearth, then pulled the curtain aside and peered out the window.
He walked toward the house, his cowboy boots clicking against the bluestone path and his cap pulled down low over his eyes. It was dusk and the first snow fell from the sky in great white flakes between them, further obscuring his face from view, but her radar was highly attuned to his emotional state. She could tell his mood was light. Things had gone well, even without the rest of the money.
He lifted his head enough for her to see that his eyes were clear and bright. His gait was steady, without the telltale sway of the wayward drunk. He even looked like he’d lost a few pounds and seemed trim and healthy. Despite the positive signs, however, she knew better than to let down her defenses. Anything could happen next.
She tried to compose herself as he approached the porch, rehearsing her first lines in her mind. She had to remember what it was like to love him, to admire him, to worship him. But so much had happened since he’d left. He’d stayed gone too long and now she’d forgotten why she’d followed him here in the first place.
A cold rush of air swept into the room when the door opened and their eyes met. Surely he must be able to see that the flame of her love had inexorably burned out? She looked away, afraid he would understand that everything had changed. If he realized he didn’t hold her in his absolute power, he would kill her. She knew him well enough for that.
He hung his keys on the rack by the door and began to empty the contents of his pockets onto the table. Crumpled tens and twenties, a fifty here and there.
‘What’s this?’ Cora dared. ‘I thought you needed money.’
He sat down, leaned back in the chair and sighed with satisfaction.
‘A bet came in. Plenty to take care of my issues and then get me back home. I missed this place.’
This place, Cora noted. Not her.
He gave her a broad smile. It was the old smile, the charming, winsome, little-lost-boy smile. He must have picked up on her lack of enthusiasm. He always thought it was so easy to return her to the fold. And why wouldn’t he? It had happened so many times before, when she was reluctant or doubtful or dared to be petulant. A word or a kiss or the touch of his hand had made all her love come tumbling back, coupled with tears and regrets and heartfelt apologies.
But not this time. He had left her for so long and then sent her into a frenzy for money he hadn’t even needed. All her sleepless nights, her worries about the girl and the money, and to top it off, having Ellie right here in their kitchen with the girl not ten feet away? Didn’t he understand how worn down she was?
Not only tired, though, but afraid. For he would inevitably go upstairs and see the girl’s condition. What then? What if he’d forgotten the Revelation entirely? Would he want the child or would he kill the girl to get rid of it? He mustn’t do that, though. He mustn’t hurt that child. The child belonged to Cora.
‘Come on over here.’ He grabbed her by the arm and sat her down in his lap. It was as close as they’d been in months. His sensitivities were unerring. He knew exactly when to pull out all the stops.
‘Why the long face? I’m back. And we have some cash. We’ll live it up for a bit, shall we? Have something nice to eat. I have plans for us, Cora. No more separations.’
She stared at him, not sure how to respond.
‘You seem good, James. You look so healthy. Did you – did you stop taking those pills?’ she ventured warily, never sure what would set him off.
And indeed a dark shadow clouded his face, but he quickly recovered his composure.
‘Forget about that, Cora. That was the past. I have purified myself. The drugs and booze were a terrible weakness, but they are behind me. I have cast them out like the demons they were and will live purely now.’ He paused, as if remembering something of vital importance. He grasped her hands. ‘The girl, how is the girl?’
Now it would come out, the real source of his desires.
Cora turned away from him, fixing her eyes onto the toaster across the room.
‘She’s alive,’ she said without emotion.
He breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Good, then there is still time. I have something important to tell you.’ He motioned for her to move to the chair opposite him. When she was settled he took her hands across the table and held them in his, his eyes beseeching her to understand.
‘While I was gone, I went out into the wilderness. I was lost there for twelve days and nights, the Twelve Days of Infinite Discovery. My hunger went unsatisfied, my thirst unquenched. I nearly died. But that matters not. For I had visions, Cora, just like in the old days. Powerful visions that have directed me to the Answer.’
Cora was frightened. The visions had never worked in her favor. She tried to pull her hands away but he jerked them closer to him, moving her chair a few inches in the process, its legs creaking across the floor. His face was flushed, his lips trembling.
‘What, James, what have they told you?’ Her voice quivered.
‘The girl has to go.’ He looked at her, as if she would surely understand his deeper meaning.
‘What do you mean “go”? Do you mean kill her?’ Cora felt the panic mounting in her chest. The child.
He squeezed his thumbs into the centers of her palms, nearly crushing her fingers in his grip.
‘That’s what I thought at first, but subsequent overpowering dreams led me to the Path of Righteousness.’ He let go of her hands and sat up straight, raising his arms, palms to the ceiling.
‘Cora, we will let her go,’ he whispered, not without melodrama.
He put down his hands. Cora couldn’t breathe. She picked at the ruffled sleeve of her dress.
‘We will follow a new path. We will stay here the rest of the winter, release the girl, and then in the spring we will leave everything as we found it. We will move to a purer destiny out west, to the wonderful land of bounty from whence I have come.’
Cora’s heart pounded in her ears.
‘But James, how can we release the girl? They will find us. She will lead them back to us.’
‘How, Cora? How? We will blindfold her. I’ll take her in the truck. I’ll drive far, far away from here, and we’ll dump her on the road. She doesn’t know our names or where she is. They will never find us. Then we’ll be gone anyway. They’ll be looking for a farm and yet we – we will be out in the trailer again, roving the great lands, acting as the wandering spirits we were meant to be.’ He spoke triumphantly, paying no heed to her.
Cora’s mind was spinning. She couldn’t live like that again, not after all this. And she’d seen him this way before and knew the redemptive phase never lasted long. Inevitably he’d go back to his vices, usually worse than before, but when he was convinced of something there was no arguing. Now they would lose everything they’d worked so hard for because of his stupid visions.
Outwardly, she tried to stay calm. She couldn’t let him see what he was doing to her.
But inside, Reed’s words came back to haunt her: You are the prisoner … You can never see the truth. Not until you are well and truly blinded by it.
James stood, pulling her up with him, and took her into his arms. How she would have longed for this before. Now his touch only repulsed her.
‘Cora,’ he whispered into her ear, ‘we must rejoice and celebrate. The past is behind us now and a new dimension has opened up. The universe has told us to be gratef
ul and to rise to its challenge.’
Cora forced a smile. Her body had gone rigid. He let her go and she took a step back. The girl’s words echoed in her head: We’re both captives.
‘And now,’ he went on, his hands folded decorously over his chest, ‘let us go inform the girl of her imminent release. We must hold a cleansing ritual. I must seek her forgiveness for my wickedness.’ He looked up at the heavens. ‘The vices of the world took over me and changed me into a devil from a man. I have sunk low, lower than the worms that eat the earth, but I have received the message that I am to be forgiven. That I can right my ways and I will once again be privileged to carry on the mission of the universe.’
Her fury was raging. Now he chooses this?
He moved toward the stairs. She stared at his broad back, his saggy pants, his graying brown hair, as greasy and uncombed as ever.
She hated him. You don’t even fight back.
Once the girl knew she was to be released, she would never want a family with Cora. She would want her own people again. She’d take the child away from here and fold it into the loving arms of those strangers. There wouldn’t be any family. No one would want Cora.
You have all the power. You can save yourself.
James took another step forward and, without thinking, Cora pulled her knife out of her apron pocket and flicked it open. The blade glinted in the firelight.
She wouldn’t leave this farm. She wouldn’t give up her child.
‘James,’ she called quietly, her voice steady and calm. ‘There’s one thing I have to tell you. Remember what you’ve always said? Well, you’re right. I guess I’m no better than you.’
He had barely turned around before she lunged. She jabbed the blade into the soft spot on his neck where his pulse beat, sliding it slowly across the skin where it sank into the crease. She felt it rip across flesh and tear the artery. Bright red blood spurted out at her.
James’s eyes bulged at her in shock.
‘Cora?’ He mouthed it, no longer capable of speech. He clutched at his throat, his hands drenched with the blood that poured out of him.
He fell to his knees, struggling to grab the table with one hand, but he missed and fell to the floor, his head thudding against the boards. She jumped back from him in horror. She still held the knife in her hand, and flung it away, watching it spin and land under the cabinet ledge.
It had happened so quickly. She’d acted on impulse when she saw all she would lose, her destiny changed forever and she couldn’t – she just couldn’t let that happen. She wouldn’t lose everything now, not after all her suffering.
But she hadn’t intended to kill James.
She dropped to her knees beside him and covered his face with her hands. He wasn’t breathing. Ripping off her apron, she tried to fashion it into a tourniquet to staunch the bleeding. It was useless though. Even his sputtering had stopped.
What had she done?
His eyes were frozen marbles staring blankly ahead and his body lifeless. He was gone, just like Reed; the essential James of him had gone from his body, leaving only this. Blood still oozed out of his neck, pooling around her, soaking her dress, and filling the cracks between the boards on the floor.
She had to clean it up. She had to get him out of here or else the blood would cover everything and Ellie would come and see it all. She’d be under inspection. That woman would notice even the smallest traces and the faintest stains. She would come back, kneeling over this spot, eyeing it for clues.
And Cora knew from experience that he would be harder to move once rigor mortis set in. She needed him out of there now. She’d have to drag him out to the field and bury him later, when she’d calmed down and could breathe again.
He was heavier than she’d expected, though, and she wasn’t sure how far she could lug him on her own. They’d always worked together. She might not be able to handle the body by herself. With short bursts of energy, she managed to drag him through the kitchen and out the back door into the freezing air.
Though it was undignified, she bumped his body along the back steps to the pea-stone-covered area at the bottom. In one show of force, she pulled him onto the grass, where he slid more easily. When they reached the gazebo, the snow started coming down harder. She dropped his arms, watching with horror as they fell lifelessly to the ground, and she ran back into the house for her coat and gloves.
When she returned, his lips were blue. That was what broke her. The memories flooded in from the early days when she’d been a true believer. His blazing eyes across the table as they joined hands with the Followers for prayers. His warm hand enveloping hers as they processed through the fields, chanting. Before the killings. Before the madness had set in and the pills and the drinking had taken over his life.
Had he ever been a good man? Did all the forces of the universe – all his powerful guides – lead him to this end on purpose, at just the moment he’d chosen to change his ways? Cora’s eyes filled with tears at the thought. It had to end like this. Neither of them could have escaped. Now she was only doing what he would have done.
She leaned over him and kissed his stiff mouth one last time.
‘I’m sorry, James. I’m sorry it had to be this way.’
She dragged him only as far as the open space behind the gazebo before her strength gave out. She could rest there and no one would see him even if they came around back looking for her. She wasn’t expecting anyone but she knew her own luck well enough.
She attempted to pull his arms down onto his chest to arrange them into a position of respectful repose, but the right one couldn’t settle over the bulk of his jacket so she propped it up against the gazebo’s base instead.
She tried to think of some appropriate words to say over him. She’d heard a thousand such eulogies coming from his mouth, but now, in her hour of need, nothing would come. She could only stare as the snow rapidly covered his body, little white specks slowly erasing what was left of his existence.
The wind blew harder. It was coming up a blizzard. Two inches of snow had already accumulated and she figured there would be six to eight more if she waited until morning. She’d never get him out to the back field in this weather. She’d have to wait until this storm had passed. His body would be stiff by then and it would be nearly impossible to move him through the snowdrifts.
She’d have to figure that out tomorrow when the skies were clear again and she’d recovered from the shock of it all. Right now she couldn’t think. She couldn’t even see five feet in front of her. She had to go back in.
She stood up. She wasn’t wearing her winter boots. She fell once and felt the skin rip off her knee. It stung but she stumbled to the steps, ignoring it.
Back in the house, she stoked the fire and stood beside it, feeling the warmth return and penetrate her to the core. She poked the logs one more time and watched the sparks fly up and then slowly drift back down like tiny fairies floating to their deaths.
She sat down at the kitchen table, her head in her hands. Everything was quiet. All of it was over.
She surveyed the room. Blood was everywhere. But her cream-colored teapot sat patiently waiting for her on the stove. The high gloss of the stainless-steel toaster reflected the flicker of the fire. The cherry-blossom wallpaper was peeling at the top corner over the refrigerator. She’d have to fix that tomorrow.
She’d laid out the vegetables on the counter to cut for dinner later: a butternut squash, three potatoes, a red onion, and four carrots in a neat row. She’d roast them tonight with a drizzle of olive oil, some salt and pepper. Fry up a slab of ham and toast some whole wheat bread.
And then she’d carry up a tray to the girl.
CHAPTER 48
Julie sat in one of the lawn chairs, facing the door, with her nemesis on the bed just behind her. It made her nervous not to be able to see her face, especially in light of their last encounter. She’d thought she’d been so clever, finally figuring out the key to the woman’s thinking, but
now she worried that instead of getting the upper hand, she had simply dislodged the psychic bolt that had held together the woman’s fractured self. She was getting stranger by the minute.
The woman touched the back of Julie’s hair and ran her fingers through it. Julie’s neck tingled. Something hard touched the top of her head and slid down to her shoulders, snagging on a knot.
This freak was brushing her hair. Yes, they’d gone deeper into creepyville.
Julie sat perfectly still as the child shifted inside her, trying not to shiver despite the chills that ran up and down her spine.
‘Laura?’ the woman asked softly.
Behind her, Julie could hear the woman fumbling about with a plastic bag, then rattling something hard in a small cardboard box.
‘Yes?’ She forced it out. It made her sick to play this game.
‘The time has come to get serious.’
Julie couldn’t take much more serious.
‘What do you mean?’
Don’t scream. Don’t lose it.
‘I’ve made a decision. I’m going to help you.’
Julie let out her breath slowly. It was possible she’d made progress after all. She wouldn’t celebrate yet though, because this woman’s idea of help was probably kind of fucked up.
‘Will you let me go downstairs? To work with you?’
She had to try, didn’t she?
‘Eventually. But there are certain conditions that must be met first.’
‘Conditions?’
‘You have to learn, Laura. I will teach you the mysteries James taught me. You will resist. You will cling to the old ways. I did the same at first. But your life is here. Now. It’s not that other life you have shed.’
Julie nodded.
Here we go.
‘I understand.’
It was a lie. She would never forget her real life. She would hold on to her memories with all her might. She pictured her mother kissing her skinned knee when she fell off her big-girl bike in second grade. Her brother cracking everyone up during charades at the family reunion in Maine last summer. Her father scooping her up and whirling her around as her fairy princess dress inflated like a parachute at her fourth birthday party. And Mark, oh, Mark, the way he pushed away that one strand of hair that always fell in her face and kissed her forehead softly when he murmured how much he loved her.
