by Alison Ryan
“I’m great now,” I said.
“Good!” Kyle interrupted, his arm was around McKenna, “Ryan, you’re driving. I’m gettin’ in the back with this pretty little thing. Addie, you sit up front with your love bird.”
I blushed and when I looked over to Ryan I could see he was blushing too. But he didn’t deny it which made me happier than anything had since last night.
We piled into the Jeep and we were on our way to a day that had endless possibilities.
An hour later I was floating on a black inner tube in a lake next to McKenna and Rhiannon. It was noon by then so the sun was hitting us with brutal rays.
“How can the sun cause cancer? It’s so wonderful.” McKenna laid back on the tube, her long blonde hair skimming the surface of the water.
“Because of pollution. Or something. Maybe?” Rhiannon was actually in the water, her long body sticking out through the donut hole of her float, her arms swung over both sides.
“Today I could care less.” I add, stretching my toes and glancing over to the pier where the boys were shoving one another into the water.
“You mean you couldn’t care less.” McKenna smirked at me.
“You and your semantics.” I lightly splashed her legs.
It was the perfect summer day in 1996. I could have stayed there forever in that moment. I had friends, a boy to like, and a Grandma who was alive and spending a day with my mother. On the VCR of my life this is where I’d want to hit pause.
Suddenly a red truck with loud, thumping music pulled up next to Kyle’s Jeep and Big Rhoda. The boys yelled over and once the driver was out of the truck I could see why they were excited.
Bode had jumped out and was carrying a massive red cooler that I guessed was full of alcohol. Bode had a huge grin on his face and carried that cooler with pride. I assumed he wouldn’t have a grin like that over Pepsis and root beer.
“Hey, y’all!” he called out.
I saw Kyle open up the cooler and immediately request a high five from Jackson. Ryan lifted up a six pack of beer and showed it to us.
“Wow. Day drinking. I feel so grown up.” McKenna started paddling towards the shore, “Come on, ladies. Now the fun really starts.”
We followed behind her. Once we got to the shore I made sure to wrap a towel around my waist. McKenna, on the other hand, had half her bikini bottoms riding up her ass. She definitely didn’t seem to be aware or care. I wouldn’t either if I looked like her.
Rhiannon was like me, she immediately put her shorts on. I didn’t feel so out of place now.
Bode let down the tailgate of his truck and us three girls jumped up to sit. Ryan handed me an open beer can.
“Unless you want it in a cup?” he asked, seeming so genuinely concerned about how I consumed an illegal substance.
“Nope, I think everything tastes better in its original packaging.” I smiled and actually winked. Who was I?
He stood close to me at the edge of the truck. McKenna and Kyle were more provocative. She had her legs spread and Kyle stood between them, kissing her neck while she sipped a wine cooler that matched the color of her bikini. Jackson and Rhiannon talked casually on the other end, neither of them partaking.
It was one of those instants where I immediately wondered how I had ended up in this moment that was straight out of a Sweet Valley High novel. A day at the lake. With boys. Drinking beer. It was exciting and it made me realize so suddenly I wasn’t a kid anymore. I was a burgeoning grown up. The thought was immeasurably both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I was almost dizzy with the realization.
Or that could have been the beer. This was only my second time ever drinking.
I did, however, feel uncomfortable sitting next to the passionate affections that McKenna and Kyle Joel were displaying in front of all of us. Ryan must have sensed it (or felt it himself) because he suddenly grabbed my hand and said, “Come sit at the pier with me.”
Is there anything more exhilarating than being led away somewhere by the hand of someone you’re falling in love with? Very few things come to mind.
We plopped down on the end of the rickety dock, our legs dangling next to one another. He had yet to let go of my hand. I found the courage to place my head on his shoulder as we sipped our drinks and stared out at some water skiers across the lake.
“I’m glad you’re here.” He smiled, squeezing my hand.
“Me too.” I squeezed back.
Behind us Kyle shouted down, “Hey! Kidson! McKenna and I are goin’ for a walk. Y’all okay?”
Ryan threw up a wave, “We’re good, man. Don’t get lost. I don’t want to have to search for your ass.”
Kyle gave him a thumbs up. McKenna clung to Kyle Joel’s side, clearly giddy to be heading off somewhere alone with him. It’s what she’d been waiting for.
“Hey, guys! I think we’re going to head to the other side and fish for a bit,” Jackson called to us a few seconds later, “Bode is coming with.”
“Okay! Good luck!” Ryan called back. He turned to me, a silly grin on his face.
I laughed, “You’re smiling like such a goober.”
“A goober? What’s that?” He put his face in front of mine.
“It’s you, Ryan Kidson.” I said, “You’re a goober.”
“Maybe you just make me that way,” he said, “Maybe I just think about you a lot and when I’m around you I just feel like a big ol’ goober.”
I blushed, “Well, I didn’t know I had that kind of effect on anyone.”
Ryan chuckled, “You’ve probably made dozens of guys silly over your prettiness. I’m sure I’m just one of many.”
I rolled my eyes, “Not quite.”
“Quite.” He looked at me, straight in the eyes. It was an intense stare and I could barely return it.
“I think we’re alone now,” I quietly muttered. His mouth was not even an inch from mine.
“Thank God for that,” he said and immediately his lips were on mine and my entire body became excited over this most amazing of kisses, the kind I would remember on my deathbed when I was a very old lady thinking back on the most beautiful moments of my life. This kiss and this boy would be something I would remember the rest of my days. It would be what everything would be compared to.
He held my face with one hand and wrapped his other arm around my body. He softly laid me down on the dock, his kisses only leaving my mouth for my neck, my ears, and then back to my mouth. I tingled all over. My hands were in his hair, then on his shoulders. I had never done this with anyone before and I was so nervous I was doing it all wrong but in the moment it seemed to come so natural. I never wanted it to end.
We must have made out on that dock by the lake for half an hour. There was nothing done below the neck but it was the most passionate thing that had ever happened to me. When our kisses finally slowed down and we were sitting back up I was disappointed that it was ending. I wanted to live on that dock and kiss Ryan Kidson for the rest of my life.
“Wow.” I was sitting in front of him, my legs dangling towards the water. He sat behind me, his legs straddling my back, both arms around me, “Wow. Wow.” It was all he said for a moment.
I was quiet. In front of him my smile was huge but I tried to play it cool. I drummed his calves with my fingertips.
“That was fun.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Beyond.” Ryan kissed the back of my head, “What a great day.”
Despite my immense attraction to him I never felt uncomfortable around Ryan. Even in that moment of post-kiss bliss, I felt at ease in my skin. He wasn’t a guy who made you feel like he was bestowing an honor on you by allowing you to be in his presence. There was no arrogance or ego. He was just a good guy, and when you’re sixteen that’s not always easy to find. Most guys my age were dealing with so much in their own head that they came off as abrasive and mean. Their need to assert themselves and play at being men could be intimidating if you were in their way. Ryan wasn’t like that
at all. He came off as wise beyond his years.
We sat there for a while. When we were both done with our drinks, Ryan kissed my forehead and stood up to get us new ones.
“Be right back,” he said. I watched him walk up to the cooler, listened to him move the melting ice to find us the coldest cans.
When he came back we were quiet for a while, just holding hands and looking out at the water.
“So anything exciting happen last night after you dropped me off?” I asked, taking a swig of my beer.
Ryan shook his head, still staring at the water, “Nothing good. I came home and my parents were in the middle of a huge fight. I was hoping I had stayed out late enough that I would miss it. At least my dad didn’t throw any punches this time.” He didn’t look at me when he said it but his right eye twitched a little.
“I’m sorry,” I said. I really was.
“It’s okay,” he looked at me and smiled, “She was the captain of the cheer team. He was the star basketball player. They thought they could make the magic they had in high school last forever. They didn’t realize that who you are at sixteen isn’t who you’re supposed to be at forty. And if it is, something went terribly wrong along the way.” He took a swallow from his drink, “And that’s my dad’s problem. He’s angry no one thinks he’s anything special anymore. He knows he’s lost his shine. He tries to get it back through me and sometimes I hate him for that.”
I squeezed his hand. It was all I could think to do.
“Anyway,” he said, brushing aside his confession, “How was Grandma this morning?”
I shrugged, “She seemed okay. I made her breakfast. She’s spending the day with my mom, which I think is good. I hope.”
Ryan nodded, “You’re such a sweetheart. You know that?”
I laughed nervously, “I’m really not. I just love her so much.” My hands shook thinking about Grandma eating her soft boiled egg at the kitchen table. She had looked like a delicate bird. I was so scared of what was going to happen to her.
Ryan wrapped his arm around me, “You really are.”
I leaned into the crook of him, that space that’s perfect to be held in. I breathed him in, his smell that was a mix of grass, deodorant, and man. He was my peace at that moment. I hoped I was his.
Jackson, Rhiannon, and Bode came back soon after that.
“Any catches?” Ryan asked.
Jackson shook his head, “No. Bode was being too rowdy. The fishermen asked us to get lost. He kept asking them the dumbest questions. He’s drunk.”
Bode laid in the back of the truck, a ball cap over his face. Quite the catch himself.
Rhiannon skipped over to me and grabbed my arm. She whispered into my ear, “Did you enjoy your alone time?” I winked at her and she grinned.
“Are Kyle and McKenna still on their ‘walk’?” asked Jackson, “It’s been over an hour.”
I looked at Rhiannon, concerned, “Should we go look for them?”
Ryan shook his head, “No. Kyle loves long walks with the ladies. They’re fine.” Ryan could see my apprehension and added, “If they’re not back in thirty minutes, we can go find them.”
Ten minutes later I could hear footsteps coming from the woods. Suddenly a coral colored bikini and shirtless boy came out.
“McKenna!” I called out, running over to her. She had a strange look on her face but she seemed happy. She was holding onto Kyle Joel’s arm. His face was passive. What on Earth had they been doing in the woods for so long?
“Hey,” she said. She seemed like she was in a trance.
“Are you okay?” I asked. I looked over at Kyle who had been so spirited before they left and now seemed tired.
“Yeah, for sure.” She squeezed my arm, “I’ll tell you about it later.”
My red flag went up, “He didn’t try something-“
McKenna was focused again, “No! No, nothing like that. This isn’t an Afterschool Special. I’ll tell you later, it’s just awkward right now.”
I let go of her and walked back over to Ryan who was flicking gravel at the brim of the ball cap covering Bode’s face.
“How is he this wasted?” asked Ryan, “I feel like we didn’t drink that much.”
“It’s Bode. You know he has no tolerance.” Kyle Joel said looking at Ryan, “I’m wiped out, man. You feel like heading back?”
Ryan looked at me and I could tell he wasn’t ready to leave. It was such a great feeling to know that.
“Yeah, if you’re tired and all,” Ryan took my hand, “You ready?”
I nodded, “Sure, I’d like to check on Grandma anyway.”
“Yeah, I’m supposed to watch my brothers and sister tonight,” Rhiannon said, “Jackson is actually going to help me.”
McKenna and I looked at one another. That was interesting.
“Yeah, I told her she owes me a McFlurry or two after tonight.” Jackson put his arm around Rhiannon. I could tell she was in heaven.
It seemed we had all had quite the romantic summer afternoon. But there was something weird happening between Kyle and McKenna. As we hopped into his Jeep, he didn’t ask to sit in the back with her so I took the seat next to her. Ryan seemed to question it too, he gave Kyle a puzzled look.
“I can drive if you want,” Ryan said.
“Nah, man. You’ve been drinking. I’m more sober,” was Kyle’s reply.
I waved goodbye to Rhiannon as she climbed into Big Rhoda with Jackson.
“We’re just going to leave Bode?” McKenna asked.
“We always leave Bode. He’ll sleep in the back of his truck for a couple hours, wake up, and drive home. It’s the Bode Hinton way.” Ryan winked at me.
The drive back home was quiet and awkward. Ryan kept reaching back and tickling my legs and I pretended to hate it and slap his hand away. Next to me McKenna had reached forward to put her hand on Kyle’s shoulder but he didn’t respond to it. She sat back looking defeated. I was sad for her.
When we got to my Grandma’s house, Ryan held out his hand to help both McKenna and I out. Kyle didn’t even get out of the Jeep at all. McKenna looked back at him, shrugged, and said, “I’ll meet you at my porch in a bit, Addie. After you check on your Grandma and all. Bye, Ryan.” She gave a little wave and sadly started walking down the path between our houses.
Ryan and I looked at one another, confused. He looked over at Kyle who was staring straight ahead, tapping on the steering wheel impatiently.
“Dude, what’s your deal? You didn’t even walk her to her door.” Ryan being aware of the rudeness made him that much more attractive to me.
“Nothin’. I’m just worn out, man. I went to the gym this morning and lifted. I’m just tired.”
“Bullshit.” Ryan scolded, “Your ass isn’t too tired to walk a girl to her damn door. You’re being an ass.”
Kyle didn’t answer. Ryan took me by the hand and walked with me towards the porch.
“I don’t know what his deal is.” Ryan whispered to me, “You make sure McKenna is okay. Kyle can be a real jerk sometimes. She didn’t deserve that.”
I nodded, “Yeah, I’ll talk to her about it. Maybe they got in an argument.”
As we reached my screen door I could hear laughter echoing in from the living room. It was my mother’s. The breath I didn’t know I had been holding left my body and I was immediately relieved.
“Hey.” He touched my chin with his hand, “I want to see you tomorrow. You got plans?”
I shook my head, “None that I can think of. And if I did, I would cancel them.” Geez, Addie. Play a little hard to get.
But Ryan seemed really happy with that reply, “Addie McCurtis, I sure had a good day. I think I’ll remember it for a long while.” He leaned forward and lightly kissed my lips. It was the lingering kind of kiss. The kind that holds promises.
19
Knowing my mother was home and all seemed okay, I decided McKenna needed me more at the moment. As I watched Kyle Joel’s Jeep speed down our driveway, I w
alked down the path towards McKenna’s house.
She was on the porch, laying on the glider chair her mom had just bought. I could tell she had been crying. Her face was puffy and her hair was stuck to the sides of her cheeks.
“What happened?” I asked, sitting next to her and holding her hand. She sniffled.
“I guess I messed up.” She looked out towards the bird feeder where two cardinals chirped away, “I just wasn’t ready to do what he wanted. And then he acted all put out about it and it just got so weird. He’s never been so cold to me.”
“So he did try something.” I was angry, “Tell me what he did.”
“It wasn’t like that. We were walking and we went off this path where there was a small patch of grass that the sun was hitting just right. He said I should lay down, so I did. We started making out and kidding around. Everything was so fun and harmless. And then he untied the ties to my bottoms,” she pointed towards her bikini bottoms that she was still wearing under her cutoff shorts, “And I told him I didn’t like that. I thought we were just kidding around. So I tied them and then he untied the back of my top. So by then I was getting annoyed and I asked him to please stop. So then he says ‘Well, what did you come back here with me for?’ and gets all huffy. I tried to get his attention again. I mean, I wanted to do stuff I just didn’t want to get too heavy. I mean, anyone could have walked up on us, and it just didn’t feel very romantic. But he just got so mad. He seemed so dejected and put out and that’s when he gave me the cold shoulder. I tried to be sweet to him on the walk back but he wasn’t really having it.” She started crying, “I really like him so much and now I’ve messed it all up. I’m such an idiot!”
She sobbed into my shoulder. I was so angry I could barely see straight. Kyle Joel was an asshole.
“McKenna,” I said, squeezing her hand, “You are not an idiot. Kyle Joel is the idiot. You bruised his ego for daring to actually tell him you were uncomfortable. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It sounds like he was acting like a complete slime bucket. You can’t blame yourself for this.”
