When his mum came back in, Robin was grinning like a madman, Patrick’s tiny fingers grasping one of his. He looked up to find an expression on her face that he didn’t remember ever seeing directed at him before.
“You’re going to be a wonderful uncle,” she said.
Robin stared at her, trying to work out how even though she wasn’t groomed and made-up like usual, his mum radiated beauty. He realised it was love, love shining out for baby Patrick but also for himself. He smiled back, a deep smile that welled up within him, warming him through.
“You’ll make a fantastic grandma.”
“Thank you, darling. I’ll try my best. He’s not going to want for anything, this little one. I’ll spoil him rotten.”
They both watched Patrick squirm some more, batting ineffectually at the feeding tube coming out of his nose. Robin stroked Patrick’s tummy, and that seemed to help him settle down again.
“Do you think you’ll ever want one yourself? You’d make such a lovely father, you know.”
Robin shook his head. “I don’t think I could cope with what Pat’s going through right now.” His brother-in-law had been utterly haggard when he left the ward earlier on. He seemed lost without Miranda by his side, and for the first time, Robin had realised how much the career-driven lawyer relied on his wife.
He’d expected protests from his mother, but when he looked up, she was eyeing him in a strange way, like she was really seeing him for the first time. It made him uncomfortable, so he looked down at the sleeping baby again.
“You’re stronger than you think, darling, but maybe you’re right. It’s not for everyone. But there’s nothing to stop gay couples from adopting these days.”
“Mum! I’m not…” But he wasn’t sure how he wanted to finish that sentence. “I’m bi, not gay.”
Rosemary huffed, and Robin saw a little of her usual combativeness return. “Look, darling, you say that, but I’ve never met any of your girlfriends, and the only times I’ve ever seen you in love, it’s been with men. I’m not bothered by that anymore, so I don’t see why you need to deny it.”
“I’m not denying it. I just…”
She’d said “times” he’d been in love. The plural. His stomach went into free fall.
“I’m not in love with Dan. I barely know him.”
“It didn’t look that way to me, darling. Now why don’t you go and phone him and let him know everything’s okay? He must be worried sick about you.”
“My phone’s dead.”
“Robin, you should have said! We’d have sorted you out a charger if we’d known.”
Robin didn’t want to point out that everyone had been so wrapped up in Miranda and the baby’s plight there would have been no chance of anyone popping out to buy him a charger.
“Honestly, darling, you need someone to look after you, you really do. Get yourself back home and give Dan a call so he’ll know you haven’t dropped off the face of the planet. You don’t want to let that one go, sweetheart. He’s a great catch.” She ransacked her handbag, and Robin sighed. Looked like she was back to her usual ways, then.
“How come you don’t mind Dan? I thought you hated the idea of me having a boyfriend.”
“I can tell Dan’s a well-brought-up young man. He’ll treat you well.”
“But…” She knew so little about Dan. “He’s working class, you know. No money in the family. No connections.”
She gave him a look tinged with regret. “You don’t really believe that’s going to make a difference to me, do you? There are more important things in life than money and connections, darling, as you so vividly illustrate.” She offered him a wedge of banknotes. “Here you go. Plenty to get you back home and tide you over for a while. Maybe you can get on the train to London and pay Dan a visit. And let him know the invitation for Christmas still stands, despite your little outburst.”
Robin flushed at the memory but wasn’t in the mood for arguing about it. Not with his nephew in the room. He gave Patrick’s slender body one last, gentle stroke before taking the notes. He peeled off enough to cover the train journey back, an extra forty for food and phone credit, then handed the rest back. She raised her eyebrows but made no comment.
“I’ll pay you back, Mum. I promise.”
“Oh, sweetheart, you know you don’t need to.” She now had her hand in the incubator and was making soppy faces at baby Patrick even as she spoke.
“I do need to.” More to the point, he needed to make his own way so that Dan didn’t end up having to buy things for him either. Shame rose hot in his guts when he thought of how he’d had to accept charity from Dan. He’d pay him back for the bed sheets and smart clothes. There was no way they could have any sort of relationship if Dan ended up treating him all the time. Robin wasn’t after a sugar daddy. The thought made his skin crawl.
On his train journey back to Bath, Robin pondered the work available to him. Manual labour hadn’t been hard to find in London, but there wasn’t the same industry in Bath. Shops and restaurants usually wanted GCSEs, not to mention employees who could read and write confidently. But perhaps… Smiler was always talking about needing more help with his chandlery. Robin didn’t relish the idea of working for such a moody, unpredictable git, but he could handle him, couldn’t he? Takes one to know one, he thought, giving a wry smile.
Of course, it was going to be bloody difficult to work if he kept having to move on every fortnight, but maybe he could manage it for a few months if he stopped for a fortnight at every neighbourhood into Bath and then back out again. So long as he didn’t mind a long ride into work at some points. And what’s more, it would keep him near enough to Bath railway station for Dan’s visits.
He grinned, imagining the expression on Dan’s face when he told him the news. He couldn’t wait to get back and get his phone charged again. The train just couldn’t get there fast enough.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Dan stared up at the cold, white ceiling. Just looking at it made him shiver. It was miles away. He wanted something close and wood-panelled, with the warmth of Robin’s body next to his own.
He should get out of bed and write. He knew he should. So why did his limbs feel like lead? It wasn’t like he’d had much to drink the previous night. Okay, it was a pint or two more than he’d usually have, but he’d needed it to unwind enough to chat and flirt. Brett had been an incredibly attentive host, and he wasn’t a bad-looking guy either—even if his porcelain veneers shone so brightly Dan had found himself wishing he’d brought his shades.
As he’d turned up empty-handed, it seemed only polite to offer the birthday boy a blowjob, but Dan’s heart hadn’t been in it. Even his dick had been only mildly interested, and he couldn’t help but compare it to the last time he’d had Robin in his mouth. With Robin he’d been on fire, aching and throbbing, relishing the sensation of Robin’s pierced cock fucking his mouth. With Brett, it was perfunctory at best; a predictable sequence of sucking and licking that he hoped would bring the bloke off as quickly as possible. The man’s moans seemed as phony as his teeth, and Dan had gently declined his offer to return the favour. Fortunately, the rapping on the bathroom door had provided the perfect excuse, and Dan had left the party early, pleading a headache. Tris had given Dan a funny look on his way out but was too entwined with his leather daddy to chase after him. Just looking at the two of them, so bloody happy together, had made him want to vomit.
Eventually he hauled himself out of bed and headed for the shower. He was covered in suds when he heard the foghorn blast coming from his phone. He pictured it, perched on the living room table.
“Bollocks!”
Dan scrambled out of the shower, slipping on the tiles but grabbing hold of the sink in time to stop himself going arse over tit. He had three more blasts before it would go through to voicemail. He got there before the second.
“Robin!” He wanted to say more, but his heart was pounding from the adrenaline rush, and he needed to sit down. Sod
it, he’d clean the soap suds off the sofa later.
“Dan, sorry, I…I got your messages.”
“Really.” He’d only left three of them. Dan tried to remember what he’d said in the last one, but all he could recall was hanging up feeling so pissed off he wanted to wipe Robin’s number from the phone’s memory. He hadn’t, though. Couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“Yeah, I just got them. I’ve been away for the last couple of days and forgot to take my phone charger. Sorry.”
“Oh, right. I see.” Yep, that was just like what he knew of Robin. Despite his tidy and organised home, Robin was hopeless at remembering stuff like that. Kept forgetting his wallet, leaving Dan to pick up the tab. He wanted to be annoyed, but the sound of Robin’s voice was too reassuring. The warmth of it melted away the lump of anger that’d been weighing him down for the last couple of days. “Where have you been?”
“Cheltenham. Miranda had the baby six weeks early. He’s fine, they’re both fine now, but Mum was really worried for a while.”
Dan breathed a deep sigh of relief. So that’s why Robin had been unavailable! It wasn’t until he felt himself buoyed up on a wave of joy that he realised just how upset he’d been. Anxious, even.
“Hey, that’s fantastic! So you’re an uncle now. And your mum’s a grandma. I bet she’s loving that.” Dan tried to picture the formidable Rosemary cooing over a baby. It was a challenge, but he bet she would, if his own mum’s daft behaviour over her grandkids was anything to go by.
“Yeah, she is.” Dan could hear the smile in Robin’s voice and had a sharp longing to see it too. Robin looked his age when he smiled, all the severity wiped away in a breathtaking transformation.
Robin was still talking, unusually garrulous. “She’s decided she’s going to let me off having any myself now.”
“Well, that’s a mercy. It’s much better to be the gay uncle. Trust me.”
“She says we can always adopt when we’re ready.”
“What? But…what?” Dan had the sense that the conversation was rapidly spinning out of his control. Maybe it was being wet, soapy and naked that had him at a disadvantage, even if Robin couldn’t see him.
Robin burst out laughing. “That’s pretty much what I said too. She likes you, you know. Still wants you to come over for Christmas. If you’re interested.”
Dan heard the hesitation in the last three words. Did Robin want him to?
“What, and give up a houseful of nieces and nephews all trying to leap on me at once? Not to mention all the comments from Mum about how I should find someone nice to settle down with. Or my brothers-in-law thinking if they pour enough beer down my throat I’m going to somehow catch heterosexuality just by watching Top Gear with them.”
Robin chuckled. “It’s not that much better with my parents, trust me. Mum loves that settling-down speech, but she might let me off it if you’re there.”
“Would you like that?” Dan wished he could see Robin’s eyes. He’d be able to read the answer there without even having to ask.
Robin paused, and when he spoke, his voice was quiet. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
“Okay, then. Just let me know what to expect. I’m used to Christmases where everyone gets wasted, bickers and slumps in front of the telly. I’ve never done a middle-class one before.”
“It’s not that much different, believe me. You’ll be able to handle it. Probably better than I can.”
Dan smiled, remembering Robin’s flare of temper at the restaurant. “Yeah, I reckon I could.”
They were both silent for a moment. It could have been awkward, but Dan was still too happy to have Robin on the other end of the line to feel uncomfortable. It would be better to have him on the other end of the sofa, though, and the idea of “having Robin” anywhere sent blood coursing south. He wondered if Robin would be up for some phone sex. Wondered if he’d ever done that sort of thing before. It had been a long time since Dan had, but he reckoned he could remember a few of Tris’s tricks.
“Sooo…” Dan began, making his voice low and sultry.
“What have you been up to?” Robin asked.
Bollocks. He could lie. Tell Robin what he wanted to hear. If he were here, Dan would distract him by licking Robin’s neck and playing with his nipples, something he’d found always worked a treat. But he had the impression that relationships went better when you were honest with each other, and Robin deserved honesty.
“I went to a party,” he said before he could chicken out.
“Oh yeah? A gay party?”
“A birthday party. But yeah, it was fairly gay. At least ninety percent by volume, I’d say.” Probably more. He couldn’t remember having seen any girls at all, which was odd.
“Have a good time?”
Dan wished he could see Robin’s face and know if that was jealousy turning those innocent words into an accusation. Or maybe it was just him feeling guilty.
“Not really. I left early.”
“On your own?”
Yep, he deserved that. It didn’t make him feel much better to be able to tell Robin that yes, he had left on his own, because there was the reason why that needed explaining. If he could bring himself to open his mouth.
“What is it, Dan?”
“Look, I was missing you, all right? I was angry that you hadn’t answered my calls.” Robin kept silent, but Dan could hear him breathing heavily. “Fuck. Look, I didn’t enjoy it, and I kept thinking about how much better it would have been with you. I wanted him to be you.”
“Am I supposed to feel flattered?”
Dan had expected anger, bracing himself to defend his actions, and the weary monotone of Robin’s response made him pause.
“Yes. No. Shit, I don’t know. But it’s not every day I turn down a blowjob from a hot guy.”
“You turned him down? I thought you said—”
“I just sucked his cock. That’s all.”
“I don’t like the idea of some other guy’s dick in your mouth.” Robin’s voice was practically a growl. “It should have been mine.”
“Yeah, and I would have preferred that too, but you weren’t there! Look, it was his birthday, all right? I’d turned up empty-handed, and I thought he deserved a little something.”
“Is that your usual birthday gift? Most people go for a bottle of wine.”
Was that amusement he could hear in Robin’s voice, lurking there under the annoyance? “Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry, but never let it be said I’m not generous. So…when’s your birthday, gorgeous?”
Robin was quiet for a while, and Dan began to worry that he’d pushed it too far.
“It’s pretty soon. November third.”
The weekend Dan had earmarked for returning to Bath.
“Interesting you should say that. I think you’re going to have to let me come and give you your gift in person as it’s a bit tricky down the phone. But we could always have a trial run and see how it goes.” The sound of Robin’s laughter was better than anything he could have imagined, short of being with him in person. Dan grinned, leaning back against the sofa cushions and relaxing fully.
“By the way, did I mention that I’m all naked, wet and soapy?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Winter was coming. You could smell it in the air; a scent of rotting vegetation underlying the tang of the woodsmoke that pervaded the canal. Most of the trees had been stripped bare by the high winds, and dark clouds blanketed the sky. Robin stood with an axe in his hand. Smiler had given him instructions to split and bag up as many logs as he could, but Robin faced the enormous woodpile with a smile on his face. He loved this hard, physical labour. After only six weeks at the new job, his shirts were starting to feel tighter, and it was costing him a fortune to feed his newly bulked-up muscles, but it was worth it to see the appreciative glint in Dan’s eyes. He’d work until five and then head into Bath to meet Dan off the train. That’s when the fun would really begin…
“Oi, Robin! Get your lazy a
rse back to work. I’m not paying you to bleedin’ well daydream about your boyfriend.”
Robin rolled his eyes. The twins were hiding inside—who could blame them?—so he gave Smiler the one-fingered salute and got on with bagging up the wood.
The canal grapevine being what it was, news about Robin and Dan had spread fast. Robin had noticed the other boaters giving him weird looks, but it wasn’t until he’d gone to Smiler’s to say he’d take on the work that his suspicions had been confirmed. Never one to mince his words, Smiler had come straight out with it.
“So, I hear you’re taking it up the arse these days. Funny. Never had you down as the type.”
Robin bristled. “I didn’t know there was a type.”
To his surprise, Smiler paused and his gaze seemed to lose focus. A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. “Nah, maybe there isn’t. I mean, I used to think there was, but you see all kinds of things when you spend a bit of time inside. Big tough guys like you going all queer when there’s no birds around.”
They negotiated a ten-’til-five shift, weekends only, so that Robin could cover the chandlery when Smiler had his girls over. It was fine for him as Dan could usually visit just as easily during the week, although Robin did wish they could be together at the weekends too. He didn’t care what Dan said about things being purely platonic between him and Tris; he still didn’t like the idea of them spending time together. Okay, so Dan said Tristan had a boyfriend now, but what’s to say Dan wouldn’t get drawn into some sordid threesome with the two of them? That’s the kind of thing gay blokes did, wasn’t it? Especially kinky ones like this Alex bloke supposedly was.
No, it was a discordant note in his otherwise-harmonious life, but Robin shook his head and did his best to try and ignore it. Right now Dan would be on the train, so theoretically wouldn’t be with another man, but Robin couldn’t stop his mind generating crazy scenarios of some nameless stranger seducing Dan and dragging him off to the train toilet to shag his brains out. Or worse yet, Dan doing the seducing… Robin put the brakes on that train of thought. It did no good to torture himself like this. He turned his attention back to splitting logs instead.
Barging In Page 20
