emergency crowd control megaphone and was hanging precariously out of the side window, bellowing at the top of her voice, ‘Come along there! Steady! Onward!’ They had already collected quite a gathering of animals. Trotting along the road ahead of them were two elephants, a giraffe and a pair of hippos!
PC Barnes had also rounded up a collection of animals. Racing ahead of the police car were a family of cheetahs, a pride of lions and a pair of massive water buffalo.
In the town square, it was still very quiet. Emily craned her neck to look in the rear-view mirror. She could just make out the main square and the start of the Western Approach Road; on the other side she could see the top end of East Lane as it entered the town. She knew that, at this very moment, a gaggle of animals were being driven inwards towards the town centre by her parents and PC Barnes. At any moment they would burst into view and with any luck, be driven into the back of the transport truck. She nervously rested her hand on the ramp lever.
Emily thought she imagined it at first, but then it became quite clear. A distinct rumble was coming from the north. There was also a rather strange sound coming from that direction! “Boom! Chish! Boom! Chish! Boom! Chish!” It grew louder and louder as it approached the town centre.
Emily turned to stare through the rear window of the cab; she could just make out a very strange looking figure coming over the rise of the Great North Road. It was Miss Yorktown!
Miss Yorktown made for quite a sight, as she strode down the Great North Road in her heavy boots! She wore the welder’s gloves and glasses but, in addition, now wore a miner’s hard hat with flashing yellow lamp and ear defenders.
Strapped to her back was an enormous big bass drum with a wire connected to her right heel. Every time she took a step, the wire would pull on a massive pair of drumsticks that beat the bass drum with fantastic force “Boom!” At the same time, another wire connected her left foot to a colossal pair of clashing symbols, mounted above the bass drum. With each alternate step, the symbols would crash together with an almighty “Chish!”
Miss Yorktown marched into town, “Boom! Chish! Boom Chish! Boom! Chish!” Ahead of her, running for all they were worth, was the biggest herd of animals Emily had ever seen!
The rumble became an earthquake! Emily watched as hoards of animals poured into the town square from the north. They ran around this way and that, frantically trying to escape the hideous sight and sound of Miss Yorktown.
The blaring siren of PC Barnes’s police car, arriving from the west, announced the arrival of the cheetahs, lions and water buffalo... Honking and puffing from the east came Mr and Mrs Pilcher, dutifully delivering the elephants, hippos and giraffe, to join the marauding herd.
Miss Yorktown strode into the town centre and came to a stop opposite the town square. The almighty racket from the clashing symbols and bass drum halted as she raised her dark glasses and gazed at the scene before her…
Utter chaos! The animals raced around the square, chasing one another, bumping and jumping over parked cars, knocking over bus shelters and telephone boxes, and crashing into shop fronts!
PC Barnes and the two Pilchers joined Miss Yorktown to watch the incredible spectacle.
The animals ran and ran and ran - on and on and on. The onlookers thought that they would never stop but, eventually, inevitably, completely exhausted, the animals gradually began to slow down. One by one they gathered on the town square, facing the group of humans across the road.
‘Well, we’ve got them all into the town square, but how on earth are we going to get them into the back of the transport truck?’ said Mrs Pilcher.
Just then, the sea of animals on the green parted and a very old, very tired, and very grumpy looking rhinoceros emerged and stood facing the group.
‘Bertha!’ cried Miss Yorktown.
Bertha, lowered her mighty head, snorted several times and then started to back-peddle one of her front hoofs.
‘Ooh my, she looks like she’s getting ready to charge!’ said Mr Pilcher in a strangely squeaky voice.
‘It’s my guess that she’s not too happy with the way she’s been treated today!’ remarked Mrs Pilcher.
‘Maybe if we very, very, slowly back away, she might not charge at all.’ said PC Barnes, optimistically.
‘Nonsense!’ said Miss Yorktown, ‘Bertha is no ordinary rhino. Not only is she the rare, short-tempered, black rhinoceros from East Africa - the fiercest of all the rhinoceroses, she also happens to have a particular gripe with me!’ continued Miss Yorktown.
‘She has never forgiven me for the time I gave her an injection in her bottom. It was for her own good of course, she had a nasty infected boil. But she doesn’t see it that way, oh no! She sees this as her chance to get revenge!’
Bertha nodded her head menacingly; the 31 inch horn on her nose looked very sharp and very, very dangerous.
‘You people had better stand back,’ said Miss Yorktown, ‘This is between Bertha and me!’
Mr and Mrs Pilcher and police officer Barnes slowly backed away.
Bertha’s small eyes narrowed and focused on Miss Yorktown, she snorted one more time and prepared to charge.
Miss Yorktown lowered her dark glasses as Bertha began her run…
Reaching up to the miner’s helmet, Miss Yorktown clicked a small switch. The lamp started revolving faster and faster - stroboscopic
Yellow light burst from the lamp!
Bertha bounded on, unmoved by the flashing strobe light - she was almost at full charge and had already covered half the distance between them…
Miss Yorktown reached into her side pockets and drew two red sticks. She held them, one in each gloved hand - for a moment Emily though they were sticks of dynamite and that Miss Yorktown was going to blow the rampaging rhinoceros back to East Africa!
The raging rhinoceros hit full speed - now only 20 feet away!
Miss Yorktown twisted on the base of the sticks; they burst into fantastic pink fire. Flares!
Bertha hit the brakes and skidded to avoid the pink fire. She crashed into Mr Pilcher’s vintage truck, almost knocking it over, and went charging back the way she had come. The other animals, seeing a fully grown black rhinoceros charging towards them, took off in the opposite direction...
Straight towards the transport truck and Emily Pilcher!
- Collision -
Emily gulped as she realised what was happening. The entire square of animals, shocked at the sight of the pink flares and a fully grown charging rhinoceros, were hurtling towards her and the transport truck at full gallop!
Emily braced herself and got ready to pull the ramp lever…
The speeding mass of animals crashed into the back of the transport truck with incredible force, knocking it twenty yards up the road and Emily clean out of her seat. Wave after wave of animals - elephants, hippos and giraffes - lions, leopards and tigers - ostriches, zebras and camels, bumped, scuffed, scraped and squeezed their way up the ramp and into the back of the truck; filling every nook and cranny of its enormous interior.
Emily struggled back into her seat as the pounding continued. At last she managed to grasp hold of the ramp lever and was just about to pull on it when, three excited chimpanzees came swinging through the side windows, hooting loudly and knocking her over. As the chimps danced around the cab, thumping their chests and squealing, one of them accidentally knocked the handbrake, releasing the giant wheels of the vehicle.
The buffeting continued as the transport truck started rolling! Emily grabbed hold of the steering wheel for all she was worth and turned to the right, narrowly avoiding crashing into a telephone box.
The chimps were causing mayhem. One had gotten itself behind Emily and was pulling on her hair; another was swinging from the rear-view mirror, grinning and puffing out its cheeks, baring its yellow teeth, while the third jumped up and down on the dashboard waving its arms about wildly. Emily struggled to control the vehicle as it gained speed - she tried to focus on the road ahead, but all she could see
in front of her was the chimpanzee’s pink bottom, only inches from her face!
Reaching down, Emily at last pulled the ramp lever closed, convinced that no more animals could possibly squeeze into the back of the truck. The enormous wooden ramp slowly rose up and sealed itself, safely enclosing the animals onboard - just as… Bertha arrived!
“CRAAASH!”
The furious rhino was incandescent with rage! Her huge bulk hit the back of the truck at maximum speed and her 31 inch horn pierced the thick wooden ramp, almost splitting it in two!
Onboard, the animals and Emily were tossed about like toys as the truck accelerated forwards. Bertha, with her horn stuck fast in the back of the transport truck, continued to charge, gaining momentum as the combined weight of the overloaded truck and rhino descended down the hill and out of town…
- The Chase -
Mr Pilcher had been somewhat alarmed when Bertha charged at Miss Yorktown. He had watched in disbelief as the rhino crashed into his beloved vintage Morris, but now he stared in utter horror as Bertha made off with the transport truck – and Emily.
‘Oh my goodness, come on everyone, let’s get after them! – Everyone?’ he called, looking around…
But PC Barnes was already getting into his car and Mrs Pilcher had started the old truck and was busy revving the engine like a race car driver ready to spring out of the pits. ‘Hurry up Pilcher!’ she cried, ‘We’ve got to get going!’ Mr Pilcher raced over and jumped into the passenger seat, just as the old truck took off like a rocket, leaving a cloud of dust behind.
A colossal BUMP! rocked the vehicle causing it to lurch violently. ‘Don’t forget me!’ called a familiar voice. Miss Yorktown had sprinted a full 100 yards to catch the speeding truck and leapt 10 feet through the air to come crashing down on the passenger side footplate. She stood poised with one arm and one leg raised forward, like a modern-day Boadicea, commanding them onward!
‘Faster, Pilchard, Faster!’ called Miss Yorktown, ‘I have them in sight!’
Up ahead, they could just make out the rump of Bertha and the transport truck disappearing over a brow in the road.
‘Foot down Mum,’ screamed Mr Pilcher, ‘we’ve got to catch them!’
Emily was struggling to keep control of the truck. Every time she thought she had a good hold of the steering wheel, one of the chimps would wrench the steering away from her and weave all over the road.
Mr Pilcher had to lean precariously out of the window, struggling to hold on to Miss Yorktown, who seemed to be in her element. She rode the footplate with the wind billowing her hair, one arm raised like an ancient charioteer, commanding them to go faster and faster and faster!
‘Come on Pilchard – more speed!’ called Miss Yorktown.
Mrs Pilcher kept her foot hard on the accelerator as the old Morris finally gained on the out-of-control transport truck.
“That’s it Mum,” said Mr Pilcher “keep it going, almost there”
The vintage truck finally caught up with Bertha. She had such momentum now that the rear wheels of the transport truck were clean of the ground.
Emily strained against the steering wheel, desperately trying to avoid a row of mighty oak trees lining the roadside.
‘That truck’s not going to take much more punishment,’ shouted Miss Yorktown above the noise, ‘there’s only one thing for it, Bertha and I are going to have to get to know each other a whole lot better!’ With that, Miss Yorktown leapt into the void separating the two careering vehicles and landed soundly on Bertha’s enormous shoulders.
Bertha hardly flinched, if anything, she started running faster, bucking and kicking like an oversized bronco, trying to throw Miss Yorktown.
Emily knew that she had to do something. The bumping and buffeting in the cab was getting really bad and she worried that the transport truck might start shaking itself to pieces; but what to do?
Emily could hardly see where they were going now because of all the shaking, but she thought she could just make out the old mill up ahead. If that was so and she could somehow turn the careering transport truck off the main road into Mill Lane, then that would lead up to Mudcake lane!
Maybe that would slow them down…
- The Farm -
Emily dared not look as she counted down the seconds before making the turn; summoning up all of her strength and gritting her teeth, she heaved the steering wheel over…
The transport truck lurched violently, pitching up on its side and nearly toppling over. The animals in the back bulged into the side, almost bursting out and Bertha, with her horn stuck fast and Miss Yorktown clinging to her back, had no choice but to follow.
They made it!
Emily straightened up as they hurtled into the narrow Mill Lane. The truck was in a very poor state by now and Emily noticed bits and pieces flying off it as they stormed along. Up ahead of them was the gate to Mudcake Lane, Emily knew there was no chance of stopping to open the gate - they were going to go straight through it and nothing was going to stop them!
The gate splintered into a thousand pieces with an almighty crash, as the thundering truck smashed through it and continued into Mudcake Lane.
Emily held on for dear life as the careering truck shuddered along the track. The chimps were going bananas and were racing around the cab; Emily could hardly see a thing as they raced onwards.
Miss Yorktown, riding atop Bertha, tried to whisper soothing words in the mighty rhinoceros’s ear, but the thundering noise from the rhino’s hooves washed out all attempts to calm the animal.
At last, the ground underneath started getting softer and softer and the bumping and bouncing settled down. Emily recognised the familiar surroundings of Pilcher’s farm - the old farmhouse, the lake and the fields of yellow rapeseed all around.
The mud was getting quite wet and the wheels of the heavily laden truck sank deeper and deeper into it. The front bumper of the truck dug into the mud, biting at it until it scooped under and threw up the mud in a great tidal wave of sticky brown mess, spattering everything around.
The truck ploughed its way through the mud like a speeding snowplough without shedding any speed, past the place where the milkman had got stuck - past the barn and the storage shed, all the way down to the lake!
The transport truck drilled into the lake like a mighty ocean liner, pounding the water aside; huge columns of water leapt up on all sides and foam and spray washed over the muddy truck. Finally, the rogue transport started to slow.
Emily watched in relief as, at last, they came to a halt…
Then they started to sink!
Emily wasted no time. She lunged at the door handle throwing it open, tons of water gushed into the cab as Emily and the chimpanzees spilled out.
Bertha the great rhino, exhausted and spent, heaved her mighty head with the last of her strength - finally splitting the wooden ramp and releasing the animals that had been cooped up for so long. The animals burst out of the transport truck and splashed in the refreshing water of the lake.
Bertha swam gracefully in the cool fresh water and collapsed at the water’s edge.
- Home -
Standing next to his police car, with blue lights still blazing, PC Barnes looked over the scene before him.
Bits and pieces of the zoo transport truck were strewn along the lane, marking out a huge furrow in the mud leading directly to the lake. Wallowing there, half submerged in the huge lake of mud, was the bulk of the zoo transport truck, its sides burst and empty of it’s cargo. Alongside it, elephants, hippos and water buffalo happily splashed in the muddy brown water.
The Pilchers stood beside the old Morris, tired and shaky, but happy that Emily had survived in one piece.
‘Must see about that delivery to Rawlins,’ said Mr Pilcher ‘can’t be letting my customers down, even after an adventure like today.’
‘Well we’ll see about that,’ said Mrs Pilcher ‘It’s Emily’s birthday and we still haven’t had any cake – besides, I’ve got a feeli
ng that we’re going to be bit busy with other things for a while,’ continued Mrs Pilcher.
Emily and Miss Yorktown knelt beside the huge bulk of Bertha gently stroking the exhausted animal.
‘Do you think she will be okay?’ asked Emily tearfully.
‘I expect so,’ said Miss Yorktown, ‘she needs a jolly good rest though - the poor dear is exhausted. I don’t think we’re going to be able to budge her for at least 48 hours.’
’48 hours,’ said Emily ‘that’s two days! Do you mean to say that Bertha can stay here on the farm for two whole days?’
‘Two days, at least!’ replied Miss Yorktown. ‘I think it might be a good idea to let all the animals stay here for a while - at least until we can hire some new zookeepers to look after them and remove that silly machine.’
Emily, cold, wet and drenched through with muddy water, beamed.
This was proving to be her best birthday ever!
- Epilogue -
A week later, Emily awoke extra early. She had lots of new chores to do now that the animals had come to stay. As she rushed to get dressed into her green dungarees and wellies, she looked out of her window at Pilcher’s farm and smiled.
There was Miss Yorktown striding across the yard, bossing Mr Pilcher about, ‘Come on Pilchard! I’ve told you before, cabbage and cake for the elephants, turnip and carrots for the hippos – grab that broom, you’ve got some cleaning out to do. When you’ve finished, I want you to…!’
‘Poor dad!’ laughed Emily.
Up on the hill, overlooking the house, a herd of zebras grazed on the rich grass, and giraffes fed on lush green leaves springing from the trees. Down by the lake, hippos wallowed in the mud, and in a yellow field behind the lake, Bertha thrived! Fitter and stronger than ever before – eating the finest rapeseed in the world!
Emily Pilcher: Pilcher's Farm (The Adventures of Emily Pilcher Book 1) Page 4
