by M. Malone
"I won't do anything to you, angel. You can come in."
She steps closer and the light from the open window illuminates things just enough that I can see the raw desire on her face. "What if I want you to? Would you do something then?"
"Don't tease me. I don't have much self-control when it comes to you and the little bit I have has been used up trying to keep my hands off you these past few days."
"Stop trying," she whispers. Then her hands are in my hair and her mouth is on mine.
My mind goes blank and all I can do is feel. The pain in my leg fades from my awareness as I'm suddenly completely occupied with the soft, warm curves pressing against my chest.
"Hold on to me."
She wraps her arms around my neck obediently and I march her backward toward the bed. The entire time her mouth is on my neck, my ear and then she's tugging at my T-shirt. Urgency pushes us on, as if we have to do it all, touch it all before our time runs out.
We fall on the bed and I roll so she's on top. It takes the pressure off my leg so I can focus on the most important thing which is pleasuring her. I push her T-shirt up but she surprises me when she reaches down and drags it over her head. She must have taken her bra off sometime during the night because she's completely nude underneath.
Holy hell, I had no idea she didn't have panties on under the short shirt either. My dick jumps to attention beneath her. She looks down in surprise. "I guess you liked that, huh?"
"I like you. Everything about you."
"But I'm willing to bet you're pretty partial to these." She cups her full breasts and lifts them to me like an offering. My mouth instantly goes dry. She's always known that I lose all reason when it comes to her breasts. Just a peek at her cleavage was enough to give me an instant hard-on as a teenager. The man doesn't have any chance at resisting them either because Rissa has filled out even more since then. Her curves overflow her small hands and when she leans over me, her breasts dangle like ripe fruit.
"You're drooling, Finn."
"Come here." I plant both of my hands on her ass and drag her up my chest. She squeals but grabs on to the headboard as I position her over my face. Then she sighs when I lick the soft lips of her sex, fluttering my tongue over her little clit. Her soft moans spur me on until I have my tongue buried inside her and she's riding my face.
"Finn!"
I can tell by her soft cries and the way she's gyrating over my lips that she's close. But it's not enough for her to be close, she needs to be frantic. She needs to be lost in what I make her feel. This was the one thing that was always right between us. The connection I feel to her when I make love to her is so potent, it's always seemed fated.
I clasp her bottom firmly with one hand and then use the other to thumb her nipple. Her breasts are so sensitive, they always have been. She tenses and then cries out, her pussy tightening around my tongue. Nothing has ever made me feel more like a man than the privilege of being the one who puts this look on her face.
She rolls to the side, taking big gasping breaths. When she opens her eyes finally, her lashes are wet from her tears.
"I love doing that. I love seeing you come apart."
Her eyes lower to where my erection tents my boxers. Suddenly she looks up at me with a naughty look in her eye. Then she crawls down the bed until she's hovering right over it. She's so close I can feel the warm heat of her breath on the fabric. My hands clench into fists to keep from thrusting up toward her mouth.
"I want to do that to you. I want to taste you."
She hadn't been too fond of this when we were younger. A part of me wonders if she learned to like it with Andrew but I immediately shut that part of my brain down. We both have pasts. It's just the way it is. But I won't let anything intrude on our private time together.
"Lift up." She raises an eyebrow until I lift my hips, allowing her to pull the boxers down. Then she settles herself between my legs, her big blue eyes locked on the erection stretching up my stomach. She leans forward and licks the underside and my hips lift again, the pleasure so intense that I can't help thrusting into it.
She holds me gently, using her tongue to circle the head. Then she takes it all the way into her mouth, her cheeks hollowing the deeper I go. I'm not sure if there's any sight in the world that can bring a man to his knees faster than this one.
"Do you know how beautiful you look?"
She looks up at me, teasingly, her lips stretched tight around my cock. Her tongue swirls and I clench my teeth. There's no way I can withstand too much more of her hot, sinful mouth before I lose it. And I really want this first time I come, for it to be inside her.
"Come here."
She gives one last final lick to the tip which sends another bolt of sensation up my spine. Then she crawls on top of me. I reach into the nightstand next to the bed and hand her the condom. This next step has to be her choice. I need to know that she really wants this.
She rips the package open and rolls it on slowly. Then she positions herself over me, her strong thighs flexing. I grasp the backs of her legs, until she pushes down and takes me deep in one long stroke. My belly clenches and I worry that I won't be able to hold out long enough to make her come again.
It's vitally important that I see that look on her face again. That's all I want in the world is for Rissa to be happy. Happy with me.
I rub my hands up the temptingly soft skin of her back and then grab on to the long curls flowing down her back. Her eyes pop open and she lets out another one of those little cries.
"You are so sexy. You never even knew what you did to me, did you? You never knew that you were my whole world."
Her eyes find mine and she shivers. "I didn't know. All I knew was that I wanted to be your everything. And I was never sure that I was enough."
The uncertainty in the words make me desperate to make her hear me, to know it now. I sit up and move us back so I'm propped against the headboard. The motion forces her down harder on my cock and her eyes drift shut as she takes it, her nails curling into the skin of my shoulder. The pain just enhances the pleasure. Pleasure and pain. We love each other and we hurt each other. It's the only way we know how to exist, Rissa and I.
"I was too stupid to show you then but there will never be a day that you don't know it now. I love you. I always have."
She's crying now and the sight of her tears just flays me. I couldn't be more vulnerable right now if she split me open and just yanked my heart right out of my chest. But the time for hedging bets is long past. If she leaves this earth knowing nothing else, she'll go with the knowledge that she's the reason why I breathe.
"Say it. Now. Finn loves me."
Her mouth falls open and she pants when I grip her hips and prevent her from moving. "Finn!" Her erotic cry is filled with desperation and a little bit of disbelief.
"Say it."
"You love me," she mumbles, barely getting the words out before her hips move against mine restlessly.
Her eyes flare as I pull her forward. As she rocks forward, I lift my hips and thrust deep. She throws her head back and screams my name, her internal muscles squeezing and pulsating as her orgasm rockets through her.
I want to hold out, make it last but the intense contractions as she falls apart around me are too much. As I fall over the cliff right after her, I look her in the eyes.
"And you may not be ready for this but I know you love me, too."
CHAPTER EIGHT
RISSA
I’m in Finn’s bed.
That’s the first thing I think when I wake in the morning. The next thing is that I’m warm. Finn has pulled me close and tangled our legs together while we slept.
Too much movement will wake him so I carefully roll to the side and pull my hair from beneath his arm. In sleep, Finn looks so peaceful. There’s no trace of the turmoil over the life changing things he said to me last night. He hadn't asked me to talk about it or expected me to say it back. I'm grateful for that because I'm honestly not sure
what I'm feeling.
I grab a robe from the closet and then walk down the hallway, trying to be quiet. I'm used to getting up early for cleaning jobs but it's weird to be standing in the middle of Finn's living room in the early morning hours.
What am I doing?
I feel completely lost and alone standing there in my T-shirt and one of Finn's robes.
There’s a soft noise behind me and I turn. Finn is standing in the middle of the hallway in his boxers.
"Finn? I hope I didn't wake you."
"You didn't but I woke up and you weren't there." He walks across the room. At times like these when he's tired or caught off guard, his limp is even more pronounced. I look up to find that he's watching me. Watching me watch him. I quickly avert my eyes.
"You can ask."
"What?" I look out the window again, ashamed that he caught me staring.
"It's okay, Rissa. It's you … so it's okay. You can ask what happened."
“That wasn’t … Okay what happened?" It feels wrong and invasive that I want to know so badly. He's been through hell and I'm sure he doesn't want to relive it just to satisfy my insecure desire to know everything about him.
"It was an IED blast. Our truck was almost shredded and so was my leg. I'm lucky I still have it, actually."
"I’m sorry, Finn."
He pulls me into his arms and rests his head in the crook of my shoulder. “I barely remember it. Some people say that’s a blessing. But I’m not sure I agree. Without the memory, it’s like I just went to sleep one day and then woke up with pieces of my leg missing the next. It doesn’t make sense to me.”
I turn into his embrace, nuzzling against his neck. “I understand. Your mind can’t process something it has no memory of.”
"I remember the day I lost you with more clarity. Watching you walk away. Andrew was waiting for you at the end of the street."
He says each sentence as if by rote, like he's reading a list from a piece of paper. Horrified, I raise my head to look into his eyes. I never knew that he saw all that. My heart clenches at the blank look on his face but I don't let myself look away. I deserve to see what I did to him.
"Walking away from you was the worst mistake of my life. And I know I said it before but I want you to hear it again. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. But maybe it'll make you feel better to know that I hurt myself, too."
Warmth returns to his eyes. "I thought that was what I wanted. I was wrong. Seeing you in pain just hurts more. All I've ever wanted for you was to see you happy. And now that I have a chance to make that happen, I won't let you get away so easily this time."
We stay like that for a long time where he’s just doing this comforting stroke over my hair and my nose remains buried in his neck. The events of the past day are catching up with me. Andrew always has a way of appearing in my life when I least expect it and I know that Finn is right. He's using the house to keep tabs on me. I wouldn't be surprised if he's getting reports on what I'm doing from the neighbors. They've known him a lot longer than me and I'm clearly the outsider in the neighborhood. Moving out is a necessary step towards breaking the chains of the past.
"You're right," I whisper.
Finn moves back slightly so he can hear me. "Right about what?"
"Moving out. I'm going to get my own place."
He looks around and I shake my head before he can even say it. "I'm not moving in here so don't even say it."
The smirk on his face is my first clue before he says something outlandish. "Since I fired you earlier, maybe you'd be interested in applying for the newest position available here at Casa Finn. I'm looking for a live-in housekeeper. Know anyone?"
Joy bubbles up and I have to squeeze him tighter to contain it. "I haven't even agreed to go on a date yet and you're asking me to move in? Finn, this is crazy."
He pulls me up on my tiptoes for a soft kiss, his eyes going deep and dark in that way I love. "You will be going on a date with me and you'll definitely be moving in here eventually. So you might as well just go ahead and do it now."
"Bossy."
Suddenly he's serious. "I know I'm a lot to take on Ris but there's never going to be anyone else for me."
And how the hell am I supposed to resist that?
"Damn it, Finn. How do you always do that? You can make the craziest thing seem like it's logical." He makes me want to do crazy things with him. Because everything I do with him seems so natural.
"Because you know in your heart it isn't crazy at all. It's just the way things should have always been."
* * * * *
We talk all morning, taking a break only to soak in Finn's oversized jetted tub. Then he decides to try an experiment to see how many times he can get me off using the jet streams and his fingers. It turns out having sex in a Jacuzzi is a thing for a reason.
By the time we get out, we’re both exhausted, dehydrated and wrinkled like raisins. Finn takes his time drying my skin with a big fluffy towel and then wraps me in another one of his robes. I think he just likes seeing his clothes on me. I like it too.
After that, he leads me to the kitchen so he can cook me breakfast. I have to admit to being pleasantly surprised at his hidden talent. He slides a plate across the counter along with a glass of orange juice.
“Breakfast is served. Eat. I don’t want you skipping meals.”
I make a face at him but take a bite of my egg, cheese and tomato omelet. It’s so good I can’t contain a sigh of pleasure. He put a lot of cheese and just a touch of onions and it's divine. I don’t even care that every one of these calories is likely to go straight to my hips. It's amazing what being around Finn even for a short time has done for my body image. He's always been vocal about telling me that he loves my body and that my curves make him hot. When I view myself through his eyes, I stop focusing on every little flaw and see the big picture. That he loves me just the way I am.
"You've picked up quite a few skills since the old days. I know you couldn't cook before," I tease.
"After I moved in here, I got tired of ordering in. It's been fun to experiment and try some different things. Tank's girlfriend gave me a few recipes to start off with. She's a pretty good cook."
"I can't wait to meet her. Any girl that can make your brother admit that he likes cuddling sounds like my kind of girl."
"Can you get some time off today?" Finn asks before he takes my plate and puts it in the dishwasher.
I think about it. One of our contracts is for a small boutique that's closed on Fridays. Tracy usually handles that one and she's mentioned to me before that she would love to get more hours. Usually it's only an issue because I prefer not to send the girls out to big contracts without supervision. But Tracy has been with us for almost two years and she's always been reliable. Maybe some of our staffing issues can be solved if I learn to trust a bit more.
"It's possible, why?"
"Because it's Friday night. I want to take my girl out on the town."
I can't suppress a little tremble of excitement. Going out on a proper date was something that we never got to do when we were younger. Finn and I worked part-time jobs to help our moms' with bills and we never really had extra money for that kind of thing anyway. Our dates were usually things you could do for free like hanging in the park or making out on the bleachers at school during football games.
"I guess we've never really done that, huh?"
Finn winks at me. "I can finally take you out properly. I always wanted to take you to one of those restaurants where they speak French and all the portion sizes look like they're for ants. You know, the real fancy places."
I think of all the proper, elegant dates I had with Andrew. The Carringtons have a lot of influence in the state and there were many dinners and fundraisers that Andy was expected to attend. All those evenings when I would try to fit my curves into a dress that his mother would find appropriate and then have to spend the evening smiling at the insipid people he was trying to impress. It seemed like he w
as always playing a role. Until the mask slipped and I saw the ugly underside.
Even when he took me out and we were alone, it never felt like I really had his full attention. Leaving him has gotten more of his attention than anything else I've ever done.
"I used to dream about that, too. But my dream wasn't about where we were going. It was just about having all that time with you. And you'd only have eyes for me."
"I only had eyes for you anyway," Finn replies.
"Now, I know that. But back then I'd see you flirting or smiling at someone else and it made me wonder. I wasn't sure if I was enough to keep a man like you interested."
It's difficult to admit out loud that my insecurity is what ultimately drove us apart. If only I'd trusted in him, we could have been together, loving each other, for all these years.
Finn looks pained. "I never knew that. I always thought of flirting as harmless. Half the time I don't even realize when I'm doing it. But it's obviously not harmless if it cost me you."
He looks so sad and that's not what I wanted at all.
"Okay, I'll make some calls and arrange for someone to cover for me tonight. Then I'll swing by my house and change clothes."
"Wear your best dress. And pack a bag before you come back." He gives me that intense stare again and my nerves start dancing again. Everything feels like it's moving so fast but I wouldn't stop it even if I could. For the first time, I'm doing something reckless and it feels completely right.
It feels like home.
* * * * *
When I get back to Finn's place that afternoon, I'm carrying a small suitcase and two garment bags. I brought one formal dress but also a really cute, black jersey knit dress that can pass for cocktail if necessary with the right accessories.
Finn hasn't told me anything about where we're going so I'm not sure which one I'm going to wear yet. I wish he'd give me a hint. Men don't understand these things. Being overdressed can be just as uncomfortable as being underdressed.
I'm in the tub again when he comes back home. I look up to see him observing me from the doorway.
