by M. Malone
She shakes her head. Her disappointment cuts like a knife. “I never thought I'd see the day when you gave up without a fight. Did I make you this way, Finn?”
“Losing you made me a lot of things, angel. But none of that is your fault."
CHAPTER TWELVE
RISSA
A couple of days later, I'm in the office early to get a head start on some paperwork. I'm not a fan of paperwork under any circumstances but my level of cranky this morning has nothing to do with all the tax forms on my screen. It's because I've been sleeping at my mom's house all week instead of at Finn's place.
I hit one of the keys too hard and chip a nail. My frustration is more than just sexual. It's that I'm not on board with this stupid plan of Finn's to take things slowly. His definition of slowly is staying away from me. For the last few days I've only seen him when I'm there to clean. And cleaning the random vacant apartments that he wants move-in ready isn't the same as cleaning his place where I get to see him. Talk to him.
I feel like I'm going through withdrawal and I need a Finn fix.
After ten minutes, I get up and take some aspirin. Staring at a computer screen for hours on end has the tendency to trigger my headaches and I don't have time to be sidelined today. Daphne, Tara and I had a long talk about delegating and trust. Eventually we decided to start the paperwork to bring three of the girls who've been with us the longest into management positions. With three others who can supervise the bigger jobs it will free up some of our time and allow us to have lives again. For the first time in ages, I have a weekday evening free.
My goal is to make it so that none of us work more than ten hours a day. Maybe after a while we can see about cutting it back even more. We might even achieve this mysterious work-life balance that I've heard so much about.
After I've been working for about an hour, I take a break and massage my eyes. I'm going to have to double-check everything I just did since my mind keeps wandering. How can I concentrate on something as mundane as tax regulations when Finn has my mind all twisted? He scares me one minute and then he does something thoughtful the next. How can one man be so sweet and so infuriating at the same time?
The upside to Finn being on his best behavior is that we're talking more and more. What he did for Major Halliwell is part of a bigger program that he's started to help get homeless veterans off the street. It's a nice feeling to be a part of something so important. My crankiness subsides a little as I remember that day. Maybe that's what I need, to focus on the good things. I smile remembering how pleased he looked as he welcomed some of the new tenants. The joy on their faces and his was an honor to witness.
"Whatever you're working on must be way more interesting than anything I've got going on."
I open my eyes to see Tara leaning against the doorframe. Her dark hair is pulled back so only the blue streak is hanging loose.
"Are you aware that you're just staring into space with an incredibly goofy grin on your face?"
I deliberately make my goofy grin even bigger. "Is smiling a crime now?"
"It is when this grin has something to do with a certain moody client of ours."
My smile fades. "I'm trying not to think about him but I can't help it. He's just … everything that he was when I knew him before and more." I tell her about Major Halliwell. "Instead of cleaning, he's got me helping him out with this new program. It's been a long time since I've felt that good about something I was doing. I really love being a part of that."
Tara's face falls. "You're in love with him. The first day you told me about him, I knew this was where it was going. But it scares me to see how into this guy you are."
"I can't help it, Tara. I've always loved him." It thrills me and frustrates me, too. Wanting Finn is just a constant that I can't escape in my life.
She perches on the edge of my desk. "I know he's gorgeous and rich and crazy over you. But he's also kind of twisted and obsessed and messed up, too. He's already admitted that he wanted to use you and get you out of his system. I just don’t want to see you get hurt by this guy. Not again."
"That’s just it, I hurt him. He never hurt me. Not once. I was scared when I saw him acting so crazy that day but now that I know what was going on, how can I not try to help him?"
"Gah!" She crosses her arms. "That's our fatal flaw as women. We always want to help guys and nurture them. Sometimes there isn't any help other than to run far and fast."
The nagging pain behind my eye socket has gotten worse and the whole left side of my head is throbbing. I've ignored the signs and now it looks like this is about to develop into a full-blown migraine.
"I need to go home." I wince as another throb of pain stabs right behind my eye. "I'm getting a migraine."
Tara knows how intense my migraines can be so she immediately takes my arm and pulls me to my feet. "Go home and rest. I'll cover for you this afternoon."
"Thank you." I shut down my computer and then walk out to the parking lot. All I really want is to go to Finn's but with the way we left things, I'm not sure if that's such a good idea. Letting him take care of me is really tempting though. He always knew what to do for me when I would get these debilitating headaches.
He always knows what to do in every situation but I'm afraid to get used to relying on that too soon.
* * * * *
The front door has never seemed so far away. The chime peals again and I heave myself upward. I place a hand on my abdomen as I shuffle down the hallway praying that I don’t get nauseated again before I can get rid of whoever it is at the door.
I peer through the peephole and then freeze. Finn stands on my mother's front porch looking almost too big for the area the peephole covers. I pull the door open slowly and look at him blearily.
His eyes drift up to my hair and I reach up and pat the haphazard bun that I pulled my curls into. Then I look down at what I’m wearing. I’ve got on my favorite pair of pajamas with the ribbons and hearts all over them.
Embarrassment sets in. I’m not too exhausted to feel mortified that he’s seeing me like this.
“What are you doing here?”
He holds up the plastic bags in his hands. “Delivery.” He pushes past me and I just let it happen. I’m way too tired to protest his high-handed methods the way I usually would.
He takes everything to the kitchen and then is back before I can even drag my weary body after him. “I called the office and Tara told me you were sick. How are you feeling?
I push the hair around my face back. “About how I look.”
He nods once and then picks me up.
“Finn!”
“You looked like you were on the verge of collapsing at any moment.”
“Just tired.” Even saying the words requires more energy than I have at the moment.
In my room, he deposits me gently in the middle of the bed. He pulls the covers back so I can slide beneath and then to my surprise, he slides in next to me. It feels so good to have him here. Like I can finally relax and let someone else take care of things for a while.
"Sleep, angel." He loops one arm over my waist and pulls me back into the cradle of his body.
When I wake up the next time, the television is on, the soft lights flickering over the bed. The curtains are drawn so I can’t tell whether it’s still daylight but I have the sense that it’s late. I turn my head and my nose brushes up against Finn’s chest. That’s when I realize why I’m so warm and cozy. I’m tucked up under Finn’s arm, snuggled against his chest.
He stayed with me.
Finn looks down at me and there’s something indefinably warm in his expression. This is how he used to look at me, like he could spend hours just staring at my face. “You’re awake. Are you hungry?”
My stomach pitches at the idea of food. “No food. I can’t even think about it.”
He sits up slightly and the motion forces me to move back. “Here. Take a sip of water. You can’t get dehydrated.”
I sip from the
cup he holds out obediently. My migraines always hit me pretty hard and I feel like a wet dishrag that’s been wrung out. “Thank you. I feel a little better now. I just needed to sleep.”
Now that I don’t feel quite so delirious, I can fully appreciate the situation. Finn is snuggled up against me. His chest is bare and I glance down at the bottom half of his body buried beneath the covers. Is he naked under there?
He sees me looking and that shit-eating grin of his is back. “I’ve got pants on angel, don’t get any ideas. I'm sure Gloria would kill me if she thought I was in here debauching you.”
“Are you kidding? She'd probably cheer. She's always liked you.” I try to sit up and the room sways slightly. I’m bone tired and I’m groggy as if I’ve been asleep for a very long time.
“Did Daphne come by to clean this morning?” Before I'd left, I'd sent her a text asking her to do it if she had time. Even though this was clearly not a typical job, Finn was still paying for our services. And I really don't want to feel that I'm earning that paycheck on my back.
Finn nods. “She did. That was interesting. First I had to get out of bed to let her in. Then, she accidentally walked in on me while I was dressing because, I assume, you didn’t tell her that the master bedroom was off-limits. That was quite a shock for both of us.”
I can only imagine. Daphne’s probably no longer speaking to me. I definitely should have warned her not to go in his room. I'm also a little jealous that Daphne has seen him half-naked.
"You know you didn't need to send her over. I'm not going to fire you if you skip a date."
"I know that but I've seen how you live. You need daily cleaning."
His soft laughter is a relief. I wasn't sure if he was going to be pissed that I'd done that without asking.
"No, what I need is daily doses of Rissa. But you still look exhausted and that means I haven't been taking care of you properly. So hush and go back to sleep, angel."
There was a time when his proprietary manner would have annoyed me. I'd had more than enough of men thinking they owned me and viewing me as their responsibility. But with Finn I know that he doesn't view taking care of me as an obligation at all. More like an honor. He seems pleased just to be here with me while I'm resting. But I'm reluctant to close my eyes again because I'm afraid this whole thing might turn out to be dream. Then I'll be back to how I was this morning, cranky and depressed because Finn has decided to stay away from me.
I wrap one hand around his neck and pull him down into a kiss. His lips move against mine hungrily and know that it's been just as hard for him to hold back as it's been for me. Our physical connection is so strong that it's hard to be near him and not be affected. Even now, my body is aching and wet, my pussy clenching hard every time he rocks against me. His mouth is so hot and hard on mine, like he's trying to devour me.
"Damn it, Rissa. You're sick and I still can't keep my hands off you." He pulls back and looks into my eyes. He looks tortured and I can see the strain holding back is having on him.
My other hand trails down his back and then stops on his ass. "I don't want you to keep your hands off me."
"Shit. Your mother is out there."
For some reason that makes me want to giggle. I bury my face against his chest to muffle my soft snickers. "We aren't in high school. This shouldn't be so funny that we're still sneaking around!"
The soft puff of his laughter washes over my cheek. "It's not like I'm climbing up to your bedroom window or something. I'm just trying not to have your mother come in here and hit me with a frying pan."
I stroke him, watching his eyes darken. "We can be quiet."
He groans when I bring my other hand into the mix and grip him through the front of his jeans. "You can't be quiet, angel. And neither can I."
"It would be fun to try though, wouldn't it?” I unbutton the top of his jeans and then carefully lower the zipper.
"Protection. I don't have a condom. I'm clean but–"
"I'm on the pill and I'm clean too. You're running out of excuses, big boy."
Suddenly he grips my hips and tugs on the drawstring bottoms of my pajamas. I lift up and push them down. I wasn't wearing panties underneath anyway.
"You are an unbelievable tease, do you know that?"
I grip him firmly, positioning him right at the center of my core. Right where I need him. "It's not teasing if you follow through." Then I angle my hips and tug on his ass. The first stroke seats him so deeply that I almost scream right then and there.
"Uh uh, angel. You have to be quiet," he rasps in my ear. The rumble of his deep voice in my ear is sexy as hell.
Then he works himself a little deeper, swiveling his hips slightly as he thrusts. I bite my lip. The pleasure is so intense and every pump of his hips takes me higher. It's incredibly erotic to just lie here while he fucks me, unable to scream or make any noise. The constraint of not being able to make noise makes me more aware of my breathing. My heart rate.
A small whimper escapes when his hands tuck under my bottom, holding me tighter as he thrust faster. His mouth covers mine and the next sound I make is muffled as he slips his tongue in my mouth. I come just like that feeling completely open and dominated, completely consumed by him.
I can tell his release is close by the way his breath starts coming faster. I wrap my legs around him and clamp down on him every time he withdraws. His fingers on my hips tighten and I'm sure I'll have bruises later. But it'll be so worth it, I think as he lets out a harsh groan in my ear. We lie together, panting quietly until he finally moves to the side.
He pulls me back against him again. Part of me wants to just sob at the pleasure of feeling him here, next to me but that would take more energy than I have to expend. For now, it’s enough just that he’s here.
“I missed you. So much. Don't stay away from me, Finn. I know you think it's best for me but it's not. This is what I need.” At another time, when I’m not so sleepy and satisfied, I’ll probably regret my candor. But right now I don’t care. It’s how I feel and I’m tired of pretending.
"I need you, too. And I won't be staying away from you for much longer. There's just something I have to take care of first."
"What do you have to take care of?" I ask but the question is interrupted by a giant yawn.
His lips brush over my forehead. "Right now, you need to sleep. Close your eyes, angel. I'll still be here when you wake up. Then we'll talk."
* * * * *
The next morning I roll over and clutch the pillow I'm holding tighter. I always sleep like the dead after I've had a migraine and last night was no exception. Especially since Finn was there. I always sleep better when he's there.
I open my eyes and frown at the empty space next to me. I prop myself up on my elbow and look around. The house is quiet but the pillow still has the slight indentation where his head rested. Why would Finn sneak out in the middle of the night? Then I catch a glance at the clock on the dresser and scramble to get out of bed. It's almost nine, way later than I usually get in to work. I only hope the other girls haven't needed me for anything.
After a lightning fast shower, I dress in a white T-shirt and jeans, pulling my Maid-4-U logo apron on over it. I pick up my purse and pull out my cell phone. I frown. There are little red flags everywhere. I've never had so many unread texts, voicemails and emails simultaneously before.
I quickly scan the texts. The oldest one is from Finn. He had some meeting this morning and didn't want to wake me. The rest are all from Daphne and Tara. Same with the voicemails. Once I see that my emails are mainly from my partners, too, I call the office with a sinking feeling in my chest.
Daphne answers on the first ring. "Thank god, Rissa. You have to get in to the office."
"What is going on? I have so many messages to listen to."
Daphne pauses. "We just got a call from Mercers. They've been sold and the new owner isn't renewing our contract."
I clap a hand over my mouth. We knew this was a possibilit
y. I'd heard rumors over the years that the owners of Mercers wanted to sell and relocate but they were being really choosy about potential buyers. They wanted to sell to someone with long ties to the community and there aren't many people in this area with that kind of money.
For some reason that thought causes a curl of dread to unfurl in my belly. "Well, this sucks for sure but maybe we can change the owner's mind. They might just be saying that because they want to keep their options open."
Daphne doesn't say anything and the dread in my stomach explodes. "Who is it, Daph? Who's the new owner?"
"Are you coming in? We have a lot of stuff to talk about."
It's a classic Daphne evasion tactic. She hates conflict and she'll do anything to avoid it. Tara and I have been teasing her for years that she could probably teach the military about escape and evade maneuvers. It's usually amusing but then again I'm usually not on the receiving end of it. I take a deep breath so I won't end up yelling at one of my best friends. Then she'll cry and I'll really feel like an ogre.
"You're avoiding the question, Daphne. That doesn't make me feel too good so just spit it out."
"I really think you should come in to the office," she squeaks.
"Daphne!"
She's quiet and then whispers, "I'm sure he has an explanation."
My head is still slightly fuzzy from my extended sleep from the night before. It takes a minute for what she's saying to even register and for me to realize what "he" she's even talking about. When I finally get it, I fall back onto the bed, my legs suddenly unable to hold up my weight anymore.
"Oh god. It’s not possible." That's truly how I feel. How could it be possible for Finn to have done something this underhanded? This manipulative.
I think back to what he said to me in the elevator earlier this week about not being a good guy. I'd taken it as a sign of self-deprecation but maybe he was trying to warn me. He told me he was an asshole and I didn't listen. I should have heeded the warning.
