by A. K. Koonce
Pain sinks into my stomach. My jaw clenches tightly against the irrational emotions that are crawling up my throat. I killed a man and all it did was twist me up over the fact that our relationship wasn’t real for him.
What is wrong with me?
What was wrong with him?
Whatever he got out of training me, and getting close to me, and making me feel accepted, wasn’t at all what I thought we were. We were terrible together, but I never thought it wasn’t real.
I feel so fucking stupid. I feel hurt. Used.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Kain takes a step closer, backing me up against the sink with a gentle touch.
My fists tighten at my sides and when they start to shake, Kain pushes his palms against my knuckles, capturing my hands with his.
“I’m such a fucking idiot.” Heavy breaths make my words tremble.
“You’re not—”
A gasp forces from my lips and I shove his hands away from mine. I push against him to make space between him and me. My fingers shove against his smooth chest once more and he grabs my wrists. He pulls me against him just as a sobbing breath escapes from my lips. His arms wrap around me, holding me to him as I meld against his strength. He lowers us slowly, sinking down until I’m this pathetic heap of a mess in his arms. Warm tears sting my eyes. Tears that I refuse to let fall. Shaking breaths are all that I let out of the tightness in my chest. It’s a quiet sound of sadness and anger. And Kain accepts it all. He takes it in. He holds it.
He holds me.
The cabinet braces our weight as he sits back against it. Our legs tangle together while I lie against his chest and stare out at the shadowed limbs outside the window. Every single stupid moment of my life replays taunting images in my mind.
“It was all a lie.” So many years of my life have been wasted.
He broke me.
Why? Was it a joke? What did Kreedence get out of ruining love for me?
He ruined me.
“Not everyone’s like that, Arlow.” Kain’s thumb brushes small circles along my arm. “I know what you’re feeling. I really do. It’ll heal.” The low timber of his voice is all around me. Every word he speaks sinks right into me. “Someone someday will show you that it’s not always like this. It’ll happen, and you won’t even realize it’s happening. Until it’s too late.”
Moments pass and my breath evens out. The tears dry. But the hurt in my chest is still alive and well.
“Until it’s too late. You make love sound terrifying, Kain.”
“It fucking is.”
Quiet laughter sneaks into me and I feel his rumbling laugh against my back.
His lips press to the side of my jaw, grazing my neck just enough to make that hurt in my stomach flutter slightly into something else. My lashes close and he continues to hold me for a long time after that.
Kain doesn’t take my pain away.
I know it’ll still be there for a long time.
But he does hold me.
Knights, guards, and princes have been all around me, waiting to turn my life into a fairy tale. And all I want is a dragon.
I want nothing more than to let this dragon protect me and watch over me in my misery.
Twenty-Five
Not Alone
The dream I have that night isn’t much of a dream at all. It’s ominous voices and flashes of my past: The first time Kreedence kissed me. The first time he hurt me. The first time he said he loved me. The first time I realized I loved Sinister.
It’s a swirl of affection, pain, and guilt.
And her voice.
This is what love feels like. It’s what love always feels like.
Her rasping tone is like a portentous narration through every scene.
The pain makes us stronger.
She’s an unseen spectator through every flickering chapter of my life.
Let me help you, Arlow. Let me help you help us.
My eyes fling open to the darkness of the bathroom once again.
Shaking breaths fill my lungs as I heave for air. A shiver races across my skin. It trembles through me. My gaze trails over every single shadow of the room. Kain’s arms pull me closer to his chest, reminding me that I’m not alone.
But I suddenly start to wonder if I’ve ever really been alone.
What if I have more demons in my past than I ever realized?
The End
Arlow’s journey continues. Book three, Maiming is now available on preorder!
Maiming Preorder
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Also by A.K. Koonce
The Mortals and Mystics Series
Fate of the Hybrid, Prequel
When Fate Aligns, Book one
When Fate Unravels, Book two
When Fate Prevails, Book three
Resurrection Island Stand Alone
Resurrection Island
The Royal Harem Series
The Hundred Year Curse
The Curse of the Sea
The Legend of the Cursed Princess
The Hopeless Series
Hopeless Magic
Hopeless Kingdom
Hopeless Realm
Hopeless Sacrifice
The Harem of Misery Series
Pandora’s Pain
The Severed Souls Series
Darkness Rising
Darkness Consuming
Darkness Colliding
The Huntress Series
An Assassin’s Death
About A.K. Koonce
A.K. Koonce is a USA Today bestselling author. She’s mom by day and a fantasy and paranormal romance writer by night. She keeps her fantastical stories in her mind on an endless loop while she tries her best to focus on her actual life and not that of the spectacular, but demanding, fictional characters who always fill her thoughts.
