Left to my own devices, alone in my room with all my homework done and only the rain for companionship, my mind wandered. Well, it more than wandered, it analyzed. It analyzed every nuance of Caleb’s and my conversation. Always coming back to one singular topic: Zack. What was I to do about Zack? Every time I’d left it up to fate, fate chose in his favor. I knew that I couldn’t depend on fate any longer. I needed to decide for myself, and soon. Exhaustion began to slowly creep in and sleepiness took over. It looked like it was the end of my decision making, at least for tonight.
Monday I hurried through my classes and my chores at St. Matthew’s, all so I could rush home and call Kelly. As soon as I stepped into my room, I kicked off my shoes and grabbed the phone all in one premeditated motion. I dialed her number as quickly as I could.
“Hello?” answered the voice on the other end of the phone.
“Kelly?” I asked, full of hope and anticipation.
“Liz?”
“Oh my God. I have been trying to get a hold of you forever.”
“Yeah, I know. I think my answering machine is in love with you.” Kelly laughed.
“So how’s California? Tell me all about it. I want to know everything.”
“It’s great and I’ll tell you anything you want to know. But first you have to tell me where you are. Are you still locked up? Is Sister Sledge letting you make your one phone call?”
“No, I’m at St. Paul’s College. I’m still in Chicago but I live in the dorm.”
“Really? You’re free?”
“Not completely. St. Matthew’s gave me a scholarship. Because they’re paying for everything, I still have to work for Father Brennigan and Sister Christine four days out of the week and attend confession and Mass on Wednesdays. But it’s not so bad. I have Friday and Saturday off.”
“Ooooh, do tell! What do you do with your free weekends?
I told Kelly all about Lucy and Caleb. She flipped over his hair and piercings. She kept screaming, “I love it, I love it!” She went especially crazy when I told her how he wasn’t afraid of Mother Superior and that she had even allowed him to drive me back to the dorms.
“No way, no way! I’m going to die! I would give my left boob to see Sister Sledge’s face!” Kelly exclaimed.
I went on and told Kelly about the Tripping Donkey. She was so proud, just I like I knew she would be. I told her about paintball and how I’d shot Zack.
“How could you shoot a sexy guy like that?” Kelly demanded.
“It’s hard to explain, Kell. Zack and I are like oil and water—we don’t mix.”
“That’s just because you haven’t been properly shaken up yet,” Kelly mocked, a dirty tone in her voice.
“Kelly!”
“I’m just saying…it’s a shame to waste heat like that.”
“Kelly, we don’t get along. I just stopped hating him a couple of days ago. Now I just strongly dislike him and don’t trust him at all.”
“Good, keep it that way,” Kelly ordered.
“What? I was sure you’d being telling me to throw myself at him.”
“Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. With heat like that, you won’t need to do any throwing at all. That boy’s gonna come running to you.”
“I seriously doubt that, Kell.”
“It’s a fine line between love and hate. And you’ll usually find lust shoved right in the middle. That’s all I’m saying.” Kelly’s wicked chuckle shrilly escaped the phone. “Hey, I gotta go, Liz. I’m sorry but some friends just showed up. I’ll call you again soon, okay?”
“Yeah, okay, Kell,” I said, heartache filling my voice.
“Hey, Liz, one more thing. Stop fighting it and go after Zack already.” She laughed as she hung up the phone.
Of course Kelly would want me to go after Zack. No big surprise there. Anyone with a Y chromosome and a little testosterone was worthy in Kelly’s eyes. I was a little pickier. I did really enjoy talking to Kelly. I was afraid that after all these months things would feel strained, like we had nothing to talk about. But hearing Kelly’s voice, it was like no time had passed at all. She was and always would be the Kelly I knew and depended on, sarcasm and all.
Tuesday evening I was once again at MIQ, proceeding with my customary duties. I made my way up the stairwell to the infirmary. My mind raced back to all the times Brett and I had walked these very stairs to visit Kelly. I had enjoyed talking to Kelly so much last night. Her sense of humor was as sharp and edgy as ever. My mind was in full recollection mode when Sister Pietra, the nurse, stopped me at the infirmary door.
“May I help you, Mary Elizabeth?” Sister Pietra asked.
“I was just coming up to restock the infirmary, Sister.”
“That won’t be necessary tonight,” Sister Pietra said firmly, an uncommon tone for her.
“Oh, my apologies, Sister. I was just told…”
“The infirmary is occupied, Mary.”
“I didn’t know, Sister.” I bowed my head in respect and turned to leave. But a nagging question gnawed at me, forcing me to do something I never would have dreamed of in the past.
“Is it anything serious, Sister?” I asked, questioning the authority figure. This was completely out of character for me. I could tell Sister Pietra was taken back also.
“One of our new wards,” Sister Pietra said. “He fell extremely ill after Mass last Wednesday. He almost died.”
“Mass?” I asked, shocked. I too had felt ill during Mass last Wednesday. But I hadn’t almost died. It couldn’t be the same thing, could it? Once again my mind ran off with me, forgetting that Sister Pietra was still standing mere inches from me.
“Are you feeling well, child?” Sister Pietra asked. “You look pale.”
“Yes, Sister. I’m sorry, Sister. I was just remembering…”
“Remembering what?” she asked, concerned.
“I didn’t feel well at Mass last Wednesday evening, either.”
“I’m sure it is not the same, child. It is not contagious. Put it out of your mind.”
“Yes, Sister. Thank you. I’ll go now, Sister,” I said, bowing my head once again as I left.
Sister Pietra’s words had given me little comfort. The gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach was still there, urging me to ask more questions. But I could not; I had already pressed my luck too much for one night. I finished my duties and trekked back to my dorm.
All the next day, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. The feeling that I was missing something, not seeing the whole picture, still lingered. I chatted casually with Lucy and Caleb. Caleb was very conscientious to never ask me anything about my past or bring up MIQ or St. Matthew’s in front of Lucy. I appreciated that very much. Caleb was becoming more and more of a trusted friend every day. It was nice to have someone to confide in. I hadn’t had anyone since Kelly and Brett left. Caleb waited to find a moment alone with me before he approached the dreaded subject of Zack.
“So, have you decided?” Caleb asked coyly.
“Decided what?” I asked, playing along.
“You know damned well, Elizabeth, that I mean Zack.” Caleb was losing patience with our little game.
“I know what you meant. I just wanted you to work for it,” I chuckled.
“Well?”
“Well, I still don’t know. My friend Kelly thinks it’s a good idea. But that’s not saying much. Any guy is a good idea to her.”
“Liz, please, a moment of peace. That’s all I’m asking, a moment of peace.”
“Okay, Caleb. I’m not trying to make this harder for you. But I don’t really know him. Maybe after we talk a little more. Then I’ll decide. Is that okay?”
“I guess it’ll have to be. I’ve never met a girl who was so adverse to a date.” Caleb sounded frustrated.
“A date?”
“Yes, a date. What do you think we’ve been talking about, an arranged marriage? My God, girl.”
“I’ve never been on a date. I just assumed that
the guy was supposed to ask you out, not his friend. No offense.”
“Look, Liz, Zack just doesn’t want to be shot down. That’s all. He’s kinda shy like that, I guess.”
“Zack, shy? I can’t believe that.”
“Liz, I told you, there’s more to that boy than his image. Give him a chance.”
“I’ll think about it,” I promised.
“Really, we’re back to that?” Caleb said, aggravated by the lack of progress.
“Caleb, look at it this way. You’ve given me more to think about.”
Caleb smiled at me as our anatomy class started. Lucy had some appointment, so she would be missing the bizarre and disgusting nuances of a fetal pig’s reproduction system. Lucky her. After class Caleb walked me to western civilizations. He had never walked me to my last class before. It struck me as odd. Until I saw Zack walk out of the classroom doorway. That’s right, I had class with Zack. I was sure the two of them needed to have a powwow about my decision. You know, the one I hadn’t made. Boy, was this going to be good. I squeezed between the two of them to get through the door.
“Hi, Liz,” Zack greeted.
Again, out of character for him. Was nothing today going to proceed as normal? Was today the day to just break all the rules? Caleb and Zack stood outside talking for a couple of minutes until Professor Jacarse walked in and started his daily tormenting roll call. As if on cue, Zack walked in and took a seat next to me. Yep, today no precedents would be followed.
Professor Jacarse droned on and on for the whole ninety minutes while Zack and I just sat quietly in the closest proximity we’d ever been to each other. Even when we were in his truck together, I had been sure to sit as far away as I could get on his gray bench seat. Today, the way the seats were linked together, we were almost bumping elbows. I tried to tuck my arm in as much as possible, but the more closed off I became, the more room Zack’s arm sought out. Near the end of class it was practically impossible for me to continue taking notes. I glanced over and noticed that Zack had never taken any notes at all. He was just staring at me. I smiled nervously and looked down. When I brought my head back up, I saw his friends at the front of the class trying to break their necks to see whom Zack had chosen to abandon them for. I could see from the looks on their faces that they did not approve.
Zack caught my look of humiliation and regret when I saw his friends judging me. He then did the sweetest thing I never imagined him doing. He grabbed my hand from on top the desk and wrapped his fingers between mine, grasping my hand tightly in his. Then, as if holding my hand wasn’t enough, he shot his friends a look that surely could have killed them. Zack turned to me with a smile and a reassuring wink. I had never seen him wink. My heart swelled at the thought of how much Zack reminded me of Brett in that instant.
Aw, no! I thought, feeling all my resolve and distaste for Zack melt away. That was it. I was a goner.
When class ended, I stood up, ready to leave. But Zack stopped me, still holding on to my hand.
“Liz, I’m sorry about that,” he said, looking toward his friends at the front of the class.
“That’s okay,” I replied quietly.
“No, it’s not. I didn’t know they’d act like that.”
“Because you sat with me?”
“Yeah. But if it’s any consolation, I don’t think it’s you.”
“Well, tell you what. Just don’t sit with me and we won’t have to find out,” I said, only half-joking.
“Oh.” Zack’s face fell.
“I was just kidding. I’m just not good with attention. I mean, I don’t really like people looking at me.”
“Yeah, me too,” Zack agreed without any readable expression on his face.
“I find that hard to believe.”
“Liz, there’s a lot about me that might surprise you.”
“I doubt it. But thanks for what you did.” I picked up my books and walked out the door.
“Hey, Liz. Wait,” Zack called as he ran up behind me. I stopped and turned around. “You wanna grab some coffee or something?”
“I don’t drink coffee.”
Before I could explain anything else, Zack interrupted me. “We can go get whatever you want.”
I felt bad. I actually heard hope in his voice. “I can’t. I have to be somewhere.”
“Where? Can I drive you?” Zack asked eagerly.
“It’s gonna sound ridiculous to you,” I said, more than a little embarrassed.
“Try me.”
“I have to go to church,” I admitted, waiting for the mocking.
“Oh, that’s right. You and Caleb go to the same church, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Caleb goes on Sunday. Why are you going on Wednesday night?”
“It’s a long story. It’s just the way it is. I have to go, all right? Sorry, they’re just kinda strict. I don’t want to be late.” I walked off toward the stairs to my room.
“Can I give you a ride?” Zack called after me.
“That’s okay, but thanks,” I replied disappearing up the stairs.
Once at St. Matthew’s, I made it through confession without much incident. Mass went along speedily, mostly due to the fact that I was concentrating more on Zack than on prayer. I probably should confess that next week.
Father Brennigan’s homily was almost over by the time that now-familiar dizzy, hazy feeling swept over me. As I stood to leave, I fell over and accidentally bumped into Sister Christine.
“Mary Elizabeth?” I heard Sister Christine calling but she seemed far away, down a tunnel. “Mary Elizabeth?” she called again.
I felt a quick stinging on my face. I opened my eyes slowly, fighting the weight of my eyelids, just in time to see Mother Superior’s hand slapping me in the face again. My eyes closed, only to fly open a moment later from the stinging sensation radiating from my cheek.
What did I do to deserve this? Never in all my years at the orphanage had Mother ever struck me.
“I’m sorry,” I stammered, my voice weak.
“I think she’s coming to,” I heard another voice say.
I opened my eyes fully to see a sea of faces swirling above me. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. Everything was all topsy-turvy. As I focused more clearly, I could see the ceiling of St. Matthew Cathedral above me.
This is an odd position.
“Don’t get up!” I heard another voice order. This time I recognized it as Sister Pietra.
“I’m okay,” I muttered, struggling to sit up.
“Slowly, child,” Sister Christine warned, helping me to my feet.
My eyesight became clearer, more focused. “I’m sorry, Mother. I think I bumped into you.”
Mother Superior smiled widely and let out a laugh the likes of which I had never heard in all the time I’d known her. I couldn’t understand if what I had said was really funny or if she was just relieved that I wasn’t still lying on the church floor.
“It’s all right, child,” Sister Christine assured. She and Sister Pietra helped me back to the orphanage. The other sisters took the children upstairs to get ready for bed. In all the commotion I saw so many faces, but not once did I remember seeing Father Brennigan. It struck me as odd, but I chalked it up to my throbbing head and murky memories.
“Are you all right now, my dear?” Mother asked, leaning over me where I sat on the small entry bench.
“Yes, Mother. I’m okay. I just have a bit of a headache. May I go now?”
“You must wait for your ride, dear,” Mother ordered softly, more fitting of her title than ever before.
“My ride?” I asked, puzzled.
“Yes, child. I phoned Caleb Price for you. He’s on his way. I told him you fainted during church. He seemed very concerned. He’s a nice boy.”
“You called Caleb?” I felt even more lost than usual. Had Mother Superior just called the pierced, blue-haired boy nice?
“He is your friend, isn’t he?” Mother Superior asked cautiously.
“His family are well-respected members of St. Matthew’s, Mary Elizabeth.” Mother sounded sterner now.
“Yes, I know. I was just surprised.”
“I have the utmost confidence that Caleb Price will get you home safely. He should be here any moment. Just rest for now.”
I closed my eyes as I lay back on the small entry bench. I didn’t open them again until Caleb nudged me.
“Liz, we’re here. Do you have the keys to your room?”
“What?” I asked groggily.
“Your keys, Liz. We need your keys.”
I opened my eyes to see Caleb rifling through my purse as two large security guards propped me up.
“Never mind, I found them,” Caleb announced.
Caleb opened the door and turned to the guards. “I’ve got it from here. Thank you.”
“Caleb?” I inquired, pleading for understanding.
“Liz, it’s okay, you’re home. You’re safe now.” Caleb helped me over to the bed and sat me down.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I don’t really know. Mother Superior called and said that you had passed out in church and that I needed to come and get you. She said something about how I would understand the severity of the situation. I had no idea what she was talking about. But I never really understood ‘nunspeak’ anyway. So I came and got you.”
“I’m sorry, Caleb. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I didn’t mind, Liz, honest. It wasn’t like I was going to leave you there to be incarcerated again. We just got you out among the living.”
I laughed. “You sound like Kelly.”
“And you sound drunk. Are you sure you just fainted, or did you get into a little too much of Father Brennigan’s Communion wine?”
“Really, Caleb. I have no idea what happened. One minute I was listening to Father’s homily and the next I was bumping into Mother Superior. Oh, wait—Zack.”
“What?” Caleb asked, intrigued.
“I wasn’t listening to Father. I was thinking about Zack.” I let out a giggle and closed my eyes.
Sinful Purity (Sinful Series) Page 15
