by Ann, Natalie
He was wiping the counters down now without looking at her. “No matter how much I tried to tell her it was nothing like that, she didn’t believe me. When I had a rare night off, she wanted to go out on the town, wanted me to attend all these dinners and functions with her. I went because I wanted to be with her. But I wasn’t comfortable and she knew it.”
He looked around the kitchen, saw it was back to its normal order and there was nothing else left to do. So he leaned back against the counter. Somehow without control, the words started to flow out of his mouth. “She started going out more. Alone. Stopped asking me to go, and I was thankful. I was focused on my career and she was on hers. It worked for us, or so I thought. The more she went out, the later she stayed out. She said she was getting more clients that way.”
He ran his hands through his hair, frustration creeping in over the memories. “When I mentioned she was looking tired and pale one day, we argued. She told me I was jealous, and that she had a right to focus on her career, too. She was right, on both accounts. I was jealous and she should be able to focus on her career.”
“Regardless of this day and age, not many men would like their wives going out without them all the time. Even if it was work related. I would think your reaction was normal,” Cori said, siding with him.
“Yes, but she didn’t think my reaction was normal. And I felt guilty, like I was holding her back. She had supported me for so long. I wanted to do the same for her. I also knew she didn’t like to be alone. I figured all those client meetings were a way to keep her from being home alone all the time.”
“I don’t understand that. I like being around people, but I also like to go home and have time to myself too. Everyone needs to be alone from time to time. She must not have realized how hard your job was going to be, for you or for her.”
“Could be. Anyway, on one of my rare nights off, we went to dinner, had a nice night out. Just the two of us at her favorite restaurant, got all dressed up, the works. That night, in bed,” he stopped, feeling extremely uncomfortable.
“What? Go on,” she urged.
“This doesn’t feel right. I’ve never said this to anyone before, not even Ryan.”
“I know you’ve had sex before, Jack,” she said sarcastically.
“It’s not that. It’s that I’ve never even said this out loud before. Any of it. I’ve always been private about my relationship.”
“Maybe you need to say it out loud, to open up. Don’t think of me as your girlfriend, think of me as another medical professional. Think of it as therapy,” she offered helpfully.
He waited, processed that in his mind and decided to continue. He had come this far and hadn’t cracked yet, like so many people thought he would in the beginning. “I found a lump in her neck. I froze and took a good look at her. She had lost weight. She was always thin, but then looking at her in bed, I realized she was wasting away. Something wasn’t right, but I didn’t want to scare her. The next day I convinced her to go to the doctor.”
Pushing off the counters, he started to pace around the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, trying to find an outlet for the anxiety that was building. “Leukemia. Too far gone at that point to start treatments. They said a bone marrow transplant might help, but nothing was guaranteed. We got several opinions with the same results. In the end she refused any type of treatment or surgery, said she wanted to enjoy what time she had left the best she could. There was no talking her out of it,” he said sadly.
“And being a doctor you tried, huh?”
“Yes. I did, but she didn’t listen. I took a leave of absence from work to be with her, but in the end it was fast. Barely more than a month. If I had paid more attention to her when I thought she looked tired the first time, maybe we would have caught it sooner. At least early enough to try some kind of treatment. But I didn’t push when I should have,” he said regretfully.
Cori’s eyes filled with tears. “You can’t blame yourself, Jack. She was an adult. She made her own choices in life. She sounded like an intelligent woman, but someone who was focused on the wrong thing. You did what you could do. You did the best you could have.” She wiped a tear away with her knuckle.
He walked over to her and gave her a hug. “Don’t cry. It’s over. I’m fine. But thanks. It helps to hear someone else say exactly what I tried to convince myself of for so long.”
Holding her tight, he refused to tell her that even if they had found Tracy’s cancer early and she survived, he was sure their marriage wouldn’t have. Because he wasn’t positive—never proved it and didn’t he have the energy to try—but months after her death he suspected Tracy had found someone else to give her the time and attention he never seemed able to measure up to.
He’d spent over fifteen years with Tracy, she was the love of his life, and he promised her everything he had. It was a bitter pill to swallow that she might have betrayed him. That he failed.
Football
“Holding! That was holding!” Cori shouted her frustration at the TV in Jack’s living room. “Did you see that? What, are the ref’s blind?”
Jack couldn’t help but laugh at the picture of Cori sitting in his matching black recliner Indian style, bouncing up and down on her butt screaming at the football game they were watching.
When she heard from her neighbor that the power wouldn’t be on until late afternoon, he asked her to stay but explained that he was going to be watching the game. She told him she liked football so it was perfect and she didn’t want to miss the game anyway.
He hadn’t believed she liked football, had thought she was putting on a good front. He was wrong again.
“What? What are you smiling at?” she demanded. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, still clearly put out by the missed call for the NY Giants.
“You,” he said with a grin. “I didn’t realize you were such a football fan.”
“Well, I am. Especially the Giants. Did you know they had their training camp here in Albany? At SUNY Albany Campus for years,” she told him. “A couple of the nurses and I would go over when we had a chance and watch the players run around in their practice gear. Man, what a treat,” she said with a sigh.
“Ah, now I get it,” he said in understanding. “Ever have any of the players show up at work? Care for any of them?”
“Nope. Their medical staff took care of them. Though there was a rumor one of the players showed up in the ER one night, but it was never proven and there weren’t any records of it. Only a bunch of gossip.” She sighed, wistfully. “I would have loved to play nurse with any of them.”
They enjoyed their pizza and wings at halftime, Jack bringing them each out a plate with two pieces of pizza and a few wings. Cori complained when he brought all the food in the kitchen after it was delivered. “There is nowhere to put it in here except the floor,” he explained. “And besides, if I put on the floor, Roxy will eat it in a matter of seconds.” If there was a way for that dog to get food, she found it.
“If you bought some more furniture you wouldn’t have that problem.”
He ignored her comment and returned to their previous conversation about the Giants’ players and asked, “Ever work in the ER? Or have you always floated around departments?”
“No, never been in the ER. And not always floating either. I started out on third shift in the Pediatric ward. I liked the kids, but hated the shift.”
“Nights are hard. But you have to put your time in early on. Even doctors do.”
“Yeah, I know. I decided in the end that I would rather change departments weekly, even daily than work odd shifts or weekends. And I actually enjoy it. I get to meet a lot of new people this way.” She grinned at him.
“So what’s your favorite department? Which one have you liked the best?” he asked curiously.
He never thought he would be having a conversation like this with her, getting to know her, wanting to know her, but he did. Maybe talking to her about Tracy earlier had opened a gap wi
th them? Or maybe he was sick of fighting to hold everything back? Either way, he found that he wanted to know more about her.
“Favorite is Pediatrics. Like I said, I like the kids. The best one ever, though—Orthopedics. They have this really hot doctor there now. I kind of have a thing for him,” she whispered secretively.
He smiled at her, but couldn’t bring himself to say it back. He wasn’t that ready to stop holding everything back. “Pediatrics is tough. The kids can be hard. It can be depressing seeing all those kids battling illnesses and injuries, some serious. I’m surprised you would like that, the sadness there.”
“You’re right. I don’t like the sadness.” She tilted her head to the side. “Maybe that’s why I did like being there so much, though. I like making the kids happy. Matter of fact, that’s when I started with all my crazy scrubs. I loved seeing the kids’ faces light up when I walked in with Christmas scrubs and reindeer antlers on my head. All those bright colors, it made them smile. I would rather they be happy to see me, then filled with dread when I walked in to draw blood or check vitals.”
“Makes sense. But you haven’t been in Pediatrics in a while, right?” he inquired. “So why the crazy scrubs still?”
“Why else? They’re fun.” She smiled, then reached over and poked his shoulder with her finger.
***
“That game was way too close for me. I hate nail-biters like that. Look.” She held up her tiny hands for him to see. “I bit my nails. I never bite my nails. Only during football season. The Giants will do that to me.”
“Ryan’s Super Bowl party ought to be a good one this year. He’s a huge Giants fan,” Jack said.
“Really? You’re going? Or do you have to work?”
“I have it off. Luckily. And yes, I’ll be there. Otherwise Ryan would show up and drag me there. He hasn’t been too happy with me lately,” he mused. “I’ve blown him off the last few times he has called trying to get me out of the house and out for the night.”
She narrowed her eyes at him dangerously. “Oh really? I know all about Ryan. When was the last time you went out on the town with him?” she asked, moving her fingers up and using them as quotation signs.
He had the grace to blush, which only caused her to stare harder at him. “Long before you. Let’s leave it at that. Besides, I haven’t asked about your history.”
“You can if you want,” she told him pleasantly. “I don’t have much of one, but I’ll share if you want to,” she said challenging him.
“No, that’s fine.” He let out a breath.
***
“Guess I know the real reason you’ve been blowing me off now,” Ryan said, joking with Jack in a corner of his kitchen on Super Bowl Sunday.
Jack looked shamefaced but continued to drink his beer and remained silent.
“Imagine my surprise when I asked Brooke for Cori’s number.” Ryan stopped mid-sentence at the glare Jack shot him. “To invite her today,” he said. “Then I was informed Cori would be coming with you.”
Ryan continued to look at Jack’s silent form staring back at him, unmoving. The daggers that Jack had shot him earlier when Cori came running in to give him one of her exuberant hugs all started to make sense now. And it worried him. It never bothered Jack when Tracy hugged him, or any of their friends. “Is this serious?”
Jack let out a breath, paused to take another drink of his beer and looked out over the large open space to where Cori was currently talking to Brooke in the living room. “I don’t know what it is. But it’s not serious. I’m not there yet. I don’t even know if I can or want to go there again. Not sure about her feelings on the matter.”
Ryan processed that, and probably understood more than anyone. He would be the first one to tell Jack to have fun, to put it all behind him and live life for the now. But it was Cori, and he had a soft spot for Cori. “Be honest with her. Don’t let her believe it’s something it can’t ever be if that’s what you decide.”
Jack turned to look at Ryan with a lift of his eyebrow. “You’re giving dating advice? The guy who changes women like he does his socks?”
Ryan wasn’t offended in the least. The statement was true and he knew it. “Crazy, huh?” He laughed. “Seriously, though, there is more to Cori than a good time.”
“I’m beginning to realize that.”
***
Jack’s patience was wearing thin. First, Cori all but wrapped herself around Ryan when they arrived, and now he was watching her do the same to Brooke’s brother, Mac.
Ryan might be a lady’s man, but Jack knew Ryan wouldn’t make a move on a friend’s girl. Even if the girl was interested, not that he thought Cori was.
But he still couldn’t stop the jolt of jealously that occurred when Ryan had lifted Cori off the ground during their hug. Or when Ryan placed a quick kiss on her lips. Mac was different, though. He didn’t know Mac. He eyed the tall man more seriously. Though Mac looked to be a few inches shorter than Jack’s own six foot five, he was equally as muscular. And he had his arm around Cori. First it was the same greeting she bestowed on Ryan, and now it was the two of them standing arm in arm.
He tried not to grind his teeth. Or go over and take Mac’s hands off of her. He thought they had established they were dating. Didn’t she coax him into calling her his girlfriend? And yet there she was with her arms around someone else. All his insecurities came rushing to the surface once again.
***
“So what’s with Sasquatch over there?” Mac asked Cori as he looked down at her when she placed her arm around his waist.
Cori laughed and looked over at Jack. She couldn’t help it. He did resemble Sasquatch at the moment. His dark lush wavy hair was falling messily over his forehead with a five o’clock shadow covering his face. Standing with his arms crossed, he was by far the biggest and most intimidating man in the room. “That’s my new boyfriend,” she said with a grin.
“You’re joking, right?” he asked. “I refuse to believe that someone as happy-go-lucky as you would be dating the giant currently glaring at me from across the room.”
She threw her head back and laughed. “No, I’m serious. Come on, let me introduce you. You’ll like Jack,” she confided in him.
“Not so sure he is going to like me though,” he said with a teasing glint in his eyes, but allowed her to pull him over to Jack the same.
“Jack, this is Mac. Mac, Jack. Ha, say that five times fast.”
Jack accepted Mac’s handshake, but refused to stop glaring at him. Cori poked him in the side. “Stop it.”
“What?”
She cocked her hip and crossed her arms, glaring right back at him. “Fine,” he said, wiping the glare from his eyes, but not smiling in the least. “Nice to meet you,” he offered to Mac.
Cori turned away to talk to Brooke next to her, satisfied that Jack was going to behave.
Mac laughed.
“What are you laughing at?” Jack asked, annoyed.
Mac grinned, humor filling his eyes even more. “You. Amazing how someone that little can bring someone so big to his knees with one look.” He patted Jack on the back then he turned to leave. “Good luck with her. You might need it,” he offered in jest.
Cori could only roll her eyes listening to them talk. Men.
***
Cori was right. He did like Mac. It was hard not to like him, actually. Mac had a personality similar to Cori’s, always laughing and always ready to make someone else laugh.
Jack should have been annoyed when Mac said he would need luck with Cori. Looking back now, he realized he should have taken it as a warning.
He started to relax when he realized Mac really didn’t have any intentions toward Cori other than friendship. Of course it helped that Ryan pulled him aside and explained that Mac thought of Cori as a little sister after they became close over the summer when the two of them watched Brooke muddle through her relationship with Lucas.
So Jack relaxed. Halfway through the game, Cori had st
opped glancing over at him with a frown and even went so far as to share his chair with him, sitting on his lap toward the end. When the Giants scored another touchdown with less than a minute to go, she swung around, put her arms around his neck and gave him a celebration kiss. He felt all was good then.
The silence on the ride home should have given him the first clue something was wrong. Stupidly he seemed content with her “just tired” answer when he inquired about the silence.
He should have never dropped his guard.
Fighting
Cori was anything but happy on the way home. She couldn’t even enjoy the fact that her favorite team had just won the Super Bowl. No, she was seething inside. Even more so because she felt her whole night was ruined when all she wanted to do was have some fun. And the big idiot next to her in the truck didn’t even seem to care.
“How could you?” she demanded of Jack when he shut the door to her apartment behind her. Before he could answer, she asked, “What were you thinking? Huh? Huh?” Her little body was quivering with agitation. “What gives you the right?” Jack looked at her dumbfounded. How could he not know what she was talking about? “Don’t you have anything to say?” she asked again, stomping toward him with her hands on her hips.
“What? What did I do?” he asked.
He couldn’t be this clueless, she thought to herself. “Seriously? You have no idea?” She challenged him with a glint in her eyes. The same glint she had earlier tonight.
She saw he realized his mistake now. He never should have thought she was fine regardless of her actions during the game. Men, they never learn. “Well?” she spoke again. “Are you at least going to explain? How about apologize?” she demanded, her green eyes on fire.
