by Ali Parker
"Fuck you."
"Ahhh... I hit a nerve, I see. Well, I assume you'll be with Marcus and Katelyn tonight when we meet."
"It's Kate and yes. I'll be there."
"Good. So here's the reason for my call. I've decided to release you from the upcoming hell we're going to reign over the underbelly of this city, but I need you to do two things for me."
"I'm not doing anything for you."
"Oh, I think you will. You enjoy being one of the good guys. It almost feels icky to think about you joining forces with evil and lying to everyone around you. Once a man makes a decision to be bad it's so hard to overturn it and walk back into the light. If you've ever done so, then you know exactly what I'm referring to. To have to slip back into the shadows would make you into an even bigger monster. See, I know. My story is similar to yours. You won't survive in the darkness with me."
"Kate's not staying in the darkness either. I'm going to tear you limb from limb until you have nothing left to stand on."
"I don't doubt that you'll try, but please know that Kate is expendable. If you wish to threaten me or mine, I'll bring my returned retribution on the lovely bartender that has stolen both of our thoughts."
Jon swallowed hard, knowing Victor's type all too well. He wasn't messing around, and he would get what he wanted. It just felt like such a pussy move to give it to him. The bastard would end up victorious, but that reign would come to an end, just like Seth's before him and Billy's before Seth. Good always won.
"Still there, Jon?"
"What do you want from me?"
"I want you to turn a blind eye to us. After tonight I'll release my hold on you for the future without threat on your family or you."
"I can't pretend that you're not selling drugs in the city, Victor. I'm a cop."
"You can take another part of the city or move. I don't care how you do it, but if you dick with me or Kate in any way where our business is concerned, I will cut you down."
"That all? Just turn my head away from you ruining the kids of the city?"
Victor laughed again. "Don't play martyr to me. I know your past."
"Fuck you."
"You know that ignorance beckons you respond with that. You're a smart man. Get a new line."
"I'm hanging up." Jon paced the floor in front of his bed, anger clawing at the inside of his chest. He hated this mother fucker with every ounce of him. He would find a way to bring Victor down and free Kate and Marcus.
"One more request."
"No."
"If you want out, then you push Kate away."
"What? I'm not hurting her."
"You already have. You haven't called in four days. Who does that to someone they love but a coward? Tell her you’re done with her. I know you're mulling over the decision. Good guys always want to take a bad girl and make her behave. Kate's not a toy for you to play with, Jon. She's mine."
"No, she's not yours. She belongs to no one."
"Save the speech for someone else. Tell her tonight that you're done with her and I'll fully release you. You were close to doing it anyway. If you don't, I'll simply force you to watch me enjoy her the next time we’re together."
"She would never sleep with you."
"She already has."
Jon pulled the phone from his ear and pressed the red button to end the call. He was lying. The bastard was a chronic liar, one that would always bend the truth to ensure his objectives were met. Kate probably hadn't even seen Victor. It was Marcus who was scheduled to meet with the drug lord.
Letting out a long sigh, Jon walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He would get ready for the funeral and keep his thoughts on his brother where they belonged. After that he would call Kate. Maybe she would be willing to meet him before the pow-wow at Victor’s.
He would decide before then whether or not he could stomach being without her. If he could, he would let her down easy, making sure that she understood that it was for the protection of his mother that he did it.
A deep roar ripped out of him as he lifted his face to the hot, pelting water. Why couldn't he have love? Why did it get ripped from his grasp every time it came near?
First his father.
Then Adam.
Now Kate.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Kate
Sunlight streamed in from the window at the top of her apartment, the glow almost leaving the room golden. Kate remained still on her side, half-expecting Jon to be behind her. Someone had been with her the night before, but she couldn't remember much about it. Victor giving her the drug was ever present, but he left. She remembered locking the door behind him. Her body ached from a long night of fucking, but for some reason she didn't feel concerned about it. Someone had been loving with her and had taken care of her need.
Victor and his damn drug. Never again would she allow him to lord over her. She rolled onto her back as tears burned her eyes. She wished that claim could be true, but it wouldn't - it couldn't. No one was behind her in the bed. She reached out and brushed her fingers along the sheet, the warmth of someone having just left a reminder that she wasn't making up the feelings that wrapped around her. It had to be Jon. Marcus wouldn't have stayed the night. He would have stolen her heart a long time ago if he had.
Kate sat up, moving to let her legs dangle from the edge of the bed. Someone had made love to her and she only knew two men who had the ability to get into her apartment. "Well, three now. Two men and a monster."
After a quick shower, she was on her way to the large Baptist church that Jon's family was holding Adam's funeral at. There was no way she was willing to put herself out there by asking if he had been with her the night before. She was just going to have to play it by ear. Either he would welcome her with open arms and she would know, or he would continue to give her the cold shoulder as he had for the last few days.
He was struggling with everything and deserved space. She understood. He had to know that she wouldn't have chosen this life for herself or him in a million years. The stark reality of the situation was that Victor held control right now. It was his game and he was playing it well. Kate was going to have to figure out how to toughen up again, how to become street smart. Marcus was going to be the man to help her. It had been a few too many years, and being bad just didn't sit naturally on her anymore.
She climbed out of the car and walked to the large church as others moved toward it as well. She wasn't sure of the friends and family Adam had remaining, but assumed most of the attendees were friends of his mother. Everyone most likely came because of her. Jon stood at the door, holding the door open as Kate approached.
He looked incredible in his charcoal suit, his goatee framing his handsome face perfectly. He glanced up and Kate worked not to flinch. Dark circles sat under his eyes. His lips pursed into a line and she knew without a doubt that it wasn't him who had made love to her in her drug haze.
Marcus.
Something about realizing that her best friend had once again stepped in left her grateful and yet heartbroken. There would never be anyone who truly loved her like Marcus did. Why were they just friends?
"Kate. Thanks for coming." Jon moved toward her, a sad smile lifting his lips. The expression didn't reach his eyes and she knew he was holding back. He was completely withdrawn from her and it was all her fault. If she had been better or different when she was younger she wouldn't have brought death to Adam's door or retribution to Jon's. He was a good man. He didn't deserve anything that had happened to him.
"Of course. Adam was a good friend to me." She nodded and turned to walk into the church, half-expecting Jon to stop her. He didn't. Tears filled her eyes, which was more than appropriate for the moment. She slid in the back pew of the church next to an older couple. The room was packed with people of every age. Some of the younger teenagers had to be friends of Adam’s. Kate smiled through her tears at the thought of what life might have looked like if things had turned out different for her young friend.
Jon moved past her, holding the hand of an elderly woman, probably his mother.
Kate sunk down into the pew and focused on the promises the preacher spoke of. If only there was another life after this one. Something about the promise made her want to get there faster, but she was most certainly headed in that direction now. Living the life that Marcus and Victor lived usually increased the risk of early death significantly.
Sadness washed over her as the pastor continued, her own morbid thoughts stinging her. Memory of the night before rolled over her as she closed her eyes. It had been Marcus. She could almost see his expression as she whispered words she never would have asked him in a million years.
"Do you love me?"
"With all of my heart."
Kate let a few more tears fall as her heart ached deep inside her chest. The older woman beside her handed her a tissue. Nodding her gratitude, she lifted it to her eyes and let a few more tears fall. Jon was supposed to be there for her the night Victor's hitman came, but he wasn't. He was supposed to be there for her when Victor came calling, but he wasn't. It should have been him making love to her last night, but it wasn't.
Each and every time it was Marcus. What did that mean in the scope of things?
She glanced up as Jon walked up to the podium and looked out across the crowd. They hadn't even known each other long enough for her to experience the pain of loss that rolled across her. It should matter more to her that Adam was dead and would never be given the chance at a redeemed life, but it didn't. Jon mattered. The promise and hope he brought into her world, if for only a moment, was nothing more than a lie.
It would have been better to never dream again or want for love again. Now the door was opened inside of her and she didn't know how to close it. There was no way she was going to turn into a needy bitch that would reach for anyone who simply promised to make her feel wanted and important.
She would simply tell Marcus that she didn't know what he was talking about if he brought up the night before. She couldn't face his confession. She had wanted it for so long, but had given up hope completely. Her thoughts belonged to Jon and soon those would be tucked away too. It would continue the process of hardening her until nothing mattered. That was the way of the streets. You gave and gave until there was nothing left of you but hate and vengeance. It was Marcus's story and Adam's as well. It belonged to her and most likely Victor, but not Jon.
He was fighting for his life and she was nothing more than a weight that would pull him to the bottom of the murky water, squeezing the goodness out of him and tainting him forever. She silenced her thoughts as his gaze landed on her.
"From my mother and me, thank you for coming. We appreciate your show of support. My brother was a troubled soul, a good man with a burden too great to bear. We lost our dad when we were younger and Adam seemed to take the hit the hardest. Through decisions he made to aid in his denial of that pain, we lost him to drugs and the street. When I got the call a few weeks ago that he had been murdered in the streets..."
Jon paused and lifted his hand to his face as his facade tore in half. Tears filled his eyes and regret seemed to cling to him like an ugly old coat. Kate pressed the napkin to her mouth as her own tears dripped down her face. She hated that he had suffered. He was built to infuse good into the world and between her and Adam, they had broken some part of him.
She stood and slipped out of the church, not able to watch anymore. Letting out a soft sob, she walked toward the burial plot. The family had wanted to do the burial first and then have a short celebration service. Kate had intentionally not come to the first half of the ceremony. Jon needed peace to watch Adam lowered into the ground. Her being there would have been the opposite of that.
Pausing by the stone, Kate knelt next to it and ran her fingers over the flowers.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you old friend." She brushed her hand over the tombstone and closed her eyes. "Forgive me for dragging Jon into this. I know you had your differences, but you loved him and he loved you, Adam. Forgive me. I'm letting him go. He's going to have the life you and I always wanted."
She laughed in the midst of her tears, thinking back on the quirky smile Jon's younger brother would give her when they were talking about getting clean and making something of themselves. She would lift her eyebrow at him and he would laugh, lifting the joint to his lips and saying the same two words each time.
"Another day."
Too bad there were no days left.
CHAPTER NINE
Jon
He wasn't sure if it was easier to talk about Adam with Kate crying in the back of the room or without her there at all. He finished up his part and sat down next to his dry-eyed mother, wanting to run from the room before he screamed. Nothing made sense and yet he knew without a doubt that he was on the precipice of a watershed moment. He could let her go and Victor would release him, or he could offer her whatever life they could create together and they could run.
He stood and walked out of the church, everyone's eyes seeming to follow him. They could think what they wanted. Adam would have pushed him from his seat if he had still been alive. His little brother was as ballsy as him and yet Jon had lost himself somewhere in the last few days. He had almost been willing to turn his back on the only remaining thing he wanted - Kate.
Shifting to look around the parking lot, he spotted her car. She wasn't in it or near it, so she had to be walking the grounds. Hopefully she was waiting on him. He moved quickly toward the large cemetery that sat just beside the church. Her dark hair caught his attention just before the flowing ruffles of her pretty white dress did. She was a vision to behold and everything he needed to make his heart whole - to help him heal. He would lay his offer before her and if she denied him... he would accept it. She had so much at stake in their present situation and he couldn't be the one to make that call for her. He would stomach her response and do whatever he could to make her life easier.
If she said no, then he would turn a blind eye to her business when he was reinstated on the force. He would live in the shadows and protect her whether she wanted him to or not. She didn't have to know.
He paused a few feet from her, clearing his throat as to not scare her by approaching too fast.
She stood and turned, the surprise on her face giving him a bit of comfort. She wore little make-up, but truthfully she didn't need any. Kate was classically beautiful and belonged on a centerfold magazine next to an old-timey car.
"The service is already over?" She reached out and brushed her hand along the top of the tombstone. Something about her love of his brother left him wanting to save her all the more.
"No. I saw you leave and realized that I needed to come after you. I was hoping that you hadn't left yet."
"No, but I'm leaving shortly. I think your silence has said more than enough over the last week or so." She smiled sadly and glanced off in the distance as the wind picked up. It blew her hair around her shoulders and it took everything inside of him to remain still and not go to her. He wanted to pull her to him and kiss the hell out of her, mark her as his once again.
"I'm sorry. I've been struggling with where all of this is going."
"I know. I'm sorry too. It should have been a routine murder case and nothing should have happened between us. I want us to move toward pretending that's exactly what happened. The future only holds more pain and suffering for us if we try to make something more of this fling that seemed to hold so much promise." Her eyes filled with tears and he knew she was lying.
She wanted them to work out as much as he did. Why couldn't he press forward and force her to admit it?
Because he couldn't admit it himself. What would he offer her? To hold her after she made love to Victor? To help her create a future where they could have kids and live in a loving relationship together with a white picket fence? Neither was soon to happen.
So you just leave her to deal with everything alone?
Jon started to s
peak, but Kate stopped him and nodded at someone behind him.
"Your mother is coming this way. At least I think she's your mom."
He turned and walked toward his mom, offering her his hand. "Mom, this is Kate. She's a friend of mine and Adam’s."
His mother moved toward Kate and extended her hand, the smile on her face was tight and unfriendly. "Nice to meet you dear. I'm sorry you had to witness this. It's simply what happens to us when we refuse to relent to the goodness offered to us by God."
"And what if God only offers darkness to some? Is that maybe what happened to Adam?" Kate's question was shocking, but her tone soft, almost angelic. The expression on her face spoke of curiosity. She needed to know why God would damn her again and again. Jon held his tongue, knowing his mother would want to answer.
"Child, you have it all wrong. God doesn't damn anyone. He rebukes and brings you back to him over and over again. If you continue to sin, the rebuke just begins to look more like punishment. Adam was lost and he's now been found." She smiled and glanced toward Jon. "Are you going to invite your pretty friend to come to lunch with us?"
"Of course." Jon glanced up at Kate, knowing good and well that she would never come. Too much uncertainty and hurt sat between them. "Do you want to come with us? We have plenty of tuna sandwiches."
She smiled, but it hardly lifted her lips. "No, but thank you. I need to get to work. I just wanted to pay my respect and see Adam off."
"Well, nice to meet you dear. Thank you for supporting Jon. He's a good boy. One of the last left." His mother pulled him down and kissed his cheek before turning and leaving.
Jon watched her leave, trying to think of what to say to her. He couldn't leave things broken between them. If she didn't want anything more between them then he would try to respect that, but she needed to know. Turning to face her, he took the last few steps between them and reached out as another tear rolled down her cheek.
