by Andy Warhol
Lauren Bacall and Harry Guardino were there. Marty Scorsese was there with his wife Isabella Rossellini who’s modeling now. I wonder what Julia’s doing. How can a Catholic keep getting married? Bobby De Niro came in and I sent Pat Cleveland over because I know he likes black girls, but she was drunk and scared him away. At 2:30 I left. I’d had champagne and now I have a champagne headache, I really hate to drink.
Tuesday, August 11, 1981
Got my live-in contacts but I can’t read or draw in them. Do they have bifocals you can wear with contacts? It’s so scary to wake up in the middle of the night and be able to see.
Walked partway to the office (cab $3.50). I painted some backgrounds for the Diana Ross portrait—I wonder what color I should make her—I wonder if she wants to be black or white.
Then I went up to the Con Ed building that’s for sale on Madison, and it turns out there’s three entrances—one on Madison, one on 32nd, and one on 33rd. It makes a T shape in the middle of the block. There was a bum with no shoes sweeping up the sidewalk. They all hang around there, I guess because nobody chases them away. We couldn’t get the doors open, though, so we went to 22nd Street and Sixth Avenue to look at another building. That one is $1.9. Then we went back to the office. In the awful heat.
Wednesday, August 12, 1981
I can’t face Donahue. It’s (laughs) Retired Gays this morning. Gay old people at a summer camp.
I’m 115 pounds now, I can feel my nerves grating against my bones.
I went to a Chinese opera at Lincoln Center and Stella Adler gave a speech. She’s in her eighties but she looks young like Angela Lansbury. And she had the Chinese director’s name written on her hand and every time she said the guy’s name, she had to look at her hand.
Thursday, August 13, 1981
Maura Moynihan was supposed to be getting me tickets to the opening of her play, but somehow she got out of inviting me. She said her father was going to be there and I think she was afraid of me being there with her father.
I waited for Rupert to come in with the positives. I saw that in my photographs that came back from the printer there were some personal pictures of Rupert’s vacation in Jamaica. I guess he sends his own pictures in to be developed with mine, but I’m not going to give them to him, they’re pictures of him carrying on.
Jon went to the country for the whole weekend.
Saturday, August 15, 1981
I’d gained weight and gone up to 119, but I like the way I look better at 115 so I decided not to eat. Worked all afternoon on Greta Garbo and Mickey Mouse and Diana Ross (Brownies $15).
Sunday, August 16, 1981
I walked to church. Cabbed down to meet Rupert at 1:00 ($5). I called Fred in East Hampton and told him what a bad deal he’d made with Ron Feldman, that I was with Leo Castelli and that I wasn’t supposed to be having a show with Ron Feldman in the first place and that having such a big show of mine would make his gallery famous, and that the pictures were too big and too awful. Ron has me down for a show on September 18th or something. I did backgrounds for Superman and Dracula. I have to do at least four a day to catch up.
At midnight I got a call from Jon, he said he’d done some work on the script and so I went over to pick it up (cab $3). I was back home at 1:05.
Monday, August 17, 1981
At 11:30 I had an appointment to see the Con Ed building on 32nd and Madison. It’s a beautiful building, but buying it would be like buying a beautiful piece of art, this beautiful space. And it has a main big T-shaped room that could be a great Interview office, but you can’t rent anything out. It goes up five floors and there’s no heat, it’s just like one shell, but it’s so perfectly beautiful. I could put in hot air and toilets and it would be an artist’s space. But then I think about the building at 895 Broadway at 20th Street and it’s just a normal substantial building, and it has five floors, all rented, and then I’d have rent coming in, and we could get one of the floors to move out for us. But this Con Ed one was like a fortress and the best thing was eight pay phones in the corner newsstand where you could (laughs) send people to make their calls.
Susan Blond called to invite me backstage to see Michael Jackson on Tuesday and Wednesday and she wants me to get Liza Minnelli, but I haven’t been able to. I’ll try again, though.
Bed at 12:30. Fell asleep, then woke up and had watermelon, then went back to sleep.
Tuesday, August 18, 1981
It was a really beautiful day, the weather’s still good because of the fairy hurricane. Dennis.
Picked up Jon, went to the St. Moritz to Allan Carr’s penthouse. He was having a party for the two stars of Gallipoli, Mark Lee and Mel Gibson, and then a screening of the movie afterwards.
Cabbed to Madison Square Garden ($5). Susan got us backstage and she was screaming that Katharine Hepburn was backstage and that if I didn’t hurry I wouldn’t have my picture taken with her, but I missed it all. Michael Jackson introduced us to his brothers, they all said they wanted portraits. Michael’s gotten so handsome since I saw him that time with Stephanie Mills.
We went out to the audience and it was hard to get our seats. We had to kick kids out of them. Michael’s show was maybe the best I’ve seen. He’s such a good dancer, and he goes into a hole and comes out the other side in a different outfit, I don’t know how he does it.
I was dropping Jon off and as we passed Columbus Circle I saw Mark and Mel, the two stars of Gallipoli, alone, just sort of wandering, and it was sad. Their party was over and they looked lost, like they didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Thursday, August 20, 1981
I worked on the Wicked Witch and on Howdy Doody, and Rupert brought Mickey and the Garbo and they look great, but I can just see the reviews, I know they’re going to say, “How can it be twenty years later and he’s doing this stuff again?” And we had to work on Ron Feldman to give us money, and finally he said that when the paintings were finished, he would, and I really can’t stand doing this show at Ron Feldman’s, it’s just publicity for his gallery and he should be paying a lot more.
Marlon Jackson came down and he brought T-shirts and was so cute. He was supposed to be coming to get a portrait, but he didn’t know how to bring it up and I didn’t know either. We really want to get Michael on the cover of Interview. Marlon looks like fifteen but then he said he has a wife and three kids and she’s expecting another.
Monday, August 24, 1981
Debbie Harry’s Newsweek article came out and it was strange because the article mentioned me about eight times, quoting from the Philosophy book and saying that she worked at Max’s. And you know, Debbie isn’t really interesting to talk to, but her interviews always come out right. It’s like they did with me, they pick up the right one-liners, and the words sound good in print. Debbie and Chris just bought a house on 72nd between Second and Third, so they’re rolling in bucks.
Got two Gentleman’s Quarterlys ($5) because my picture was in it as a model in the Barneys ad and I liked it a lot, it was exciting to see.
Jay’s great because he finally knows how to paint like I do so he helps me out of some tight spots. Ronnie always does it so crude. I talked to Jon who I think was avoiding me. I think he wanted to do something else in the night and he didn’t want to work on the scripts, but he said I could pick one of them up later on.
Brigid’s working on the Maura tapes and she thinks they’re interesting, but I read them and I don’t. I think those kids take a lot of hallucinating drugs—things like acid and magic mushrooms.
Wednesday, August 26, 1981
I’m just so undecided between those two buildings, the one on Madison and 33rd and the 895 Broadway one. Because the one on Madison is so great and big and artistic, and it might be a goldmine, across from the Empire State Building, but then it’d cost so much to fix it up and how would you do it? But they do have a 12 percent mortgage we could get which would make it good. But then this 895 one is practical, it’s $1.8 as opposed to the Madison one whic
h is $2, but you’d have floors renting and the income coming in. I don’t know. And Fred’s in the same dilemma.
Thursday, August 27, 1981
There was a lunch for Sharon Hammond who’s now the Countess Sondes. Lady Sharon said she has a Nautilus in her house and that we could use it. It’s $20 an hour because a lady comes who shows you how to do it.
We decided to get the building at Madison and 32nd. So that put me in a nervous state. I have to sign a letter and write a check and see what happens.
Bob got Jon and me invited to Iris Love’s birthday party at Barbetta’s (cab $3). It was in the garden. I ran into Pauline Trigere and she said she still hadn’t made a dress for me. Iris was wearing a toga with a towel around her head and Liz Smith was in a cowboy suit. Senator Ribicoff gave a speech. Diana Vreeland was there with Fred and she said I looked like a fourteen-year-old and she was thrilled about my modeling career. I met Iris’s sister who has blonde hair now, she had a crush on me twenty years ago, and now she’s divorced twice.
It started to rain and they kicked us out of the garden. Then it stopped and they kicked us back in.
And I was rude to Henry Geldzahler. He was there trying to get me to introduce him to someone, and I ignored him, I don’t know why—well, yes I do, because Henry’s hurt me so many times that way, I just felt like it.
Friday, August 28, 1981
I called Jon fat but I didn’t really mean it.
Paramount was having a screening of Mommie Dearest (cab $6). Ara was there with Russell Todd. So we saw the movie and it was absolutely great. Faye was really good. Really. Oh this movie affected me so much. Movies are really affecting me lately. What’s happening to me?
And you do root for Joan. Like when Louis B. Mayer just dumps her, tells her she’s too old and to leave quietly. And then when Pepsi dumps her. Oh gee, it was great. I think I identified with Joan, is what it is. Okay, so then there was a light supper.
Then it was early so Jon and I walked up trendy Columbus Avenue and somebody yelled “Gay boy” at me and that was funny. Then went home, watched TV and took a sleeping pill and woke up at 9:00 feeling so depressed and miserable. Oh God, I feel like I did when I first came to New York. I’m going through the same things, being afraid to live alone and … oh, what should I do? I’m down to 115 pounds, but that’s not the problem, it really isn’t. I look better thin. I guess I should try not to think so much about looks but I’m not thinking too much about looks. I never do. I don’t. I like ugly people. I do. And anyway, ugly people are just as hard to get as pretty people—they don’t want you, either.
Sunday, August 30, 1981—New York—Colorado
We called Jack Nicholson the minute we arrived at John and Kimiko’s house and he said that he’d meet us the next day. And it was just like talking in a movie, talking to Jack on the phone. It was so exciting. God, it was exciting.
Then John Denver was coming over for dinner and we’d read all the gossip papers—The Globe, The Star, The Enquirer, five of them—and we’d read everything about John Denver going back to his wife and all of a sudden the doorbell rang and there they were and we said we knew all about them, that they didn’t have to talk. And they thought it was funny. And they were adorable. I got drunk on champagne and later Fred accused me of name-dropping every second. John Denver said he was going to take me up on his private little airplane, he said he would fly us the next day to where we were going—Fort Collins. He said that he knew all about me and that people always tell him he looks like me.
Monday, August 31, 1981, Colorado
We called up Jack and he said he’d meet us in Aspen so we drove all the way to Aspen and it was just so beautiful and a toy town.
We went to this restaurant where Jack met us with Lou Adler, and Jack was just adorable. God, he just was adorable. The waitresses were adorable, everybody was adorable. Bob complained later that Christopher was so pushy, but I told him it’s good to be pushy because it’s the only way to get a good picture, and not to worry about it.
I told Jack I loved Body Heat. Because he’s out here in the sticks and so he doesn’t see anything. I said it was a real hot movie. He kept asking about the girl, Kathleen Turner, and I said that she’d never be remembered. He said she was no Jessica Lange, which she really isn’t. Then we said goodbye to him and went back to the car.
We drove to the airport to John Denver’s plane but the weather was bad. Then all of a sudden John Denver’s father appeared. So we got in this Lear jet and his father flew it and we went up and down and up and down and we arrived in Fort Collins and were met by all these kids and were taken to the motel.
We bought a lot of Rolling Stones with Jim Morrison on the cover. He’s literally selling more records dead than alive.
Had dinner with the president of Colorado State University whose name is Chris Christoffersen, spelled with Cs. After dinner he took us to the museum so we could see the show before anybody else did. In front of the museum they have three cans that are about thirty feet high and they look like big sculptures by Oldenburg, big handpainted Campbell’s Tomato Soup Cans. One of the kids did them, I guess. And every room here at the motel is cans with flowers in them, and I mean, I’m so tired of the Campbell’s Soup Can I could throw up. But the show’s cute, it’s just in one room and it’s all prints, and we stayed there about an hour then I got back and I took a Valium and I couldn’t sleep.
Tuesday, September 1, 1981— Colorado
We had to get out at 10:30, I had to do four TV shows. Went to the campus and I had to pose with a cow—they brought a cow from one of their agriculture things. So I had to hug a cow, standing in front of the Soup Cans. It was fun. And then I did all this TV. I was good, I could answer all these dumb questions. They said that when Rauschenberg was there nobody would come and that I’m the most famous artist in the world.
At the opening, we had to go into the show the back way. All these kids pushing and shoving and I had to sit there. All I do is sign sign sign.
And the biggest shock was two hours later this girl comes up and says, “Hi, it’s Eva, your niece.” And I didn’t know what to do with her. This is Eva who lived in my house on 89th and Lex for a few months in ‘69 or ‘70, taking care of my mother. She said, “I’ve been waiting two and a half hours in line.” And I knew I was in Denver where my nephew ex-Father Paul is and I didn’t call him, either. Eva just read it in the paper. I can’t face a family, I guess.
I was signing signing signing and then a guy came with a big fat yellow snake around his neck. He was so creepy, and he said, “Sign my snake,” and Christopher freaked out and said, “No snakes! No snakes to be signed!” So he said, “Sign my forehead.” So here’s this snake coming at me. So I put an “X” on his forehead. Because I couldn’t write, I was just too nervous with the snake. We had to go through another whole hour ordeal. It looked like it would never be the end, but finally it was the end. So I guess there’s always an end.
Wednesday, September 2, 1981—Colorado—New York
The papers were full of me and my age. They all gave my age. That school’s going to become one of the best schools because they’re really intelligent. They had this course called something like “Wind Tunnel,” and the professor puts models of big buildings into a tunnel and blows the air through to see what happens to them. With all the wind pressure. He said there were five very dangerous buildings in this country, but he wouldn’t tell us which ones and I kept saying (laughs), “What about the Gulf + Western?”
And so then we had to go to our next stop, a class where they collect semen from a bull. And they brought the biggest bulls with flies on them that you could ever imagine. They had this poor little animal—he had his head stuck in a thing—and the guy said, “This is a steer, and when he was young, other male steers would jump on him, he’s just one of these strange animals that give off the wrong hormones.” And so as soon as they saw that happening they pulled him out and segregated him, and now he’s being used in this experime
nt to get fucked by a big bull. And there was a big bull sitting there, waiting.
Christopher ran out of film and he was going nuts, he wanted to get the big cock out. So they get the bull over and let him mount the steer and he gives out some juice but they don’t want that juice. His cock is like a two-foot pencil. It’s pointed. So the guy said, “Wait, I have to get the artificial vagina.” So he ran in and got the glove and everything, and then the bull mounted again and he ejaculated really fast and the whole thing was over. Then we went into the office and watched while the guy took the sperm out of the artificial vagina.
All of us slept on the way to the airport for some reason except Chris, he said he was going to spend the night in Denver and go to the Baths. Watching the bull must have got him really hot.
Got to New York, our driver was waiting for us. Dropped Fred off and he gave me my underwear which was in his bag, then dropped Bob off. Tipped the driver ($40).
Bob had the best news because he got the job he tried out for on the new Paramount TV show, Entertainment Tonight. Barry Diller called him up and told him.
Sunday, September 13, 1981
Worked all afternoon till Christopher brought up some photographs. He said he was in love and I had to tell him that he had no right to do that because he’s already “married.” He’s fallen in love with Mark from Colorado. He fell in love just because he didn’t have enough to do, and after he left Peter called and I told Peter that we’d have to cut off Christopher’s purse strings because then he’d have to work harder because all he does now is sit around and think about romance. And isn’t that what families always do—cut off the purse strings? So he’ll have to go back into the darkroom and start printing for other customers again because he has it too easy, he makes so much money printing pictures up for me.
