“I don’t mind you getting one,” Audrey said. “My head’s spinning right now. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet, we still need to do the details. I’m so happy we met that night. Devon and I were about to go in right before you guys walked up. It seems like fate.”
Audrey recalled she hadn’t wanted to bother the couple, and if it weren’t for Erik’s cajoling sociability, they would have strolled right past the greatest opportunity of her life. If it weren’t for Erik, she would never have gone to the beach at all that night. After she hung up, she collapsed against him, worn out from the amazing news.
“Your money problems are over, Audrey,” he said into her hair, his voice sounding oddly wistful.
She leaned back to see the smile had disappeared from his face. He looked lost in thought, bordering on disgruntled, and she wondered if he was already mentally packing his bags. Did he feel somehow obligated to her still, was that what caused the sad timbre to his voice? She clung to him as guilt washed over her. She should tell him to go. There really wasn’t a reason for him to stay anymore, and she was only keeping him for her own selfish gain. Because he was helpful and fun and sweet and sexy. And she loved him.
Maybe if she had more time she could make him feel the same way about her, but now, thanks to her tenacious new friend wanting to get a promotion at her job, she was being offered a miraculous way to pay off her uncle’s dirty debt. Once the mobsters were off her back, she wouldn’t need Erik as protection anymore. Pressing her cheek into his chest, she opened her mouth to tell him he was free.
“Let’s celebrate,” he said before she could get the words out. Peeling away from her so he could look down into her eyes, he blinked in confusion for a moment at what he saw there. “What is it, Audrey? You don’t look happy right now. Are you worried because it’s not finalized yet?”
It wasn’t finalized yet, that was a good point, and now that she thought about it, she looked down to hide her smile. Of course he had to stay until everything was certain. Deals like this fell through all the time. She couldn’t believe she might be hoping for her miracle to fall through solely to keep him around longer. Did love make people that crazy?
She looked back up and realized it just might. The concern shining down at her from those sky blue eyes was all she needed, she was sure of it. She’d work like a dog for the rest of her life paying off a hundred debts to be able to stay with him even a little longer. He leaned down and pecked her tenderly on the nose.
“Shall we go to a restaurant?” he asked, pulling her close. “Or stay in to celebrate, just you and me?”
She got a shiver of anticipation at what he might have in mind for their private party. All her worries and fears melted away as he swayed with her to an unheard tune, his fingers trailing down her back before moving up to tangle in her hair. She readily tilted her head back to accept his kiss.
“Stay in,” she murmured, her eyes closed so she could savor the feel of his body close to hers. “Just you and me.”
Whatever time she had left with him, she would have to make it enough.
Chapter 16
The next week passed in a whirl of activity and meetings. She flew to Ohio to meet with the owner of the company and sign papers, going crazy for the twenty-four hours she was away from Erik. It wasn’t just worry for leaving the shop, she felt confident in his abilities at that point and had given him a list of commands the length of her arm, and Seda’s cousin’s babysitter came in to help with the register so he could spend more time in the kitchen. They were heavy on the cookies that day and ran out of cupcakes a few hours after lunch, but nothing caught fire and business didn’t suffer too badly. She’d had to sheepishly admit she and Erik weren’t really married, citing Erik’s teasing nature and not any wish to deceive as the reason for the lie. Lily had been shocked, thinking they were a model newlywed couple, but in the end it made the paperwork easier so she forgave them.
Missing him had felt like holes were being punched in her heart, and she’d barely slept in her lonely hotel bed. For some reason she’d had a surge of stupid pride and hadn’t called him until two in the morning, then hadn’t been able to resist dialing the shop number.
“Did I wake you?” she asked, thinking he had answered awfully quickly. “You didn’t run all the way downstairs to get the phone did you?”
“You did wake me, and I did,” he said, but he didn’t sound annoyed, and she could almost see the smile that she was sure he had. “You told me to answer every call, remember?”
She gasped, having forgotten to tell him about how the answering service started automatically at six every evening, but then was glad he’d picked up.
“Sorry,” she said, nestling down under the covers, feeling sleepy and calm at last after hearing his voice.
“I’m not,” he told her. “I miss you.”
Warmth flooded her at his admission, and she said, “Me too,” as her eyes drifted shut.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Audrey,” he said, but didn’t hang up.
She woke in the morning with the phone pressed under her cheek and felt a glow all over, almost as if he’d been there with her the whole night.
Erik met her at the airport, having learned how to call for a taxi, and when she saw him, head and shoulders above the crowd, she stopped in her tracks, dropping her carry-on bag at the shock of having someone there to greet her. The elation she felt at having just closed the deal of her life was nothing compared to seeing his smile when she exited the passenger area. It was quickly doused by the sinking feeling she had at having to release him from his obligation to her. She’d promised, though. As soon as her money problems were sorted he was free. And her money problems were definitely over. Thanks to Lily and her exuberant picture taking and love of sweets, Audrey didn’t think she’d have money troubles ever again.
“Glad to be home?” he asked, carrying her bags and opening the back door for her with the quiet ease of someone who came from a long ago time.
She often marveled at the differences he still displayed, though he took to modern living as well as if he’d been born in this era. Except for his impossible good looks, he never drew attention to himself due to his actions. And his mindset was remarkably progressive as well. Besides being overly protective, which she rather liked, he never deigned to tell her what to do. She snorted to herself at that thought. It wasn’t as if he could tell her what to do, seeing that she controlled his every move. She wondered what he would be like when she freed him. Depression settled on her shoulders like cold, clawed hands, digging in and making her falter in her steps. She’d never find out because he would be gone.
“Yes,” she said absently, not really remembering what he’d asked her only a second ago.
As usual, he noticed. His attentiveness to her moods was one of the many things she loved about him. Loved. There she was, already thinking about it in the past tense.
She pulled him through the kitchen to the seating area, and motioned for him to sit in one of the plush armchairs. He patted his knees, indicating she sit on his lap and her whole body yearned to do it. Swallowing hard, she sat on the chair next to him and sighed.
“Everything went perfectly,” she said. “There’s going to be a huge transfer into my business account within forty-eight hours, enough to pay off the thugs. So, as soon as that’s in there, I’m going to call and tell them to come get their money so we— so I can be free of them for good.”
“That’s great, Audrey,” he said, taking her hand and trying to tug her closer to him. “Why don’t you look happy? Was the meeting stressful? Is it from flying in one of those god-awful contraptions?”
“It was a little stressful,” she admitted. “And flying isn’t my favorite thing to do.” She pasted a smile onto her face that she was sure he wouldn’t buy as genuine. He raised an eyebrow, but waited patiently for her to continue. “I guess you’re happy about it?” she asked, not wanting to say the words, tell him he was free to go. If he
jumped up and ran out without a backward glance, she’d never recover.
“Certainly,” he said. “I see how hard you work for this place. Now that you’ll have that situation behind you, you’re free to enjoy the fruits of your labor. You deserve to be able to do that.”
Tears burned at the backs of her eyes and she looked down, blinking rapidly to disperse them before they fell. She forced her fake smile wider, hurting her cheeks.
“Yes, well. Speaking of being free,” she said, then stopped.
The words wouldn’t come out, but she couldn’t keep him. She wouldn’t go back on her word, no matter how much she wanted to. His respect was worth more to her than having him stay and hate her forever for keeping him from what he wanted to do. She had to believe he liked her at least a little bit after the time they’d shared, and hope he might come back to her when his business was finished.
“What is it?” he asked, tipping up her chin with his fingertip.
Would that be the last time she felt his touch? Oh, God, this was killing her. No, it wasn’t. She had to stop being nonsensical. She laughed to clear the lump from her throat and doubled down on her resolve.
“Well, it’s all over now, isn’t?” she said. “I don’t need you anymore.”
His eyes darkened and a muscle in his jaw twitched. She wished she could snap the words back and say it differently. She needed him more than he could ever know, just not for protection from the mobsters anymore. She needed him for her personal happiness because she loved and cared for him, genuinely liked him as a person. She needed to clarify that to erase his look of hurt that was slowly hardening over into disdain. Too afraid to admit her feelings, she stayed silent and averted her gaze, unable to watch whatever feelings he had for her melt away.
“I should stay until after you give the last payment to the money lenders,” he said. “They’re dangerous.”
She wanted to agree. That would give her another precious day or two, but why drag out the agony? A swift and thorough stab to the heart seemed better than endless painful jabs.
“Oh, they’re only ugly when I don’t have enough money,” she said as breezily as she could. If he saw that she wavered at all he’d never leave, due to his advanced sense of chivalry. “I’m sure they’ll be as docile as lambs now that I have the full payment, plus all their exorbitant interest.”
“Audrey, look at me.” His voice was low and gentle and as much as she tried to keep her eyes down, they moved to lock with his. What she saw there looked very much like a reflection of what she felt, and she blinked. “What if I said I didn’t want to go?”
Her heartbeat sped up at the question. Her brain cells scrambled to arrange his words to better make sense, because the way he’d ordered them simply didn’t compute.
“Do you want to stay?” she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. “What about your revenge? Five hundred years gone, remember?”
Was she stupid? Why was she giving him reasons to go when he’d made it seem like he wanted to stay? Because she knew if he didn’t do the thing that was most important to him, if he didn’t at least try, whatever he might feel for her now would eventually dissolve into a bitter grudge against her.
“If you’re worried about money, don’t be,” she assured him. “Now that I can, I’m going to pay you for all the time you’ve been here. I couldn’t have done it without you, so you don’t have to feel like it’s charity.”
“It’s not money,” he said, grinding his teeth.
“Well, you’re going to have to get out there eventually. I know things are way different now, and it can be a real culture shock, but you’ve been doing great. Honestly, you fit in better than I do most of the time. Airplanes aren’t that bad, it’s mostly takeoff that’s scary—”
He silenced her nervous prattling by crushing his mouth against hers. She stiffened and kept her eyes squeezed shut, using all her willpower to resist him. After only a second, her willpower was completely depleted and she melted against him, sliding her hands up his chest.
Don’t go, she thought desperately. Give up everything you want and care about and stay with me. Even as she dizzily opened her mouth to his questing tongue, she was overcome with guilt at how selfish she was. How could she think what she felt for him was love, when she only thought of what she wanted? She was being blinded by his touch and his kisses again. There was only one thing left to do.
She shoved away from him and wiped the feel and taste of him off her lips, regretting it with all her heart.
“You have to go,” she said, staring at his chest. “I-I’m commanding it.”
He laughed and took a step back. “Are you treating me like a stray dog right now, Audrey?”
She grimaced, and sneaked a glance at his face. He looked furious, angrier than when the thug had pulled his gun. Making him mad was the last thing she wanted to do, and she almost caved to spare herself seeing exactly what a truly riled up Viking was capable of. Then she caught herself. He wasn’t capable of anything she didn’t want him to be.
Instead of the usual satisfaction she felt when she remembered her power over him, she groaned out loud at the burden of it. If only he had free will to do what he wanted, she would be sure he wanted to stay. He’d obviously been a leader in his own time and had an overdeveloped sense of obligation to those he felt responsible for because of it. And she didn’t want to be an obligation to him anymore, she wanted to be a choice.
She knew no matter how she tried to reason with him, he’d still stand there with his arms crossed in front of his muscular chest, his face set in hard, determined lines to fight her.
“I’m telling you to go,” she said more firmly, no hint of a stutter this time. “Don’t be mad about it,” she added, feeling sick.
She carefully watched him to see if it took this time, and he narrowed his eyes at her before nodding once. She had to keep her hands pinned to her sides to keep from rushing forward and comforting him, he looked so close to bursting with the anger he wasn’t allowed to express.
He continued to stand there, silently shaking, and she ran to the register, gathering up every last bill. She tried to push the wad of money into his tightly closed fists and ended up tucking it into his front jeans pocket when he refused to take it. Maybe being treated like a stripper was the last straw for him, because he shook his head once, then stormed up the stairs.
Before she could get her erratic heart rate under control at seeing him like that, and the terrible warring with herself to take it all back and tell him to stay, he came back down, his meager belongings packed into a shopping bag. Tears welled and she looked down when he stopped in front of her.
“Tell me why you’re making me go,” he said dully. “And look at me while you do it.”
She thought about telling him she loved him and throwing her arms around him, but knew even if she gave him his freedom, she’d never be sure if he stayed out of a sense of duty or not. If he didn’t go finish the thing he’d been obsessing about first, she’d always wonder, always be waiting for that first fight when he called her out on keeping him from what he really wanted.
She counted to three, then five, then ten, then looked up at him. She was sorry she did, making her last glimpse of him his tortured look of defeat. One day he’d thank her for this final command, she had to cling to that belief.
“My money problems are over,” she said, astounded at her previously never before revealed acting ability. “Our business is concluded. Like I said before, I don’t need you anymore.”
A hint of a bitter smile curled one side of his mouth, and he turned and walked out.
Cold fatigue stole over her and any thoughts of whatever she needed to finish so she could open the next morning disappeared when she heard the back door close. He was gone. She’d made him go. She didn’t know how long she stood in the same spot, shivering and being battered by regret. Finally, she made her way upstairs, passing her own room and going into Erik’s.
The money she’d give
n him lay in the middle of the bed in a neat stack, and she pushed it onto the floor when she collapsed onto the old quilt. Erik’s scent lingered on the pillowcase and she curled in a ball and breathed him in, praying the pain she already felt at his loss wouldn’t last forever, but not having any hope at all.
Chapter 17
For the first time since she’d been threatened by the mobsters, Audrey kept the shop closed. She walked outside to look at the closed sign, wondering if she shouldn’t add a handwritten explanation, since ever since the grand opening, they’d never closed during business hours before. She caught herself thinking of herself and Erik as a team. That was all over now. There was no more they. It was only her, the same way she’d started.
Perhaps her old assistant Maria would return now that she wasn’t being threatened anymore. If not, she’d have to find someone else. She knew she could find someone talented who took baking seriously, maybe even someone like her younger self who had a lifelong dream to own her own bakery. But she’d never find someone who could make her shiver with excited anticipation about what he’d do next, or make her feel so protected, or make her as happy as Erik had.
She frowned at the closed sign. Why did she think her new employee needed to do all those things? His or her job description included mixing batter and running the cash register, not being responsible for her happiness.
She sighed heftily, not sure why she stood in the middle of the sidewalk staring at her darkened shop window. Oh right, the handwritten sign, explaining that she was going through an emotional upheaval after sending away the only man she’d ever love, and couldn’t bake because of it. That was why she was out there. She decided her customers were smart enough to figure out there would be no cupcakes today and slumped back inside to collapse into an armchair.
Everything about her once beloved dream reminded her of Erik. There wasn’t a place that didn’t have a memory attached to it. How could she have got in so deep in such a short time? No matter what her brain tried to tell her heart, how many intelligent sounding arguments it came up with, her heart refused to budge. It wanted Erik back and was plenty pissed she’d sent him away.
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