by Unknown
As it turned out I developed a bit of a ritual. When I had my time of the month come around, since I didn’t have any work obligations I set aside this time for myself and didn’t make any plans. I would literally stock the fridge and stay in and watch movies for a few days. Occasionally it would happen I was off a day and had to cancel lunch with mom, but for the most part I was pretty good at predicting and freed myself up to lay around and be resting womanly-me for the time being. It only took a first day of this for the guys to get the message I was on my ‘vacation’ as they called it.
One day that summer Cash called me and asked if I was ‘back from vacation’ yet, I told him that yes, I just was. He said that he and Andrew had been planning a little something for me and if I was okay with it they were going to take me away for a couple of days. Andrew was picking up a new car just for the occasion. Of course I agreed and went to pack a little bag and spruce up.
Midday, they came in to grab some things and we all piled into this hot white convertible Porsche with Andy at the wheel and I took the front. I wore a super short and short-sleeved belted silk dress, black with a tropical infused print in yellows, oranges, reds and whites, and sunglasses. It was good to go for a drive, and good to get out of the city.
We drove to a beautiful cottage in the Hamptons where we stayed for a whole week and took walks on the beach, dined al fresco and swam in the pool. They guys put their heads together and arranged a few extras like our own personal chef preparing meals, a butler, a helicopter ride over the ocean, and our own private shark dive. I remember feeling so thankful with every moment and telling them both so. Thanking them for doing so good and being so good and for taking such good care of me and loving me.
On one of the nights there was the first time that I felt a bit torn, though. I wanted to be so close to both of them and didn’t want to pull away from either of them. I asked if they’d just both sleep next to me that night and they said okay, neither of them wanting to let me go either. Respectfully and in love, we cuddled up and slept through the night.
What a glorious morning it was waking up to the ocean waves and sunlight with these two sleeping angels next to me. My heart was made to love this much, loving the two of them was so easy.
Back home, we had more nights like this but not all the time, just when I made a point with a true special request, but it became not unheard of, especially after parties or nights out at clubs where were stumbling in and I’d just pull them both to my bed.
*****
By fall and into winter of our second year, our shared love was the underlying theme of our existence. We still went about our daily lives but I loved and lived for the flirting and teasing, the love making, the fiery heights, the romance, and the spontaneous ways we would surprise each other.
I started to buy designer lingerie and there were many days where I made sure I was home and got myself all dressed up. I would sometimes send a picture to the guys, just to show them what they had to come home to. It was so much fun wearing these beautiful things, and the guys loved it.
The first thing Cash said when he walked in was, “You’re so good to me.”
I asked, “Want some more?” and stood up on my tip-toes in my heels stretching out my legs tall to kiss him, letting his hands trail across my back.
Our lives weren’t all romance and fun, though, and it wasn’t all work and city. As their work became more secure, our chats about what to do with the money became more serious. Cash was big on investment properties and planning on some trips for the winter to check out different locations. He wanted to buy us a few homes so we could have somewhere nice to spend winters, which none of us liked. His list of properties to look at was all over the globe and he wanted us to come along, if we could, to look at some of them.
Andy was working out a big trip for himself, though, it seemed our trip to the Hamptons reminded him of his life-long passion for diving. He’d gotten together a couple of divers and was planning a bit of an expedition where he’d be away and in the water for nearly two month’s time.
I on the other hand, while having complete access to funds, wasn’t feeling any pull towards any big ventures outside of our home and so I felt my interests and purpose would grow in time.
That winter was long and it was a good thing Cash had us off on what turned out to be mini-vacations so we could rejuvenate and soak up some sun. Buenos Aires was divine—like the Paris of South America, so romantic. The people were so friendly there, like family. We enjoyed our stay but didn’t find it necessary to buy the place we looked at, even though it was a slice of heaven.
I always thought that long walks on the beach were cliches, but I found time to beach comb among the rocky shoreline, and explore with both Cash and Andy while we were there. I could show off my Burberry swimsuits, tuck a hibiscus flower behind my ear, and enjoy the sunsets with each of my handsome loves.
Costa Rica was a dream and I adored the place we looked at in Playa Flamingo. I also adored having coconuts cut for me and all the fresh fruit was just what I needed, that and the sunny shore.
We all decided right off it was a perfect place to retreat to, and this became our first home purchase on our own. The place was a lot smaller than the Penthouse, but the layout was open and airy, just what you’d want in such perfect weather. The pool and gardens were so serene and deliciously private, so calming.
I truly loved the country and the weather so much that I felt like from then on, I was only humoring Cash going along to other locations. I felt if I had time to get away, it would be there in Costa Rica that I would want to spend my time. On the beach we saw a few children playing a ways down. I remember thinking how peaceful and healthy they all looked. Just doing what kids should do; digging in the sand, playing in the water. The beach was really all about relaxing, the sun and water, and play. I loved how it brought the child out in me and made me want to just let go and enjoy.
These thoughts wandered to where I reasoned when I had children of my own that I would want them to have a childhood somewhere like this. The soothing and inspiring thoughts brought on a calm, but was closely followed by a seed I accidentally planted out of anxiety. I wanted a family, but how?
How could I ever have children in my current way of living? We were a star trio, but our lifestyle could be too complicated for a family. So much of children’s security and success lies in their family structure, the foundations, and what about how they’re treated by outsiders? I couldn’t bear the thought to ever think I’d be selfish enough to drag a child into unknown territory. The whole idea of living the way I was, seemed to make me feel like I was trapped between living for myself or sacrificing to maybe someday be a mother. I didn’t mention these thoughts to the guys, but only let them sit a while and figured things would sort themselves out in time.
Luckily there was the distraction of world travel to whisk me out of my stressing spell and we were soon aboard a plane headed to Mexico. All this warm sun on my skin was welcomed as was the exercise. Though we were there to check out a killer ocean front mansion, we’d worked in time to visit some ancient ruins about an hour’s drive away. Seeing documentaries on such places in the world was one thing but to walk step by step to the top of a vast and ancient site like where we were was really something special.
The place was deserted the day we went which gave an even deeper impression also allowing us to relax with each other. At the top we explored a little and then all sprawled out in the sun to refresh and just let it all sink in. It was as if this was our kingdom and we sat looking out from our royal thrones. What wonders we were able to, and had, and would, all see together and share. What deep rich lives we led, the three of us together.
After soaking up the Mexican flavor and touring a couple of beautiful homes, all with such vivid colors, we headed halfway across the world to Dubai.
We’d planned to spend a longer holiday there at some point, but this time it was just to visit some properties in person. It was overwhelming
. We looked at fairytale villas, ranches, condos, and penthouses. We were wined and dined along the way, swept in and out of the most elaborate and larger-than-life modern places I’d ever laid eyes on. Dubai is a knock-out place, but it really wasn’t for me. No matter where we went I still got the feeling we were in a city and if I wanted that I’d personally prefer New York or somewhere a little more homey.
Off we went, to see the beauty of New Zealand which was quite lovely. We enjoyed a long day of horseback riding in the countryside, quite a welcoming pace in comparison to Dubai. We took in the beautiful unique flora and sampled new foods and flavors. I found it to be a comfortable place, and most hospitable, but I felt far from home and began to miss mother’s face and longed for the end of our journeys.
We decided to delay our last stop and come home to have some time together to unwind before Andy headed off for his scuba diving adventures.
*****
It took days for me to recoup from all of that traveling and to truly feel at home again. I was home for days further, but happily so, on my ‘womanly vacation’. After a week of playing homebody and lounging around I was ready to get out and enjoy the new spring air. What a better way to feel at home than to shop for something perfect to wear on my birthday? A spring birthday always suited me and this year I was determined to truly go in for a really good time as it would be the last weekend Cash and Andy and I would all be together before Andy went away.
The travel had been so romantic, but rushed, so for this birthday I had the idea to go in for more of a girly theme, and treat myself to feeling special and womanly. The guys had surprised me with tickets to a symphony, four of them, so my mom could come with us, which I thought was just perfect. We were planning on throwing a little party back at the Penthouse after. Dinner would be first, of course, and I requested we go to our old standby, Restaurant Daniel.
Knowing where we’d be going and how special the night would be, I just had to find the perfect dress. I already knew that for my birthday, I wanted something light and pretty. I didn’t want black, too sexy and formal. I didn’t want red, too sexy and well, sexy. I didn’t want a solid color at all really, not even gold or silver and that left a whirlwind of other choices from prints to patterns. It was a lot harder to shop for a dress with an occasion in mind, in my opinion, than it was to let a gorgeous number strike you with the anticipation that would drive you to a destination.
There were floral prints of all sorts all over town but I didn’t want too old or too young, I wanted princess for the night, lady of the evening, presenting the birthday girl, Miss Holly. I wanted to feel like a delicate cake topper, or like the flowers myself, not be decorated in them.
I bypassed pleats and stripes and dots and tie dyes and boho and fruit and tropical and embellished and flirty all over town for a week in search of something I began to feel I might not find. My mother, my friends, my boyfriends… they would all love me no matter what I was in. I didn’t have to look perfect or so I began to tell myself, but after stops for recharge-lattes or lunches, I trudged on.
I ended up back at Saks Fifth Avenue, an all time favorite of mine, though it was where I started. I perused again, this time trying to pay attention to anything I might have missed zooming through. Carelle was working at the store that day and she smiled me over for a chat.
It helps to be friendly and spend loads of money because you get to know the right people, and though I couldn’t begin to describe my own style, Carelle had somehow managed to grasp it and I trusted her. But what happened there that afternoon was sheer magic. We smiled and laughed and had a few jokes but then I told her with a pout face that I was back around because I still hadn’t found a dress to wear on my birthday. She knew Andy was going away, and since Carelle and I had grown quite close, she would also be attending my little birthday shindig as well.
She pursed her lips to one side and her eyes rolled up and to another as she gave it a quick thought. Just then out of nowhere a beam of light struck across her face as her mouth opened completely wide, her eyes just as so, with a big smile.
“Oh, my gosh,” she said, looking straight into my eyes, “we just had a new Chloe gown arrive!” She was talking in the most excited whisper. “It’s not supposed to debut til Saturday, I think we’re going to do it at nine thousand.” She kept her surprised look but changed to more serious and looked around. “I wonder if I could show it to you.”
Carelle had been with Saks for years but she was no top-dog, and there was definitely a certain protocol about things. The party itself was Saturday, my birthday, but if there was a gown that had come in that made her make that face, I just had to see it. I certainly couldn’t wait until then to find something.
“Give me just one moment,” she instructed me, almost slyly and disappeared to hopefully work some magic.
I looked around at gorgeous dresses for the second time that week, that just weren’t it. I couldn’t bear the thought of settling. Just then, Carelle appeared again walking almost briskly with her eyebrows raised.
She locked into my elbow with hers and told me, “come with me.” As we walked she let on. “Only because you’re one of our premiere clients and only because I swore on my life you wouldn’t breathe this out to a single soul, I have permission to show you the dress. If you decide to purchase it you will have to sign something saying you will not publicize the sale or something, and will have to keep it hidden until the debut date.”
“Wow,” I said and at that moment I was in the back room at Saks. She wasn’t even allowed to bring it out to a room for me. We walked back through the sea of garments all organized and hanging to an area where everything was covered individually.
She told me to wait where I was and was reading the tags adorning the mystery covers.
“This is it!” she said. “Well, Holly, I hope you like it,” and pulled away the cover revealing the most perfect birthday gown I could have imagined if I had tried to design it myself. It was flowing, dainty, feminine—it was my cake topper! The gown was made in France, all silk, a sleeveless halter
v-neck with a pleated silhouette. Adorning it were tassels along the asymmetrical detail. The front was mostly pale pink atop, pretty blue below and then the sides faded to greens, where the entire back was mostly all pale pink, and with a soft rainbow effect created by the multicolored touches. Now I knew why Carelle had acted the way she did—the dress was made for me to wear!
*****
That Saturday I woke to birds singing on a lovely sunny spring day to two very fine looking gentlemen on either side of my bed whispering softly, “oh, there she is…”
Andy was rubbing my back and caressing me and Cash was at the foot of the bed with a cup of coffee.
“Mmmm,” was all I made out and soaked it all in enjoying every second. “I love you guys,” I murmured and we all chuckled. They knew I would be still as long as they were, loving the petting.
“So, what does the birthday princess want for breakfast?” Andy inquired.
“Mmmm… coffee,” I murmured, “aFrench toast?” And after thinking, “with strawberries…” Andy was stroking my head, playing with my hair and pulling it a little tightly. “Mmmm… I want you guys for breakfast!”
We all laughed. I wrapped Andy up in my arms while Cash went to make breakfast, and we enjoyed the morning together in love.
We had already remarked that while Andy was away that Cash and I would take it easy waiting for his return, out of love and respect for Andy. So on this warm, breezy, perfect sunny morning was where we let our deepest passions fly, pouring out our love. They to me, me to them.
What a glorious birthday already. We had decided to have a walk in the park, just the three of us. When I came downstairs just in a little sleeveless Fendi printed floral dress with a flouncy dropped waist and ruffle skirt, pink and white, I expected we’d just be walking the block over but what was there awaiting me but a grand carriage fit with white horses.
“We thought you might
like to take the long way,” was Cash’s remark as he led the way with his hands and helped me up to where Andy was sitting only to present me with an overflowing bouquet of white and pink roses.
“Happy birthday, baby,” he said and kissed me on the lips as I sat to receive them. I sat between my darlings and smiled from ear to ear as we enjoyed the ride just for fun.
Later on I waited until mother arrived for us all to drive to the dinner together to step out in my gown. I did so softly and shyly almost, wearing the most delicate shoes and light pink earrings.
“Oh my!” Mom cried, and the boys gasped the same with wows. “You are a real princess,” she said and I almost thought she might cry for a second. I did a slight twirl and for the rest of the evening enjoyed being on top of my birthday world, my cake and the city, as feeling once again like the luckiest woman to walk the night.
*****
Days without Andrew went on for both of us with an air of dragging and we felt his absence, though tried not to show it and keep ourselves busy. Cash was out of town here and there himself, so I simply stayed on task. I took lots of bubble baths, went for massages twice and sometimes three times a week, I shopped and I read and I wrote. Days rounded, weeks passed and things felt a little different, more than I could pinpoint why, and I felt it veered from just Andy’s absence.
I was quietly enjoying a book and some iced tea out at the park by myself when Cash called me.
“Hey, I just got in, I thought you’d be home around this time of the month,” he said almost jokingly but sounded quite serious in undertone actually.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Holly, I… can you come home?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there in a few,” I said and we hung up. Something was wrong. I walked in the door and he was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
