by Kara Hart
I hold her. I kiss her cheek lightly every now and then, even though Lisa gets grossed out every time I do it. When all is said and done, and the board game gets put back in its box, Lisa is completely worn out and ready for bed. I pick her up and we all move her into her room. I lay her down into bed. Emily pulls the covers over her.
“She’s wonderful,” she whispers.
“Too perfect,” I agree.
She’s getting older. She’s learning how to use her agency in the world. It’s part heartbreaking, part pride-inducing, as well as mind-blowing. My daughter was never supposed to lose her innocence like I was. She was supposed to stay my daughter, my child, my baby. Of course, I know that’s not the case. Every day is a reminder that she’ll be an adult someday and it’ll come sooner than I expect, I suppose.
We leave the room, like I do every night Lisa gets to stay over. I leave my emotions at the door, when Emily takes my hand and says, “I love your family, Michael. I really do. I want to be there for them. Even Susan.”
“Be careful what you wish for,” I joke. But she isn’t joking. She’s letting the words fall straight from the heart. And in that hallway, I can feel myself falling endlessly for her, as if I hadn’t existed before her. Already now, I’m a different person because of her. I’ve got a new drive. There are new ambitions. There are dreams I’ve never dreamt before, running endlessly in my head.
“I’m here for you,” I tell her. “Always.”
“No matter what?” she asks me, as if she has something huge to say, but can’t say it. “Because… I love you. No matter what.”
“No matter what,” I tell her. “Even if this all goes sour, I’ll be here for you.”
“Me too. I promise,” she says.
We walk slowly into the room, hand in hand. A light, yet heavy energy courses through us as we fall to the bed, exhausted from playing with Lisa, and work. We close our eyes, but I keep my arms around her as she nests her body in the absent curves between mine. Her ass against my cock, her back against my chest… it’s all too much to bear. Will I have this forever? God, I hope so.
At least ten minutes pass. As I drift into sleep, I hear her breathing turn heavy and her head turns toward mine. She kisses my cheek and faces me.
“I have something to tell you,” she says.
“Yeah?” I smile.
She’s not smiling. She’s got a look on her face that doesn’t inspire too many good feelings. “No, like, it’s serious,” she says. “I should have told you days ago, but I’m a coward. I didn’t know how to. I thought you’d be mad at me.”
“Back up a minute here. A coward? You’re not a coward. Whatever it is that you did, I’m not going to blame you. I’ve been with you for a minute now and I know the courage you have inside your heart. Don’t beat yourself up so much. You’re worth more than that,” I say. I remain strong for her. I wait for her to tell me what’s been done.
She licks her bottom lip lightly and her eyes trail the bed sheet. “Dennis called me,” she says.
“And you answered?” I ask her. I can feel my mind start to betray my body. I do get angry. It stings to hear that that son of a bitch still has a way to contact her. Even though I feel these emotions creep inside, I don’t let them get the best of me. I push them away and remain calm, as a man should.
“At first, I didn’t. I swear. I let it go to voicemail so many fucking times,” she says.
“So what happened?” I ask.
“Well, he called me like twenty times. He texted me too. Eventually, I answered simply to tell him that I wasn’t available and that he needed to stop calling me,” she says.
But there’s always more to the story. I push forward. “And then what?” I ask.
“And then he told me that he was in Nashville. He said he’s been getting help and that it’s part of the program to give his apologies in person,” she says.
Adrenaline pumps from my heart, straight into every muscle of my body. Inwardly, I become enraged. I want to smash the walls. No, I want to smash that Dennis guy’s face in. I want to go full territorial mode on his face right now. Even with this knowledge, I take a deep breath in and allow myself to center. I’m a father. I’m not some 23-year-old dude anymore. There’s a certain level of class a man should elevate himself to.
“So, you met with him? Is that what you’re telling me, Emily?”
“No!” she instantly reacts. “No, it’s not like that. I swear to you.”
“Then what’s it like?” I ask her.
“I told him to leave me alone. I told him to never call me again. I told him I had a boyfriend. He just kept saying he needed to apologize for everything. I hung up and that was that,” she says.
“But…” There’s still more to this.
“But he won’t stop calling me. I haven’t answered, but I don’t know what to do,” she says.
“I think it’s pretty damn easy. You block his number,” I say.
Fear entrenches her. She begins to retreat into the bed. “You don’t know Dennis. If I block his number, he’ll find me in person. It’s bad enough that I won’t answer his calls. His temper always gets the best of him. I don’t trust this treatment thing. There is no therapy in the world that’s going to help him. He’s a complete narcissist,” she says.
“He sounds like a complete pussy,” I reply. My anger is clearly getting the best of me, but I’m beginning to not give a damn.
“Stop, Michael. This is serious. I wanted to tell you because I love you. I don’t say those words to anyone,” she says.
“You said it to him,” I tell her.
“One person and I was tricked!” she whispers, though if she could, she’d be yelling with sadness, pain, and fear.
“Hey,” I whisper, trailing my fingers up and down the sides of her arms and back. “I’m sorry. Don’t get upset. It’s going to be okay. Like I said, I’m always here for you. No matter what. It’s just a shock to hear.”
“I don’t say those words to anyone,” she repeats. “It has to be real, and it almost never is. Even if things get hard between us, I know this is real. I know what you’ll do for me. I know you’re here, and I trust you.”
She falls onto my chest and groans. She closes her eyes as one tear falls from each lid. I slowly wipe the tears away and kiss where it begins to dry. “What do you want me to do?” I ask her.
“Just be close to me. I feel safe when I’m near you,” she tells me.
My emotions are hanging on a thread. Anger, rage, and frustration from not having any agency in any of this. I’m just a fucking bystander, unable to do anything. Instead I have to be the good man. I have to stand up tall and straight, while this son of a bitch moves in on my woman. Well, fuck that. That’s not how this is going down. Whether he likes it or not, I’m going to make it clear that this is a city he can’t step foot in. Hell, it’s not just for Emily’s sake. It’s for my daughter’s sake too.
We both close our eyes and let the whirlwind take us into sleep. There’s too much to think about at this time, but I will figure something out. I’m going to protect my family at whatever cost. The same goes for Emily.
Emily
Wake up. Eat. Work. Sleep. Dream. Wait for all your problems to go away. When it doesn’t happen quite as fast as you had hoped, repeat the steps above. That’s how my life is playing out. Sometimes, it feels like a broken record, waiting to be thrown in the trash.
And then I look at him. Perfect Michael. Daddy Michael. The best thing that’s ever happened to me. All the bad in my life gets put on pause. In that serene garden, where time stands still, it is only us and we’re locked in gaze. Our hands are intertwined. We kiss. We fuck. We make love, over and over again, until the real world starts to creep in. Then, we push it all away.
“Wake up!” Lisa screams, as she throws open the door. “Ew, you guys sleep in the same bed?”
“What are you doing, little rascal?” Michael croaks and pries open his eyes. I’ve been awake for an hour no
w, just staring at him. No, not in a creepy way. I’m just admiring what I have right now. I’m lucky.
The sun is shining in the sky and there are no clouds to ruin its glorious rays. “It’s the weekend!” Lisa runs over to the bed and throws her hands on the bed sheets. She starts bouncing her butt in the air, while laughing.
“It’s party time already?” I laugh.
“Duh!” Lisa smiles and drops to the floor. She rolls around the carpet, out of breath, but the energy is coursing through her.
“Alright, alright,” Michael groans. He’s sluggish and tired, but all of a sudden, he jumps out of bed and runs toward Lisa. “But first… tickles!”
“No!” Lisa screams.
“Oh, yes,” I mutter. I carefully get out of bed and snicker, as Michael throws his hands into the air.
“Dad! No! I’ll call the… cops!” she squeals.
No daughter’s threat is a match against her father’s tickles. She squirms. She kicks. She even tries to bite and scratch. In the end, she’s forced to give in, nearly crying from laughing so hard. Michael pivots back and falls onto the bed again. “Now,” he says, out of breath, “it’s your turn, dear.”
“Don’t you dare, Michael,” I growl. He becomes lifeless, breathing heavily still.
“Fine. I’m too tired, anyway. Time for a nap.”
“Dad. I want to go to the mall. Wake up,” Lisa says.
“Can’t. Too much to do today,” he says.
“Oh, please!” she begs.
“Hey, I’ll take her to the mall,” I offer.
“Don’t give in,” Michael whispers. “Or you’ll be used for a lifetime.”
“I do not use people,” Lisa says. “I just like to have fun.”
“Famous last words. You’re too much like your mother,” Michael laughs.
“Yeah, well, you’re mean,” Lisa snarls back.
“No, seriously. I’ll take her. You have to meet with the construction people today anyway, right?” I ask him.
“Yeah, true. That’ll take about three hours,” he says.
“Okay then,” I smile and fold my hands onto my lap. “Girls day out!” Lisa jumps up and grabs my hands. She begins jumping, repeating “girls day out!” over and over again.
“Don’t spoil her too much,” Michael warns.
“I won’t,” I say.
Of course, my only plan is to spoil her. I remember when I was her age. Right on the edge of puberty. It’s the time when you get this ache inside of you. You want to go to the mall, so you can buy cute clothes. You want to scope out the boys with their skateboards, or whatever is trend-worthy at the time. You watch their tricks and smile, playing dumb. That’s one of the best times in the world.
Michael kisses me before heading downstairs to drink his coffee. Lisa turns back to me. “Can we at least get ice cream?” she asks.
“Girl, we’re definitely getting ice cream.” I smile.
“Really?” Her eyes light up as if I just said some magic words.
“Really. And that’s not all. We’re getting you a couple outfits to impress the boys at school,” I say.
“No way,” she whispers. “I love clothes. But it’s not for the boys at school. It’s for myself.” She stands up tall, showing me just how empowered she is. I flex my muscles at her.
“That’s right. Forgive me. The boys will have nothing to do with the outfits,” I wink.
“Yup.”
I jump in the shower and quickly get ready for the time of my life. I never thought that I would be taking my man’s daughter on a shopping spree, but here I am, doing it. After my shower, I get dressed and find Lisa playing on her iPad downstairs.
“Come on, kid,” I say. “Let’s get out of here.”
She chucks the tablet onto the couch, as if it’s just another toy, and runs over to the garage door. We get into the car and we take off, ready for our day.
The mall is a beacon to Lisa. The doors slide open and that familiar smell of baked pretzels, corn dogs, and new clothing floods the air. I haven’t been to the mall in years. For me, it’s a slightly stale feeling. As Lisa runs in, I have to keep up.
“This way!” I yell, as she runs toward the food court. “Let’s get you something nice first.”
“I know exactly where to go,” she says.
I take her hand and she drags me toward her favorite store. When we walk in, it’s a sea of girls her age. “Lisa!” one girl yells out, breaking away from the crowd.
“That’s Angela,” Lisa whispers. “She’s okay.” I nod my head with understanding.
“What are you doing here?” Angela asks her.
“Just shopping,” she shrugs. “My dad’s new girlfriend is buying me clothes.”
All eyes fall on me. The new girlfriend. “Hello. Nice to meet you,” I reply.
“Hi.” She smiles, turning her head back toward Lisa. “My mom’s buying me clothes too. Did you see Nick and everyone outside?”
“No,” Lisa blushes and quickly looks over. Outside the store, near some benches, is a group of five boys. They’re hastily talking, eating, and sometimes jumping on top of the benches. Lisa darts back toward Angela and covers her mouth.
“And who are they?” I chime in.
“That’s Nick,” Angela says. “Lisa has a big fat crush on him.”
“I do not!” she screams. Angela laughs wildly. Her mom looks over with disapproving eyes and walks over.
“Sorry, is my daughter hassling you two?” she asks.
“No, no. It’s fine.” I smile and put out my hand. “I’m Emily, by the way. I’m dating Michael Vanderbilt.” Dating. It’s such a weird thing for me to say. It’s so new and unexpected, even still.
“Oh, Michael! Yes, he’s great. I bought some cabinets from him last May. Wow, it’s good he’s finally dating. I thought he’d never get back out there,” she says. I awkwardly laugh and ignore the annoyance I currently feel. She feels it, no doubt, because when a few seconds pass, she adds, “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. Everyone in this town likes Michael and it’s just good to see that he’s happy with someone.”
“I understand. He’s a real catch,” I say.
“Well, it was nice meeting you.” She smiles. “Come on, Angela.”
“Bye, Lisa.” Angela waves as she’s taken back into the sea of girls.
“What was that about?” I whisper to myself.
Lisa shrugs. “My dad is a lady’s man,” she jokes.
“Guess it runs in the family, huh? Look at you, staring at Nick every two seconds,” I laugh.
“I am not staring. I don’t like anyone. He’s just a butthead who won’t stop trying,” she says, rolling her eyes.
“A cute butthead, though,” I add. She groans and flips through some clothing.
After trying on her favorite outfits, I stand in line to buy them. Every so often, she turns around to see Nick, who’s staring intently at her with a slight smile on his face. I pay for the clothes and we walk out of the store. As soon as we’re out, he nods her way. Lisa’s face turns flush, but she plays it off.
“Hey, Nick,” she says.
“Hey, Lisa.” His friends all start laughing, as boys do. Nick gives them a sharp glance and they stop themselves. They both talk and flirt as I slowly walk to a railing that connects to the food court area. I sit idly and watch them, trying to keep my distance. I have to admit, it’s damn cute.
A breeze passes through and I shiver slightly. I hear the sound of boots behind me and then I hear a man clear his throat. “Emily,” a voice says. I jump forward and turn around. It’s him, Dennis.
“Don’t you dare.” My voice is shaky. My hands are sweating. My heart just exploded inside my body and my blood has turned ice cold.
“Stop,” he says. “I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to talk.”
“I said no, Dennis. Just get the fuck away from me. Leave this city and leave me alone!” I cry.
“I… I can’t,” he says. “Please, just sit down.�
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“Get. The fuck. Away. From me,” I repeat, backing up. I turn around and look where Lisa was once standing. She’s not there now. I nearly collapse, but realize that if I do, Dennis can do whatever he wants to me. I turn back around and point my finger at him. “Not now.”
I run left and scream, “Lisa!” I move toward the food court and scream again. “Lisa!”
“Shit, shit, shit!” I yell at myself. “Of course this happens to me.”
“You shouldn’t curse so much.” I turn around and Lisa is standing with her friend Nick, eating an ice cream cone.
“Lisa! God, I thought I lost you,” I tell her.
“I’m almost thirteen. I’m pretty much an adult. I know how to get home,” she says, smiling at Nick. He laughs.
“We gotta go,” I tell her. “I’m sorry, but something has come up.”
“It’s okay,” she says. “I have homework, anyway.”
“I’ll see you in class,” Nick says with a sly look.
“Right,” she says. “Bye.”
“Come on,” I say, holding her hand. “Hurry.”
I look behind me and he’s nowhere in sight. Dennis is hidden among the busy weekend crowd. My heart is palpitating. I squint my eyes and turn my head wildly, to see better, but everything has turned into a darkened haze.
“Why are we leaving so soon? What’s going on?” Lisa asks me.
“Nothing. I mean, I’ll explain everything later. I just think we need to leave,” I say. I see the exit doors and the bright light shining in from outside.
“Tell me!” she shouts, pulling against my arm.
I let go, but we’re still moving forward. “You know stranger danger? Well, there’s a dangerous stranger and we need to get out of here.”
She has stopped listening at this point, disappointed that I’ve ruined her flirtatious bout, but I have to do the right thing. I need to get out of this place. I need to get back to the house. I need Michael.
At the car, I force the keys into the lock. I swing the door open as Lisa calmly gets inside. I turn the ignition and slam the car in reverse. Then, the calm starts to set in. As I’m driving through the neighborhood streets, I know that I’m safe. Still, the question begs to be answered: How safe will I be tomorrow?
