by Megan McCoy
“After college, I still had my information out there on a few sites and I was getting enough spankos to keep me happy while I had a ‘real’ life too, you know?”
I nodded. I understood. Like my work life and my online life. Some of us can separate things well. I knew a guy once who had a six-year affair he kept from his wife. He said he lived two lives. And then he got so stressed, his stomach and bowels went insane. It was not a pretty story. Then there was this lady I used to work, with who had a kid, but the kid lived with her ex-husband. She didn’t tell the new boyfriend about her child until they had been dating almost six months. He was appalled and broke up with her.
So, while I guess most of us can play two parts for a while, there comes a time when it needs to stop. Or it has to. Physically and emotionally.
Cole sighed, and stretched again, probably from nerves, and I almost purred again, probably from nerves.
He looked me in the eyes, and I squirmed in my seat. Tried to stop the big stupid grin from my face. I was just so happy to be with him, to have him this close to me again. To kind of, sort of, maybe know… Focus Miki!
“Well, so, a woman contacted me. She said she had a few issues she needed help with, and I’d helped a few other people before, successfully. Of course, being a cocky young man who thought my trusty paddle and I could solve everything, I said sure, I can do that.”
He shifted in his chair, paused, and seemed to struggle for words. “She showed up and was not only obviously anorexic, but I found out later she was a cutter. Yet, still, in my naiveté, I thought I could help. By turning her over my knee and paddling her butt, and then sending her on her way.” He shook his head, obviously distressed.
“So did you?” I asked, fascinated. This made my snapping at people and being cranky sometimes issue look like small potatoes. “Spank her?”
He grimaced and nodded. “I did. Not very whole-heartedly, because honestly, she had no padding where women need padding to be able to take a good spanking, but I did it. Honestly, it was one of the lightest spankings I’ve ever given, and I felt guilty as hell about it. But she seemed to appreciate it. She bawled and promised to be better from then out. I summoned up my best lecture and made her stand in the corner and then sent her home with homework after we made another appointment.”
I was fascinated by his story.
“She appreciated the spanking?”
“Yeah, most do sooner or later. Mostly later though.”
“Did she keep it?”
“Keep what?”
“Her appointment for the second spanking.”
“She did. But in the meantime, I’d done some research.” He looked solemnly into my eyes. I wanted to pee myself like a puppy, in sheer happiness. I could not believe how much I’d missed and wanted him. Even the sound of his voice made me delirious.
Oh yeah… I’d forgotten he was talking seriously. “I realized how in over my head I was with her. And since we’d talked every day online after, I knew I actually had made things worse. She sounded so desperate and in such pain, Miki. It killed me to hear it. I was so worried and scared.”
Despite my sheer joy of being near him, tears pricked my eyes as he continued talking of his upset. I knew what a soft heart he had. I understood how not being able to help hurt him.
“What did you do?” I asked softly.
“Well, when she showed up for our appointment the next week, I had back up with me, a psychiatric nurse I knew from school, sat down and talked to her and convinced her to get help. Judy took her into rehab, but not before giving me a lecture about responsibility, and morals that I’ll never forget. She was the last person I spanked, till after you and I broke up.”
“Is she okay?” I asked.
He nodded, slowly. “She’s recovering. Still. It’s been a few years, and we keep in touch once in a while. It’s a hard rough addiction.”
I bobbed my head as if I knew. Thank goodness, I had no personal experience with it. “Recovering is good. Sometimes that’s the best we can hope for.” I hesitated but had to know. “So that’s why you never told me or…” I wanted to say ‘did me.’ “Tell me about the first one after… me.” Well, I can’t be all unselfish all the time. I needed to know what she had I didn’t. How she could turn him back to the wild side when obviously I hadn’t been enough.
He grinned and the mood suddenly lightened in the room. I do believe the sun came out. I’d missed the sun so much.
“Well, after you and I split,” he said it generously, since we both knew it was mostly my fault, and all my decision, “I got back online. Went to my old stomping grounds, where you found me.”
It was the biggest fetish site in our area. Not surprising we should have both found ourselves on it. How many of us could there be in town? Never mind. He turned a stern eye to me that made my stomach do lovely flips. “By the way, Miss Miki, how long have you been on there?”
I obligingly blushed for him. “It’s your turn to talk, not mine. Go on.”
He laughed. “Fine, we can discuss that later. I chatted for a while, rejoined the mentor group, just for some moral support, and found some of my same buddies were still on there. One thing led to another, and I found myself offering to be a stand in for a guy who couldn’t make an appointment one day.
“Anyway, I ended up paddling the butt of a married woman who had been lying to her husband about credit card charges. She came clean, and he generously forgave her, but she felt really guilty. She wanted a good reminder not only not to do it again, but as punishment for doing it in the first place.” Cole laughed.
I watched him so carefully, watched him drift away, and I knew he was reliving those moments.
* * * * *
What was she doing, Cheri wondered as she pulled into the hotel parking lot. Would her husband consider this cheating? She’d already hurt him so much. He’d actually hurt for her, felt badly she was scared and upset, and she so didn’t deserve it. She couldn’t deal with doing that again. He’d been so forgiving, and so sweet, and so sad when she confessed what she’d done. She’d gotten in over her head and just couldn’t deal anymore. After robbing Peter to pay Paul for over a year, the credit cards she’d run up had been more than she could cover without taking money from their household expenses, and then he’d find out about it.
When she laid them all out and showed them, she expected a scolding and for him to be really mad. In a reverse place, she would have been mad, hurt, upset, and devastated. But all he did was hug her, and say they would handle it together and from now on, she needed to tell him of any issues, or problems, and trust he would be with her always. Oh, and, had she cut the cards off already, or did they need to do that together?
She had canceled them all, two months before she’d confessed but in those two months, she still couldn’t do the minimum payments. She panicked every time the phone rang at home, cried and stressed out when she wasn’t the one who got the mail until she found out there was no new bill. She couldn’t sleep and started medicating herself with alcohol.
Finally, Cheri decided there were two ways out of this… and suicide seemed a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
So she decided to tell Will—at the worst, he’d divorce her. At the best he’d… she couldn’t even imagine a best.
She went crazy, thinking of the many scenarios that could and might happen, when she told him about what happened, but never the one where they sat down together calmly and worked out a budget to get the credit bills paid off.
Or the one where he hugged her said he loved her, for better or worse, told her she knew this would change, and never mentioned it again.
It was too easy. She couldn’t deal. She had been so bad.
Tempted to shop, plagued by guilt, she finally went on line and found what she needed—someone who would give her punishment and a deterrent. She hoped it would help. She was tired of feeling guilty and needed punished. She wanted to not want to shop over her budget and not to desire things s
he didn’t need and couldn’t afford. She wanted to have money in the bank collecting interest instead of paying interest.
Of course, now she felt guilty about doing this. But maybe, if it helped in the long term, it would be worth this bit of guilt.
The door opened as she walked up the sidewalk to the small cabin nestled discreetly in a secluded glade. It was cold and spitting snow, but the path was clear beneath her leather boot clad feet. Cheri shivered from cold and nerves, then sucked it up, looked up and smiled at the man in the doorway.
Oh, damn. He was hot. She hadn’t expected a hunk. That’s not how real life worked. She’d figured he’d be short, stout, and probably balding. But she’d heard he was experienced, knew what he was doing, and understood what happened, and she wasn’t here for his looks but for her needs.
“Hi, Cheri, I’m John. Come on in,” he said, and smiled back at her.
Oh, that was not a good thing. Hot and nice? What was life doing to her today?
“How are you?” he asked, politely holding the door for her as she walked in, under his outstretched arm.
“Nervous,” she confessed, ducking and scurrying inside where the room was warm and inviting.
“That’s normal. You should be,” he said very calmly, as he sat down in an armless chair. She shivered, knowing what was going to happen in that very chair very soon. She could not stop looking at his lap and hands, which was good, because then she didn’t have to look at his face. “I hear you’ve been misbehaving badly. Is that true?”
“Yes,” she nodded, standing awkwardly. What should she do? Sit? Stand? Put her purse down? Put her finger up her nose?
“You can put your things down there,” he pointed to the bed, and she dropped her purse, coat, and keys on the inviting quilt.
She wished that this was a fun get away for her, with her husband Will, instead of what was about to happen. What would Will think if he knew she was doing this?
“Good. Now, let’s have a little discussion. You can go stand in that corner.” He pointed. “I need clear and loud answers, do you understand?”
“Yes,” she repeated, as she walked to the corner, heart pounding. He’d told her this would happen.
There was a procedure that would be followed, he’d said. Corner time while having a discussion, then the dreaded, but needed, paddling. More corner time. Hopefully, not another spanking, but that was his decision, not hers. More discussion, and then home with a better attitude and homework. Cheri didn’t know why the procedure gave her comfort, but it did.
“You can call me ‘sir,’ if you like,” he said with a hint of amusement in his voice. “Or John. Whatever is most comfortable for you. Sometimes ‘sir’ feels just right when you’re about to be punished, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, sir,” she reached the corner and didn’t look back as she adjusted herself to its contours.
“Good. Now, so tell me exactly what you’re about to be punished for,” he said.
Cheri swallowed hard. It sounded so childish. But so did requesting a spanking. Pulling in a deep, shaky breath, and she started talking so quickly, even she could barely understand herself. “I spent money I didn’t have, and lied to my husband about it, for over a year,” she said as loudly as she could muster. She could hear her voice crack and hated that.
“You knew that was wrong, didn’t you?” he asked in a voice that had subtly changed tone.
“I did know, sir,” she said.
“Louder, please.”
“I did know it was wrong, sir,” she said, louder per his request.
“Wouldn’t you say that good girls who do bad things need punished so they feel better, right?”
“Yes, sir, I do need punishment. I want to feel better.” She knew he understood. She was tired of this guilt. She wanted a clean slate.
“All right, you think on what you did for a few minutes, and then tell me when you are ready for your punishment.”
What? She had to tell him? Ask him? They’d established ground rules—a safe word to stop it, she would leave her panties on, etc.—but he hadn’t said she would have to ask. That would be... challenging.
She tried to think on what she had done, but she’d thought on that all she wanted to. She wanted to be done thinking about it.
“I’m ready now, sir,” she said, after a very few very long seconds.
“Good. So am I. You can turn around, and come over here.”
Mouth dry and knees weak, she turned and began the long trek to where he sat. Silently he pointed to a spot by his side, and she walked over there, starting to tremble a little from nerves. Would he spank her very hard? Would she cry? Would he follow the rules they’d set?
“Look at me,” he commanded.
She lifted her eyes to his reluctantly.
“I can’t believe you got yourself in this situation. You knew better. You should have behaved better and when you first started getting in trouble, you should have gone to someone and told them instead of letting it go on, am I right?”
“Yes, sir,” she squirmed uncomfortably.
“Or you could have stopped yourself before it got in so deep, before you owed so much money, am I right?”
She pondered that one, trying to be honest. “I’m not sure, sir,” she answered. “Looking back, yes, but at the time, I didn’t see that.”
“Tell me what was wrong with not seeing that?” he demanded.
Startled, she didn’t know what to say, and his hazel eyes would not let hers drop. At the beginning, what had she done wrong? She’d never thought of that. It was always ‘after I was in so deep’ that she pondered.
“I guess I was only thinking of me and my needs, and not any long term consequences?” Yes, it was a question.
“It was thoughtless, and extremely selfish of you to go out and spend money you didn’t have, and get things you couldn’t pay for, wasn’t it?” he continued.
Blinking back tears, she had to admit it. “Yes, sir, it was.” She gulped and tried to justify. “I didn’t know it was selfish though. I really thought I could pay for the stuff over time, and handle it.”
“Are you the only one in your family who can handle things? Are you the only competent person in your house?” he asked, not letting her drop her eyes, though the tears had begun to flow.
“No. I was just afraid,” she choked out.
“Afraid of what?” he demanded.
“Of letting him down. Being bad.”
“But you did both, didn’t you? You let him down and you did bad things. Not only that, but you lied about it for months. Am I right?”
A deep sob. “Yes, and it was so much worse because I didn’t tell.”
“So now you are going to be punished for it like the naughty, thoughtless girl you were behaving like, aren’t you?” He waited. “Answer me.”
“Yes, sir, I am,” she whispered and couldn’t help dropping her eyes.
“Go get the paddle on the bed and bring it to me,” he said.
As much as she didn’t want to, she couldn’t wait to walk away from his overwhelming presence, at least for a second.
In a moment, she’d picked the sturdy wooden paddle up, off the bed and brought it back to him. He had his hand out, and she only hesitated a year and a half before she gave it over.
“Lower your jeans to your knees,” he ordered. “Then get over my lap so I can start making your little bottom hot and red.”
Did he have any idea how hard this was? Probably. Probably it was part of the punishment and she was going to have to suck it up buttercup and just do it.
Unfastening her jeans, she shimmied them down to her just above her knees, and smoothed her white cotton granny panties up. She’d wanted full coverage, and she had it. She hadn’t worn underwear like this in years, but it seemed proper in this quite improper situation. Despite her outer pants being down, her not sheer panties were covering everything she’d want covered.
She was a married woman, and he was a stranger without an
MD behind his name, which would be the only man other than Will she’d take her panties off for till death do them part. She hoped John would respect that.
He waited, too patiently while she fretted and tried to do it. He’d told her before they met, that she would have to cooperate and do as she was told, or nothing would happen. Was that part of the punishment, too, she wondered. He wasn’t going to admit that, she was sure.
Grimacing, she lowered herself awkwardly over his lap. She was not graceful and worried about his knees holding her weight. It didn’t seem to bother him any though, as he shifted her slightly.
“Put your hands flat on the floor,” he said, and she did, placing them flat on the floor to brace herself, and felt her legs rise helplessly off the floor. This was as vulnerable as she’d felt in a long time. Her bottom raised, her head down, her legs not touching the ground.
She hadn’t realized her bottom would be this accessible, that she would feel this helpless or this mortified.
Knowing what was going to happen was the worst and he wouldn’t start. She just gritted her teeth, waiting there, feeling the paddle on her bottom through her cool panties, but he didn’t move it, and she didn’t know if that was horrible or fantastic.
Waiting for it to start was the worst, until it did, probably. But her choices were limited. She waited, and waited. He finally picked up the paddle, and she tensed, waiting for the first strike.
Instead, he lectured. “Look at you. How do you feel over my lap? Knowing you’re going to get a spanking? Do you think any of your friends need to be spanked like a naughty child? No. They’re all grown women who do what they are supposed to do. Yet here you are, out running around, spending money you don’t have, lying about it, and ruining your family’s future. Why did you do that?” He, finally, gave her the first hard smack that made her jump. But she kept her mouth resolutely shut.
“Why?” he continued. “Because you wanted to act like a headstrong child. Now your bottom is about to pay the price for it. What a selfish thing to do. How could you be thinking only of yourself and not your husband or your future? You didn’t think of anyone but what Cheri wants right now.”
