Punked by the Pumpkin: A Cozy Mystery (Sweet Home Mystery Series Book 4)

by Constance Barker

  “Why don’t we take a walk through the cemetery as soon as we’re done here? You can visit your mom, and I can visit mine. Then we’ll be there when it gets dark.”

  “You read my mind.”

  We weren’t too far from the cemetery, but Eli wanted to have his car with him since he was on “medium” duty, so we drove. I ran into Shaw Florists to get some flowers, an orange lily for his mother and a white rose for Mom. Missy Grant and her father were near the cemetery gate hollering for Scotty when we drove in. We parked by the old chapel near the entrance.

  “Those high school girls have the flower gardens around this dilapidated chapel looking pretty good,” I said. I don’t think Eli had ever noticed.

  “Oh, yeah. Nice.”

  There was a nice bright butterfly ornament on a stake in the middle of the garden to the right of the front door and a big yellow and black bumble bee staked in on the other side. There were colorful geraniums, snapdragons, and some newly-planted mums all around the little church.

  “Do they still use this chapel Eli? It looks like it hasn’t had a coat of paint in a couple of decades.”

  “It’s just unpainted treated wood, so it’s always been grey like that. But I’m not sure if people still use it.” He walked toward the door to check the knob. “The Methodist church had built it back before I was born, and they used to bring vigil candles in so people could pray for their loved ones and light a candle, but…” He tried the knob and it was locked. “…it looks like they might just keep it locked up nowadays.”

  The sun was not far above the horizon, and Eli took my hand as we walked towards his mother’s grave. I carried the flowers.

  I was just a little girl when Harvey lost his wife and Eli lost his mother, so I never really knew her. Eli patted the gravestone and greeted his mother, and I gave him the orange flower.

  “I didn’t know your mom’s name was Lily.”

  “Yup. Lillian Delilah Davis.”

  His eyes were locked on her grave as he laid the lily in front of the head stone. I gave him a private moment, and then we moved on to Mom’s grave maybe 500 feet away. She’s been gone for seven years now. I should really start running those breast cancer marathons, but at least I donate.

  We heard occasional shouts from Missy calling her dog as we walked, and we encountered three headstones that had been knocked over.

  “Who would do something like this? I hope Mom’s grave isn’t disturbed.”

  “The groundskeeper says he has to put a couple markers back in place almost every morning. A few have even been broken. And I don’t think anybody is doing this; it’s just that animal that’s running around here. It sounded like maybe it was injured.”

  “Injured? It sounded like it was in an underwater bubble or like it swallowed a humpback whale or maybe like it just beamed down from Alpha Centauri.”

  “Yes, those are much more reasonable scenarios, Lily.”

  I wanted to stick out my tongue…but then I remembered I was 33.

  Eli stood back while I paid my respects to my Mom and laid the white rose on her grave. I miss her a lot, but it really helps to work with her two sisters everyday. I walked back to Eli before my emotions pushed me past the point of no return.

  We didn’t say a word, but Eli knew what to do. He put his arm around my shoulders, and we walked silently towards the sunset.

  It was getting dark, and two marked squad cars were cruising the cemetery. A call came in on Eli’s walkie-talkie.

  “Foxtrot 6 to Lieutenant Davis. Are you there, Eli?”

  “Go ahead, O’Leary. Have you seen anything?”

  “Negative, Lieutenant, but Karen heard some rustling sounds from the brush around those fallen trees from the storm a few years back. The grounds crew tossed them near that swampy area on the east side.”

  “I’ll meet you there in five minutes, Kevin. Davis out.”

  Things were feeling a little creepy, in the cemetery at night with a creature on the loose. But Eli’s confident command of the situation helped a lot.

  “You should go back to the car, Lily. This has the potential to be dangerous and I don‘t want you to get hurt. If Emery Grant and his daughter are still there, tell them to go home or get in the car with you.”

  I wasn’t so sure about this. “I’d feel safer if I stayed with you, Eli.”

  “Look, it’s probably nothing and I’ll be back to get you at the car in a few minutes. But if it is our vicious green chupacabra from outer space, then I don’t want it to eat you.”

  He was trying to talk my language, and it was making some sense. We stopped at the main road. The car was to the right, and the swamp was to the left.

  “Well, I don’t want it to eat you either.”

  “Then go to the car. If you’re there and it starts chasing us, I’ll just have to stay and let it eat me so you’ll have more time to run away. But if you’re not there, then I can run.”

  You know, that’s exactly what he would do. I had never thought of getting eaten by a chupacabra as a romantic gesture before. Ahhhh…

  So, I was defeated. “Don’t be long, and update me as soon as you can.”

  “He took out his walkie-talkie. “Kevin, lock your talk button in the on position for us to monitor, and then maintain silence when you’re on the scene.”

  “Roger that, Eli.”

  “Take this.” He handed me his radio device. “It will be just like you’re there, but you’ll be safe.”

  We went our separate ways, and I hurried back toward the car. Missy and her dad were just returning from a different path and stopped near the gate maybe 50 feet from the old chapel, so I joined them.

  “Any luck?”

  “Not yet,” Emery answered.

  “But it’s just getting dark now, so maybe he’ll come around.” Missy refused to lose hope. “He likes to sleep and eat during the day and then run around at night.”

  “Did you hear that?” I could swear I heard Trevor’s ghost baby gurgling nearby…maybe from the chapel.

  “Hear what?”

  They both looked at me like I was hallucinating. Then it seemed like a dim light started to shine out the windows on the side of the chapel into the trees by the road. I thought I would wait for Eli before I walked over to the chapel to check it out.

  “Scottyyyyyyy!” Missy called out scaring the bejiggers out of me.

  I began to hear muffled noises that sounded like something was rolling around and snapping twigs now on the walkie-talkie, and I got puzzled looks from Emery and Missy. I pointed down the road.

  “Eli and some other officers are by the swamp looking for the…um swamp thing.”

  Emery and I listened more intently, but Missy was more interested in finding Scotty. We heard Kevin O’Leary’s voice first and then Eli’s:

  “There’s something moving around in there!”

  “Draw your Tasers!”

  Missy called out again. “Scottyyyyy!”

  I heard more rumbling and a muffled howl, just as I had heard in the pie tent, coming over the radio now.

  “He’s on the run!”

  “Lily! Lock the car. Now!”

  We heard another eerie howl, but this time it was coming from down the road and getting closer. The car was far, but we hurried back to the middle of the main road.

  “Scottyyyyy!”

  “We have to get into the car! A wild animal is on the loose!”

  I turned to run, but it was too late. Galloping right towards us was the monster, a dim green glow emanation from its body, and it seemed to have no head.

  “Scotty!”

  “Run! Get away!” It was Eli leading the pack, just 100 feet away now. I ran toward the chapel, but Emery and Missy just stood there.

  “Run, you guys! Save yourselves!”

  The beast was fast, and one second later he was jumping up on the pair, with one powerful paw on each of them as they fell backwards onto the ground.

  Oh, my God!

  El
i rushed up with his Taser extended, but Emery put up his hand.

  “No! Don’t!”

  The animal seemed excited, bounding up and down now. Its huge round head had no features, but it made an odd rattling sound. Two squad cars pulled up lights flashing, attracting some of the nearby neighbors, who began to gather around along the street.

  Missy stood up and wrapped her arms around the beast.

  “Scotty! I found you!”

  Eli and I looked at each other, and there were curious faces all around.

  “Turn your lights off, guys,” Eli ordered. “We’ve got enough of a crowd already.”

  I snapped a few pictures, and Eli gave me a look.

  “Really? Pictures?”

  “For Jules. She’ll have an exclusive story that the whole area wants now.”

  He shook his head and talked to Emery. “I thought you had a little Scottish terrier.”

  “Oh, no. Eli. Scotty is a Scottish deerhound, almost seven feet tall when he stands up on his hind legs.”

  Now everyone’s attention turned to the glowing green dog with a big round head. The crowd in the street had kept inching closer, and now they were gathered just ten feet away from Missy and Scotty. They probably would have come closer, but the animal smelled really, really bad.

  “It looks like he got his head stuck in this…thing here.” Eli wiped off some of the brown mud that covered the entire object as the dog whimpered and moaned. “It’s orange. It looks like a big plastic pumpkin.”

  “Oh, my goodness!“ Maxine Fernwald stepped forward. She lived across the street and a few houses down. “That’s my Halloween pumpkin decoration that was stolen off my front steps more than a week ago.”

  Scotty was anxious to get the pumpkin off and shook his head to give us a hint.

  “Why is this thing rattling like that, Maxine?” Eli grabbed it with both hands and shook it slightly, and then patted the dog to calm him down.

  “The rattling? Well, it’s not very heavy, so the wind will blow it away if I don’t anchor it down. I didn’t have any rocks to put in it, so I filled it halfway up with…um…well…dog kibble.”

  Now things were starting to make sense.

  “Dry dog food Maxine?”

  It was Jules. She stepped forward out of the darkness, and was taking notes for a newspaper article.

  “That’s right. I guess I should have thought that it might attract dogs that were passing by.”

  Emery shook his head and tried to smile. “So Scotty sniffed it out, knocked it over, and then stuck his head inside through the hole in the bottom for a little treat.”

  “And then…” Missy teared up as she spoke. “…he couldn’t get his head out again, and he couldn’t find his way home ’cause his eyes and his sniffer were trapped inside the pumpkin.”

  “Who’s got a pocket knife?” Eli asked, looking around at the crowd. “I don’t think we can pull this off without hurting Scotty.”

  Earle Johnson, the groundskeeper, walked over and handed Eli a large hunting knife. Then he spit some tobacco on the ground behind him.

  “Sharp enough to slice open the belly of a deer and rip his guts out before he’s knows they’re gone.”

  Wonderful. Earle missed his calling as a poet.

  Eli carefully cut the pumpkin starting at Scotty’s neck and slicing up to the middle of the globe. Emery held the muddy pumpkin still and Missy kept her dog calm. Then Eli spread the plastic open and slowly lifted it off Scotty’s head. The hugging and licking fest between Missy and Scotty began instantly.

  “Scotty, you stink!” Missy giggled but hugged her filthy pet anyway.

  “How much dog food did you put in there, Maxine? “Jules asked.

  “Oh, it was more than half of my ten-pound sack. Must have been six or seven pounds I guess.”

  There was only a handful of pieces left now, so at least Scotty had something to eat the whole time. But Jules had more questions that needed answering.

  “Officer O’Leary, why is he glowing green like that?”

  “Well, I’m not really sure…”

  Officer Karen Crenshaw stepped out from O’Leary’s shadow. “Foxfire,” she said.

  I had heard of it, but I didn’t remember what it was.

  “Foxfire?” Jules asked.

  “That’s right.” She showed us a small piece of rotting wood with a glowing green moss on it that she had brought from the swamp. “The dog was staying by the swamp because he could probably get a little water into that pumpkin shell when he laid in the shallow water. And there are some dead, moist, rotting trees lying on the ground back there. That’s perfect conditions for growing foxfire, which is a naturally bioluminescent fungus. The soft, decaying trees might have been a nice place for him to rest, and his wet matted fur picked up a lot of the little fungus modules. While we were back there it seemed like he might have been rolling around in the fungus-covered tree trunks, trying to get the pumpkin off, which got a lof the foxfire in his fur.”

  Jules nodded. She picked up the pumpkin, which was right next to me, and looked inside.

  “Hey, Jules, I got a few pictures for you.”

  “Really? Thanks!” Her attention went right back to the pumpkin. “It’s got a battery powered light inside, which was still working when you and Eli and some of the others saw it during the first few days.”

  “Yup,” I said, “it was all lit up then when Trevor and Moira saw him too. Then they saw him run into a tree or something, the light went out. Maybe he hit the switch or loosened the battery. The pumpkin looked like it was floating when he was running that way, so he didn’t have any foxfire on the side they could see. He must have been sleeping on his other side that day, so when he ran back the other way, the jack-o-lantern light was out, and they saw his glowing green body but no head.”

  “Pretty good story for my little paper. Sounds like another special edition!”

  “Just don’t get law enforcement mad at you again.”

  “Don’t worry, Lily. I’m going to make them sound like genius detectives and superheroes protecting the community. And then I’m going to syndicate my story to the highest bidding big city newspapers.”

  What a week, or had it been two? Who knows..half the seniors in town weren’t talking, a chupacabra prowled and terrified our little city, and – between Bingo, the chupacabra, a dead chicken and a dessert table debacle…What else could happen?

  “Aaaaaahhh aaahh aahh aaaahhhhhh!”

  Oh, yeah…the ghost baby. Everybody turned toward the old chapel. We all heard it, including the cops. This time it was a much louder sound of a baby crying, and it was coming from the chapel. I wasn’t going crazy before, and neither was Trevor. Then the dim light inside of the little church became much brighter and the shadows of the trees began to sway quickly from left to right, left to right.

  The people turned, but they all stayed back. One supernatural creature was enough for one night. But the officers walked slowly toward the chapel door, and I crept gingerly behind Eli. Jules knew no fear and took my hand.

  Some of the officers were drawing their weapons, but Eli put a stop to that.

  “Holster your weapons, everyone. I think we can handle a baby without firearms.” He stood on the slab of concrete in front of the door with the butterfly ornament to his left and the bumble bee to his right, waving his hands downward for everyone to chill.

  I stood in front of him and whispered loudly as another baby whimper was heard through the door. “Eli, there’s a ghost baby in there. Somebody killed him, and his spirit is here!” Sometimes I get a little nuts. Then in full voice I asked, “Where did they bury you, ghost baby?”

  The response was quick. A strong, monotone baritone voice answered, “UNDER THE BEEE!” Jules and I jumped!

  We all looked at Eli, and even he wasn’t sure what to think. The voice spoke again, this time starting low and raising the pitch a tone or two with each syllable.

  “Un-der THE BEE!”

  Th
en it started high and dropped a tone with each syllable.

  “UN-DER the bee.” We looked at the smiling bumblebee, wondering what might lie beneath it.

  Eli had a puzzled look on his face and rubbed his chin as he looked over his left shoulder toward the street. The shadows of the trees on the side of the chapel were swaying very slowly now, losing a little speed with each pass. Something seemed to catch Eli’s eye between the trees and fence line by the road. He smiled and chuckled under his breath, then we all got a little nervous as he turned and opened the door.

  “Hey, Dad, how’s it going in there?”

  “Unnnder the Beeeee, fourteen. Beee, one-four. Not bad. Just practicing for my debut on Tuesday. Miss Pickles, get away from that lantern, darn it. You’re going to burn the place down!”

  I walked up to Eli, and he turned and smiled at me. Then he pointed into the trees. As the light of the lantern swung past the middle tree I could see the shiny glint of a shark fin. Harvey’s golf cart was parked there.

  Harvey put out the lantern and carried Miss pickles to the doorway. She let out one more bellow that sounded distinctly like a human baby crying. I took a step back, as the darling little kitty had no love for any woman.

  “You sound like a pro, Dad.”

  “What are all these people and police cars doing here, son?”

  “They’re your fans, Pop.”

  “Ya, I suppose. I’ll just have to get used to that.”

  With the fun and games over for the night, most everybody was heading for home, except for Pastor Miranda Cassidy who came out of the shadows and walked toward our group. A golf cart decorated with pink flamingos pulled in through the gate just then too. It was Hildie, but Trevor had driven the cart.

  “You’re sounding quite good in there, Harvey!” Miranda held his arm and then rubbed his back with her hand.

  Miss Pickles was getting a little frisky in Harvey’s arm with a woman so close, so Harvey handed the cat to Trevor and turned to locked the door.

  “Well, I hope I’m ready,” Harvey said, handing her the key. “And thanks for letting me use this place to practice for the past two weeks.”