I’m outside sitting on the curb, not trusting my wobbly legs to walk the parking lot, waiting for Kayden to pull up in order to get me out of here. I’m enjoying the way the breeze feels on my face and how just a few minutes of sitting out here like this seems to make the events of earlier fade away, leaving me the most relaxed I’ve felt since my mom told me my school would be closing.
Seeing the car pull out of the spot a few feet away I stand up and prepare myself for when he pulls up, but the minute I go to take a step away from my place, I feel the brush of a hand on my arm. Thinking its Isabelle, I turn but it’s not her at all.
It’s Dillon.
“Why are you leaving?”
When I don’t answer him, he tries again and despite every attempt not to, I’m drawn to his lips the minute they start moving.
“Did something happen?”
There’s no doubt about it. I lied to my mom when I said there was nothing going on here. There is definitely something going on, at least for me and the proof is in the way I’m acting right now. The way I’ve been acting since the first day he walked into the class and spoke to me for the first time. I’m drawn to him and denying it isn’t worth the effort it would take.
I just don’t want to be drawn to him.
I nod my head, thankful that he’s asked something I can answer.
He looks me over at my response and it’s when his eyes come to rest on my head that he moves and before I know it he’s behind me, his fingers on the top of my head. If he didn’t know what happened to me before, he’s fully aware of it now.
This is something I don’t want him to see. I’m still not sure he wasn’t behind the entire thing, so him picking through my hair and seeing what his friends did to me, it’s not right.
After a few seconds of him standing behind me, his shadow hovering over mine, he breaks away from his inspection and comes around to face me again. I see the look on his face, reminding me again of the way I’d seen him in the hallway with his friends that first day. It’s a look I don’t think he wears often but one I knew was there just waiting to escape.
Seeing what he did, what they did to me, it’s hurting him.
“I’m sorry.”
Reaching out, I do the only thing I can in order to make him see I’m alright and that I know it’s not his fault. As my fingers connect to his hand though, his eyes seem to become even more pained and I immediately take a step back. The pain reflected in his eyes makes me feel like I’ve been burned.
“This should have never happened. Kayden’s right. This is my fault. I need to fix this shit. I know it means nothing to you, but Cadence; what happened, it won’t happen again.”
The speed at which his lips move reminds me of the way he’d been in class with me before and completely different from the way he’d been a few seconds ago. It’s almost as though this time, he wants to get the words out so badly that he’s not paying attention to how fast he’s saying them and they’re actually running together a lot more than they should.
I’m about to open my mouth and tell him that everything’s okay, but just as my lips part he turns his back to me and walks toward the school again, faster than I expect, like he can’t get away from me fast enough. Despite my desire to go after him in order to make him feel better, I don’t do it.
Whatever this is that I’m feeling, I need to get it under control. Just because he didn’t have anything to do with what happened, it doesn’t suddenly make him a better guy. It just means that his friends had gotten the jump on him. There’s no telling what would be waiting for me in the morning once he’s had time away from me. He could easily turn around and join in with his girlfriend tomorrow and I need to remember that. What my mom said before is true. He’s bad news and I need to stay away from him now more than ever.
Even if it’s the last thing I want to do.
Dillon
Someone is going to pay for this.
I’m already going to get shit for not heading to class the way I should have. Well, that’s not exactly true. I did go to the class, but the minute I saw Isabelle and Kayden walking Cadence out of the class, I ducked around the corner and waited for them to pass.
Instead of heading in, I followed them out and I’m glad I did. If I didn’t go out there to meet her, I never would have known what really happened when she left me earlier. I know it all now and I swear to god, if I don’t find Amy soon, I’m going to beat on the first person that steps in my path.
What happened to her, what Amy did, it’s all my fault. That’s why I walked away from her when she reached out. I couldn’t take looking up into those eyes and seeing what I knew I would find there. She knows I had nothing to do with this, which means when she touched me, she was doing it to let me know she didn’t blame me. I couldn’t let her because honestly, I am to blame for this. I’m the one that created Amy and now I need to be the one to put an end to her.
There was blood matted to the top of her head for fuck sakes. We’ve been doing this shit with people for three years now and never once has someone come out with blood on them. Yes, they ended up burned, but they were never bleeding. Whatever happened in that bathroom, it ended with Cadence bleeding. I can’t handle that.
This isn’t about weakness and strength anymore. I know I’ve made it about that because of what Bruce drilled into my head, but what this girl went through, it has nothing to do with her being weak. I’ve only talked to her for two days out of the last four and even I know she’s stronger than all of the people I call friends.
I know because she’s stronger than me.
I was so preoccupied with the damage done to her hair that I didn’t even think to ask if she’d been burned. I remember Isabelle after Amy got through with her and none of that was obvious with Cadence, which makes me think that they didn’t get as far with her as they have with everyone else they’ve done it too. It also makes something else pretty damn obvious.
Cadence fought back.
Amy is a strong chick. There’s not many girls that can take her down and it’s even worse when she’s got Charlotte and Eve with her. Those girls are unstoppable. If Cadence was burned, I would have seen it somehow. She might not react the same as Isabelle, or even the other girls that we’ve sent home in tears, completely broken down from the sick shit we do, but it still would have been obvious.
It doesn’t even matter to me if she was burned or not. All I care about is finding Amy and dealing with this jealousy shit once and for all. She’d taken it too far this time and Kayden, as much as I hate the guy, is right. I need to get rid of her before she brings me down.
Drags me down more than I’ve already done on my own anyway.
Knowing that looking for Amy specifically isn’t going to work since we couldn’t find her earlier, I veer towards where I know I’ll find Charlotte and Eve.
They were involved in what happened, which means they’re just as guilty, if not more so than Amy is. They know how she is and they also saw the way Cadence was with them for the little she hung out with us. If they’re really Amy’s friends, they would have talked her out of this shit instead of going along with it.
My stomach is in knots just thinking about it and it’s not because of the stuff I’m thinking. It’s because I’m just as guilty as they are. I could have stopped Amy from doing this. I should have done it, but of course I’d stormed off, leaving my girlfriend with her festering thoughts and now Cadence paid the price.
I might to be blame, but it doesn’t stop what’s gotta happen now. I’ve got to end things with Amy and no matter what she says or does, I have to make sure that this time it’s for good. I’ve been sick of the constant back and forth with us for a while, but too damn lazy to do anything about it. I don’t know what the hell is going on with me and Cadence, but if anything she’d given me enough of a wakeup call to do what I should have a long time ago.
When I get to Charlotte’s class, keeping myself hidden from the teacher’s line of vision, I scan the roo
m for the two girls I hope to find. When a complete glance over the entire class produces nothing, both girls as missing as Amy is, I finally do the one thing I’ve been avoiding the entire time. I pull my phone from my pocket and I text her. It’s a long shot, but maybe if I say the right thing, she’ll answer me despite being pissed with the way we left things at lunch.
Baby, where are you? Look, I’m sorry about what happened. I bailed out on class, so if you just tell me where you’re at, I’ll meet you.
I am not that guy. I think that’s the first time I’ve sent a text calling her baby since we got together. I’m pretty sure she’ll see through my bullshit attempt at getting her to answer me, but with nothing left to lose and needing to get this over with, I press send.
Library. Did something that if Daniels finds me I’m gonna get in shit for. Meet us there.
I wasn’t looking to do this with an audience, but with the only other option being not doing it all, it doesn’t look like I’ve got much choice. I’m not backing down this time. Turning back the way I came, this time heading in the direction of the library, I speed up until I’m standing right outside the doors.
I’ve been in here exactly three times since I started here freshman year. I didn’t like it much then and I don’t like it now.
When I first moved here I wasn’t the way I am now. I was quiet and not knowing anyone, I wanted a place to escape for the first few days while I acclimated to the way this school was from my old one. I hid out here and ate my lunch, read books and other things that looking back, made me look pretty nerdy. After that I ended up going to the locker room but before it was my safe haven.
Being here reminds me of the way things were then and I’m sickened by it. The same way I felt with Kayden bringing up the past is happening again and it makes me want to leave. I want to go to my car, get in and drive away from here, not looking back until I’m out of this town altogether. I’ll never do it and no matter how much I wanna flee from the memories, I can’t.
I need to get this over with.
I see them the minute I slide through the turnstiles and catching the eye of the librarian, I motion to where they’re huddled and then point to the hall. I’m going to get these girls out of here because judging by the look on Ms. Reid’s face, she wants them anywhere but here.
As I reach them, Amy jumps into my arms and I squash the urge to pull her off me, instead going with the attentive boyfriend act I attempted when I texted her.
“We need to get out of here. She’s on to you guys and all it’s going to take is for her to call Daniels and we’re all screwed.”
Amy nods, Charlotte and Eve following suit and I’m struck again by how true Isabelle’s words were. They really will follow along with just about anything that Amy does, right down to a random movement of her head.
“I screwed up real bad, Dill.” She says and I just nod. I don’t know what she’s expecting me to say, but if she’s looking for me to baby her about this, she’s got another thing coming.
There really is a first time for everything. Who knew?
“Yeah, I know what you did. We need to get out of here before she calls Daniels.” I repeat before turning to Charlotte and Eve and leveling them with the reality of what needs to happen now, or at least what I want to happen. “You two need to go to class and pretend like nothing is going on. Fake cramps or something so he doesn’t suspect you.”
They nod and before I can say anything more, they’re moving toward the door, doing exactly what I told them.
If this were any other time, I might actually sit back and enjoy how easily these girls listen to me. I used to love it before. It’s like they worship the ground I walk on with how easily they did what I wanted them to and there’s a definite rush to be had from it. I don’t feel that way now though. It’s the complete opposite.
I just want them gone.
“I was so mad at lunch. I’m sorry.”
Her words, they do nothing for me. She’s not sorry, at least not for what she’s apologizing for. She’s sorry that she pissed me off to the point where I walked away from her maybe, but that’s about it. I’ve been down this road before, over stupid crap like this and there’s no way I’m doing what I did then with her now. The time for accepting it and moving on is over.
“We need to talk about that but not here.”
I motion toward the hall and she starts moving. I follow behind until we’re both safely out and away from the prying eyes of the librarian. Not that I’m all that concerned with her hearing what I’m about to do. She remembers the way I was on my first day, having been there when it happened, so I like to think she’s the only person in the school that doesn’t totally hate me.
“So what did you wanna talk about?” Amy asks as I scan the hallway for anyone who might be able to listen in. I know what’s going to happen the minute I do this and I definitely don’t want an audience.
“What did you do that made you hide out? You’ve never run off before.”
“That bitch you brought to lunch. When you took off, I went looking for you, but ran into her instead. The way she looked at me Dill, I lost it. We dragged her into the bathroom and well, all hell broke loose.”
She’s got my full attention now. I want to know what she means by hell breaking loose and more than that, I’m more than a little interested in how Cadence supposedly looked at her for all of this to start, even though I’m pretty sure I know.
I’ve seen the way Cadence is. She’s tough. The way she looked at me in class, especially when she flicked the shit out of me for rolling my eyes gives me all the information I need in terms of her looking at Amy. She stood her ground no doubt and ended up paying for it.
“What do you mean all hell broke loose?”
“She wasn’t like the others. I expected her to act like Isabelle; maybe not pissing herself, but scared. She didn’t do any of that. She bit Eve and she knocked Charlotte in the face. It was brutal.”
I don’t want to, but the overwhelming sense of satisfaction I get from hearing what Cadence did to the other two, makes me smile. Looking Amy over, I can see that there’s not a scratch on her, which means nothing happened to her.
“Anything else happen?”
“I got up her against the wall, told her off about what she was doing trying to get with you and the minute I turned to check on Eve, she tried getting away. That’s when we got hold of her hair again and yanked a bunch of it out.”
There is it. I’ve heard enough. Cadence got away, since I saw her a couple minutes ago and she’s safely out of the school. I don’t need to know anything else. Amy admitted to everything I needed her to.
“Ames…”
“I know okay. I know you’re pissed and I said things that weren’t true, but baby, I know girls. I saw the way she looked at you. She wants you and there’s no way in hell I’m letting her get you.”
“You’re crazy. You get that right?”
“Screw you! You’re blind to what goes on around here. What people say about you; what the girls talk about. Things they want to do to you if they could just get five minutes alone with you! I’ve been listening to it for a year now. Seeing the look in their eyes when they pass you in the hall and I never say shit.”
“You’re saying a whole lot of shit right now.”
“Why are you acting like this?” she screams and I know that I’ve reached the point of no return. It’s time to get this over with and get the hell out of here before she completely breaks down, though with the way her voice is already raising, she’s pretty damn close to that point already.
“You don’t see it do you?” I yell back at her, making sure there can be no doubt of what she’s about to hear. “I don’t give a fuck who looks at me. I don’t give a shit about any of it and I don’t give a shit about you!”
Her eyes go wide and where she’d been close to me before, she starts backing up now. This reaction should bother me, with what we are to each other, but I’m so far beyond done
with her and the way she’s been since we got together that I feel absolutely nothing. I’m not happy, bothered, nothing. I’m completely numb.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I mean every word. I’ve been putting up with you and this jealousy shit for a year. Half the reason Isabelle got picked on is because you saw the way I looked at her one day and lost it. Every single girl we’ve ever chosen is because of you even though I went along with it. It always comes back to you thinking they want me when they actually want nothing to do with me!”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is true! You seem to think I’m God’s gift and maybe for a little while, I bought into it too, but come on!”
“You don’t get girls the way I do.”
“Are you even hearing me right now? This has nothing to do with other girls. It has to do with you! I told you six months ago to knock off the stupid shit you were doing or I was gonna walk. Well it took me way too damn long, but I’m walking now.”
“No, you don’t mean this. You’re just pissed about lunch.”
She reaches out to grab on to me and the minute her wrist comes into my view, I grab onto it. All it would take is one small twist and I could break it and her in the process. I gotta get out of here before I end up doing something I can never take back. With as angry as she’s making me with her stupidity, this is not going to end well if I don’t.
Pulling her to me, not letting go of the hold I’ve got on her, I speak again and this time I say everything that needs to be said because once I walk, I won’t be coming back. This is it. I’m beyond done. The way she’s acting is just further proof that I’m doing the right thing. It might have started with me wanting to do it because of what she did to Cadence, but it’s so much more than that now.
This isn’t about Cadence, it’s about me.
“We’re done. This sick thing we call a relationship, it’s over. I might not have been the best boyfriend in the world, but I never gave you a reason to act like this. I was loyal as shit to you. You wanna be pissed at someone for what’s happening now, go find a fucking mirror, because you’ve got no one to blame but yourself.”
Hear Me Now Page 10
