I don’t know if she’s taking a jab at me or not. Maybe I should’ve called everyone last night and told them that he was back, but I didn’t know if he’d be here today. Hell, I didn’t even know if he knew about Mason. I suppose I could’ve told them, but I was more worried about saving my son from the impending heartache.
A ball flying past the window catches my attention. I walk outside and my heart stops because in one space is the man I once loved, the man I’m going to marry and the one that ties us all together and they’re playing football.
It seems of late I’m making mistakes with every turn. Stopping at the store was today’s mistake. I should’ve known better. I should’ve gone straight to Katelyn’s, but I didn’t want to show up empty handed.
And now I’m in this awkward situation in the backyard with Nick Ashford and my son. A son that doesn’t know I’m his dad. Hell, Josie won’t even confirm he’s mine but I can see it when I look at him, he’s the best of me and Josie regardless of how he ended up here or how our lives have taken different paths.
And who knew Nick would come to my rescue? He has to know I want to kick his ass for touching my girl, but by the way she looks at him she must be okay with it.
“What happened in there?”
I said I would come out and play ball, but never agreed to chat. I could ignore him, pretend we’re back in high school and this new kid is trying to fit in with the rest of us. We had our group and we were tight.
But I don’t do that. Not today.
“I figured I’d be able to run into the store, grab something from the bakery, pick up some flowers and get Katelyn her favorite wine from when we were in school.
“As soon as I got to the check-out I began to realize my mistake. No disguise. No fake eyeglasses or hat to pull down over my eyes. The young cashier took one look at me and she knew. Before it was even my turn, she had already texted someone and I knew I was doomed.”
“‘Sorry about your friend’ was all she said while she scanned my items a bit too slowly. When I pulled up in front there were these girls right behind me, following me in.” I throw the ball back to Nick who just shakes his head. “This is the last thing I wanted for Katelyn, especially today.”
“Does it happen a lot?”
I take off my jacket and unbutton my shirt so I don’t ruin it. Noah’s eyes stare at the tattoos on my arms and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to sit down with him and have a conversation. Tell him about me and maybe have a relationship with him.
“I don’t go out much when I’m home. It will happen on tour, but I’m not in one place long enough for it to really matter.”
I can feel people staring at me; it’s something I’m used to, but here it seems odd. When I look over at the patio Josie is standing there. All five foot nine of her, add a few inches with her heels. She’s kept herself looking good after high school, her legs look toned and her stomach still as flat as I remember. Nick clears his throat in the background and I can’t help but laugh. I’d be doing the same thing if someone was ogling my girlfriend, but he forgets that I had her first.
“Wanna go put on a little skirt and cheer for us, Josie?” her face falls and I know she didn’t enjoy my little joke. I try to laugh it off, but she’s not buying it. She looks at Nick who is furious with me and shakes her head. I watch as she walks back into the house, her ass looking as tight as ever. I shake my head to clear the memories that were about to start creeping in.
“Mr. Westbury, do you still play football?” I peel my eyes off the retreating backside of my ex to look at my son. I want to reach out and touch him, run my hands through his hair and ask him every conceivable question known to man, but I don’t. I need to talk to Josie so we can figure this shit out. If she thinks I’m going to forget that he exists, she has another thing coming.
“Nah, I don’t have much time. What about you, do you play?”
He nods furiously and points to Nick. “My dad, Nick, coaches my team.” I’ve been pretty relaxed with him dating Josie because I gave her up. I don’t have much say, but my son calling him dad? I can’t have that. I wasn’t told that I had a son. If I had I would’ve been here.
“Is that so?” I ask pushing down the anger that is boiling. I know I can’t fault the kid for calling Nick ‘dad,’ it’s my fault, but Josie shouldn’t allow it. She knows that I would’ve been here if I knew about him. We talked about kids all the time, we both wanted them, so it’s not like I would’ve bailed on her.
Even if I did the unthinkable and left her, it’s not like I didn’t love her. Leaving her broke my heart too.
Noah nods and seems very excited to tell me about Nick even if I don’t want to hear it. “I play quarterback. That was your position and your record still stands from when you were in high school. No one is even close to breaking it, at least that’s what uncle Mason said.”
I crouch down and look at Noah and smile. I smile at the thought of Noah calling Mason his uncle. The football player in me is excited that he loves the game. I loved the game at his age and wanted to play all the time. The adult in me hopes that Josie has him in other activities because there is so much more to life than football.
“Do you have a three or a five step drop?” I ask, curious just how much Nick has taught him.
“I have both, would you like to see?” he asks eagerly. I hold out the football for him to take, watching as he grips the laces like he was born to be a quarterback.
“Here it comes, Nick,” he yells and I’m taken back by the fact that he didn’t call him dad. I watch both routines and notice that he’s a natural, much better than I was at his age. I can only hope Josie lets him make the best decision for his life unlike my father. I’d hate for him to resent her and not have a relationship with his parents over a life altering decision.
When I think of my parents I wonder if they know Noah. Are they a part of his life? Have they been watching my boy grow up without me?
“Wow, you’re so much better than I was at your age.”
Noah smiles and when he does he looks just like Josie. “Thanks. My mom says I’m a natural and that it’s in my blood.”
“Yeah, I think your mom is right.”
Nick walks off, leaving Noah and I to talk. I ask him if he wants to sit down and maybe eat some lunch and he agrees. We stand next to each other and I watch what he puts on his plate. He piles it high with veggies, crackers, cheese and some pasta dish. I add everything that he does because those are all my favorite foods too.
There are chairs set up outside and, even though it’s a crisp day, the sun is providing just enough heat that we can sit out here and relax.
“So, what’s it like to be famous, Mr. Westbury.” I stiffen at ‘mister’. In fact, I hate it. And I hate that he asked about being famous because I never wanted to be famous. I just wanted to make music. I wanted to try my hand at something different just to see if I could succeed.
“You can call me Liam,” I reply. “And being famous is okay. I work hard and sometimes I’m away from where I live for a long time.”
“My friend Johnny says rock stars have like twenty girlfriends and you came with three girls. Are they yours?” If I didn’t know better I’d think his mother put him up to this.
“No, I don’t have a girlfriend or a wife. I have a cat, but he doesn’t like me too much.”
Noah starts laughing, his legs swinging on the chair. I want to reach out and put my hand on his knees just like I used to do Josie. Although she’s so tall she could only do this from the tailgate on my truck.
“Your cat doesn’t like you? How come?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. He’s very mean though and I think about telling him to pack his kitty bags and move out.”
“Where is he now?”
“He’s in Los Angeles where I live. I have a housekeeper that will feed him while I’m gone.”
“Where does he sleep?”
Odd question coming from a boy. “He has one of those cat palace
things. Maybe that’s why he hates me – because it’s a palace and not a race car or something like that.”
Listening to Noah laugh has quickly become like music to my ears. I want to record it and listen to it over and over while I write. Looking at him inspires me to write about him, capture him in song.
“So, what about you? Do you have a girlfriend, wife or a cat that hates you?”
“No, I don’t have any of those. My mom says that maybe after her and Nick get married we can get a dog.”
Married? I bite back a string of slurs that want to fly out of my mouth when he talks about Nick and Josie. I know I can’t say anything. I gave her up, but I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt to see her with someone else. I don’t know what I expected, maybe for her to be miserable and as lost as I am.
I never thought I’d see this day. I’ve had many dreams of the day Noah would meet Liam, but never like this. I resigned myself to thinking Noah would look up Liam when he turned eighteen. They could fight or bond or do whatever it is fathers and sons do when they first meet each other. The only thing I didn’t want was for Noah to hate Liam for not being around. I could’ve tried harder to tell him, but I didn’t. I was selfish and wanted to hear his voice. I wanted him to hear my voice and come home. I was angry and it took me a long time to get over that anger.
Now watching them outside, deep in conversation I want to wrap them up in a tight bubble so they can never be away from each other. I know that’s not fair to Liam – he has a life away from here that’s vastly different. He’s different, yet so much the same boy that I fell in love with all those years ago.
The boy I never stopped loving.
Looking at Noah and Liam side by side, there’s no denying they’re son and father.
Liam keeps eye contact with Noah each time they talk. I know Nick is pissed that Liam is here and honestly so am I, but what can I do? Noah knows who Liam is from living in Beaumont. He just doesn’t know who he is and I think I want to leave it that way, at least for now. Liam will be gone soon and we’ll all go back to normal.
“What are you thinking?” Katelyn rests her head inside the crook of my elbow. Her small, five-foot-two frame that doesn’t quite reach my shoulder allows me to wrap my arm around her, pulling her closer.
“I’m not sure,” I say. “There are too many emotions flowing through me.”
“He looks just like him,” she says keeping her voice low and away from prying guests. “What are you going to do?”
I shake my head because I don’t know. I haven’t a clue what I should do. My brain is saying ignore it and Liam will go away again, but my heart is telling me to go out there and demand that he be part of Noah’s life. It’s the least he can do since he’s been absent for the past ten years.
“He’ll be gone soon. Maybe I’ll just let him call the shots.”
“Not too soon, sweetie. He’s watching football with Peyton on Sunday. A lot can happen in three days.” Katelyn kisses me on the cheek and leaves me to stare out the window at two of the three boys that own my heart.
The drive home from Katelyn’s was quiet. Nick held my hand and Noah fell asleep before we pulled away from the house. He spent the rest of the day talking to Liam about stats and perfect field position while Nick watched from the sidelines. I know there were a few snide remarks made to Nick, but he brushed them off.
“What are you thinking about?” Nick asks as he slides into bed. He props himself up on his elbow, clearly ready to discuss everything that has happened today. I just want to go to bed.
“You know Katelyn asked me the same thing earlier. She was more concerned about me when I should’ve been taking care of her.”
“She knows you love her.” He places his hand on my waist, bunching my silk pajamas into his fist. “Today was…”
“Difficult, sad, not expected, odd. I could go on and on, but nothing really sums up what today was. A clusterfuck, maybe?” I shift closer to Nick and he brings his arm around me, pulling me closer. His lips trail down my neck until he reaches my lips, kissing me softly.
“We should talk about Liam and Noah. I know I’m not Noah’s dad, but I want to be, you know this. I was wrong for the way I acted today, so very wrong for lashing out at you about Liam and I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.” I run my fingers through his hair. “I don’t think Liam will want to be a part of Noah’s life right now, but maybe later. Maybe we should just leave it alone; he’ll be gone soon.”
Nick pushes my hair behind my ear. He cups my chin and pulls me closer. “I love you, Josie,” he says before kissing me. His kiss is soft, not rushed, like he’s taking his time to memorize me. Almost as if he’s desperate.
I love him, I do. But seeing Liam with Noah I can’t help but wonder about what the future holds and how Nick and I can fit together.
“Hey Josie!” Katelyn and I turn around to see Liam Westbury walking toward us. Katelyn is a traitor and leaves my side. She’s laughing as she walks away. My palms are sweating and my legs suddenly feel like jello.
This year I finally noticed him. He grew up so much over the summer that I really didn’t pay attention before when we were at Katelyn’s house. Then he went away to football camp for a month and came back totally hot.
I’ve been dying for him to take off his shirt just once so I can have a clear visual of his abs because my imagination just isn’t cutting it.
“Hey,” he says. He’s holding his football helmet in one hand. The other is tugging at the collar of his jersey, one that I want to rip off.
“Hey,” I say stupidly.
“How was the rest of your summer?”
“It was good. I read a lot.” I read a lot? Oh my god he’s going to think I’m a nerd. What the hell is wrong with me? The ground has suddenly become very interesting as I stare at my shoe while it pushes a rock around.
My skin tingles when he lifts my chin, his sky blue eyes boring into mine and all I can think about is jumping into his arms and stuffing my tongue into his mouth. I’m only fifteen, but I’ve watched movies. I’m sure I can figure it out.
“Will you go to homecoming with me?”
“Homecoming?” My mind can barely comprehend what he’s asking. But I swear to god he said homecoming. As in get all dressed up and dance. That means he wants to dance with me, hold me against his body and sway to cheesy love songs. The same love songs I play at night when I’m writing Josephine Westbury in my notebook.
“Yeah. I have my driver’s license now so I can drive and I thought—”
“Yes!” He jumps and starts laughing. “Sorry,” I say covering my face with my hands.
He pulls my hands away but doesn’t let go of them. When he leans forward I feel as if I’m going to pass out. He smells like Old Spice, my new favorite smell.
“Please don’t cover your face. You’re far too gorgeous to hide.” He kisses me on the cheek before walking toward the field. “I’ll call you tonight.” He turns back and yells before he takes off running.
I wake up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down my face. Nick is snoring softly beside me, his arm pinning me to the bed. I maneuver out from underneath him and make my way to the bathroom.
With the light off, I sit on the edge of the tub and cry into a towel, muffling my sobs. I never thought I’d see the boy who stole my heart and failed to give it back.
I’m not sure I want it back.
When I leave Katelyn’s house I decide to stop at the store. This time I don’t care who sees me because if some tart in a tight little dress wants to follow me she can. Hell she can bring her friends as long as they bring alcohol. I grab a case of beer, chips and some candy and set it gently on the conveyor belt. There is an older woman working now so I think I’m in the clear. I highly doubt she listens to my music or even knows who I am for that matter.
I hold my breath, hoping she doesn’t ask for my driver’s license. I make very little eye contact with her and offer her a few strategically timed smil
es as she swipes my items.
“Does your mama know you’re back in town?”
I study the cashier to see if I can place her. Her name tag says ‘Shirley’ and I rack my brain. I can’t remember her, but that doesn’t mean I can’t play along.
“No, ma’am,” I reply, trying to be as polite as possible. She eyes the tattoos on my arms, probably looking for the one that says MOM. Sadly, she won’t find one on my body.
“No, I don’t suppose she does. Seems since word broke out that you’re in town, the girls around here are in a bit of a frenzy.”
“I don’t mean to rile anyone up. Just came to pay my respects.”
“Such a shame what happened to Mason. Sure hope Katelyn can take care of those babies.”
I nod and start wishing that she’ll hurry up. I don’t really want to chat. I want to drink away my sorrows and pay tribute to my friend.
“Katelyn will be just fine.” I’ll make sure of it.
“Yeah, I suppose with all your fancy music money you can step up and take care of her.”
I take a deep breath and roll my neck. I won’t lose my patience. When she finally tells me my total, I hand her a twenty and tell her to keep the change. Now she has a nice little tip from my fancy music money.
“Tell my mom I say hi when you see her.” I pick up my items and walk away and her mouth hangs open. Stupid town gossip. After today everyone will know I’m here and I can’t leave for another few days. I made a promise to Peyton and I intend to keep it.
The drive is familiar and when I pull into the field I let out a sigh of relief that no one is here. I climb the ladder, my beer and snacks in the plastic bag. I get to the top and hold onto the railing, looking out over the field. I never appreciated the view when I was spending every Friday night here. The view in the parking lot is what kept my attention. Josie and her long legs, always bare because we’d come right from the game. I’d change, but she always kept her cheerleading outfit on. She knew how much I liked it.
Liam's Journey Page 30
