“But he hates you.”
“Yeah, buddy he does.” I start to laugh, Noah joins in. When his blue eyes look up at me, I know I need to make this right. “I’m kinda hoping I can talk to your mom and maybe we can talk on the phone or something.”
“She’ll say no. She hates you or something, says I’m not supposed to talk to you. I did today because she won’t yell in front of Katelyn.”
Listening to my son tell me that my girl – his mother – hates me really doesn’t sit well with me.
I need to fix it.
“I’ll talk to your mom okay? Just don’t be hard on her. She lost her friend and sometimes memories are hard to deal with.”
He nods and when he looks at me, a piece of me dies. I don’t want to leave him even if he never knows I’m his dad. I want to be his friend.
We both look up when the sliding glass door opens. Josie steps out with her arms wrapped around her body. Her eyes are red, she’s been crying. I want to ask her why, but I also don’t want to care. I should, but I can’t. She has Nick and I need to accept that.
“I guess it’s time for you to go,” I say to Noah who looks like he’s about to throw the football at his mom.
“Actually,” she says as she steps closer. “I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me and Noah tomorrow at our house.”
I look past her, into the living room where Nick is talking animatedly with Katelyn. “No thanks,” I say much to Noah’s chagrin. I hold my hand up for him to stop. “I’m not a fan of Nick’s. I’m not sure I can make it through dinner with him.”
Josie turns and looks into the house and when she turns around she’s shaking her head. “Nick is going away tomorrow for a conference. It will just be me and Noah.”
No Nick. My girl, my son and me? Sign me up.
“What time?”
“How about five-thirty? I close the shop at five and walk home—”
“I’ll pick you up,” I say before really thinking about it. I only have the Ducati and one helmet. Guess I’m shopping for that tomorrow. Josie tries to hide her elation but her face tells me everything I need to know; she’s fantasized about being on the bike with me and I’m about to make her fantasy come true.
“So I guess I’ll see you,” I say to Noah. This makes him smile.
I get up and walk the few steps to Josie. I’m closer than I should be, especially with Nick inside the house. I lean in, my lips grazing her cheek. “You’ll love the ride, I promise,” I whisper into her ear. As much as I want to see her expression, touching her has killed me. I move away as quickly as I can and back into the house.
I fire up my bike, revving the engine so she gets an idea of what she’s in for tomorrow and take off. Her scent lingers on my skin, filling my helmet. I’m not sure how I’ll handle Josie on the back of my bike tomorrow, but it will be my five minutes of paradise.
My palms are sweating.
I’m watching the clock.
The minute hand is moving ungodly slow. Every tick echo’s throughout the shop. I sent Jenna home early because she kept laughing at me and none of this is funny. I would’ve called and told him that I’d walk home but I don’t have his number and it’s not like I can call directory assistance for Liam Page’s freaking number.
They’d laugh at me just like Jenna has all day. Except they would probably cackle because directory service is usually old women who have nothing better to do except give people like me a hard time when you ask for something totally and completely stupid.
Oh god. This is like high school all over again.
Every time I heard a motorcycle outside I ran to the window and when Jenna snickered I pretended to straighten something out. I hate her today.
I wipe my hands on my jeans for the millionth time. He should be here any moment and I’ll tell him I can’t ride with him because I have no helmet and those are required and even if they weren’t I wouldn’t get on that death trap. He might kill me for keeping Noah from him. I mean that seems logical, right?
The door chimes and before I can turn and greet the customer, I smell his cologne. I take a deep breath before turning around. I don’t know why but this feels like a date when it’s so not a date. I mean I’m engaged to another man and we’re going to get married and I can’t date Liam regardless of our history. I need to turn off my brain.
When I finally lay my eyes on him, he’s delicious, all six feet of him. He’s not wearing the black leather jacket I’ve grown accustomed to and once again I find myself staring at his arms. My mind wanders up his left arm and then his right. My fingers want to reach out and trace the ink. My heart wants to know if they hurt, if he wants more.
He’s allowing me to stare at him, drink him in and I think I realize that this might be the last time I see him. He may not want to tell Noah that he’s his dad. Hell, he may not want to even know Noah past this trip. I’m not sure I want that.
“Are you ready, Jojo?” My heart soars and it shouldn’t. I should tell him not to call me that, but I don’t. He’s watching my every move, waiting for me to freak out on him.
“I can walk,” I mumble.
Liam rolls his eyes and shakes his head. When he reaches for my hand I let him take it. As soon as he touches me, it’s like a thousand butterflies fluttering over my skin. I haven’t felt this way in years. I take two steps toward him, leaving just a small space between us. In a few short minutes I’ll be touching him and I may not want to stop.
My mind is foggy, but I need to keep my senses clear. I remind myself that I’m an engaged woman. The man before me, this sexy beautiful man who is taking my hand in his like he’s done so many times before, is the same man that broke my heart.
He lets go of my hand as soon as we’re outside. I want to reach for him, but I know it’s not the right thing to do. He holds a helmet in his hand and smiles when he shows it to me.
“I got this for you,” he says before slipping it over my head. He’s still smiling when he fixes my hair on the outside. I’m smiling too, but he can’t see me. “Where do you live?”
I give him my address and watch as he swings his leg over and straddles his bike. “Put your hand on my shoulder and bring your leg over.” I do as he says. Once I’m situated he puts on his helmet and starts his bike. The vibration sends chills up my spine and I know now why women love a man with a motorcycle.
He reaches behind and pulls my hands forward, wrapping them around his torso. My front is pressed up against his back and this is just like I imagined it would be. I rest my chin, as much as I can, on his shoulder and I can feel his body relax before putting his bike into gear.
He drives down Main Street, maintaining the speed limit, taking each turn to my house with ease. I never thought I’d feel so safe on a motorcycle.
He pulls into the driveway and turns off the bike. He removes his helmet and helps me get off first. When I pull off my helmet he starts laughing and shaking his head.
“What the hell is your problem?” I ask as I start patting down my hair. This just proves why I should never wear a helmet.
“Nothing, I’ve just imagined you a million times sitting behind me, but never did I imagine you’d flip your hair back and forth when you took off the helmet.”
“You’ve imagined me on your bike?” I ask my voice barely above a whisper. He nods and puts the kickstand down so he can get off.
“You’re the first girl I’ve ever let ride with me.” He steps closer, his fingers move a strand of hair way from my face, curling it behind my ear. “The only one, Jojo.” He steps away, giving me some much needed space. I need to understand what just happened.
He follows me into the house, through the door leading to the kitchen and dining room. He looks around, taking in my small home. Nick says we can move after we’re married, but Noah and I have lived here since I left school. Not sure I want to move just yet.
Noah comes running out of his room and hugs Liam. I leave them to have their moment and move into the kitch
en and start preparing dinner. I made most of it last night so Liam could spend as much time as possible with Noah.
“Noah, did you finish your homework?”
“No, can I finish it after Liam leaves?”
“Can I see your homework? Maybe I can help.” Noah runs up to his room, his footsteps heavy and solid.
“Hey, Noah?” I yell.
“Yeah?”
“Why don’t you play a game or something for a few minutes, I need to talk to Liam.”
“Okay,” he yells back. The TV turns on instantly, loud with some auto racing game.
“Thank you for this, Josie.”
I smile and nod, not sure how to respond.
“I’m supposed to leave tomorrow, but Noah says he has a game on Friday and I really don’t want to miss it.”
I turn on the oven and place dinner inside to heat up. I motion for Liam to sit at the table. He pulls out my chair for me, something Nick has never done. I sit down, clasping my hands in front of me.
“Did you really not know?” I ask. I hate asking, but I need to know. Liam shakes his head, his eyes focusing on something… anything but me. When he meets my eyes, I can see the pain, he’s telling the truth.
“I found your agent or whatever and called,” I start, hating that I have to relive this time of my life. A time when I felt so desperate to reach him, when I needed him the most and he wasn’t there. “I left message after message until someone finally called back and said that you told them that you didn’t know me.”
Liam reaches for my hand. He pulls it to his forehead. “I didn’t know. I would’ve come home and done things the right way.”
“Noah doesn’t know. He knows that Nick isn’t his dad, but sometimes it’s just easier for him to tell people that he is. I don’t want him hurt, Liam and I’m afraid that if I let this happen you’ll disappear tomorrow.”
“I won’t. I know my word is shit to you, but I’ll do anything to prove it. I want to be his dad. He’s supposed to be ours, Jojo, and I fucked that up.”
I can’t keep the tears at bay when he says things like this. No wonder he’s a freaking song writer and makes millions of women fall in love with his music.
“We can tell him tonight, if you want—”
“I want to, but—”
“No, Liam, no buts. I just told you I don’t want him hurt.”
“It’s not like that. I have to go back to L.A. and I was going to leave tomorrow, but he asked me to come to his game so I cleared my schedule for the week so I can stay and see him play. I’ll have to go back for work, but once he knows, I can come back once a month to see him. We can figure out the rest from there.”
I knew his lifestyle would dictate how much of a dad he was going to be. I’m not sure if I thought he’d move back here or not.
“I know,” I say softly. I want to say what about me, but I have Nick and he’s been really great to me and Noah. “I’ll go get Noah so he can start hating me.” Liam reaches for my hand, pulling me back down.
“He won’t hate you; I won’t allow it.” I nod and release his hand. I take a moment to compose myself before calling for Noah. He comes thundering down with a smile on his face. He looks just like Liam when he smiles.
Liam looks up when we walk into the room. If I didn’t know better I’d think that he’d been crying. We sit down, Noah in between us. He looks at Liam, then me, smiling.
“We’ve got something to tell you.”
“Okay,” Noah says. I can feel his leg start to swing under the table. Reaching down, I set my hand on his knee, calming his jitters. Josie shifts in the chair, leaning closer to Noah. I do the same thing, although I’m not sure why. I look at her and raise my eyebrow. We didn’t discuss who was going to tell him. I think it should be her. I can’t see myself blurting out that I’m his dad. My luck it would come out like Darth Vader – minus the respiratory issues.
Josie clears her throat and smiles at Noah. “Remember when you asked me if Liam was my boyfriend?” Noah nods, his leg starts up again. I realize I’m not going to be able to keep him calm. Hell, I’m not even calm. I just have years of practice in stoicism.
“Well, Liam and I dated for a long time in high school and then he went away to college and things didn’t work out for us, but…” Josie stops and clears her throat. I know this must be hard for her, remembering how good we had things until I screwed everything up. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, sweetie.”
“Tell me what?” Noah breaks in. His eyes are drawn in. I can tell he doesn’t like to see his mom cry. He puts his hand on her shoulder and rubs it.
“Liam is your dad, baby.” Josie sobs. My leg slams into the table as I get up, rushing to her side. I fall to my knees, pulling her into my arms. Her tears wet my neck, her cries muffled. I know I shouldn’t, but I have to. I kiss below her ear, her cheek.
“Everything will be all right. I won’t leave. I promise,” I whisper with each kiss. She brings her face up, her eyes wet, red and puffy. My hands cup her face, pulling her closer. I kiss her full on lips. Lips I’ve missed for so long. When she starts to pull away, I want to hang on, but she’s not mine and I shouldn’t have kissed her, not like that.
“I’m sorry,” I say. She nods and wipes her face with the back of her hands. I move back to my seat without looking at Noah. He just saw a man kiss his mom.
A man she’s not engaged to.
I risk a look at Noah, he’s smiling. I’m not sure why, but he looks like a kid in a candy store.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when you asked before,” Josie says. Her fingers thread through his hair which seems to relax his jittery leg.
Noah shrugs. “I already knew.”
Josie and I look at each other, stone faced. Our heads both turn slightly as we look at Noah. “What do you mean you knew?” I ask.
“Remember that day in the museum?” I nod. “Well I was looking at a picture of you and Mason and a teacher said I looked just like you and then I saw you in the bathroom and when I said my mom’s name you looked at me kinda funny. So I just guessed it.”
“You didn’t want to say something?” I ask.
“I didn’t know if you liked me or if you wanted to be my dad.”
Looking at my son with tears in my eyes I see me at this age. I reach out, cupping his face with my hand. “Hell yes I want to be your dad. My god, Noah, since the day I saw you, I’ve been bugging your mom about meeting you.”
“Was I an accident like Junior Appleton?”
“No,” I answer before Josie can say anything. Her eyes go wide. “Your mom and I talked about having kids all the time. I was going to marry her, buy her a nice fancy house and we were going to have a family.”
Noah looks at Josie who nods in agreement. When he looks back at me, his eyes are like daggers. “What happened?”
“I went to college and some things changed. Instead of taking your mom with me, I left everyone I knew behind and went to California to try something different. I didn’t know about you until I met you the other day. Your mom,” I look up at Josie and smile. “She loves you and she tried to find me, so don’t be angry at her okay?”
“Okay.”
“Remember when I said I had to go back to work. I’m going to stay for this week’s game, then head back. But I’ll be back and you can call me anytime you want to talk or have a question about football.”
“Can I tell people you’re my dad?”
I look to Josie for approval. She shrugs her shoulders. I think that Beaumont is far enough off the beaten path that paparazzi won’t bug him, but I’m not sure. I also don’t want him to feel like he has to hide me.
“You can, but listen, buddy. There are people who like to take my picture and think they can get close to me through my friends. If anyone gives you a hard time or starts following you around, you just call me and I’ll take care of everything, okay?”
“And we need to tell Nick,” Josie says as she runs her hand through Noah’s h
air. I thought she had which would explain why he was so angry yesterday. I know I shouldn’t care, but he’s been raising my son. I should respect his feelings.
“Listen to me, Noah. I want you to listen to Nick and treat him the same because he’s your dad too. You are going to be one of those special boys that have an amazing set of parents.”
The timer on the stove goes off and Noah breathes a sigh of relief before announcing that he’s starving to death. Josie jumps up and hurries into the kitchen, leaving Noah and I sitting at the table.
“Do you love my mom?”
“Yes,” I reply without hesitation.
“Like really, really looooove her?”
“Where do you learn this stuff?” I don’t remember knowing what love was at nine years old. My only focus was football and how far I could throw the ball. Girls weren’t even on my radar at this age.
“School.”
“What else do they teach you in school these days?”
Noah shrugs. “Do you love her like you did before?”
“Yes,” I say again because it’s the truth. I never stopped loving her and absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. I’ve been in love with Josephine Preston since I can remember and now I’m too late. “But it doesn’t change things. Your mom has moved on and is going to marry Nick. You and I, though, you’re going to be my sidekick.”
“Can I go on tour with you?”
Josie enters just as Noah asks. I’m not sure how to answer but I’m sure as hell not telling him no. Josie is watching me out of the corner of her eye, waiting for me to screw this up. She sets plates in front of us and takes a seat across from Noah.
Liam's Journey Page 34
