She shrugs and starts looking at her fingernail. I know her game, this is the ‘I have the answer but I’m not giving it’ game. I slam my hand on the table to get her attention.
“I’ve been with your dad’s agency since I started and never once have I questioned the integrity of his firm, but right now your job depends on it. I suggest you answer me.”
“I didn’t know you wanted him,” she mumbles.
“What did you say?”
Sam rolls her eyes and sighs heavily. She’s acting bored. “Someone claiming to know you called the agency when you first started. I put the messages in your file.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, my hands clenching. “You knew I had a son and didn’t tell me?”
“My dad said it was bad for your image.”
“HE’S MY GOD DAMN SON!”
I get up and pace, my hands pulling at my hair. “She said she called and left messages. You took her calls and listened to her beg. Are you that much of a bitch, Sam? That woman calling you was my girlfriend and she was pregnant and scared and you ignored her. You kept my son from me. My god, how fucking heartless can you be?”
“Daddy did what was best.”
“You’re fired. I’m done with you. Get out of my house.”
“Liam—”
“Don’t,” I hold up my hand for her to shut the hell up. “I said I’m done. I don’t want you here.”
“You need me.”
“No, I don’t. Get. Out.”
“You heard him.” I turn to find Josie leaning against the entry way. Her arms are crossed and she’s been crying. “This is our house and you need to leave. You’re not welcome here.”
“Is this what you want Liam?”
I can’t help it. I smile at Josie and wink. “Yeah, she’s the boss. If she says go, you go. Brandon will send you the separation agreement by the time you reach your car.” I pull out my phone and text my lawyer to finalize the paperwork he started yesterday.
“You’ll be sorry.”
I step closer to her. “I’m already regretting the past ten years with you and your dad, so no, I won’t be.”
Sam gets up and walks to the door. She takes one look at me and shakes her head. I know she’s about to cry and I don’t care. As soon as the door closes, I pull Josie into my arms and hold her as if this is the last time I’m ever going to get the chance.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I’m so very sorry for not being there for you,” I tell her repeatedly. She strokes my hair, comforting me when I should be the one down at her feet groveling for forgiveness. With one single message all of this could have been avoided.
Katelyn and Harrison watch everything as it goes down. Harrison starts clapping when the door slams. I knew he was never a fan, but Sam made us money. Guess we’ll have to figure that part on our own.
“Well, that was interesting,” Katelyn says. Harrison looks down on her, his smile wide. I’m going to have to tell him to chill when it comes to Katelyn. “Just so you know, if you need a manager or something, I can probably help out for a bit.”
“You’re hired,” Harrison blurts out causing Josie and I to laugh.
I shake my head and drag my friend away from his newest obsession. Although, I guess if Katelyn is going to start dating ever again, Harrison would treat her right.
Harrison and I emerge from the studio well after dark. He carries a sleeping Quinn upstairs, telling me goodnight along the way. I stay in the kitchen, ready to clean up the dinner mess. I told Josie and Katelyn I’d clean since they cooked a full dinner and dessert for everyone. When I flip on the light, however, there isn’t a dish in the sink or on the counter. I look around and notice the small touches of Josie everywhere, fresh flowers on the windowsill, hand lotion by the sink and – the most obvious – our matching mom and dad mugs from Noah. They’re sitting side by side next to the coffee pot, which is already set to go off in the morning. This means one thing.
She’s planning on spending the night.
That means I’m sleeping on the couch.
I shut off the kitchen light and check the back door to make sure it’s locked. I check the front door as well and turn off the remaining lights. I decide to leave on the candle lights that sit in the windows. I’m hoping Josie is still awake and maybe can talk.
We haven’t really talked since before Nick left and I need to know where her head is. One moment she acts like she wants to be with me and the next she can’t stand to be in the same room as me. I don’t want to pressure her though, but I also don’t want to sleep on the couch.
One concern I have, and shouldn’t, is the relationship between Nick and Noah. Noah hasn’t said anything about Nick leaving suddenly and has seen me kiss his mom. This is not the example I want to set for him. I want him to learn boundaries and respect for women when they’re in relationships with other men. I have not done that with Josie. Of course, Liam Page never cared. But Liam Westbury does.
Josie is sitting on the couch looking through my photo album. Her legs are covered with her grandma’s afghan, the nameless cat curled up in her lap. There is a soft glow around her, her dark hair being held back by the white ribbon Noah used to wrap her necklace in. I lean against the wall and watch her as she studies each page, every now and again her face lifting in a smile.
“Are you just going to stand there and watch me?”
I push off the wall and walk toward her. She closes the book and adjusts the way she’s sitting. I take the spot next to her and pull her legs into my lap, the cat hissing at me. She laughs and sets him on the floor. “I like watching you. I have a lot of time to make up for.”
“Not with me,” she replies softly.
“Yes, with you. I’ve missed so much. Like the day you opened your flower shop or how you came up with the name Whimsicality. I missed the day you brought Noah into this world and saw him for the first time. I missed your late-night cravings and his midnight feedings. I’ll never forgive myself for not being there, Josie. I won’t. I know you’re about to tell me it’s okay, but it’s not. I trusted the wrong people to take care of me when I’d left behind the one person who would’ve taken care of me the best. I was selfish and scared and instead of talking to you, I ran.
“But I promise you, I’m done running. I’m still selfish, but only where you and Noah are concerned. I have years of spoiling to make up for and I plan to spend every day of my life making sure you both know how much I love you.”
Josie wraps her fingers around mine. “I’m trying not to love you. I’m telling myself that this is just a show for you, to make Noah happy. I’m so afraid to show up one day and walk in and find that you’ve moved on because I’ve taken too long to make up my mind about us.”
I knew she would feel like this, which is exactly why I didn’t push myself on her.
“I’ve looked for you every day of my life since I left you in your dorm room. Every show, pub, or appearance I did – I thought for sure you’d show up somewhere. Not once, not even a glimpse. I desperately wanted to see you, just once. When I read about Mason, I knew I had to come. I told myself I’d show up and leave, in and out and no one would know I was here. But I ended up leaving a few days early because I wanted to see you just so I could tell myself I did the right thing.”
“Why did you leave? You’ve never said?”
The dreaded question, the one I knew she shouldn’t have to ask. I should’ve just told her the first day I saw her in her flower shop.
“When I got to college…” I shake my head feeling stupid. Now that I’m an adult, I would’ve done things differently. “God, Josie, it sucked. Mason was supposed to come with me. I mean we planned this and then he goes and changes his mind. I was there – he wasn’t and you weren’t. I was lonely and hated everything about it.
“This one day, I’m sitting in my room feeling sorry for myself and I get this call. She tells me her name is Betty Addison and I’m so confused until she tells me she’s my grandma.” I rub my
thumb over the top of her finger. “She wanted to have lunch and talk so I did. I had nothing to lose and never had a chance to get to know her, so I met her. We spent a week together, having lunch, talking and getting to know each other. She told me things about my mom and why they don’t speak to each other. I learned a lot in that week.
“She asked me what I wanted to be if I wasn’t going to play football. ‘What’s your passion, Liam’ she asked me. I told her music. I had been spending a lot of time on campus at open mic and I loved it.”
“I wish I had known that you loved music that much.”
“You had this dream and I didn’t want to change that for you. I was doing what was expected, but Betty – she invited me to Los Angeles so I went and loved it. I knew I had made the best decision for me even though it meant destroying us.
“Thing is, I never expected to see Noah in the bathroom that day, but it was like fate or some shit telling me that my life is in Beaumont. I went right to your shop and waited. I watched for you and once I saw you, I knew I was going to end up chasing my girl, waiting for you to turn around and see… the real me and love me for who I am and not what I did to you.
“I’m standing in front of you, Josie. You just have to turn around.”
I could easily fall into a routine with Liam. How soon is too soon though? Is there a rule book I need to follow?
Liam and I have never shared a home. We didn’t go off to college together and have the opportunity to sleep in each other’s dorms. Being here – it’s peaceful - sharing the same space that he’s in. Almost like the walls bask in his presence.
I haven’t left since Christmas. We didn’t discuss me staying. I just stayed. I guess that makes me a bit like Nick. For the first few nights he slept on the couch or in his studio until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I finally found the nerve to pull him upstairs with me and into bed. He held me all night, his hands never once wandering away from their placement on my hip.
We’re apparently keeping things platonic even though I know he wants me and I want him.
I’m dreading the return to my house. School starts back up in a few days and while this has been a nice vacation, reality is pushing itself back into my life. I caught Liam and Harrison discussing a possible move to Beaumont. I know that would make me happy because that means Liam isn’t traveling back and forth all the time to work. And I think Harrison has a crush on Katelyn. There is no mistaking he has eyes for her and watching him with the twins during Christmas, as much as I hate to say it, I know Mason would approve.
Tonight, Liam has promised me a night filled with debauchery. He says we’ve missed far too many New Year’s Eves. When I asked him what the night will entail, he just smiled and walked away. I’d be lying if I said I it wasn’t driving me crazy not knowing his plans.
With Noah packed and in the car, the drive over to my parents’ is nerve-wracking. They haven’t been too impressed with Liam’s return, not that I can blame them. Because of his involvement with Noah, my parents have been in the shadows. It’s not that I don’t want them around, but under the circumstances I thought it best to let Liam get to know Noah without my parents stringing him up on a burning stake.
I can’t blame my parents for their feelings. They were the ones who had to pick up the pieces and take care of their pregnant, teenage daughter. My mom was there, holding my hand, when I delivered Noah when it should’ve been Liam. My parents are bitter, I get that, but people can change.
This will be the first time seeing my parents since Thanksgiving. They just returned from a holiday cruise. I told them about Nick over an email. Not necessarily the way I wanted to tell my parents that my boyfriend of six years has left, but I also didn’t want them to find out through town gossip.
My dad is waiting for us on the porch when we pull into the driveway. Noah jumps out of the car before I have it turned off and runs into his arms. If Noah wasn’t nine I’d say he’s excited about seeing his grandparents, but I have a feeling it’s more about the second Christmas he’s about to have.
I carry an armload of presents into the house. I love the smell of my parents’ home, the fresh baked bread, pies and cakes always coming out of my mother’s oven gives their house a welcoming and the all-over home feel.
“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,” I say as I enter. My parents are already sitting on the couch listening to Noah rattle on about everything he received for Christmas and his new friend, Quinn.
Each time he mentions Liam’s name, my dad glares at me. I knew things would be a bit on edge, but honestly it’s my life and I made the best decision for me and my son. I should be respected and not made to believe I’ve done something wrong.
After we’ve caught up, presents are handed out. Noah is buried under the mountain of gifts my parents bought him.
“Can I start?” he asks. My dad laughs and tells him to start ripping. I don’t like Christmas this way, it’s too fast and you miss what’s being opened. I keep my stack of presents, all sweaters, skirts and scarves, the same as every year, on the floor and watch Noah.
“Oh, cool! A remote control car. My dad is going to love this.”
My dad grunts and stalks out of the room. I get up and follow him into the kitchen. His hands grip the edge of the counter as he mutters to himself.
“Dad,” I say touching his shoulder. He stands and looks at me with sadness in his eyes. “I know you’re upset about Liam, but you can’t let Noah see or hear you like that. He doesn’t know anything other than Liam being his dad. He’s trying really hard to build a relationship with Noah and we need to support it. I know you don’t like it, but I need you to put on a game face for your grandson.”
“He’s going to hurt you, Josephine.”
I shake my head. “He’s not, dad.”
“You don’t—”
“I do, I can feel it. Things are different. He didn’t know about Noah. You should’ve seen his face when he found out. I knew right then that he would’ve been here, daddy. I know it in my heart.”
I pull my dad into my arms and hold him. He’s been my rock for so long. I know he’s afraid that Liam is going to run for the hills, but I have to trust my heart with this one.
The rest of the afternoon goes well even though each time Noah mentions Liam, my dad fights a grimace and plasters on some sort of smile. I can’t imagine how he feels. He was there when I needed him most, but I now need Liam.
Noah also needs Liam. He needs his dad and even though he had Nick, I can’t deny the instant bond Liam and Noah have. It was evident the first time I saw them together. Noah knew Liam was his dad and treated him as such without calling him out. I know I’m making the right decision.
I kiss Noah goodbye after we eat an early dinner. I promise to pick him up tomorrow afternoon for our annual college football party at Katelyn’s. My parents don’t ask me what my plans are for tonight, but as I’m leaving my dad whispers for me to be careful.
Driving back to my house seems surreal. When I open the door, it’s cold and uninviting. For the first time I look at the walls and think they are drab and in need of a serious paint job even though I just painted them in the spring. Everything feels as if it’s lacking life. I know that if I want to be with Liam, I need to show him. Words aren’t going to be enough, not for him at least. He needs to feel it in his heart that I’m committed to him. He wants us to be a family and I want that too. I don’t want to spend any more nights away from him.
I’ve been waiting since I was fifteen to have the opportunity to wake up in his arms day after day. So what if we had a ten-year road block? The opportunity is here now and I need to take it.
I take a quick shower, careful not to get my hair wet so I can curl the ends. Tonight I’ve opted for a royal blue one-shoulder metallic dress. Katelyn and I found it at an after Christmas sale that was too good to pass up. My hands shake as I apply my make-up. I mess up too many times to count and have to start over. The last time I was this nervous was my first dat
e with Liam. Of course any girl is a bundle of nerves when they’re going to their first major dance, but it was more for me then and it’s the same now.
I want everything to be perfect.
I wash my face and start over, climbing up onto the counter because I can barely stand without having my knees shake. I slip in my ear buds and turn on some soothing music. With deep calming breaths, I focus on making my eyes smoky.
It takes me longer than usual to fix my make-up and hair. I pin my hair to the side, away from the shoulder that is going to be exposed. My tear-drop diamond earrings are in and I’m ready for my dress. That is what I tell myself as I stand in front of my closet staring at it while it mocks me. What if he doesn’t like the dress? What if he thinks I’m trying too hard? Maybe I should just wear jeans and cowboy boots. He’s always liked that look.
But that was before he went to Hollywood and became famous and had women – gorgeous beautiful women throwing themselves at him. In dresses much shorter no less. I shake my head to try and get the image out of it and give myself a pep talk. I can’t think like this because if I do, I know I’ll be a nervous wreck by the time I arrive at Liam’s. Removing my outfit carefully from the hanger, I step into it, shimmying until I can push my arm into the sleeve.
I step into my peep toe heels and take deep breath before looking in the mirror. I stand there with my eyes closed and imagine Liam staring at me. In my mind, he’s smiling as his eyes wander over my body. He’s remembering what I feel like under his touch and how his lips make my body sing to him. He’ll pull me to him and carry me upstairs, our night forgotten because he knows I’m ready.
Ready for him and no one else.
My palms sweat. My body is flushed. I open my eyes and stare at the woman in the mirror. Staring back is a girl I once knew, one that shined and sparkled every time she was about to go see her boyfriend. This girl looks happy.
Liam's Journey Page 42
